The Anatomy of a Girl In a Car

Here's a little fun fact:

Did you know that it takes 18 hours to drive from Ottawa to South Carolina?

I found this out today. I am currently typing this message from highway 95. I am on my way to Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. I will be staying there for two weeks. It will take me two days to drive there, and two days to drive back. Therefore I will be staying there a week and a half. Over a quarter of my trip will be spent in the car.

I'm not complaining. I've been spending the past 8 and 1/2 hours discovering the hidden wonders of this incredible journey that I am making. During the time I've spent in the car so far, I've traveled closer to more hockey playing towns than I've been in my whole life. Let me take you throught it.

I left Ottawa and traveled towards Toronto. That was nothing new for me, considering I spent almost every weekend of my life in Toronto ever since I started playing hockey. However, this was the first time I'd been there since Dion Phaneuf and Jiggy Giguere were traded to the Leafs, and it made me feel kind of special to know I was so close to some guys who probably hated being there almost as much as I did.

After leaving the painfully trafficked streets of 6:00 a.m Toronto we skimmed near Buffalo, and I waved in the direction of Tyler Myers from my caged confiment of the highway. I don't think he was even there, but I believe he appreciated the gesture. He knows I care. Well, he knows I exist, which is more than I can say for some of the other people I waved at later on in this trip.

Hours later, I managed to wake up from my slumber just in time to catch a glimpse of the "Welcome to Pennsylvania" sign. This, I have to say, was a defining moment in my life. I was not aware that we would be passing through PA. I was not aware that I would passing next to Pittsburgh, but, I have to say, I do not regret it. I do not regret it one bit.

Now, I went to a Sens-Flyers game not too long ago, so my treak next to Philedelphia was not much of a big deal for me. It was slightly cool passing near the actually houses of the players, but I was tempted to ask my father to detour so I could through eggs at Chris Pronger's humble abode.

I mentioned I did not regret passing through Pennsylvania. This is true. What I do regret, however, was having to see the sign on the highway telling us to keep right in order to enter Pittsburgh. Also, having to watch as the sign slowly dissapeared into the mist as my father, my mother, my sister and I, unfortunately, kept left. I saw the fork in the road that could have made all the difference in my life. We had the choice. The choice to go left, or right. Left, leading us to our intended destination of South Carolina, excrutiatingly close to one of the most beloved brothers of all time, or right, leading me to what could have changed my life forever. I begged my father to take the right. I begged him. Unfourtunately, my father is not susceptible to bribery.

And now, here I sit. Momentarily, we are passing Washington. I am too distraught to care. They probably aren't even here. They're probably off kicking some team's ass. Cause that's how bauss they are. That's right. I just used bauss on the internet.

Oh, they are here. I've just found this out. I am a little more excited now.

You know what makes me sad? The Sens were actually in Carolina when I was in Ottawa, and they were traveling back to Ottawa when I am currently traveling to Carolina now. It's like we swapped. And it's kind of cool to think that if I had taken the goddamn plane instead of spending 18 hours cramped up in this honest-to-God Volvo, I might've met them at the airport. Yeah. That is a cool thought. But I don't like taking airplanes. Being in the air makes me angry.

I've decided to tell you this today because I am bored. I have nothing else to do. And now my computer's about to run out of battery. So I have to go now. Leave me to suffer on my own. I don't care. Here's a funny picture.

Yes. Yes, that is funny. If you don't get it you're a ho. Here's another.

This one was not as funny. But I'm bored. So take a third one.

That was a little innapropriate. I will admit. But I don't care. I get mean when I've been stuck in a car for a day and half straight.

6 hours to go.

Parties On Ice

I was actually in the middle of my own hockey game (kicking ass by the way) when I heard about the women winning the gold medal against USA. Our coach got the e-mail on his blackberry and called a time-out just so he could tell us the news. I'm pretty sure the other team had no idea why the hell we were wooping and cheering and high-fiving. But those women kicked ass. They went undefeated the entire tournament. They now have three Olympic gold medals in a row.



What scares me though is that Haley Wickenheiser won't be on the team next Olympics. She's been on that team ever since it was made. And I'm not even exagerating here; the Olympics didn't let women into hockey too long ago, and Wickenheiser was there right from the beginning. She's our captain, our heart and our soul. Canada's got a lot of depth, I'm not denying that, but it's sure gonna be a change to play an Olympics without her.



On a much brighter note, check this out. Trust me, you'll be happy you did. If anyone didn't hear about the way the Canadian women celebrated their gold medal after the game...well, Perez, the light shines on you. Thanks Micaela :) for supplying the link.

http://perezhilton.com/2010-02-26-canadas-womens-hockey-team-parties-on-ice

Birthdays in January

Okay, that only worked for a little bit. Now I'm nervous again. Here are all the January birthdays that have yet to happen.

January

6th: -Adam Burish. Ah, the Indian Burrito. How I love you so, and your pranks. You are one of the funniest men alive, disincluding Dane Cook and Russell Peters. I hope you get to play again soon.
-Richard Zednick. He used to be my favorite player on the Habs a while back. Remember when he got his throat sliced by a skate? Look it up, it's pretty insane.

7th: -Alex Auld. Only because I feel like you deserve I little recognition. You were an average goalie. This does not make me a Sens fan.
-Cody Bass. Neither does this.
-Donald Brashear. You kick ass. All players are afraid of you when you step onto the ice. You're a beast. Learn how to skate, and you'll be even more of a threat.
-Morris Titanic. I don't know who the hell this guy is, I've never even heard of him before, but his last name is epic.

9th: -Radek Bonk. A former Hab, a former Sen.
-Bruce Boudreau. The coach of the Washington Capitals. He does a great Ovei impression: "I SWEAR TO GOD!" Haha. It's also really funny when his face turns purple. He is so cute!
-Rob McClanahan. Another Miracle veteran. He was the one who got his knee messed up but was forced to play anyway, and kicked ass while limping. Try to do that, it's not easy.

12th: -Tim Horton. Has given coffee and donuts to Canadians everywhere. Americans, you know you're jealous.
-Marian Ho$$a. You so do not deserve to be born on the same day as someone who makes such good pastries.

13th: -Nikolai Khabibulin. Also known as the Bulin Wall, won the Stanley Cup for the lightning not too long ago.
-Mike Rupp. A Pen, so naturally, he is loved. He ranked pretty low in my Beauty Pageant though.
-Marc Staal. You know, you'd expect the 13th to be a bad day. It's quite the opposite in this case. I rather do like this day.

16th: -Matt Duchene. Third one picked in this year's draft, I believe. Will do well.
-Brenden Morrow. He was picked for the team Canada this year, although I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it's because of all his conections. Did you know that he's married to ex-Habs coach Guy Carbonneau's daughter?

17th: -Jeremy Roenick. That big mouthed bastard. I liked him better before he retired.

18th: -Ruslan Fedetenko. A Pen. I love him. And his crazy voice.
-Brian Gionta. Another new Hab on the block, and another one who ain't doing too badly.
-Mark Messier. I had no words for you, my friend. Your bald head is a miracle of it's own.
-Alex Pietrangelo: One of our Baby Canada Superstars. He's gonna win us the gold. See? I'm getting more positive by the minute.

19th: -Mike Komisarek. A former Hab, now a Leaf. It must be wierd switching rival teams.
-Ian Lapperiere. He tried to pick a fight with Matt Carkner in the game on Sunday. Matt Carkner said no. That's the only reason I know his name.

21st: -Dany Heatley. The douche-bag. You don't deserve to have a birthday.
-Jonathan Quick. How cool must it be to have a last name like that? Too bad he plays for Chicago, Adam Burish must have fun calling him Quicky.
-Georges Vezina. Pretty famous goalie, as an award for the best goalie was named after him. Funnily enough, my fifth grade English teacher was his daughter. That's right, I have connections.

22nd: -Shean Donovan. This does not make me a Sens fan. This does not make me a Sens fan.
-Elmer Lach. He played with Maurice Richard for the Habs back when they were the greatest hockey team in the world.

26th: -Wayne Gretzky. Hmm. He has official dissapeared off the face of the earth. I wonder if he'll show up to the Olympics.
-Fred Barrett. My home arena is named after him. He must've donated money or something, because I never heard he was a good hockey player.

27th: -Patrice Brisebois. A former Habitant. He was actually good back then.

29th: -Dominik Hasek. There was a time when he was considered the best goalie in the world. Oh, how time flies.
-Mark Potvin. Another one of the arenas I play at is named after him. Ever heard of Potvin Arena? If you blink, you miss it.
-Pat Quinn. Ah, Patty. So old, and yet so full of life. My question is why in the hell would they choose him to coach team Canada? Have they not learned anything by how bad his team is doing? The Oilers are last in the league. LAST!

Disapointment.

Remember how in the last post I said Thursday was gonna be the best day ever? Well, turns out I was wrong. Turns out, Thurdays was the worst day ever. Let me walk you through it.



Pittsburgh was in Ottawa. I was driving to school in the morning when I recieved a text from my good friend Gabby who lives in Kanata. Now, here's some little inside info: The Brookstreet Hotel? The hotel to be at. The hockey teams stay there when they play in Ottawa. You know how many famous people have probably worked out in that gym? Gahhhh.



Anyways, Gabby drives by the Brookstreet hotel every single morning to go to school. And guess what she tells me in her text? That she is currently 100 meters away from Sidney Crosby. Working out. They were working out. In the gym. The Pittsburgh Penguins. She got to see them, and all I've got is a lousy text message and a feeling of insane jealousy in my belly.



And then came the news. I find out in a few hours that I have a hockey game later that night. Which, lo and behold, means I will miss both the Pittsburgh game, and Grey's Anatomy! The day was beginning to diminish, and all this happened before lunch. Lunch, just in case you were wondering, was crap as well. If you're even a tiny bit late in getting your food, then all the tables are filled and you have to sit by yourself. High school sucks.



So, as the day goes on, I decide to take a brighter outlook on life. Yeah, I'm missing the Pitt game, but hey, there are always highlights. And I can watch Grey's Anatomy on ctv.ca tomorrow. And I get to play our club's rivalry team who we tied last game, so we get a chance to redeem ourselves. The day was looking up already. Or so I thought.



I was planning on studying for my huge science test that night before my hockey game, but I got a shitload of homework and didn't even have time to start. Oh well, is what I though, because I don't even give a crap about science anyways. So I decided to focus all my attention on the game I had to play. I was feeling good; I had eaten pasta. I felt like I was going to play a great game.



Boy, was I wrong. We lost. 6-1. But not only that. I was a -4. A -4! Do you people have any idea how bad that is? My shift on the ice, they score a goal. 1-0. My second shift, their second goal. 2-0. I think to myself that I really gotta step up my play on I'm not gonna play the second period. So, I go on for my third shift, all pumped, and I play kinda good. I keep the puck out of the zone for the majority of the time, and all is going fine. Well, until the very end of my shift, when I mess up a pass and give them a breakaway. 3-0. This is when my coach finally decides to sit me, a bit to my relief. I'm benched for two shifts, and I'm thinking that this is the time the redeem myself, maybe make something happen. I'm more positive as I go back on the ice, but not for long. They score again. 4-0, and all on my watch. We finally manage to put one in the third period, but, knowing my luck, I wasnt't even on for our only goal.

So, to sum up: I did not get to see the Pens game, I did not get to see Grey's Anatomy, I played like shit in my hockey game, we lost our spot in first place, and, if that wasn't enough, the Pens lost! Against Ottawa! How bad do you have to be to lose against the Sens? Jesus.