Ahahhaha

Human Lightning Bolt

Hahahahahahahahhahahahaha

It's Time

What a heartbreak. But, you know, I can't say that I'm too shaken up about it. I'm definitely disappointed, of course. My two teams out in the same night. It was rough. But I knew from the start what the outcome was going to be. I mean, who were we kidding; a Pittsburgh without Crosby and Malkin wasn't going to last. And in a way this is better, because it gives Sid time to recuperate over the summer and get back to full form instead of joining in during the playoffs and possibly ending his career forever!

ALSO, the Habs gave us a good show. A great one, even. I almost shit my pants that entire game. PK Subban is my hero. His post-goal celebration (or lack thereof) made my life. And Carey Price is a tank. This time last year, we were worshiping Halak. Funny how things go.

Also, did anyone else catch the video of Chara drinking a bottle of coke on the bench in the middle of the third? I laughed. Chara's a bitch, but he has his moments.

Okay so, now that my top three votes have been eliminated, who to go for? Chicago was a predictable loss, by the way. We all knew this would happen, the moment they made their first trade after they won the cup last year, we knew it. I was happy, though, that they lost to a respectable team. The Vancouver Canucks. Canadians, nonetheless. Okay, thats it. I'm going for Vancouver. No questions asked, problem solved. I mean, the lightning JUST won the thing in like 08. They've had their turn. It's time for Canada to lift this cup again.

Canucks in 4.

Kovalchuk Finally Makes a Move, Gagne to Bolts

There are two new changes to report. I'm going to use bullets.

• Ilya Kolvalchuk has finally made a deal. After about the longest wait of all time, special little Ilya has finally cracked a roster. They called it, "A Deal With The Devil". He's going back to New Jersey, the move everyone suspected he would make, but what we didn't expect was the monster deal he would conduct. 102 million over 17 years. Holy fuck. Those are big numbers. He's going to get paid until he's 44 years old. Can you say Chris Chelios?

• Philedelphia star Simon Gagne got traded away to Tampa. Whoo! I'm cheering because I'm hoping this will mark the beginning of the decay of the Flyers franchise. Simon sounded super duper excited to be a part of the Lightning, saying he was anticipating playing with the likes of Vincent Lecavalier, Steven Stamkos and Martin St-Louis. It's funny because Vinny didn't even play on that top line last season, and I didn't hear Ryan Malone's name being mentioned anywhere in there. No problem. Stammers' rep with help old Bugsy out. I wonder if they still call him Bugsy over there in the sunny place. They better. God, I miss when we had two Ryans on our team. We would call them "The two Ryans". *sigh*

Also, Jason Spezza's still in Ottawa, just in case anyone's still interested.

Shitting Bricks

Ladies and gentlemen; the playoffs.

Yes, they're finally here. All is done and decided, and, after a year of anxious await, we have our teams. Some of the results were suprising, yes, especially how the best of the brothers (E Staal) didn't make the post-season because of the shit team he's been stuck on, and how the "Bolts" didn't make it either even though they had a 50+ goal sophmore un-slumper.

But all is well. And do you know why? Because the Habs made it in. Yes, yes they did. Don't sound so surprised. I knew they were gonna make it the whole time. Sure, they gave us a few scares here and there, but hell. What's the regular season for if not for giving 15 year old girls heart attacks?

No, I didn't forget that Montreal has to play Washington. It's not a big deal. Sure, they're the top team in the world, but I believe in my Habitants. They can do anything if they set their minds to it. My prediction? A sweep. Habs in 4.

OTTAWA IS PLAYING PITTSBURGH! WHOOOOO! The Hockey Gods actually read my letter this year! I feel so proud. I'm going to one of their games. The fourth one, actually. I kind of hope the Pens sweep, so that's I'll be in the stands to witness Geno smile. That will make my entire life, I can assure you.

I feel bad for San Jose. They've scored so many goals this year that analysists have even gone to the extreme of saying that Joe Thornton might not even flop these playoffs because of his newly acquired personal douchebag (Dany Heatley). I laugh at those people. Once a post-season flop, always a post-season flop. Thornton has a notorious record for shitting a brick every time he steps on playoff ice. This isn't going to change. I don't even need to know who the Sharks are playing to be sure that they're going to fail miserably.

I don't really feel bad.