The Ones the Sens Let Get Away and Counting

So, um, I'm thinking we should start a "The Ones the Sens Let Get Away and Counting". Because I'm sensing there's more to come. Okay, here we go.

1. Mike Fisher -Nashville

2. Chris Kelly -Boston

3. Brian Elliott -Colorado

4. Jaarko Ruutu -Anaheim

Um. Yeah, okay, I think I got them all. Um. But there'll be more. I'm sure. My prediction is that the next one to go will be Chris Philipps. You can quote me on that.

I Do Not Believe This is Real. I Know it is Real. I'm Just Choosing Not to Believe it.

Mike Fisher is traded to Nashville.

Another Movie Star In The Making

If you haven't seen this vid yet I'd suggest it.
Yes, that is Mike Fisher. Well done.

Mama's Song -Carrie Underwood

Don't you love how the chorus is "He's good, so good"? Wonder what she's referring to, eh? Well done, Fish. Keep that girl satisfied.

Read this, it is fucking hilarious and so untrue and so unwritten by me.

Carrie Underwood Not Pregnant Yet

Sources close to Carrie Underwood and Mike Fisher, wed last month in a lavish ceremony at a Georgia resort, report that the couple have not yet conceived a child, but left open the possibility that they may do so at some point in the future.

“The child, when and if it arrives, could be either male or female, and will likely have blond, brown, black, or red hair. If healthy, it should weigh between 6 and 10 pounds and measure about 20 inches long,” said one of our sources. “We don’t yet know if the boy or girl will have any singing aspirations, but expect Carrie and Mike to be totally supportive either way.”

No word on possible names so far, but we like Clark for a boy and Mary for a girl. We’d also settle for a unisex option like Tracy.

On internet message boards, Underwood’s lack of pregnancy – despite having been happily married for well over five weeks – has some fans debating her fertility relative to fellow pop-country singer Taylor Swift. “taylor writes her own songs and shes SO MUCH MORE FERTILE than Carrie,” offered one anonymous fan. “As soon as TAYLOR is married, shell be popping out kids like nobodys business!!! Carries insides are like a barren dessert!!!”

More on this story as it develops.

The Green marks my favorite part. Roflcopter.

We Goin' On A Cruise

COLBY HAD A CHILD! COLBY HAD A CHILD! COLBY FREAKING ARMSTRONG HAD A FUCKING KID!!!!

This almost makes up for everything that's gone wrong with Chicago.
...almost.

Aw, fuck. I cannot go through this again. Not again. Colby Armstrong named his kid Cruise. CRUISE! Cruise Samson Armstrong. W-O-W.

Love Colby. Looooove him. He's growing up. I can't believe this. He's getting so mature and old. He's such an oldie. Everyone's getting married and having kids. It sucks. Except when it's Army. Because he makes good descisions. Mel is good for him. But God. First Spezz gets married. And then he has a child. And then Colby has a child. And now Mike Fisher and Carrie Underwood are getting married.

Oh, did I forget to mention? Yeah, the happy couple are having the wedding tomorrow. In Georgia. At some insanely expensive golf resort. It was supposed to be a secret location. But it came out in the paper this morning. LOLZ. And did you know she's changing her name to Fisher? Can you believe that? Carrie Fisher. Whattafail.

Anyway, that's it for today. Let's sum up, shall we? Colby's got a baby, named Cruise. Mel=good wife. Spezz is still suckish, and Carrie Fisher is pregnant with Mike's baby.

The Hockey Player's Guide: How to Make a Girl Swoon

I would just like to make something known to the world today.

Mike Fisher high-fived me at the New Jersey game. No, not one of those fake air high-fives from the ice, he actually high-fived me, like, hand to hand contact. Well, no. My hand to his glove contact. Which makes it like fifteen times better.

See, I went to where the players come out of the dressing room and walk out onto the ice, and I stuck my hand out to see if any of the guys would maybe make my day. The first half just...didn't. Maybe it was because I was wearing my Kris Letang jersey to the game. I made a point to make myself known as a Penguins fan. I got booed. It was awesome.

Anyway, most of the Senators ignored me, and my outstreched hand. But then the future Mr. Carrie Underwood waltzed out, almost completely oblivious to everything around him and 100% in his zone. He did not see my Leswoon jersey. He did not look up to make sure I was a Sens fan. He simply stuck out his glove, without even glancing in my direction, and taped his hand against mine. And, with that, just about my whole life was made. He gave my life meaning.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. I was jubilant after that; I was the happiest person in the world. Nothing could rain on my parade. A pimp could spit in my mouth and I wouldn't care. So I didn't care much when Jason Spezza walked out. I still had my hand out, you know, just in case, and also because I was in so much after-shock from the Mike Fisher touching that I became momentarily paralyzed. Spezza, obviously, being the caring and excrutiatingly friendly man that he is, decided to make my day/week/year/life even better. No, he did not high-five me. He lifting up his stick, blade first, and touched my hand with it. With his stick.

So, to sum up: Mike Fisher glove and Jason Spezza blade. My left had shall never be washed again. And also, I was on TV. I was sitting directly behind the space between the two benches, where the camera dude films the game and all that, and he decided to turn it on me. I don't know why he did it, he knew I was wearing a Pittsburgh jersey after all. But, either way, he had his camera on me for about ten seconds. I didn't look at it, so from the TV it might look as if I were completely oblivious to the whole thing, but I knew. Oh, I knew.



Congratulations on the freakishly long winning streak, by the way, Ottawa. It is getting kind of old. You've already beaten the best team in the league, the best players in the league, and now the best goalie in the history of the NHL. Way to go. You can stop now. Please. It's annoying.

For the Love of God

I just found out that Jesse Winchester, of the Ottawa Senators if you didn't know which you really should, has a really cool nickname. They call him "The Lane Finder". How awesome is that? He isn't even fully on the team, he keeps switching back from Binghamton to Ottawa and back again. That must be tough. It sucks that they make the farm teams so far away from the actual NHL team. Someone should look into that. If not for me, for our good friend Jesse. He isn't even really a part of the team and they still give him a nickname. How great is that? That really shows how loving and caring and giving and recieving and open-minded and greatful and manly and humble and nice the Ottawa Senators are. Hell, they kicked Buffalo's ass the other night without two of their best players! That, ladies and gentlemen, shows depth. The Sens have a depth like you have never seen. If they're missing a big goalscorer, like when Dany Douchebag Heatley ditched during the summer and completely screwed over two NHL franchises, they have people step up to take the plate. Like Mike Fisher. He is having the greatest season of his life, not to mention his new fiance with the million dollar engagement ring. And when the Sens are missing a big hitter, like when Chris Neil was out for a while and we thought all hope was lost, BAM! Matt Carkner. There are even debates now that Matt Carkner could even beat Chris Neil in a cage fight. That's huge! So, when Ottawa lost Jason Spezza, they didn't cry! Well, most of them didn't. You know, I'm not counting myself in all of this. But anyway, they weren't upset because they knew that their team had the depth to make up for their loss and come out on top in any situation. They were on top of the world, they could conquer anything! Well, that was all until that faithful (fateful?) night about a week ago when they got their asses handed to them on a silver plater by the defending Stanley Cup champions. They lost their captain, they lost their dignity, and, worst of all, they lost their hope. There was no hope for their next game that they had to play against the Buffalo Sabres. They didn't have Alfredsson, a fearless leader and an amazing play-maker with a killer shot, and they didn't have Spezza, someone who hasn't really been on his game the past two seasons (something I have and will always to continue to blame on his wife) but a stand-up guy all the same. The poor little Senators didn't know what to do! They were lost and confused; they knew they needed to depend on someone, but who? Not Kovalev...sure, he's a great hockey player; he has amazing hands and a snipe that could rip right through Brian Miller's glove, but he's not dependable. Hell, they needed someone consistent, someone who they could count on to do what was best in the time when it matterd most. Someone, someone like Fisher. Yes, he would be their captain, he would be their leader. He would be the one to lead them into the abiss. Or would he? Would he continue to do what he's been doing all season long? Would he make the passes, take the hits, and rack up the points? Or would he crash and burn? We've seen it happen many-a-time before; you're only hope in the world fail on you in your time of need. Maybe it's all the preasure. You know, it's really hard to funtion when a whole city of caffeine-crazed hockey fans is depending on you. Maybe that's Kovalev's problem. Well, we'll never know for sure, but I have a theory about him. When we're all excited, we're thinking, "Good, we've got Alexei Kovalev, he'll replace Dany Heatley no problem, he'll solve all our problems." That's when things will go wrong! That's when he'll crash and burn! See? When we give up on him completely, when we say, "Jesus Christ, we've made the biggest mistake of our lives, bringing this turd on the team. He can't do shit for anybody!" That's when he'll shine! Don't you guys get it yet? That's why he's so inconsistent! Wow, I'm just one kid and I figured that out. You'd think the greatest hockey minds in the world would be able to figure it out too. I mean, if the game against Buffalo wasn't enough proof for you, I don't know what else to give. Kovalev was amazing that game. He kicked ass. In the "stud" and "dud" report in the newspaper yesterday, he was the stud! Kovalev is a great hockey player, and don't you ever forget it!



Wow, what the hell was I talking about here?

I Promised Myself I Wouldn't Cry

So I'm sure you've all heard the news. Mike Fisher and Carrie Underwood, the couple of the year, are finally engaged. No, I didn't cry. It wasn't at all like the Jason Spezza//Jennifer Snell situation. I am extremely happy for Mikey. This relationship is literally my favorite one of all time. They are perfect for each other, in every single way. I love them. Chris Neil will be the best man, and Carrie will chose one of her favorite country singer friends to be her maid of honor, and Jason Spezza won't show up. He will have been invited, but he won't fly all the way to Nashville because his wife is so damn clingy that she won't let him leave her side for more than three seconds. That is how this wedding is going to go down.
All I'm asking for is that you will have the wedding in Ottawa. Please. I didn't get to go to Spezz's, please, just do this one thing for me. I love you guys. I'll bring country music!