We All Stand Poised on the Brink of Greatness

Anyone wanna see a hot picture?

Girls all over the world are having orgasms right now because of how hot this picture is. You know this.

Young & Stupid

**Haha. I just found this draft I hadn't finished writing about 3 million years ago. It made me laugh. Now, you get to read it too. You'll be able to place yourself perfectly in the time frame, don't even worry about it. Oh, I was so silly back then...**


Gahh. Tonight. Let me tell you bout tonight. Tonight, Eric Staal was in Ottawa. Tonight, Ovie was in Toronto. Tonight, Colby was in Montreal. Let me tell you bout tonight.

Let's start off in the Capital. Canes vs Sens. Ottawa was wearing their stupid SENS jerseys, and I immediately knew it wasn't going to be a good game. I mean, those jerseys. GOD. How can they show their faces in public wearing those things? They almost make the Habs' 1912-1913 zebra stripe barber pole retro uniforms look good.

Alright, so, retro Sens start off good, and, oh? Guess who gets a goal? Was it...

a) Cappy 'n Giggles


b)A spicy italian man

or

c) The guy who hasn't put one in in 16 games

That's right Kovalev, I'm talking about you. But don't look so hurt, it's a good thing. Because guess what happens next?

Its all tied up. Only a few minutes to go in the third. Both teams are bringing out their top guns.
And then.
And then.
And then.
Another AK27 goal.
W-O-W.

But wait.
There's more.
So.
The empty net.
Whats gonna happen.
Will E Staal score and tie up the game?
Or will the Sens redeem themselves once again?
Who knows?
I do.
I know.

Kovalev scores.
On the empty net.

He got a hat-trick, his first hat-trick as a Senator, and his 401st goal in the NHL. Yay, biiiiig celebration, right? Um, not so much. Kovalev smiles, skates off to the bench, and sits down. He looks at the fans, the fans who have yet to adore him, and his smile slowly fades. Why? Because he misses Montreal. If he had been playing for the Habitants when he scored this hat-trick, there would have been three million goddamn hats raining all over the goddamn rink. And what does he see here? A hat. One single hat, has made its way onto the ice surface. Kovalev is about to cry. Nothing is going right for him. He gets sent to play for this piece of shit team, and then the fans don't even accept him. He says one thing wrong, and all of a sudden he's "not fully commited to being here". He goes on a scoring drought. Wait, no. Not a scoring drought. A scoring and assisting drought. A scoring, assisting, and point-making drought. Hell, just a plain doing anything drought. But now he has broken it. He has scored three goals today. He has done good. And the fans can't even give him a few measly hats to celebrate? I'm sure, eventually, the fans realized what they were supposed to do, and began raining a couple more hats onto the ice. I mean, you can't blame them. They live in Ottawa. It isn't often they get to see someone get a hat-trick. They still aren't sure what to do.

Alright, so that's it. Ottawa wins, Carolina is screwed. Poor E. He's trying so hard, what with his new baby and all. I don't mean to be a downer, but there isn't a very big chance of him making the Olympic team with the effort his team is giving him. If his team can't do shit, he can't do shit. Poor, poor, miserable E.


**rolf rolf rolf :D**

An Easy Mistake to Make

I can't tell how much this picture made me laugh. Go on nhlol.blogspot.com for like, millions of hilarious pics like these.

What a Day

Alright. I need to tell you about three extremely monumental things that happened today:

1st- Sidney Crosby moved out of Mario Lemieux's house. Yes, it's true. He finally bought himself his own house to live in, after taking advantage of Mario's hospitalities ever since he came to the NHL. This event is long overdue, but hey, it's happening now. I'm thinking it's because he's deciding he wants to bring his gay partners home and he doesn't need some kids running around asking why there's some random naked dude wandering around the house. Just a theory. Sid also rejected an invitation to join Team Canada in the Worlds. I'm also associating this descision to his homosexuality.

2nd- Jared Staal, the youngest of all the Staal brothers, as you should already know, was drafted to Phoenix. But, what you don't know, is that today, he was traded to Carolina for a fifth round draft pick. Let me explain this to you in simpler terms: Jared Staal was traded to the same team as Eric Staal. Therefor, two Staal brothers will be playing on the same team. This is huger than Sportscentre is giving it credit for. Hence my current extatic state. They're going to be playing on the same team! Like, what the fuck? This never happens. Ever. I don't even know why they would do something like that, I mean Eric and Jared are 6 years apart. It's not like they have some special chemistry or something. Then again, maybe they do. Maybe it's like a shared-blood thing or something. They'd be like the Kostitsyns. Cept one Kostitsyn is probably done for his career, so he can't even be mentioned in the same breath as a family so incredible such as the Staals. Jesus, I can't even believe this. They might play on the same line someday. I can't even explain to you how much I'm not believing this right now. It's like one of those things where it's like impossible, yet it's possible, you know? This is huge.

3rd: Steven Stamkos, who is currently playing for Team Canada in the Worlds, is out for a possible concussion and will probably be out for the rest of the tournament. While this is suckish for him, it just happens to be un-suckish for a certain clutch god that we know and love very well who will be taking his place. Have you guessed who it is yet? Yes, it's Jordan Eberle. Good job. Kick ass, Messiah.

Shitting Bricks

Ladies and gentlemen; the playoffs.

Yes, they're finally here. All is done and decided, and, after a year of anxious await, we have our teams. Some of the results were suprising, yes, especially how the best of the brothers (E Staal) didn't make the post-season because of the shit team he's been stuck on, and how the "Bolts" didn't make it either even though they had a 50+ goal sophmore un-slumper.

But all is well. And do you know why? Because the Habs made it in. Yes, yes they did. Don't sound so surprised. I knew they were gonna make it the whole time. Sure, they gave us a few scares here and there, but hell. What's the regular season for if not for giving 15 year old girls heart attacks?

No, I didn't forget that Montreal has to play Washington. It's not a big deal. Sure, they're the top team in the world, but I believe in my Habitants. They can do anything if they set their minds to it. My prediction? A sweep. Habs in 4.

OTTAWA IS PLAYING PITTSBURGH! WHOOOOO! The Hockey Gods actually read my letter this year! I feel so proud. I'm going to one of their games. The fourth one, actually. I kind of hope the Pens sweep, so that's I'll be in the stands to witness Geno smile. That will make my entire life, I can assure you.

I feel bad for San Jose. They've scored so many goals this year that analysists have even gone to the extreme of saying that Joe Thornton might not even flop these playoffs because of his newly acquired personal douchebag (Dany Heatley). I laugh at those people. Once a post-season flop, always a post-season flop. Thornton has a notorious record for shitting a brick every time he steps on playoff ice. This isn't going to change. I don't even need to know who the Sharks are playing to be sure that they're going to fail miserably.

I don't really feel bad.

IMOW: E Staal

This has been the longest period of time I've ever been so close to Eric Staal.



I'm starting to build a greater appreciation for him. Don't worry, Jordan's still my favorite, but Eric is ranking pretty high at the moment. They show him on tv so much here, it's crazy. They just did an hour-long segment of In My Own Words: Eric Staal. Best. Hour. Of. Life. I swear to god, my eyes did not leave the screen for one minute. He did the entire interview in his own house, and he wasn't wearing any shoes. Or socks. So he was just sitting there, talking to a guy in a suit and dress shoes, with naked feet. I admire him for this, somehow. It shows strength and integrity.

A Staal Update

Greetings from South Carolina.

I got to watch all three Staal brothers play in one day yesterday. This is the first time this has ever happened to me. It was a life changing experience.

Jordan Staal is really hot. I've been noticing this especially lately. It's just the way that his hair is so smooth and wavy, and how his skin seems to stay just the right shade of tan even when he's on the ice. Alex Ponikarovsy's skin does this too. He is also very attractive. He is a wonderful new addition to our Pens. It's amazing that they managed to get him.

Eric Staal is getting too good. It's not right. He is speeding away from his brothers at an extraordinary rate. Its not that I don't want him to be good, really, I do, but it's all just happening too fast. Something happened this year that changed him.

Marc Staal is rapidly falling far behind. He was never truly as skilled as his offensive brothers, but at least he had some defending power. Now, he doesn't really do much. He doesn't connect passes too well, or catch them for that matter. He doesn't score, and he doesn't save goals. He hits people, but not as well as he used to. I blame his girlfriend. Did you know she's a supermodel? I think her name is Kat or something. She's foreign. Foreign and blond.

I miss Jared. He used to be good and full of potential. Now, he's fallen off the map. He no longer lives on the face of this Earth. He lives in...(GASP!) the AHL. Duh Duh DUH. I liked it better when he played on the same team the Marc used to. I feel bad for that team, kind of, though. They got the worst two of the four Staal bros. Unlucky sons of bitches.

Pitt won against Boston and Zdeno, Carolina won against Atlanta and Mr. Armstrong, and the Rangers lost to Buffalo and Tyler Myers. Pauvre, pauvre Marc.

As If

As if Jonathan Toews scored the first goal.

As if Corey Perry got a face-full of Ryan Malone stick.

As if he came back and scored minutes later.

As if USA scored and kept it to a 1 goal lead.

As if Canada held that lead for the rest of the game.

As if it wasn't actually the whole rest of the game.

As if Parise scored with 24 seconds left.

As if they completely pulled a Jordan Eberle crunch moment.

As if they stole that from us.

As if the intermission between the third and over-time was 15 minutes long.

As if the over-time period was a full twenty minutes.

As if they had to play four-on-four for a full period.

As if they kept us holding our breath for so long.

As if we scored.
As if we scored.
As if we scored.

As if SIDNEY CROSBY was the one who put it in.

As if it wasn't even a nice goal.

As if his mouth can open that wide.

As if he threw off his helmet.

As if we tackled each other to the ground.

As if we didn't even give a shit about being sportsman-like.

As if we didn't even give a shit about the USA crying in the corner.

As if we didn't even give a shit about anyone else at that moment.

As if 22 million people were watching that moment.

As if Sidney Crosby will forever be remembered for that moment.

As if Jonathan Toews was a part of that moment.

As if Eric Staal was a part of that moment.

As if the best goalie in the history of hockey was sitting on the bench for that moment.

As if that moment actually happened.

As if this all actually happened.

As if we made history.

As if it were in Canada.

As if we won.

Great Things

What a day yesterday was, eh? A gold, two silvers and a bronze. We almost had a sweep in Women's Two-Man Bobsleigh (they should really consider changing that name), getting a gold and a silver. If only we had had a third Canadian group, then we might've knocked USA off the podium.

But we did get a bronze in Women's 5000 meter Speed Skating, with Clara Hughes in her final race of her life getting on the podium and setting an oval record in the process. Of course, her record was broken in the next two runs, but who cares? Everyone remembers the first guy who ran the 4 minute mile, not the other six guys who did it later that same week. We were the ones who opened the floodgates. And boy, what a flood.

And then we got another silver in short track speed skating Team Pursuit, in which we originally got third place but Korea, being the incredible cheaters that they are, got disqualified, bumping China up to first and us up to second. USA, who had come last in that race, got the bronze medal, which I think is extremely unfair, considering how far they were behind the pack the entire race.

All in all, yesterday=great day. And speaking of great things, how much of a great year is Eric Staal having? He lost to his brother in his push for the Stanley Cup last year, but that didn't seem to postpone the amazing time he was going to have next. First, he has a son. Yeah, big deal, I guess. And then he gets invited to the Olympic training camp, along with Jordan and Marc. And then he makes the Olympic team. And then the captain of the Carolina Hurricanes leaves, and he gets named captain. ...Right, so what have we got so far? Baby, Olympic, "C". Okay, and then, as if that weren't enough, he get's put on the top line at the Olympics between two of the best players who have ever lived, Jarome Iginla and Sidney Crosby. And then he produces. And now he's going into the semis. And then probably the finals. And if everything keeps going like it's been going for him, he'll have an Olympic Gold Medal to his name, right next to Lord Stanley which he won a few years ago.

Yeah, I'd say Eric Staal's having a pretty good year.

Happy Birthday E Staal!

And for the third brotherhood birthday of this blog, I present to you (drumroll, please).... Mr. Eric Staal! A married man, E has just today turned 25 years old, and is beginning his first year of parenthood! Funnily enough, many of E's most favorite celebrations just happen to be centered around the same time in the year: his anniversary, which takes place on August 3rd, which just happens to be two days before my birthday, his brother Jordan's birthday, on September 10th, his just-over-a-month-old son's birthday, on September 22nd, his own birthday, today, and finally, Halloween. Oh, how those hockey players love to dress up.

Yeah. Anyway, not the point of this post. The point of this post is to wish Eric Staal the very best on his birthday. Dude, you're halfway to fifty. Enjoy this year. If you get one more puck in the ear, you won't even live to see your next one. Please don't die. We all love you too much.

Because I'm Leaving

I'm just putting this here because I'm going to Quebec City tomorrow, and I wanted to leave you guys with something while I'm gone. Take it home with you, chew it. Don't worry, I'll be back in four days :)

This is Eric Staal and his wife Tanya at their wedding. Look, you can almost see the speech bubble coming out of his mouth the says, "What the fuck have I gotte myself into?"

Oh, see, there it is.

Bee tee dub, those were my mad Paint skills at work. It took me litterally half an hour to make that little speech bubble, no joke. And also, what is it with these hockey player weddings and the vintage cars? I mean, we know you have money guys, you don't need to rub it in our faces. Jason Spezza had one too! His was a vintage Rolls Royce, but who's keeping track of useless little informations like that? No one. Except for me. That's why I don't have any friends. Except for you guys. You guys are my friends. Does anyone even read this thing? Because if not, I've litterally been talking to no one for the past six months. Ahh shit.

Baby Staal! Baby Staal!

I can't believe I'm so late on this. I've been waiting for this all summer, ever since I found out that Eric knocked (nocked?) up Tanya. It is still called knocked up if they're married? Anyway, I knew he was gonna be born some time in September but I didn't know what day, and then Wikipedia posts that it happened last tuesday! And I missed it! Oh well, its six days late, but here it is.

CONGRATS! The newborn, Parker Lucas Staal, wieghed in at 7lbs 14oz, which I think is pretty decent, dont you? He'll need another 200lbs on there if he wants to live up to the expectations of the fans he'll already have by the time he's 18. Way to go Eric, you're a father, at 24 too, which is pretty damn impressive. I thought you were wayyyyyy too young to get married, even now, with a two year anniversary under your belt. I just hope you know you're leaving your wife with a hell of a job to do, it'll almost be like she's a single mother, what with you being away all the time and all. I'm sure she can handle it, I hear she's a doll. Marc, Jordan and Jared, you're uncles, men. Step up to the task, take the lead. Babysit. Burp. Change those diapers. Don't be wusses, drink the damn brest-milk. It'll take some oreos at first, but soon you'll get the hang of it. It tastes like catelope juice, just ask Sidney Crosby. He'll know that from Friends, just like I do. Oh, the joys of parenthood.

Also, Baby Staal, or Parker (geez, he could've chosen a better name, dontcha think?), you have the honnor of being born on the same day as Mark Johnson, along with many others. For those of you who haven't seen Miracle, Mark Johnson was the star of the USA team at the Olympics. He was great. I hope BStaal can live up to that.

Congratulations Staal family, and good luck. Take my best. Henry and Linda, you're too young to be grandparents.

Baby Staal

First of all, I'd just like to let everyone know that Eric Staal is expecting a child this month. I don't know what the gender is or exactly when it's due this month, but I'm hoping it's gonna be a boy. You know, carry on the Staal hockey tradition and all that. Congrats Eric, you're way too young to be a father. And it's irresponsible of you to throw the tough task of uncle on all your young brothers' shoulders. They can't handle it; Marc is working his ass off to be the third in his family to win a Stanley Cup, he doesn't have the time! And he's got his girlfriend to worry about aswell! She's a model, she's bound to be getting in loads of trouble. And Jordan just won Stanley, he's busy basking in the glory of his recent feat. Parties, clubs, bars...not quite the environment to raise a child in! And imagine the example he'd set for little baby Staal! Oh, it hurts to even think about it. And don't even get me started on Jared. He's only nineteen, still getting used to the fact that he can drink publicly without worrying about making himself a fake ID. All not to mention how overwellmed he must feel about his new spot on the Coyotes. That team is all over the place, I don't even understand whats going on anymore with Balsillie and crap. And little Jared has to move away from home! How sad. Geez Eric, you could have waited a couple more years a least to try for a child, no one is even close to being ready for it. Unless is happened out of wedlock. Then it isn't your fault, and I apologize for all this blame I must've put on you.

Happy Birthday Jared!

Alright, I know I'm a bit late, but I'd like to wish a belated happy birthday to Mr. Jared Staal! He just turned 19 yesterday, which makes him officially legal, in Canada that is. I want to buy him a beer. But I'm sure his brothers took care of that for me. Not that he hasn't been drinking for years already, but you can't blame him. His older brothers haven't exactly been the greatest role models for him, I mean Jordan got arrested for underaged drinking and Eric spent a night in jail for like misorderly conduct or something against a police officer...I dunno. I'm getting off track. So, without further adue, I'd like to wish Jared a very very very special birthday.

Staal

Okay, since I seem to be on somewhat of an honest streak, I think it's only fair that you learn all about my Staals. The truth is, I love them. They should all freaking have their own loonie to be engraved on. I'm serious. THERE ARE FOUR OF THEM! Geez. How often does that happen? Four brothers in the NHL all at the same time. That never happens EVER. NEVER.




Awwwww. And, to top it off, they're freakin awesome. Well, I don't know about Jared yet, but so far the first three are pretty damn amazing. Eric is my favorite. I'd just like to point that out, before we get into anything else. I had plans. I had plans for Eric Staal and I. We were gonna make the greatest couple of all time, but then I found out he was married. Yeah. Ouch. I always knew he got arrested, but I had no idea it was at his bachelor party. I blame his wife for that. I blame her for giving Eric and Jordan a record. I hate her. I hear she's really nice though. Speaking of giving Jordan a record, have you seen his mug shot? Geez, that is SOME gelled down hair-do. I mean seriously, I've heard of buisiness in the front, party in the back, but not buisiness all around. Especially at a BACHELOR party. I wonder if they had a stripper.



Yikes. But take a look at Eric's mug shot. That's hotness right there. That's the last picture there is of him before he got married. I'm dying inside as I write this. But, on a brighter note, he looks extremely good in all of the other pics there are of him. Anywhere. Trust me, I dare you guys to e-mail me a picture of Eric Staal that doesn't look good. el-vidge@hotmail.com

I don't feel right making fun of Jordan's hair. Besides, he just won the Stanley Cup, and he was so young and naive, he didn't knonw any better. He does now. I absolutely LOVED his playoff hair. He had the kind of tough guy look going on. Unfortunately, he's taken as well, not in the sickness and health type of way, but he still has a girlfriend, and I hear she's a sweatheart also. What is with these Staal boys and nice girlfriends? One of my favorite things to do is make fun of hockey players' girlfriends, and now I can't even do that. What is the world coming to? Anyway, speaking of Lord Stanley, sorry I couldn't make a post for that, I was just so completely speechless. It was the best day of my life. I swear. I still can't discuss it without getting excited. Follow this link though, this is my friend Gabby's blog, and it's like my life. Well, it was, before I got this thing here. http://underdogobsession.wordpress.com/category/lord-stanley/
This picture just makes my life even more. You'll come to notice that a lot of things make my life. I also want a lot of things to be engraved on the loonie someday. That was kind of the point of this blog in the first place...



That's Eric. Isn't that just the cutest thing you've ever seen? I wish I was the Stanley Cup. I really really do. Do you know how many hot hockey players kiss that thing? Damn strait.
This is just to end this wonderful post. It's probably my favorite saying of all time.