Catching Up On Some Birthdays

No one important was born today. Yesterday was a different story. Jack O'Callahan. If that name doesn't make you go 'Oh', then you should definitely consider re-watching Miracle a couple hundred times. You will not get bored of it. It was a great moment in history fabricated into a Motion Picture Production. I'm going to attempt watching Saving Private Ryan tonight. Wish me luck.

NO ONE GOOD WAS BORN IN JULY!

Cept, for Jonathan Cheechoo. Haha, remember him? That's one story to tell the grandkids about, eh? What a crappy birthday he must've had. I really don't understand what happened to him. He used to be so good! He once scored the most goals in the league, a few years ago. I don't get it. How do you go from being so good to being so completely suckish? I just doesn't make sense to me.

Things get better though. Trust me. Because guess who's birthday is on the 31st? Seriously, take a guess. It's Evgeni! Whoooooollaaaallaa!!!! He's growing up so fast. I really wanted to put up a super cool Geno montage for you guys, but I found some pictures. They may be from last season, but I just have to put 'em up. Because they're fucking killing me.

Ugh. But this isn't the worst of it.

And it gets worse.

Yep. There it is. You know, he doesn't really seem to be enjoying that, Russian hoe. There are people watching you! Can't you see the cameras? They're pointed at you! I'll bet she can. I'll bet she saved this immaculate display of afflection for the moment the paparatzi got there.

God. Happy birthday, Geno. Have a beer and a party hat on us, but you're paying for the porn star yourself.

Just wait until August. August is going to be GREAT.

As If

As if Jonathan Toews scored the first goal.

As if Corey Perry got a face-full of Ryan Malone stick.

As if he came back and scored minutes later.

As if USA scored and kept it to a 1 goal lead.

As if Canada held that lead for the rest of the game.

As if it wasn't actually the whole rest of the game.

As if Parise scored with 24 seconds left.

As if they completely pulled a Jordan Eberle crunch moment.

As if they stole that from us.

As if the intermission between the third and over-time was 15 minutes long.

As if the over-time period was a full twenty minutes.

As if they had to play four-on-four for a full period.

As if they kept us holding our breath for so long.

As if we scored.
As if we scored.
As if we scored.

As if SIDNEY CROSBY was the one who put it in.

As if it wasn't even a nice goal.

As if his mouth can open that wide.

As if he threw off his helmet.

As if we tackled each other to the ground.

As if we didn't even give a shit about being sportsman-like.

As if we didn't even give a shit about the USA crying in the corner.

As if we didn't even give a shit about anyone else at that moment.

As if 22 million people were watching that moment.

As if Sidney Crosby will forever be remembered for that moment.

As if Jonathan Toews was a part of that moment.

As if Eric Staal was a part of that moment.

As if the best goalie in the history of hockey was sitting on the bench for that moment.

As if that moment actually happened.

As if this all actually happened.

As if we made history.

As if it were in Canada.

As if we won.

Bobby-Lou, Thank You. Thank You.

Canada did it. We did it. We defeated Russia. Bam.

Not that it was a close game at all, but I think it's safe to say I was on the edge of my seat the entire game, just waiting for Ovechkin to score three goals and tie it up. It could have happened. It's happened before. That man can put pucks in the net like the goal's a blond slut and the puck's his...yeah. But he didn't. Not then. He was hardly even there. But it doesn't matter. We don't care about him. We care about us. And how we completely humiliated the most skilled team in the world. I lost my voice that game, I was screaming so much. I was just sitting there, wearing my red believe shirt underneath my Letang Penguins jersey, bellowing my lungs out. Every goal we scored, the house shook, to say the least.

I cannot even begin to believe that that was the quarter-finals. It could have easily been the finals. It's not often that your quarter is more intense than your semi. We can't go and start under-estimating Slovakia, though. They beat Sweden. They beat Alfie. And the Sedins. That still blows my mind. But it doesn't matter. We'll take care those pesky Slovaks, and then we'll move on to humiliate the Americans and make them wish they'd never even come to Canada.

We are hockey. It's in our blood.


**Just a little side note in case some of you were wondering in the Canada-Russia game why, every time Robert Luongo touched the puck, they crowd errupted in a fit of boo's. And especially in his team's town, too. You'd think he'd be a hero. No, it was not the Russian fans. It was us. And we were not booing. We were cheering him on. He will win us Gold. And we were congratulating the fucking hell out of him for it.

"LOUUUUUU!!!!!"

Tonight

Tonight is the night.
The night greatness is achieved.
The night revenge is taken.
The night the most sought-after rivalry of all time is renewed.
Tonight is the night that Canada proves themselves. Proves that they are, were, and will always be the best hockey team in the world. Proves that their 7th place finish in Turin four years ago was but a flaw, a simple dash in a seemless record. Proves that they have what it takes to win it all.

Tonight is the night Canada and USA face off against one another for the first time since 2006.
Sacrifices will be made.
Hope will be crushed.
There can only be one winner.
Do you believe in miracles?



No.

A Poll For All Nations

You also may have noticed the poll there on the side. Please try and vote, we don't discriminate against women or children or people with mental problems or dissabilities...everyone is eligible to vote in this wonderful poll of mine.

Quite frankly, I'm not eve sure of the answer. The first thing you think is that, of course, you're going to vote for your country. Canada rocks, hells yeah, and all that. But if you think about it, there's a hell of a lot of competition for them to be dealing with. USA, first of all. Their coaching staff went for the young guns, so they're definitely going to have a lot of speed. They are definitely someone that we gotta look out for. And then there's Russia. We're always afraid of Russia, because they've got most of the best players in the NHL on their team. They didn't even take Kovalev; that's how crazy-ass skilled they are. They've got forwards who can pass, defense who can think, wingers who can skate, centers who can score and hitters who can damn-well hit. But then there's team chemistry. If there's one weakness that Russia's always had, it's been team chemistry. You've got the most skilled players in the whole world out there on the ice, but they're players who play on their own. They can work well with their teams; they get passed the puck and they dispsy-doodle around the goalie like they could do it with their eyes closed. But what happens when you have three players on a line who aren't used to passing the puck? Chaos, that's what you've got.
And then there's Sweden. They no longer have Mats Sundin, which is a definite blow, but think about you they still have. They've got Alfie, leading them with the 'C' most likely and coming back fresh and rested from injury, and then all those young up-and-coming hopefuls, ready to fill the shoes of a much bigger man. They might be a underdog, but just think about the 1980 USA Olympic team. Could this be another Miracle on Ice?

Please submit your votes to find out. The final result will be tallied on JANUARY 31ST AT 1:00 AM.

The Mystery of Mr. Clutch

I'm feeling constant revulsion and love to one particular individual at the moment. I hear one thing, it makes me love him. I hear something else, it makes me hate him. I'm trying to write or even think about anything else but his face is the only thing that comes into my mind. So, undoubtebly, I have to write about him. There is nothing else for me to do.



Jordan Eberle. Mr. Clutch. Before, to me he was simply an overgrown 6-year-old with some miraculous skills in making us crap our pants in the final seconds of Baby Canada games. He was a simple person, a simple guy, as simple as plain bread or an empty arena. But then came the game against the USA. He scored the goals, just like we knew he would, but this time it was different. This time, his valiant efforts were somehow unprecedented and went unrewarded. We then felt bad for Jordan Eberle. We loved him even more. We knew of his remarkable talent, it was no longer merely a consequent of good luck. Facebook began to overflow with groups dedicated to him, NHL GMs went immediately on alert. All of Edmonton beamed with pride; their unfathomable losing streak seemed to have finally stiked a finish.

But, is that all there is to our young Canadian hero? Is he simply a talented hockey player, an over-exageration of our arrogant, self-absorbed minds? Does he have the nerve, the passion, the bravery, the cheek, the spirit, the bravado to be able to stick it in the big leagues?

He has won our hearts, has claimed his name as a Clutch God. He has proved himself as more than capable of handling the foreign talents of the Junior leagues. But will his talents suffice once he takes the next step? Will he be able to handle the weariness and exhaustion of the upper level? Will he crumble under the pressure of all the hopes and expectations that have been suddenly thrust upon him?



Jordan Eberle was not known before the World Junior tournament of 2009. He was not one of the best players on team Canada, he was not a star. He was simply a fragment of the group, a tiny, insignificant piece of the puzzle. But, no matter how small the piece, if it is missing, the puzzle is incomplete, no?

It turned out he was a larger piece than any of us had ever expected. If it weren't for him, scoring that final goal against the Russians in the semi-finals with less than 6 seconds remaining on the clock, Canada would never have made it to five in a row. We would never have become legendary, if it weren't for him. He was Canada's saviour, so to speak. He gave us hope, he gave our country light again.

Or was he simply in the right place at the right time?

How can we be sure that if it hadn't been him playing on that line, if the coach had subsituted him in the final minute for someone different, we wouldn't have gotten the same result? If, say, Stephan Della Rovere had jumped off that bench for the final shift of the game instead of Jordan Eberle, would he be the one who had recieved all the glory? Was Eberle's miraculous last second goal simply luck of the draw?

No, you say, since this year he proved himself. This year, he confirmed the thoughts that were raging the nation, by scoring two goals against the US in the finals minutes of the game to tie it up when we thought all hope was lost. He confirmed himself as a master in clutch. He demonstrated that his game improved to about double his standard whenever it was absolutely needed. He proved to us that under pressure, he could do anything. Under pressure, he could be the greatest hockey player in the world.

Or did he? Again, was he simply situated in the right part of the ice when he got the pass? Was his perfect shot just...lucky? Maybe it was just a fluky coincidence that he happened to score both of the goals that tied up the game. I mean, any one player on that team could have scored those goals. It didn't take a particular amount of skill. Anyone in that tournament could've done it. Maybe it wasn't him at all. Maybe it was the opposition. Maybe both USA and Russia in those games became too cocky, maybe they thought they had already won. Maybe they figured there was no way to come back from the loss that was already eminent in the faces of all those Canadians. Maybe they dropped their game. Maybe, just maybe, they lowered their intensity just a tad, just enough to let one shot through. Just enough to give one goal, and give the Canadians an incredible boost of energy and adrenaline. Maybe that energy is what won them their fifth gold medal in 2009. That adrenaline, perhaps, is what also gave them the strengh and power to catch up from a two-goal deficit in 2010 and bring the game into over-time.

Maybe it was never Jordan Eberle at all.




Even if it wasn't him who had scored all those clutch goals, I have a feeling that we, all North America, would still love him somehow. So, what is it about him that makes us adore him? He isn't the most attractive man in the world. If it were based on that, we would all be swooning over Nikita Filatov right now. So then what? His personality? The fact that he gets overly excited about every little thing, that he has the heart of an over-grown child? His humour? If it were about that, we would be laughing at Adam Burish, not him. So what is it? What is it about Jordan Eberle that makes us holler until our throats are dry, that makes us giggle until our sides hurt, that makes our eyes well up with unexpected tears?

Could it be a mix? Perhaps all of his features, inside and out, add up to a perfect combination of a male. The perfect combination of lovelyness, that make us throw our pillows at the TV. Maybe Jordan Eberle, Captain Clutch, is simply...perfect.


We'll never know. We'll never truly know what makes him tick. Never know how he stays so calm under immense pressure, or how he manages to keep that unfathoming charm on constant reflex. I can't help but wonder if we've over-estimated him. They say love is blind. They say that if you're looking for something in someone, chances are, you'll find it. Maybe we were just looking for someone new, someone exciting. Maybe we were just trying to find someone to fill the void of hockey Canada that has been continuously gowing and growing over the past few years. Maybe we were looking for it, and, just maybe, since we were so carefully and constantly looking, we found it.

Is Jordan Eberle really as great as we've put him up to be? Or is he simply no more than an extended hope of our overactive imaginations?

That is the question.

Five Years

Three billion people died last night.


The only people who didn't die last night when they saw USA win the cup over Canada for the first time in five years were the players on the American Junior Team, the few die-hard USA fans remaining in the world, and all the poor and hungry people all over the world who can't afford televisions.

Everyone was rooting for Canada.

All over the world, people were rooting for Canada. Russians, Swedes, Africans, Italians, Mexicans, Jamaicans, Yugoslavians, Indians, Asians...even most of the Americans in the world were rooting for them. Even against their own team, they wanted Canada to win. Why? Because we created a legacy. We stole their hearts and held them tight to our chests for five years. We were the best. For five years running, we were the best junior hockey team in the world. We didn't brag, we didn't boast, we didn't bask in our own glory, we didn't for one second believe that each and every game we played wasn't going to be the hardest of our lives. We took all the challenges that were constantly heaved at us and we threw them right back in their face. For five years, we worked harder than any other team on and off the ice. For five years, we never gave up or quit or got down on ourselves. For five years, we had each other's backs. For five years, we could conquer anything. For five years, we were the International Ice Hockey Federation World Under-20 champions. For five years, we wore the Gold.



Shit happens.



Here's to five more.

Finals Today

The finals of the Baby Canada tournament are today. USA-CANADA. Holy crap. I am a full-out Canada fan, I should tell you, before you read the rest of this. I am and will always be faithful to my country. It is the best country of them all. Both Baby and Adolescent. But I can't help but think...maybe USA is gonna win. I know, I know, it's impossible. Canada is the best, the all-mighty, all-powerful country, hockey is our game, it's in our blood, I know. But USA is so fucking good this year. They're fast and quick and smart and they play a simple game without an over-load of penalties. This year, they're actually good. They're actually competition. All the other years, some of the USA players were actually envious of Canada, they actually wanted to be on our team! They wanted to change nationalities, that's how awesome and kick-ass we were. But not this year. This year, it's the opposite. This year, they hate our guts. This year, they want to kill us. And since we've won five years in a row, I don't think our team has that same kind of "go big or go home" attitude. For the first time in 5 years, I'm scared for our boys out there.

And it's not only in the juniors. Steve Yzerman went with the old and experienced player approach this year, hoping that it would change our current Olympic men's hockey out-comes. Whereas the US took the young, quick and agile players. We went with intelligence, they went with freshness. Now we'll see which one will prevail. Smart or fast? Old and experienced or young and new? Veterans or Rookies? That is the question, people. Let's hope we made the right choice.

Baby Canada Update

I really regret not making any Baby Canada posts, but I've been really busy with other things like ERIC STAAL AND JONATHAN TOEWS MAKING THE OLYMPIC TEAM. They're in the final tomorrow against USA and they're gonna kick ass. Unfortunately, in the dying seconds of an unrecoverable game yesterday, Hamonic, a much loved Canadian was brutally checked head-first into the boards, tearing some ligament or something in his shoulder, injuring him and taking him out of the final game. Luckily, the Swiss dude who did it was immediately ejected from the rset of the game. I hope Canada'll be alright without him. On the bright side, they do still have Taylor Hall. Ah, Taylor Hall; the next Sid in so many ways. He's a hockey prodigee, and he has huge lips. Huge lips comes with the skills, I'm telling you.

GO FOR THE GOLD, CANADA!

EH! OH' CANADA-GO!

Ah, I'm never gonna warm to that cheer. Whoever voted for that is a douche. USA has the ultimate cheer. We'd be better off just copying them, instead of trying to make our own. I mean, we make good maple cyrup, we care about the environment, we don't attack any random, defenseless countries just because we feel like having a little fun, we live in igloos, we ride our pet polar bears to school and we cry when our moose is sick because we fed him some bad seal carcass. We are not the US. We are Canadian. We say EH! We don't say HUH? Was kind of a crazy-ass country says huh? No offense to all you Americans out there reading this, and definitely no offense to Patrick Kane, who is American, because I love you, but I'm just trying to make a point. And my point is this: us Canadians may be good at a lot of things, but writing cheers is not one of them.