oh.my.god.

I can't even believe I found these. These videos will change your life. I am in awe.
Road to the Winter Classic
Highlight: First 10 minutes; Pens naked in the locker room and Ovechkin in a speedo.

The full version of the second video is on youtube, 50 mins.

Here's another funny one, Max being a weirdo.
Max/Sid interview Winter Classic

Sick Commercial

Countdown until Sid and Ovie face off at the Winter Classic: 1 day.
Sick Commercial
YEEEAH BABAYY.

Baby Baby Baby OH

Crosby's streak ended last night. If this were written in paper you would see tear drops smudging the ink.

It lasted 25 games, which is like, INSANE! But it ended against the Islanders, which is like, not so much. Did anyone catch a glimpse of his dirt-stache? He's been sportin' that baby since the beginning of his point scoring streak. Also, DID YOU KNOW: he texted the exact same person the exact same text message after every single game of his streak? I found that out from one of my close TSN sports analysists, D.D. It's supposed to be some sort of suppersticious thing, I don't know. Guess that's the end of Sid's MOUSTACHE for now. So sad.

On another note, HAS ANYONE BEEN WATCHING THE WORLD JUNIORS LATELY?! I have. And Canada, by the way, is rippin' it uppppppp. Two games, two blowouts. They were supposed to be a major underdog this year, behind like USA, Russia, Sweden...all that shit. But we haven't seen that so far. They played Russia their first game and it was supposed to be uberclose but Canada killed 'em. And then against Norway. And they scored 6 goals in the first period. And pretty sure their coach told them to let up a bit after that, because they only scored 3 goals in the remaining two periods.

And can I just say, even though I hardly know anyone on this new team with the exception of Capitaine Ellis, how hot is this new team? I mean, are you kidding? First of all, can I just make a Sens reference here? Nick Foligno. Has anyone seen his face? I'll show you.

Eeeeeshk. But God. His brother, Marcus, is legit, from like a fucking different family.
I mean, c'mon. Do you see any resemblance there whatsoever? I do not. And, plus, they played for different countries. Nick, in the World Juniors, played for USA, and Marcus, clearly, plays for CANADA. I think they were born in the US but grew up in like Sudbury or some shit. But there's a story behind this one, apparently, before their mom died a few years ago, she asked Marcus to play for Canada, because she was canadian. So he did. In an interview, he said he's playing for his mom. Isn't that heart-touching?

So, we've got the one. Loonie Engraved is cheering for Marcus Foligno because he's doing it for his mom. We're also cheering for some guy named BRAYDEN SCHENN, because he looks like this:

...and also because of this video: Nike BOOM

EH, OH, CANADA...oh foget it.

"Maybe you shouldn't drink so much on an empty stomach." ..."Maybe you should wear makeup if you're gonna act like my mother."

Pittsburgh streak is still going.
Patrick Kane is out for 3 weeks + for a lower body leg/ankle/idontreallyknow injury.
Alex Ovechkin is virtually non-existant.
My hockey pool sucks because my two best players are a) out for 3 weeks with a lower body injury or b) virtually non-existant. My father got first pick and inevitably chose Sidney Crosby. My mother, having the second pick, instead of opting for the next best player on the list, the Great Eight, chose Dany Heatley. She doesn't know who he is. She doesn't know a thing about hockey. Sad thing is, she's beating me. I'm actually the loser out of all four members of my family at the moment. I got last pick, so I gues it's only natural that I should be lagging behind. Wondering, perhaps, being fourth to pick, how I ended up with the most talented player in the league? My sister has tremendous faith in her heroes. She picked Steven Stamkos. She is currently in second place, mere inches behind my Sid the Kid lead father. And my lonely Alex Ovechkin captained fantasy hockey team is stuck in last, dwindling in the ever-present fear of retribution :) NO ONE LEAVES MY TEQUILA WORM DANGLING IN THE WIND! -Antonio Banderas

Of A Hustla, ofaofa Hustla

So. News. Billy Guerin retired.

WHAT?!

Bill Guerin? No! This is so sad. I hate when people retire. I have a feeling that a BUNCH of our favorites (ie, Alfy, Brodeur, Gonch, etc.) are gonna leave us soon. I don't want that to happen. I'm in denial. Me and the Hockey Gods, we have a deal, see. No one is gonna grow older. Everyone is going to stay the exact same age they are, and they're just gonna keep playing for ever and ever. Well, everyone except me. The pros are gonna halt while I'm gonna shoot up in anticipation of the age when I'll actually be able to say 'I want you' without it being illegal. Oh, how I yearn for those years.

On other news, Sid da Kid is ramping up the points, so far he has 24 goals and 24 assists, for 48 points, en route for another 50+ goal season, and yet another 100+ point season. 9 goals is 5 games, 6 in three games. He got a hattrick in his past two games at home. He has a 16 game scoring streak (18 goals, 15 assists). The Pens are going for an 11 game winning streak.

Dude. I feel like we need a slow mo Sid Crosby moment right now.

Ah, and there's Max. I miss him. I also miss Geno. Wanna see something that reminds me of Geno? K, just picture it with his peanut butter accent. Ready?

Harley-Davidson

Life is too short. It's too short to do anything about it. So do what you want. Thanks, Mark Patterson.

GC is the New JB, Just Like Green is the New Black

I made this post a couple months ago, forgot about it until now, enjoy!

Along with these two amazing videos, ...

Marcel the Shell With Shoes On (this will make you die laughing)

No Words (this will give you chills)

...I'd just like to give some awareness to Greyson Chance, he's this new singer, he's only like 13 or 14, and he got discovered on youtube, just like Justin Bieber. People say he's gonna be the next JB, and those with Beiber Feaver are all torn up about it but I think Greyson Chance is actually better than Beaver, by far. He's amazing on the piano, he's got a great voice, AND HE WRITES HIS OWN SONGS! I know. He's awesome, and he's never even had any singing lessons. He was interviewed on Ellen, you can check out his new single in this next link, ...
Waiting Outside the Lines

...many of you might have already heard of him, but I just wanted to give him a shoutout because I think he is amazing and I hope he keeps up the writing because he's bound to get tons of fame pretty soon. And also, I just want the proof here to show that I knew about him before he got famous :)

The 9 Things I Hate About You (part 1)

The Sens game versus Edmonton last night was some sort of universal gathering of aquaintances of Al. I think I saw like seventeen people I knew. Crazy shit. You know what else? Jesse Winchester got like seven million penalties. And there were some suuuuuper annoying bitches sitting next to me who kept using the Senators' first names and taking crappy pics, and every time they'd come into our zone, they'd be like, "Oh, hello you." and snap a shot. I wanted to flick that girl in the face, and not only because of her annoying-ass voice, but because she legit had botox-injected lips. Not even kidding. I know.

But in spite of that, I managed to get some sweeettt shots of Taylor and Jordan and Magnus on my phone. Her distraction was nothing compared to my epic photography skillage. I will figure out how to upload them from the cell to the computer soon enough, do not fret my dearies. Laugh out loud. Hello you.

Webster's Dictionary defines AL as nothing less than a complete and utter hyprocrite.

Daron Richardson

Daron, you were perfect inside and out. You were beautiful and talented and smart and one of the most amazing hockey players I've ever known. You were kind to everyone around you; I was blessed to have been your friend. I'll never know why you did this, but I can only imagine you had a good reason. Remember that you will always be loved, and we will miss you so much. I only wish I'd had more time with you. Rest in peace.

DR, Forever In Our Hearts.

See Me Through

I'm thinking of starting another poll. If you're new to this wonderful blog of mine, last year I posted a number of polls, many of which were ignored by my incredibly thoughtful readers. Near the playoffs, however, the votes started to pick up, so I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, people are actually reading this? Just a thought. I don't know exactly yet what kind of poll I'm going to post, I'll think of something eventually. Feel free to contribute to the brainstorming if you get any ideas. My email is in the side bar, aelvidge@ashbury.ca, or, if you're feeling really generous and you're in the mood to make someone's day, make mine, and comment on a post. What a thought, eh? Commenting. Hmmm.

I've Had My Moments

I found this in the newspaper a few days ago:

Jordan Staal must be the unluckiest player in the NHL right now. Almost ready to make his season debut after offseason foot surgery, he now needs surgery on a fractured right hand and will be out an additional six weeks.

FUCKMYLIFE.

But it's gonna be fine. It's all gonna be alright. We got through it last season with Max and Burish out for the umptillionth month, and we'll get through this. It's only 6 weeks. It's only six weeks! When you think about it, thats only a month and two weeks. Which is technically only 44 days. Oh wow, that makes it sound like forever. Let's just leave it at 6 weeks. He'll be back before Christmas.


P.S.

Fun Fact: All of Grey's Anatomy's episodes are named after song titles! Isn't that cool?

The Name's Matthews. Tam Matthews.

Okay someone needs to do something about Jordan Staal.
He goes like 3 seasons in a row without ever missing a game and sets like a record for most consecutive games or something amazing. Cause he's sick like that. And then he goes an injures his foot. And then he goes and gets foot surgery. And then he goes and gets an infection. And then he goes and starts practicing again, and, wouldn't you know it, he gets an 'upper body injury'. Fuck this man, I hate the Hockey Gods.


No, I will not apologize. Screw you. Screw all of you! I want Jordan Staal back! Bring him back, NOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

Confessions to the Hockey Gods

I'm not going to say I'm a fairweather fan. I will never say that. But I side with the Leafs when I see Colby. I'll admit it; I've sinned. I'll meet you at confessions to the Hockey Gods.

Toews and Kane MODEL IT OUT

Loooooooooook :)

Johnny and Patty Pics

And there's more :D

Johnny Bauer Vid

Who Does This Kid Think He Is?

You're perfectly allowd to flip out.

Jordan Eberle - Who does this rookie think he is?

And then you're perfectly allowd to say: "wait..."
And then you're perfectly allowd to laugh your ass off.

Some Sort of Video Thing the NHL is Planning

In one spot, the radio hosts ponder whether "the Penguins rebound and return to the top" as Pittsburgh captain Sidney Crosby throws a heavy medicine ball while teetering on a balance board supported only by a metal pipe. In another, Washington captain Alex Ovechkin snaps two heavy tabata ropes back and forth with extra vigor when the hosts question whether the Capitals can "be the best team in the regular season and the playoffs."

Chicago Blackhawks captain Jonathan Toews performs squats as the analysts muse whether the Blackhawks have "what it takes" to "repeat as champs" when "they'll have a target on their backs every night." Buffalo Sabres goalie Ryan Miller works on his hand-eye coordination by rapidly bouncing tennis balls off a wall outdoors while the commentators ask "will these Sabres be the ones that win the Stanley Cup?" Montreal Canadiens forward Michael Cammalleri is seen flipping a huge tire on an outdoor court while the commentators ask "did the Canadiens just get hot at the right time, or are they really that good?"

OMG THESE ARE AWESOME! Brought tears to my eyes. Really did.

Sidney Crosby
Mike Camalleri
Alex Ovechkin
Ryan Miller
Look at Johnny's face in this next one, man. HOT.
Jonathan Toews

Didn't those just make you cry? Mabe I'm too emotional. They made me cry.

Things Are Finally Looking Up

This is gonna be a good year. I can feel it. It didn't start out too well, but its gonna work out. Hell, its getting better already. Why? The Oilers=undefeated in the pre-season. The reason?



The one on the right is Magnus Paajarvi-Svensen. Remember I told you about him? He's awesome. I like how I discovered him all on my own, just like I discovered Kevin Bieksa. I wonder where he is right now. I still haven't seen Jordan Eberle play with Taylor Hall yet!! But I know what'll make it better. Because look what I found.

Why yes, those are pictures of Taylor Hall and Tyler Seguin at the Draft training assessment thing. Why don't we dive deeper, hmm?

Hockey players' arms aren't supposed to look like that. Those are like, body builders' arms. They don't really match. This is why we're Team Taylor here at Loonie Engraved. And I don't mean Team Werewolf. I mean Team Freakin Hall.

Let's see them all together again.

Aha. Look at Jordan. You know Paajarvi (I don't feel comfortable calling him Magnus, we aren't on a first-name basis yet) just told a joke, and Hallsy's laughing his ass off, and Ebz is just like "Hahaha...I don't get it."

Ahh. Canada hasn't won the cup in a while. This is our time. It's a Canada year.

Finally A Right For Bettman

Gary Bettman finally got something right. He vouched for women's hockey to stay in the Olympics the other day, which was somewhat surprising considering it doesn't do him any personal favors. I think he probably has a bet on those canadian women to win it all next Olympics. Get it, he bets, Gary Bettman? Eh? I just came up with that now.

On another note, the Habs finally gave Brian Gionta the 'C', which was a fantastic descision on their part. I just hope he doesn't crumble under the expectations of being the first captain of the Canadiens since Saku Koivu's reign. That's a pretty powerful and courageous shadow to fall under. Hopefully Brian won't feel the need to battle through cancer in order to gain the fans' respect.



I'm sorry, that wasn't funny.


Overall, a day of mildly good descisons has just come to a close. The Senators have held on to Zack Smith, which is awesome because he looks freakin' amazing.

Ooh, boy.

Another Movie Star In The Making

If you haven't seen this vid yet I'd suggest it.
Yes, that is Mike Fisher. Well done.

Mama's Song -Carrie Underwood

Don't you love how the chorus is "He's good, so good"? Wonder what she's referring to, eh? Well done, Fish. Keep that girl satisfied.

Read this, it is fucking hilarious and so untrue and so unwritten by me.

Carrie Underwood Not Pregnant Yet

Sources close to Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher, wed last month in a lavish ceremony at a Georgia resort, report that the couple have not yet conceived a child, but left open the possibility that they may do so at some point in the future.

“The child, when and if it arrives, could be either male or female, and will likely have blond, brown, black, or red hair. If healthy, it should weigh between 6 and 10 pounds and measure about 20 inches long,” said one of our sources. “We don’t yet know if the boy or girl will have any singing aspirations, but expect Carrie and Mike to be totally supportive either way.”

No word on possible names so far, but we like Clark for a boy and Mary for a girl. We’d also settle for a unisex option like Tracy.

On internet message boards, Underwood’s lack of pregnancy – despite having been happily married for well over five weeks – has some fans debating her fertility relative to fellow pop-country singer Taylor Swift. “taylor writes her own songs and shes SO MUCH MORE FERTILE than Carrie,” offered one anonymous fan. “As soon as TAYLOR is married, shell be popping out kids like nobodys business!!! Carries insides are like a barren dessert!!!”

More on this story as it develops.

The Green marks my favorite part. Roflcopter.

Exhibition

You know how sometimes you get like a rush of firsts in a really condensed period of time? Like your first drink, and then your first passing out, and then the next morning you get your first hangover and you learn about your first criminal offense the night before. I had that. Not the alcohol thing. It's more of a hockey-related thing, obvi.

Over the past 24 hours, I've experienced two firsts. Numero uno, Taylor Hall's first game in an NHL uniform as witnessed by me. Included in that was Taylor Hall's first goal in an NHL uniform as witnessed by me. Also included in that is my discovery of Magnus Paajarvi (Pajaarvi?). The final point of that extensive list of Taylor Hall related firsts is feeling the disappointment of not witnessing my first ever T-Hall/J-Ebz matchup in an NHL uniform. This happens to be the first time I have felt this particular tinge of disappointment.

The second first that I discovered earlier this evening is that seeing Sergei Gonchar in an Ottawa Senators jersey MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT.

THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND and Other Such Characters

You wanna know something that sucks?
The appropriate response for such a question would be something along the lines of, "Boy, do I ever!" You can chose whether or not to use heavy sarcasm in that particular statement.

Jordan Staal had surgery on his right foot during the summertime, and the stupid surgeon man botched the procedure and gave him an infection. Which means he'll be out for the next five to six weeks, missing the whole training camp and the beginning of the season. I know, I told you it was sucky. What kind of a surgeon is this, giving him an infection in his foot? How gross is that? No, don't picture it. You'll be seeing your lunch on the floor next.

But serious, a 6-4, 220 pound millionaire should sure as hell be able to intimidate his way into getting a damn good surgeon, and not one thats gonna leave a towel in his abdomen or anything.

That legit happened, eh? It was in Grey's Anatomy. The new season, beteedubs, is premiering (premier-ing?) on Thursday. And. Speaking of premiers. Guess what's coming out to theatres everywhere in 59 days? No no, guess.

HARRY POTTER, MATE!! Whoooooooooooweee! Get excited people, this is a two piece motion picture event! For the love of God, someone needs to get writing on a bigger and better series than JK Rowling, she's richer than the QUEEN OF ENGLAND for crying out loud.

And yes, I did just put the QUEEN OF ENGLAND in caps lock. Important people deserve such treatment.

Thinking of You, Katy Perry

Whallahee Hoooooo!

Happy happy happy birthday Jordan, you are the greatest, we love you, you're 22, you're so old, you need to heal from the complications from your surgery so you can come out to the pre-season training camp and wow da whole world so you can step up to the plate for next season. Whoot, happy birthday, kick ass, make me smile, fall out of bed, sing like a bird, dizzy in my head, spin like a record, crazy on a Sunday night, lala la, whatever the fuck Mr. Uncle Kracker means by that song that always fucking gets stuck in your head all day long. Who the hell is Eric Hudgenson anyway. Did you know that Pat Monahan is the lead singer of Train? I didn't know that. His one attempt at a solo did pretty well for himself. Shine like gold, buzz like a bee...I miss the NHL. I go crazy during the summer. I hate the summer. The summer should exist during the winter so we can go crazy out on the ODR. You can't play outdoor hockey in the summertime, folks. Puck drops in so days, in the mean time we can oggle.

Hmm, eh? You can always admire a man with a fish. God.

Dance like a fool, forget down to breathe...

You make me smile.

The Greatest Countdown in the History of the Earth

Countdown to Jordan Staal's birthday: 5 days.

Say All I Need

I figured, after I thought about it for a while, that the reason I have writer's block is because, when you cut away all the other stuff, there isn't an inspiration. I mean, it's hard to write about love when you're driving your car on the other side of the road. Not British, I'm just saying. Mac, get your head out of your ass and speak up, because I'm too much of a coward to do anything about it.

38 Days

38 days til the puck drops on the NHL season, people.

Here's To Michael

Michael Jackson would celebrate his 52nd birthday today. I can't believe it's been over a year since his death, it feels like a million years ago and yet at the same time it feels like it happened just yesterday. This one's for MJ, King of Pop.

Sign Rosie, Goddamnit

GASP! The Pens still haven't re-signed Ruslan Fedetenko! Hurry up, or you're gonna lose him! Come on, let's go, move it and sign that friggin' contract!

Tah Take Mah Mind Off Ah Yo

NO! No, no, no! This was not the way this was meant to go! What the fuck is wrong with everybody? The Pittsburgh Penguins have told Bill Guerin that they aren't going to re-sign him. What the hell? It's Billy! JESUS CHRIST!

Here are some vids to keep you company in this sad, sad time.

Team Kane vs. Team Toews

Blackhawks Cry at Movies

(Soupy has no soul)

Best/Worst Hawks Chef

The pics are roflcoptericious.

Sharp Shooter or Sharp Dressed Man

Some of my fav lines:

"I don't know what he's pointing at."
-Adam Burish

"He combed his hair with a porc chop."
-Troy Brouwer

"I like the gun."
-Brent Seabrook, ahem that is what she said.

"..."
-Andrew Ladd

And finally, "They both look good. Let the fans decide."
-Way ta step up, Tazer mah man.

Vinny Lecavalier and Marty St-Louis

My eyes were watering, I was laughing so hard for this one.

P Kane's Room

He is so fucking arrogant in that video, Lord. And everytime I hear him say "I need some privacy", I always think to myself, I hope you aren't gonna do what it sounds like you're gonna do. I'm sorry, that's just what pops up.

GTFO Gary

So apparently after the Vancouver 2010 Olympics Games, the NHL is debating whether or not to continue allowing professional hockey players to participate in the games. In other words, they don't want to let their precious NHL stars play for their country in the Olympics.

Those on the pro side of it are the majority of NHL players, Hockey Canada, the International Ice Hockey Federation and just about every fan in the game.

The cons include, most obviously, Gary Bettman, NHL commissioner, along with many NHL club owners and GMs who don't quite see the value of suspending a season and risking injury and fatigue to their key players without making a little money off of it. Their mantra, and I quote:
"What's in it for us?"

I, for one, have mixed emotions about this whole ordeal. I agree that its aggravating that we have to pause the NHL season for two weeks, but I also think the Olympics should comprise of the best athletes in the world, and when it comes to hockey players, the majority tend to be found in the NHL. The downside of this is that the players on the Olympic hockey teams don't get any time to train together, as the teams are finalised right before the games actually begin. This results in uncoordination and slopiness, and basically some pretty crappy hockey.

I figure, since my vote is to have the best hockey possible on Olympic ice, that the teams would actually be better if they weren't comprised of NHL players because the amateurs would be practicing together for months before the games and will actually have formed a decent "team". With the NHL involved, all we see is basically a bunch of superstars skating around on the ice together.

It's a tough call to make, especially after these past Olympics in Vancouver, with almost a dramatic Hollywood storyline. I personally would like to live to see another Miracle on Ice, but with NHL players, this seems improbable. And especially with the next Winter Olympic games coming up in Russia, the players would have a huge time-zone to travel, not to mention that the host country is more or less at war with the NHL.

This whole issue is going to be under debate at the hockey summit coming up, so hold your breath. This might've been Crosby's last Olympic Games, who knows.

Wait...WHAT?!

Today, I was leasurely browsing through some Hawks blogs when I came across some...rather frightening news. Uh, here it is.

Patrick Sharp got married.

Yeah. Now, here's the reaction I'm sure you've been waiting for. Ahem.

Um, WTF?! WHY THE HELL WOULD HE GET MARRIED???!!!! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE WAS IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP! I MEAN, I KNEW HE WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP (her name is Abby Banever, she's a blonde, obvi, I mean it's Patty) BUT STILL, IT'S SHARPIE! HE'S A PLAYER, HE DOESN'T GET MARRIED!! THEY CALL HIM THE UTERUS KILLER!! OH DEAR LORD HE'S MARRIED. PATRICK SHARP IS MARRIED, PATRICK SHARP IS OFF THE MARKET. Dear God, this is tragic, this is just horrible. I can't even believe this.

Right, okay, now that we've covered that, some other marriage news that might come as a bit of a shocker, but for a bit of a different reason.

Marian Hossa, yeah, remember him? He got married too. ROFLCOPTER. I know, right?! Laughing out loud right now. Who the fuck would marry him? His name is Marian. And on top of that, he like, loses Stanley Cups. Well, I guess not anymore. But God. Who in their right mind would marry Marian Hossa, seriously. This woman's got issues.

At least she's got legit un-blonde hair though. Not that I have a problem with blondes. I mean, they do have more fun. But I thoroughly enjoy it when hockey players take the high-road and actually do something different than the stereotype for once. I hate stereotypes. Can't work 'em.

Hossa you're a dork. We all mourn for Patty Sharp.

NAHA...Night Hawks?

I've been away at hockey in Vermont which=me unfortunately missing the most important month in the hockey off-season. Let me recap to you what has happened in August.


Sidney Crosby turns 23. This is fucking huge. This is fucking huge every single year.
And he just keeps getting hotter.

Ken Dryden and Brett Hull both age, as well as Bobby Clarke. Marty Turco, one of the newest members of our Chicago Blackhawks, also gets older. Today is Shea Weber's birthday, which to be honest, I don't really care about.

Soon to come, Carey Price turns 23 despite his unfortunate lack of success. On the 17th, someone named Pete Peeters will turn one year older. I totally respect whichever parent came up with that name. The Last Song also comes out on DVD on this day. On the 23rd, Mike Green and Jarkko Ruutu have birthdays and on the 29th Antti Niemi celebrates his first brithday as a homeless man. So sad, Chicago fucked you up. And finally, the last day of this wonderful month is especially special, so said because it holds the births of Jean Beliveau, Ryan Kesler, Scott Niedermayer and a guy named Blake Wheeler which is certainly quite an unfourtunate last name.

On NHL news, John Madden has been transfered to Minnesota. I don't even give a shit anymore. Patrick Kane had his day with the cup, and he did some shit in Buffalo and then at the Niagra Falls that made the papers, what else is new...ah! The Hawks re-signed Jordan Hendry. Who is the fuck is Jordan Hendry? Who knows. But apparently he was a free agent. And apparently they figured he was the priority the sign as oppose to oh, I dunno, maybe Big Buff. Or Even Niemi? Who knows. Who FUCKING KNOWS.

Another One Bites The Dust

I think it's funny how ridiculous this is getting. Adding two goalies to the list. Niemi, Huet both gone. Chicago had the opportunity to sign Antti Niemi, but they passed. And then they sent Huet to the minors. And then they fucking signed Marti Turco. He sucks. The Hawks have officially passed on to insanity. I miss when they had a good team.

Puking My Guts Out Right Now

Watch this video. Watch this whole fucking video. This has nothing to do with hockey. This is Dane Cook. Watch it. Watch the entire thing, because the end is actually the best part. The last line will actually make you puke your guts out. But you need to watch to whole thing to understand the end. And the end is fucking hilarious. Right now, just in this moment, Dane Cook makes my life.

Atheist Sneeze

Give It A Rest Already

They're debating moving Niemi.
THEY'RE DEBATING MOVING NIEMI!!

Chicago, what is wrong with you?

Thrills

Watch this video and tell me it doesn't make you fucking antsy bout the Winter Classic.

Pens/Caps Thriller

Well done, NHL. This is one good move. Pittsburgh vs. Washington for the Winter Classic is pure genius. Too bad Sergei isn't going to be there to enjoy it. Let's read up on what Maxy thinks about this whole thing, hmm?

I've got this thing on audio and in writing, so y'all can have the full experience because let me tell you, this thing is epic. This, right here, is why we love Maxime Talbot. This is why.

While the NHL season does not get underway for another two months, one of the hottest rivalries has already begun to heat up.

Pittsburgh Penguins forward Max Talbot began a war of words with Washington Capitals superstar Alexander Ovechkin on Tuesday while Talbot was promoting the upcoming 2011 NHL Winter Classic between the Pens and Caps at Heinz Field on New Year's Day.

While doing a promotional interview on Pittsburgh Radio Station 105.9 The X, Talbot said that Ovechkin was a "real douche" and continued to stir the pot with more statements of how much he dislikes the two-time Hart Trophy winner.

"I just hate the guy," Talbot told The X on Tuesday. "I can't lie. Sorry. Even more so for a guy like Ovechkin. Like, seriously, okay...yeah. I don't like him."

As the radio hosts continued to egg him, Talbot admitted that he immediately disliked Ovechkin the first time he met him.

"The first time I met him, actually, when I met him off the ice," Talbot told The X. "You hear a lot of stories about a guy, but sometimes they're not true. You hear of guys who are not good guys, and you're like, 'Yeah, okay, I'll give the guy a shot.' The first time I met him, let's say he didn't give the best impression to me, so better reason to hate him even more."

Talbot also stated that he continued his hatred for the Russian sniper during a subsequent encounter.

"I was actually at the NHL Awards last summer with (Evgeni) Malkin, and we brought the Stanley Cup over there after the season," Talbot told The X. "Malkin knew Ovechkin, and introduced me to him, and the first impression wasn't great. I'm not really gonna say what happened, but I'm like, 'Ok, this guy is a real douche.' "

While Ovechkin has yet to respond, this is just the latest chapter in the immensely entertaining rivalry between two of the best teams in the NHL's Eastern Conference.

You make my life, Superstar.

Bourne

I have an announcement.

I LOVE.

Matt Damon.

I mean, don't you?

He is just so cute!

And he is always smiling!

See? *swooning*

And doesn't he have the whitest teeth?

God. And it's not just that. He's fucking hot, too.

He's got that sexy little smoldering look going on...

Yummm. And then he goes and he takes his shirt off!

I mean, he's not giving any of the other guys a chance, here.

Matt Damon has everything. Have you seen how blue his eyes are?

He can rock the shades, too.

Lordy.

You know, I thought he looked pretty good in Saving Private Ryan.

But then they go ahead and they put him in Invictus!

They make him a rugby player, for crying out loud!

They make him gain about 50 pounds in muscle, and then they take his shirt off! What are they trying to do to us?!

Oh, look, there's that smolder again.

And there's the smile.

Dear Lord, marry me.

Don't get me wrong. I know he's already got a wife.

And kids.

But Godddddddddd.

*whimper*