As if Jonathan Toews scored the first goal.
As if Corey Perry got a face-full of Ryan Malone stick.
As if he came back and scored minutes later.
As if USA scored and kept it to a 1 goal lead.
As if Canada held that lead for the rest of the game.
As if it wasn't actually the whole rest of the game.
As if Parise scored with 24 seconds left.
As if they completely pulled a Jordan Eberle crunch moment.
As if they stole that from us.
As if the intermission between the third and over-time was 15 minutes long.
As if the over-time period was a full twenty minutes.
As if they had to play four-on-four for a full period.
As if they kept us holding our breath for so long.
As if we scored.
As if we scored.
As if we scored.
As if SIDNEY CROSBY was the one who put it in.
As if it wasn't even a nice goal.
As if his mouth can open that wide.
As if he threw off his helmet.
As if we tackled each other to the ground.
As if we didn't even give a shit about being sportsman-like.
As if we didn't even give a shit about the USA crying in the corner.
As if we didn't even give a shit about anyone else at that moment.
As if 22 million people were watching that moment.
As if Sidney Crosby will forever be remembered for that moment.
As if Jonathan Toews was a part of that moment.
As if Eric Staal was a part of that moment.
As if the best goalie in the history of hockey was sitting on the bench for that moment.
As if that moment actually happened.
As if this all actually happened.
As if we made history.
As if it were in Canada.
As if we won.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Parties On Ice
I was actually in the middle of my own hockey game (kicking ass by the way) when I heard about the women winning the gold medal against USA. Our coach got the e-mail on his blackberry and called a time-out just so he could tell us the news. I'm pretty sure the other team had no idea why the hell we were wooping and cheering and high-fiving. But those women kicked ass. They went undefeated the entire tournament. They now have three Olympic gold medals in a row.
What scares me though is that Haley Wickenheiser won't be on the team next Olympics. She's been on that team ever since it was made. And I'm not even exagerating here; the Olympics didn't let women into hockey too long ago, and Wickenheiser was there right from the beginning. She's our captain, our heart and our soul. Canada's got a lot of depth, I'm not denying that, but it's sure gonna be a change to play an Olympics without her.
On a much brighter note, check this out. Trust me, you'll be happy you did. If anyone didn't hear about the way the Canadian women celebrated their gold medal after the game...well, Perez, the light shines on you. Thanks Micaela :) for supplying the link.
http://perezhilton.com/2010-02-26-canadas-womens-hockey-team-parties-on-ice
What scares me though is that Haley Wickenheiser won't be on the team next Olympics. She's been on that team ever since it was made. And I'm not even exagerating here; the Olympics didn't let women into hockey too long ago, and Wickenheiser was there right from the beginning. She's our captain, our heart and our soul. Canada's got a lot of depth, I'm not denying that, but it's sure gonna be a change to play an Olympics without her.
On a much brighter note, check this out. Trust me, you'll be happy you did. If anyone didn't hear about the way the Canadian women celebrated their gold medal after the game...well, Perez, the light shines on you. Thanks Micaela :) for supplying the link.
http://perezhilton.com/2010-02-26-canadas-womens-hockey-team-parties-on-ice
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Great Things
What a day yesterday was, eh? A gold, two silvers and a bronze. We almost had a sweep in Women's Two-Man Bobsleigh (they should really consider changing that name), getting a gold and a silver. If only we had had a third Canadian group, then we might've knocked USA off the podium.
But we did get a bronze in Women's 5000 meter Speed Skating, with Clara Hughes in her final race of her life getting on the podium and setting an oval record in the process. Of course, her record was broken in the next two runs, but who cares? Everyone remembers the first guy who ran the 4 minute mile, not the other six guys who did it later that same week. We were the ones who opened the floodgates. And boy, what a flood.
And then we got another silver in short track speed skating Team Pursuit, in which we originally got third place but Korea, being the incredible cheaters that they are, got disqualified, bumping China up to first and us up to second. USA, who had come last in that race, got the bronze medal, which I think is extremely unfair, considering how far they were behind the pack the entire race.
All in all, yesterday=great day. And speaking of great things, how much of a great year is Eric Staal having? He lost to his brother in his push for the Stanley Cup last year, but that didn't seem to postpone the amazing time he was going to have next. First, he has a son. Yeah, big deal, I guess. And then he gets invited to the Olympic training camp, along with Jordan and Marc. And then he makes the Olympic team. And then the captain of the Carolina Hurricanes leaves, and he gets named captain. ...Right, so what have we got so far? Baby, Olympic, "C". Okay, and then, as if that weren't enough, he get's put on the top line at the Olympics between two of the best players who have ever lived, Jarome Iginla and Sidney Crosby. And then he produces. And now he's going into the semis. And then probably the finals. And if everything keeps going like it's been going for him, he'll have an Olympic Gold Medal to his name, right next to Lord Stanley which he won a few years ago.
Yeah, I'd say Eric Staal's having a pretty good year.
But we did get a bronze in Women's 5000 meter Speed Skating, with Clara Hughes in her final race of her life getting on the podium and setting an oval record in the process. Of course, her record was broken in the next two runs, but who cares? Everyone remembers the first guy who ran the 4 minute mile, not the other six guys who did it later that same week. We were the ones who opened the floodgates. And boy, what a flood.
And then we got another silver in short track speed skating Team Pursuit, in which we originally got third place but Korea, being the incredible cheaters that they are, got disqualified, bumping China up to first and us up to second. USA, who had come last in that race, got the bronze medal, which I think is extremely unfair, considering how far they were behind the pack the entire race.
All in all, yesterday=great day. And speaking of great things, how much of a great year is Eric Staal having? He lost to his brother in his push for the Stanley Cup last year, but that didn't seem to postpone the amazing time he was going to have next. First, he has a son. Yeah, big deal, I guess. And then he gets invited to the Olympic training camp, along with Jordan and Marc. And then he makes the Olympic team. And then the captain of the Carolina Hurricanes leaves, and he gets named captain. ...Right, so what have we got so far? Baby, Olympic, "C". Okay, and then, as if that weren't enough, he get's put on the top line at the Olympics between two of the best players who have ever lived, Jarome Iginla and Sidney Crosby. And then he produces. And now he's going into the semis. And then probably the finals. And if everything keeps going like it's been going for him, he'll have an Olympic Gold Medal to his name, right next to Lord Stanley which he won a few years ago.
Yeah, I'd say Eric Staal's having a pretty good year.
Bobby-Lou, Thank You. Thank You.
Canada did it. We did it. We defeated Russia. Bam.
Not that it was a close game at all, but I think it's safe to say I was on the edge of my seat the entire game, just waiting for Ovechkin to score three goals and tie it up. It could have happened. It's happened before. That man can put pucks in the net like the goal's a blond slut and the puck's his...yeah. But he didn't. Not then. He was hardly even there. But it doesn't matter. We don't care about him. We care about us. And how we completely humiliated the most skilled team in the world. I lost my voice that game, I was screaming so much. I was just sitting there, wearing my red believe shirt underneath my Letang Penguins jersey, bellowing my lungs out. Every goal we scored, the house shook, to say the least.
I cannot even begin to believe that that was the quarter-finals. It could have easily been the finals. It's not often that your quarter is more intense than your semi. We can't go and start under-estimating Slovakia, though. They beat Sweden. They beat Alfie. And the Sedins. That still blows my mind. But it doesn't matter. We'll take care those pesky Slovaks, and then we'll move on to humiliate the Americans and make them wish they'd never even come to Canada.
We are hockey. It's in our blood.
**Just a little side note in case some of you were wondering in the Canada-Russia game why, every time Robert Luongo touched the puck, they crowd errupted in a fit of boo's. And especially in his team's town, too. You'd think he'd be a hero. No, it was not the Russian fans. It was us. And we were not booing. We were cheering him on. He will win us Gold. And we were congratulating the fucking hell out of him for it.
"LOUUUUUU!!!!!"
Not that it was a close game at all, but I think it's safe to say I was on the edge of my seat the entire game, just waiting for Ovechkin to score three goals and tie it up. It could have happened. It's happened before. That man can put pucks in the net like the goal's a blond slut and the puck's his...yeah. But he didn't. Not then. He was hardly even there. But it doesn't matter. We don't care about him. We care about us. And how we completely humiliated the most skilled team in the world. I lost my voice that game, I was screaming so much. I was just sitting there, wearing my red believe shirt underneath my Letang Penguins jersey, bellowing my lungs out. Every goal we scored, the house shook, to say the least.
I cannot even begin to believe that that was the quarter-finals. It could have easily been the finals. It's not often that your quarter is more intense than your semi. We can't go and start under-estimating Slovakia, though. They beat Sweden. They beat Alfie. And the Sedins. That still blows my mind. But it doesn't matter. We'll take care those pesky Slovaks, and then we'll move on to humiliate the Americans and make them wish they'd never even come to Canada.
We are hockey. It's in our blood.
**Just a little side note in case some of you were wondering in the Canada-Russia game why, every time Robert Luongo touched the puck, they crowd errupted in a fit of boo's. And especially in his team's town, too. You'd think he'd be a hero. No, it was not the Russian fans. It was us. And we were not booing. We were cheering him on. He will win us Gold. And we were congratulating the fucking hell out of him for it.
"LOUUUUUU!!!!!"
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Tonight
Tonight is the night.
The night greatness is achieved.
The night revenge is taken.
The night the most sought-after rivalry of all time is renewed.
Tonight is the night that Canada proves themselves. Proves that they are, were, and will always be the best hockey team in the world. Proves that their 7th place finish in Turin four years ago was but a flaw, a simple dash in a seemless record. Proves that they have what it takes to win it all.
Tonight is the night Canada and USA face off against one another for the first time since 2006.
Sacrifices will be made.
Hope will be crushed.
There can only be one winner.
Do you believe in miracles?
No.
The night greatness is achieved.
The night revenge is taken.
The night the most sought-after rivalry of all time is renewed.
Tonight is the night that Canada proves themselves. Proves that they are, were, and will always be the best hockey team in the world. Proves that their 7th place finish in Turin four years ago was but a flaw, a simple dash in a seemless record. Proves that they have what it takes to win it all.
Tonight is the night Canada and USA face off against one another for the first time since 2006.
Sacrifices will be made.
Hope will be crushed.
There can only be one winner.
Do you believe in miracles?
No.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
It just hit me
It just hit me that Jonathan Toews made team Canada. It just hit me. Like, our Johnny. He's only 21. And he's really hot. And he made team Canada. Like, the best 20 or so Canadians in the world. And he's one of them. It just hit me.
Jonathan Toews. Captain of the Chicago Blackhawks. And he's only 21. And he's really hot. And now he's on team Canada. In the Olympics. Like, he made the team. The team that only the best canadians in the world make. And he made it. Therefore, if you've been paying attention, he is one of the best candians in the world. And not just of his age. Oh no. Of everyone.
It just hit me.
Jonathan Toews. Captain of the Chicago Blackhawks. And he's only 21. And he's really hot. And now he's on team Canada. In the Olympics. Like, he made the team. The team that only the best canadians in the world make. And he made it. Therefore, if you've been paying attention, he is one of the best candians in the world. And not just of his age. Oh no. Of everyone.
It just hit me.
THAT IS MY NAME, GENO GENO
DEAR DIARY...
THEY CALL ME GENO
THEY CALL ME RUSKY
THEY CALL ME MALKIN
THEY CALL ME MVP
THAT IS MY NAME
THAT IS MY NAME
THAT IS MY NAME
THAT IS MY NAME!
THEY THINK I'M QUIET
BUT I'M A ROIT
GENO, GENO
LET'S BRING THE STANLEY CUP BACK TO PITTSBURGH, PA!!
OH, THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE SONG
OVECHKIN SUCKS
O VECH KIN SUCKSSSS
LET'S GO PENS
LET'S GO PENS
LET'S GO PENS
LET'S GO PENS!
LET'S GO PENS
LET'S GO PENS
LET'S GO PENS
LET'S GO PENS!
THEY CALL ME GENO
THEY CALL ME RUSKY
THEY CALL ME MALKIN
THEY CALL ME MVP
THAT IS MY NAME
THAT IS MY NAME
THAT IS MY NAME
THAT IS MY NAME!
THEY THINK I'M QUIET
BUT I'M A ROIT
GENO, GENO
LET'S BRING THE STANLEY CUP BACK TO PITTSBURGH, PA!!
OH, THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE SONG
OVECHKIN SUCKS
O VECH KIN SUCKSSSS
LET'S GO PENS
LET'S GO PENS
LET'S GO PENS
LET'S GO PENS!
LET'S GO PENS
LET'S GO PENS
LET'S GO PENS
LET'S GO PENS!
Monday, February 15, 2010
WE GOT GOLD!
CANADA WON IT'S FIRST GOLD MEDAL ON HOME SOIL! WHOOWHOOWHOOOOO!
Alexandre Bilodeau was the one who did it, notching first place in the moguls. We all thought Cindy Klaussen was going to be the first in speed skating earlier that day, but she couldn't deliver. We got a bronze in that event, and the day before in women's moguls we got a silver. All in all, so far Canada has one of each, making us tied for third place in the medal standings. USA is unfourtunately in first place, but not for long. We have opened the floodgates to a shitload of gold medals that have yet to come!
On a more...melancholy note, Jonathan Cheechoo has been put on waivers for the Ottawa Senators. I guess we all knew it was going to happen eventually, but it stills hurts a little bit. It isn't a great feeling to have one of your supposed "top scorers" put away that you originally got to replace a top scoring douchebag you had before. We all thought he was going to do great things for the Senators. Guess not.
But screw this unhappiness. WE HAVE A FUCKING GOLD, CANADA!
Alexandre Bilodeau was the one who did it, notching first place in the moguls. We all thought Cindy Klaussen was going to be the first in speed skating earlier that day, but she couldn't deliver. We got a bronze in that event, and the day before in women's moguls we got a silver. All in all, so far Canada has one of each, making us tied for third place in the medal standings. USA is unfourtunately in first place, but not for long. We have opened the floodgates to a shitload of gold medals that have yet to come!
On a more...melancholy note, Jonathan Cheechoo has been put on waivers for the Ottawa Senators. I guess we all knew it was going to happen eventually, but it stills hurts a little bit. It isn't a great feeling to have one of your supposed "top scorers" put away that you originally got to replace a top scoring douchebag you had before. We all thought he was going to do great things for the Senators. Guess not.
But screw this unhappiness. WE HAVE A FUCKING GOLD, CANADA!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
The Wonder That is 26
I'd like to wish a rather bitter-sweet birthday to our favorite womanizer, Mr. Maxime Talbot. He is turning 26, and it is bitter-sweet in the sense that most hockey players tend to settle down and get married at that particular age. Jason Spezza, Colby Armstrong...those are just a couple of the numerous players who had decided to wed their spouces at the wonderfully aged year of 26. The years up to 26 are supposed to be your "party years", the days when you spend your time not worrying too much about anything expect for having fun and consuming way too much alcohol. It's a fun time, I'll tell you. But somehow, and I don't know what does it, the morning after a man's 26th birthday, there is a change that occurs. Something happens inside their small two-track minds that causes them to finally think about settling down. They suddenly think they're "old", and that the proper thing to do once you become "old" is to find a averagely pleasant, nice lady and pop the question. Funnily enough, that one question is something those girls have been dreaming about their entire lives, and something the guys probably haven't even thought about once.
Birthdays are usually a very exciting thing for me, filled with happiness and gratitude and hope for the future, but not today. I really do not want Maxime Talbot to get married this year. Max finally realizing that his destiny in life is to not to hook up with every girl in America would be a catastrophe, to say the least. Sure, we always talk about how gross and pig-like he is for all of those one-night-stands that he is so well known for, but really, it's what makes him who he is. Max without a different girl every night is like superman without his powers. He has the cape, and yet he cannot fly.
To sum up: Max, there is no need to start considering marriage. Find a girl, go out on a date, maybe keep her around for a little while, but take it slow. I think you need a little bit of real relashionship experience before you go all "wedding bells" on us. You are not old. You are simply maturing.
Happy birthday. Make it the best night of your life. Hire yourself some nice ladies to spend some time with. I'm sure there are some genius pranks waiting for you back at your house. Just a gift from the boys. Have a martini from me to top it off.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Olympics, Baby!
The Washington Capitals are coming to Ottawa for the last game in the Scotiabank Place before March 3rd. I know, it seems like the longest wait in the world right now, but there's gonna be a shitload of hockey ten times better in between. Just imagine: the best hockey players in the world battling it out on the ice. And it's in Canada. Bonus.
The Olympics are coming, baby.
The Olympics are coming, baby.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Steeeeeven
I believe yesterday was the birthday of Steven Stamkos.
I believe he is currently playing on the top line of the Tampa Bay Lighting.
Between Martin St-Louis and Ryan Malone.
A former penguin, I should mention.
I believe Steven Stamkos has one of the hardest and most accurate slap-shots in the NHL.
I believe he scores quite a bit.
Perhaps a goal a game.
I believe he is way too young to be as good as he is.
I believe he deserves a beer from me on his belated birthday.
Maybe two.
Happy birthday, dear Steven.
I believe you'll do great things.
If you don't aw at that, you're stone.
His stick is taller that he is, for crying out loud.
Friday, February 5, 2010
A Forgotten and Somewhat Insignificant Man
Oh, yeah.
Today was also Don Cherry's birthday. I'm not gonna tell you how old he is.
Have a good one, Grapes.
Today was also Don Cherry's birthday. I'm not gonna tell you how old he is.
Have a good one, Grapes.
Condolances
I just found out some really horrible news.
Brian Burke's son died today in a car accident.
And then the Leafs lost.
In a game they definitely should have won.
I feel really bad for Brian Burke.
Who, if you didn't know, is the Leafs GM.
Really bad.
What an awful, awful day.
Poor guy.
Brian Burke's son died today in a car accident.
And then the Leafs lost.
In a game they definitely should have won.
I feel really bad for Brian Burke.
Who, if you didn't know, is the Leafs GM.
Really bad.
What an awful, awful day.
Poor guy.
Dear Adam
Adam Burish:
Are you well yet? It's been quite a while, sir, I'd expect you to be back by now. What the hell was even wrong with you anyway that's made you miss the whole goddamn season? Chicago misses you. Sure, they were doing alright at first. Most sports anilisists even believed they were the best team in the NHL. But then they lost to Ottawa. And now Ottawa is on a 10 game winning streak. And now those fucktard sports anilisists are re-thinking things. Chicago needs an aggravator, Burs, and you're their man.
Get back to it.
Are you well yet? It's been quite a while, sir, I'd expect you to be back by now. What the hell was even wrong with you anyway that's made you miss the whole goddamn season? Chicago misses you. Sure, they were doing alright at first. Most sports anilisists even believed they were the best team in the NHL. But then they lost to Ottawa. And now Ottawa is on a 10 game winning streak. And now those fucktard sports anilisists are re-thinking things. Chicago needs an aggravator, Burs, and you're their man.
Get back to it.
Sorry, Tyler
Hey, Tyler Myers. You know you're very important to me. But, to tell you the truth, I didn't even know when the fuck you're goddamn birthday was. I'm so sorry. Here's to a belated twentieth, I hope you win rookie of the year.
He doesn't really seem to mind that I forgot his birthday. I hope he got drunk out of his mind and made a complete fool of himself in front of a bunch of dumb blond chicks who don't really give a shit one way or another as long as they get to say they fucked Tyler Myers on his birthday to all their slutty little friends who hang out at the clubs every night hoping to randomly bump into a hockey player and ruin his life.
He doesn't really seem to mind that I forgot his birthday. I hope he got drunk out of his mind and made a complete fool of himself in front of a bunch of dumb blond chicks who don't really give a shit one way or another as long as they get to say they fucked Tyler Myers on his birthday to all their slutty little friends who hang out at the clubs every night hoping to randomly bump into a hockey player and ruin his life.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Is Anybody Listening?
Jesus, have you seen the Sedins lately? Holy crap. The Sedin-Sedin-Burrows line is killing everybody. Henrik's really trying to make a point here. Maybe we should start listening.
Huh. Guess not.
Ovechkin, are you listening?
Huh. Guess not.
Wow. WTF, Mate.
Kay, Toronto and Calgary just fucking switched teams, man. They like took all their players and completely swapped them. They might as well have just traded jerseys. Wow.
Here's the deal: Toronto thinks they're all hot stuff now cause they got Jiggy and Dion. What they don't seem to realize is that Phaneuf has been almost completely off his game for a while now, and a move to another part of Canada is not gonna change that. And Giguere hasn't had much fame since he oblitereated the Sens in the Stanley Cup final in...2006/07, was it? He's not half-bad, I'll admit to that, but he ain't got what it take anymore. His time is over, I'm afraid. The Leafs also got their fair share of no-names, like Keith Aulie and Sjoatrom. If anyone knows how the fuck to pronounce that, by all means, run it by me.
They also thought it would be fun to get rid of a couple of their well-known men. Sure, throw Toskala over to Anaheim for Jiggy Giguere, no problem, we'll take it. But toss Jason Blake over there too? No way. That dude battled cancer, man. He's got guts. Guts, and strength. That's what you need on your team; someone who's fought through a disease. That's why Montreal was so stupid to let Koivu go. He had a type of power with him that one can only get from fighting through an illness that has no goddamn cure. Every team in the NHL needs one of those guys.
Calgary on the other hand, got Matt Stajan. Ah, Matty. Don't you wanna just spread him on a cracker? He's just so goddamn cute. Too bad his game's gone to shit. They also got a few other guys like Hagman and White, but really, do we even know who the hell those guys are anymore?
So, simply, to sum up this little Toronto trade adrenaline. BIG BUNCH OF SHIT FOR NOTHING. Toronto has the debth to become a great team in the future, they just need to build it up. Hopefully, this new addition and diminishment of players will have no effect on their outcome this season or the one after that. If there's one good thing that happened this trade, it's that the Leafs decided to keep Luke Schenn. That man has a god in him, I swear.
Calgary still has Cappy Canada. They'll be fine.
Ah, Jarome. You are a breath of fresh air in this bomb shelter we call the NHL.
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