Girls all over the world are having orgasms right now because of how hot this picture is. You know this.
Showing posts with label Jared Staal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jared Staal. Show all posts
Friday, June 18, 2010
We All Stand Poised on the Brink of Greatness
Anyone wanna see a hot picture?
Girls all over the world are having orgasms right now because of how hot this picture is. You know this.
Girls all over the world are having orgasms right now because of how hot this picture is. You know this.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
What a Day
Alright. I need to tell you about three extremely monumental things that happened today:
1st- Sidney Crosby moved out of Mario Lemieux's house. Yes, it's true. He finally bought himself his own house to live in, after taking advantage of Mario's hospitalities ever since he came to the NHL. This event is long overdue, but hey, it's happening now. I'm thinking it's because he's deciding he wants to bring his gay partners home and he doesn't need some kids running around asking why there's some random naked dude wandering around the house. Just a theory. Sid also rejected an invitation to join Team Canada in the Worlds. I'm also associating this descision to his homosexuality.
2nd- Jared Staal, the youngest of all the Staal brothers, as you should already know, was drafted to Phoenix. But, what you don't know, is that today, he was traded to Carolina for a fifth round draft pick. Let me explain this to you in simpler terms: Jared Staal was traded to the same team as Eric Staal. Therefor, two Staal brothers will be playing on the same team. This is huger than Sportscentre is giving it credit for. Hence my current extatic state. They're going to be playing on the same team! Like, what the fuck? This never happens. Ever. I don't even know why they would do something like that, I mean Eric and Jared are 6 years apart. It's not like they have some special chemistry or something. Then again, maybe they do. Maybe it's like a shared-blood thing or something. They'd be like the Kostitsyns. Cept one Kostitsyn is probably done for his career, so he can't even be mentioned in the same breath as a family so incredible such as the Staals. Jesus, I can't even believe this. They might play on the same line someday. I can't even explain to you how much I'm not believing this right now. It's like one of those things where it's like impossible, yet it's possible, you know? This is huge.
3rd: Steven Stamkos, who is currently playing for Team Canada in the Worlds, is out for a possible concussion and will probably be out for the rest of the tournament. While this is suckish for him, it just happens to be un-suckish for a certain clutch god that we know and love very well who will be taking his place. Have you guessed who it is yet? Yes, it's Jordan Eberle. Good job. Kick ass, Messiah.
1st- Sidney Crosby moved out of Mario Lemieux's house. Yes, it's true. He finally bought himself his own house to live in, after taking advantage of Mario's hospitalities ever since he came to the NHL. This event is long overdue, but hey, it's happening now. I'm thinking it's because he's deciding he wants to bring his gay partners home and he doesn't need some kids running around asking why there's some random naked dude wandering around the house. Just a theory. Sid also rejected an invitation to join Team Canada in the Worlds. I'm also associating this descision to his homosexuality.
2nd- Jared Staal, the youngest of all the Staal brothers, as you should already know, was drafted to Phoenix. But, what you don't know, is that today, he was traded to Carolina for a fifth round draft pick. Let me explain this to you in simpler terms: Jared Staal was traded to the same team as Eric Staal. Therefor, two Staal brothers will be playing on the same team. This is huger than Sportscentre is giving it credit for. Hence my current extatic state. They're going to be playing on the same team! Like, what the fuck? This never happens. Ever. I don't even know why they would do something like that, I mean Eric and Jared are 6 years apart. It's not like they have some special chemistry or something. Then again, maybe they do. Maybe it's like a shared-blood thing or something. They'd be like the Kostitsyns. Cept one Kostitsyn is probably done for his career, so he can't even be mentioned in the same breath as a family so incredible such as the Staals. Jesus, I can't even believe this. They might play on the same line someday. I can't even explain to you how much I'm not believing this right now. It's like one of those things where it's like impossible, yet it's possible, you know? This is huge.
3rd: Steven Stamkos, who is currently playing for Team Canada in the Worlds, is out for a possible concussion and will probably be out for the rest of the tournament. While this is suckish for him, it just happens to be un-suckish for a certain clutch god that we know and love very well who will be taking his place. Have you guessed who it is yet? Yes, it's Jordan Eberle. Good job. Kick ass, Messiah.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Thumbs Up For The Youngins
Yes. Hello. I'm back. Did you miss me? Of course you did.
I watched a Sudbury Wolves Bantam AAA game today on tv. It was exciting for 4 reasons:
Reason #1: Tie Domi's son, Max Domi, was playing for that team. He is 15 years old, and is a major prospect to be a future NHL superstar. His playing style is almost the complete opposite of that of his father's, but he has the same body type: short and big. If the Hockey Gods give you that kind of body, you have two options: -Option #1: You become a thug, of the hockey playing variety of course, only brought out onto the ice on the occassion of knocking someone else's (or your own) teeth out. -Option #2: You become Sidney Crosby.
Thankfully, young Max Domi has chosen the most desirable path, yet much more difficult to attain. Our Sid is his role model, see. He shapes his game after him. Some loftly goals, I'd say.
Reason #2: Todd Bertuzzi's nephew was playing for the opposing team. Small world, eh? Indeed. Imagine being related to Todd Bertuzzi though on the eve of his near-deathening hit on that guy who I don't quite remember the name of. Remember, the one that like broken his back or something and made him never able to play in the NHL ever again? Yeah, imagine being related to Bertuzzi when that happened. "Son...I have some news about your uncle." Baha. Geez. Poor kid. He was pretty damn good, though. Had 3 goals and 3 assists going for him already in that tournament.
Reason #3: Marc Staal used to play for the Sudbury Wolves. So did Jared Staal. This is a very special team in my heart. The lucky bastards. Imagine an NHL team getting two Staal brothers. Wow. Major hearthrob marathon.
Reason #4: There used to be four reasons. Now I've kind of forgotten what we're talking about. So, for now, there shall only be three. But I will come up with a fourth. I promise you this. I will remeber.
I watched a Sudbury Wolves Bantam AAA game today on tv. It was exciting for 4 reasons:
Reason #1: Tie Domi's son, Max Domi, was playing for that team. He is 15 years old, and is a major prospect to be a future NHL superstar. His playing style is almost the complete opposite of that of his father's, but he has the same body type: short and big. If the Hockey Gods give you that kind of body, you have two options: -Option #1: You become a thug, of the hockey playing variety of course, only brought out onto the ice on the occassion of knocking someone else's (or your own) teeth out. -Option #2: You become Sidney Crosby.
Thankfully, young Max Domi has chosen the most desirable path, yet much more difficult to attain. Our Sid is his role model, see. He shapes his game after him. Some loftly goals, I'd say.
Reason #2: Todd Bertuzzi's nephew was playing for the opposing team. Small world, eh? Indeed. Imagine being related to Todd Bertuzzi though on the eve of his near-deathening hit on that guy who I don't quite remember the name of. Remember, the one that like broken his back or something and made him never able to play in the NHL ever again? Yeah, imagine being related to Bertuzzi when that happened. "Son...I have some news about your uncle." Baha. Geez. Poor kid. He was pretty damn good, though. Had 3 goals and 3 assists going for him already in that tournament.
Reason #3: Marc Staal used to play for the Sudbury Wolves. So did Jared Staal. This is a very special team in my heart. The lucky bastards. Imagine an NHL team getting two Staal brothers. Wow. Major hearthrob marathon.
Reason #4: There used to be four reasons. Now I've kind of forgotten what we're talking about. So, for now, there shall only be three. But I will come up with a fourth. I promise you this. I will remeber.
Monday, March 8, 2010
A Staal Update
Greetings from South Carolina.
I got to watch all three Staal brothers play in one day yesterday. This is the first time this has ever happened to me. It was a life changing experience.
Jordan Staal is really hot. I've been noticing this especially lately. It's just the way that his hair is so smooth and wavy, and how his skin seems to stay just the right shade of tan even when he's on the ice. Alex Ponikarovsy's skin does this too. He is also very attractive. He is a wonderful new addition to our Pens. It's amazing that they managed to get him.
Eric Staal is getting too good. It's not right. He is speeding away from his brothers at an extraordinary rate. Its not that I don't want him to be good, really, I do, but it's all just happening too fast. Something happened this year that changed him.
Marc Staal is rapidly falling far behind. He was never truly as skilled as his offensive brothers, but at least he had some defending power. Now, he doesn't really do much. He doesn't connect passes too well, or catch them for that matter. He doesn't score, and he doesn't save goals. He hits people, but not as well as he used to. I blame his girlfriend. Did you know she's a supermodel? I think her name is Kat or something. She's foreign. Foreign and blond.
I miss Jared. He used to be good and full of potential. Now, he's fallen off the map. He no longer lives on the face of this Earth. He lives in...(GASP!) the AHL. Duh Duh DUH. I liked it better when he played on the same team the Marc used to. I feel bad for that team, kind of, though. They got the worst two of the four Staal bros. Unlucky sons of bitches.
Pitt won against Boston and Zdeno, Carolina won against Atlanta and Mr. Armstrong, and the Rangers lost to Buffalo and Tyler Myers. Pauvre, pauvre Marc.
I got to watch all three Staal brothers play in one day yesterday. This is the first time this has ever happened to me. It was a life changing experience.
Jordan Staal is really hot. I've been noticing this especially lately. It's just the way that his hair is so smooth and wavy, and how his skin seems to stay just the right shade of tan even when he's on the ice. Alex Ponikarovsy's skin does this too. He is also very attractive. He is a wonderful new addition to our Pens. It's amazing that they managed to get him.
Eric Staal is getting too good. It's not right. He is speeding away from his brothers at an extraordinary rate. Its not that I don't want him to be good, really, I do, but it's all just happening too fast. Something happened this year that changed him.
Marc Staal is rapidly falling far behind. He was never truly as skilled as his offensive brothers, but at least he had some defending power. Now, he doesn't really do much. He doesn't connect passes too well, or catch them for that matter. He doesn't score, and he doesn't save goals. He hits people, but not as well as he used to. I blame his girlfriend. Did you know she's a supermodel? I think her name is Kat or something. She's foreign. Foreign and blond.
I miss Jared. He used to be good and full of potential. Now, he's fallen off the map. He no longer lives on the face of this Earth. He lives in...(GASP!) the AHL. Duh Duh DUH. I liked it better when he played on the same team the Marc used to. I feel bad for that team, kind of, though. They got the worst two of the four Staal bros. Unlucky sons of bitches.
Pitt won against Boston and Zdeno, Carolina won against Atlanta and Mr. Armstrong, and the Rangers lost to Buffalo and Tyler Myers. Pauvre, pauvre Marc.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Baby Staal! Baby Staal!
I can't believe I'm so late on this. I've been waiting for this all summer, ever since I found out that Eric knocked (nocked?) up Tanya. It is still called knocked up if they're married? Anyway, I knew he was gonna be born some time in September but I didn't know what day, and then Wikipedia posts that it happened last tuesday! And I missed it! Oh well, its six days late, but here it is.
CONGRATS! The newborn, Parker Lucas Staal, wieghed in at 7lbs 14oz, which I think is pretty decent, dont you? He'll need another 200lbs on there if he wants to live up to the expectations of the fans he'll already have by the time he's 18. Way to go Eric, you're a father, at 24 too, which is pretty damn impressive. I thought you were wayyyyyy too young to get married, even now, with a two year anniversary under your belt. I just hope you know you're leaving your wife with a hell of a job to do, it'll almost be like she's a single mother, what with you being away all the time and all. I'm sure she can handle it, I hear she's a doll. Marc, Jordan and Jared, you're uncles, men. Step up to the task, take the lead. Babysit. Burp. Change those diapers. Don't be wusses, drink the damn brest-milk. It'll take some oreos at first, but soon you'll get the hang of it. It tastes like catelope juice, just ask Sidney Crosby. He'll know that from Friends, just like I do. Oh, the joys of parenthood.
Also, Baby Staal, or Parker (geez, he could've chosen a better name, dontcha think?), you have the honnor of being born on the same day as Mark Johnson, along with many others. For those of you who haven't seen Miracle, Mark Johnson was the star of the USA team at the Olympics. He was great. I hope BStaal can live up to that.
Congratulations Staal family, and good luck. Take my best. Henry and Linda, you're too young to be grandparents.
CONGRATS! The newborn, Parker Lucas Staal, wieghed in at 7lbs 14oz, which I think is pretty decent, dont you? He'll need another 200lbs on there if he wants to live up to the expectations of the fans he'll already have by the time he's 18. Way to go Eric, you're a father, at 24 too, which is pretty damn impressive. I thought you were wayyyyyy too young to get married, even now, with a two year anniversary under your belt. I just hope you know you're leaving your wife with a hell of a job to do, it'll almost be like she's a single mother, what with you being away all the time and all. I'm sure she can handle it, I hear she's a doll. Marc, Jordan and Jared, you're uncles, men. Step up to the task, take the lead. Babysit. Burp. Change those diapers. Don't be wusses, drink the damn brest-milk. It'll take some oreos at first, but soon you'll get the hang of it. It tastes like catelope juice, just ask Sidney Crosby. He'll know that from Friends, just like I do. Oh, the joys of parenthood.
Also, Baby Staal, or Parker (geez, he could've chosen a better name, dontcha think?), you have the honnor of being born on the same day as Mark Johnson, along with many others. For those of you who haven't seen Miracle, Mark Johnson was the star of the USA team at the Olympics. He was great. I hope BStaal can live up to that.
Congratulations Staal family, and good luck. Take my best. Henry and Linda, you're too young to be grandparents.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Baby Staal
First of all, I'd just like to let everyone know that Eric Staal is expecting a child this month. I don't know what the gender is or exactly when it's due this month, but I'm hoping it's gonna be a boy. You know, carry on the Staal hockey tradition and all that. Congrats Eric, you're way too young to be a father. And it's irresponsible of you to throw the tough task of uncle on all your young brothers' shoulders. They can't handle it; Marc is working his ass off to be the third in his family to win a Stanley Cup, he doesn't have the time! And he's got his girlfriend to worry about aswell! She's a model, she's bound to be getting in loads of trouble. And Jordan just won Stanley, he's busy basking in the glory of his recent feat. Parties, clubs, bars...not quite the environment to raise a child in! And imagine the example he'd set for little baby Staal! Oh, it hurts to even think about it. And don't even get me started on Jared. He's only nineteen, still getting used to the fact that he can drink publicly without worrying about making himself a fake ID. All not to mention how overwellmed he must feel about his new spot on the Coyotes. That team is all over the place, I don't even understand whats going on anymore with Balsillie and crap. And little Jared has to move away from home! How sad. Geez Eric, you could have waited a couple more years a least to try for a child, no one is even close to being ready for it. Unless is happened out of wedlock. Then it isn't your fault, and I apologize for all this blame I must've put on you.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Happy Birthday Jared!
Alright, I know I'm a bit late, but I'd like to wish a belated happy birthday to Mr. Jared Staal! He just turned 19 yesterday, which makes him officially legal, in Canada that is. I want to buy him a beer. But I'm sure his brothers took care of that for me. Not that he hasn't been drinking for years already, but you can't blame him. His older brothers haven't exactly been the greatest role models for him, I mean Jordan got arrested for underaged drinking and Eric spent a night in jail for like misorderly conduct or something against a police officer...I dunno. I'm getting off track. So, without further adue, I'd like to wish Jared a very very very special birthday.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Staal
Okay, since I seem to be on somewhat of an honest streak, I think it's only fair that you learn all about my Staals. The truth is, I love them. They should all freaking have their own loonie to be engraved on. I'm serious. THERE ARE FOUR OF THEM! Geez. How often does that happen? Four brothers in the NHL all at the same time. That never happens EVER. NEVER.
Awwwww. And, to top it off, they're freakin awesome. Well, I don't know about Jared yet, but so far the first three are pretty damn amazing. Eric is my favorite. I'd just like to point that out, before we get into anything else. I had plans. I had plans for Eric Staal and I. We were gonna make the greatest couple of all time, but then I found out he was married. Yeah. Ouch. I always knew he got arrested, but I had no idea it was at his bachelor party. I blame his wife for that. I blame her for giving Eric and Jordan a record. I hate her. I hear she's really nice though. Speaking of giving Jordan a record, have you seen his mug shot? Geez, that is SOME gelled down hair-do. I mean seriously, I've heard of buisiness in the front, party in the back, but not buisiness all around. Especially at a BACHELOR party. I wonder if they had a stripper.
Yikes. But take a look at Eric's mug shot. That's hotness right there. That's the last picture there is of him before he got married. I'm dying inside as I write this. But, on a brighter note, he looks extremely good in all of the other pics there are of him. Anywhere. Trust me, I dare you guys to e-mail me a picture of Eric Staal that doesn't look good. el-vidge@hotmail.com
I don't feel right making fun of Jordan's hair. Besides, he just won the Stanley Cup, and he was so young and naive, he didn't knonw any better. He does now. I absolutely LOVED his playoff hair. He had the kind of tough guy look going on. Unfortunately, he's taken as well, not in the sickness and health type of way, but he still has a girlfriend, and I hear she's a sweatheart also. What is with these Staal boys and nice girlfriends? One of my favorite things to do is make fun of hockey players' girlfriends, and now I can't even do that. What is the world coming to? Anyway, speaking of Lord Stanley, sorry I couldn't make a post for that, I was just so completely speechless. It was the best day of my life. I swear. I still can't discuss it without getting excited. Follow this link though, this is my friend Gabby's blog, and it's like my life. Well, it was, before I got this thing here. http://underdogobsession.wordpress.com/category/lord-stanley/
This picture just makes my life even more. You'll come to notice that a lot of things make my life. I also want a lot of things to be engraved on the loonie someday. That was kind of the point of this blog in the first place...
That's Eric. Isn't that just the cutest thing you've ever seen? I wish I was the Stanley Cup. I really really do. Do you know how many hot hockey players kiss that thing? Damn strait.
This is just to end this wonderful post. It's probably my favorite saying of all time.
Awwwww. And, to top it off, they're freakin awesome. Well, I don't know about Jared yet, but so far the first three are pretty damn amazing. Eric is my favorite. I'd just like to point that out, before we get into anything else. I had plans. I had plans for Eric Staal and I. We were gonna make the greatest couple of all time, but then I found out he was married. Yeah. Ouch. I always knew he got arrested, but I had no idea it was at his bachelor party. I blame his wife for that. I blame her for giving Eric and Jordan a record. I hate her. I hear she's really nice though. Speaking of giving Jordan a record, have you seen his mug shot? Geez, that is SOME gelled down hair-do. I mean seriously, I've heard of buisiness in the front, party in the back, but not buisiness all around. Especially at a BACHELOR party. I wonder if they had a stripper.
Yikes. But take a look at Eric's mug shot. That's hotness right there. That's the last picture there is of him before he got married. I'm dying inside as I write this. But, on a brighter note, he looks extremely good in all of the other pics there are of him. Anywhere. Trust me, I dare you guys to e-mail me a picture of Eric Staal that doesn't look good. el-vidge@hotmail.com
I don't feel right making fun of Jordan's hair. Besides, he just won the Stanley Cup, and he was so young and naive, he didn't knonw any better. He does now. I absolutely LOVED his playoff hair. He had the kind of tough guy look going on. Unfortunately, he's taken as well, not in the sickness and health type of way, but he still has a girlfriend, and I hear she's a sweatheart also. What is with these Staal boys and nice girlfriends? One of my favorite things to do is make fun of hockey players' girlfriends, and now I can't even do that. What is the world coming to? Anyway, speaking of Lord Stanley, sorry I couldn't make a post for that, I was just so completely speechless. It was the best day of my life. I swear. I still can't discuss it without getting excited. Follow this link though, this is my friend Gabby's blog, and it's like my life. Well, it was, before I got this thing here. http://underdogobsession.wordpress.com/category/lord-stanley/
This picture just makes my life even more. You'll come to notice that a lot of things make my life. I also want a lot of things to be engraved on the loonie someday. That was kind of the point of this blog in the first place...
That's Eric. Isn't that just the cutest thing you've ever seen? I wish I was the Stanley Cup. I really really do. Do you know how many hot hockey players kiss that thing? Damn strait.
This is just to end this wonderful post. It's probably my favorite saying of all time.
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