"Maybe you shouldn't drink so much on an empty stomach." ..."Maybe you should wear makeup if you're gonna act like my mother."

Pittsburgh streak is still going.
Patrick Kane is out for 3 weeks + for a lower body leg/ankle/idontreallyknow injury.
Alex Ovechkin is virtually non-existant.
My hockey pool sucks because my two best players are a) out for 3 weeks with a lower body injury or b) virtually non-existant. My father got first pick and inevitably chose Sidney Crosby. My mother, having the second pick, instead of opting for the next best player on the list, the Great Eight, chose Dany Heatley. She doesn't know who he is. She doesn't know a thing about hockey. Sad thing is, she's beating me. I'm actually the loser out of all four members of my family at the moment. I got last pick, so I gues it's only natural that I should be lagging behind. Wondering, perhaps, being fourth to pick, how I ended up with the most talented player in the league? My sister has tremendous faith in her heroes. She picked Steven Stamkos. She is currently in second place, mere inches behind my Sid the Kid lead father. And my lonely Alex Ovechkin captained fantasy hockey team is stuck in last, dwindling in the ever-present fear of retribution :) NO ONE LEAVES MY TEQUILA WORM DANGLING IN THE WIND! -Antonio Banderas

Toews and Kane MODEL IT OUT

Loooooooooook :)

Johnny and Patty Pics

And there's more :D

Johnny Bauer Vid

NAHA...Night Hawks?

I've been away at hockey in Vermont which=me unfortunately missing the most important month in the hockey off-season. Let me recap to you what has happened in August.


Sidney Crosby turns 23. This is fucking huge. This is fucking huge every single year.
And he just keeps getting hotter.

Ken Dryden and Brett Hull both age, as well as Bobby Clarke. Marty Turco, one of the newest members of our Chicago Blackhawks, also gets older. Today is Shea Weber's birthday, which to be honest, I don't really care about.

Soon to come, Carey Price turns 23 despite his unfortunate lack of success. On the 17th, someone named Pete Peeters will turn one year older. I totally respect whichever parent came up with that name. The Last Song also comes out on DVD on this day. On the 23rd, Mike Green and Jarkko Ruutu have birthdays and on the 29th Antti Niemi celebrates his first brithday as a homeless man. So sad, Chicago fucked you up. And finally, the last day of this wonderful month is especially special, so said because it holds the births of Jean Beliveau, Ryan Kesler, Scott Niedermayer and a guy named Blake Wheeler which is certainly quite an unfourtunate last name.

On NHL news, John Madden has been transfered to Minnesota. I don't even give a shit anymore. Patrick Kane had his day with the cup, and he did some shit in Buffalo and then at the Niagra Falls that made the papers, what else is new...ah! The Hawks re-signed Jordan Hendry. Who is the fuck is Jordan Hendry? Who knows. But apparently he was a free agent. And apparently they figured he was the priority the sign as oppose to oh, I dunno, maybe Big Buff. Or Even Niemi? Who knows. Who FUCKING KNOWS.

Another Shot

Younger Versteeg

Hopefully the Hawks will hold on to this one, we've already lost one Verbeauty. And from the article, I feel as though we lost the better one, both talent-wise and in personality. Ah, well. You can only stay angry for so long. I just feel bad for people like Kaner and Toews and Sharpie who are still on that sorry team. Chicago is a lost cause, and their careers are plummeting right down with them. Hopefully the organisation will smarten before they lose the rest of their stars.

And no, I do not feel bad for Hossa. He has not earned my sympathy.

SAY WHAT?! part 2

Here's another installment of SAY WHAT?!, a once used segment on Loonie Engraved. But just before we begin, there's something I'd like to say.

"I'm going to make a speech today. Some of you will like it, and some of you will not. But if there's one thing that I've learned over the past year, it's that all of you will applaud."

-Colin Laroche, 2010

*you should know that I didn't make the majority of these, you don't have to blame me*

Burish vs Pronger

So, what you gotta do, is first you gotta watch this video.

Adam Burish About Chris Pronger

And then you gotta watch this video.

Chris Pronger about Adam Burish


Now I think you should know that I'm fully impartial to this. I have both of their autographs so they're equal to me. But I'm tacking in your tallies. Who do you think have a more legit response? Who do you think owned who harder? Who do you think embarrassed themselves the most? This is some intense beef we got going on here, folks. This is Burish vs Pronger. I'm tacking your tallies. Your comments will be registered.

Here's a third video, you will laugh your pants off, guaranteed. Notice Soupy singing along with Verbeauty in the background. Notice Kaner lower his un-mulleted head in shame. Notice how he makes references to two of his cyberspace failures in one quote, referring to both the limo incident and the cab incident. Also, notice at the end yet another snidbit of the same fight we saw earlier. And remember why we love these boys so much. We do. We really, really do.

Stanley Cup Parade

Playoff Mullets

**The video that'll start playing when you open the link is not the one intended for you to see. The one you'll laugh at until you puke is the video above it**

First step: Watch this video.

Second step: Watch the video again.

Third step: Show your friends.

Fourth step: When they don't laugh with you, take the computer away from them.

Fifth step: Watch the video for a third time by yourself.

Sixth step: Shake your head in pity and amusement.

Seventh step: Realize that this is why we love the Blackhawks so much.

Business in the Front, Party in the Back, Baby

Thank you, Patrick. You've just made our lives that much more enjoyable.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/13/patrick-kanes-blackhawks_n_536363.html

SAY WHAT?!

I've decided to start a new segment here to celebrate the opening of our new design. It's called: "SAY WHAT?!"

I know. I totally came up with the title all by myself. So here's how it works: I take a seemingly normal picture, and then turn it into something somewhat comedic and humiliating. I've decided to use a few of my favorites at the beginning, since you know I love to make fun of them so much.

And here we go.

P-Kane and Johnny T:

Bobby-lu:

Geno Geno<3>

Scaredy-cat Ref:

The Great Eight:

Mad Maxy:

Thank you, radom slutty fan. You have granted us the gift of laughter.

Sorry honey, we are not laughing with you:

Cappy Sid Vicious:

Dumb Ref impersonating Denis from SlapShot:

Flower:

J Staal:

ZOMG

Guys, big big big news!

First of all, Grey's Anatomy tomorrow night! Yay! I cannot get over my obsession for that show.

Second, and more importantly, the Pens are in town! They're playing Ottawa tomorrow night, and that means that they flew in today. Can you imagine? Geno is probably begging Gonch to drive him to Fratellis at this exact moment so he can load up on the best Spaghetti in town before the game tomorrow. Jordan Staal is probably planning a sneeky date with one of the Ottawian puckbunnies that he has on speed dial in case of emergency. Because it's true, all hockey players do cheat. Even if they're in love. Kris is probably beginning his pre-game day ritual by combing his gorgeous Sex Hair exactly 100 times. Soon he will remember that he can no longer do that, because he chopped it all off and there is nothing left. But I'm not bitter. Sid is probably sitting cross-legged on the floor of his hotel room repetedly chanting his always faithful maintra: "I am The Next One. Mario will always have my back. I will not cry at the game tomorrow. Colby still thinks of me as much as I think of him. I will show absolutely no emotion in any of my interviews. Ovechkin is a loser. I will not cry at the game tomorrow." And Max...well, Max is probably crying over the fact that he still can't play and filling the empty hole where hockey usually is by banging every chick in town.

On a happier note, tomorrow is also Patrick Kane's birthday! Happy 21st, Pat! Underdog Obsessed will buy you a beer for me, since I will be kind of busy that night watching Pittsburgh kick Ottawa's loser asses.

Oh, and one more thing. Siddo hoisted the Olympic Flame today. Well, he ran, while hoisting it. It was pretty epical. We were all really excited for him. All the videos were pretty crappy, so I didn't wanna disgrace the dignity of this blog by putting them up here, but you're welcome to go on youtube and search for them yourself. I'd turn your volume on low; the sirens are crazy loud.

Thursday is gonna be a big day.

Summer Scandals

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted, there's just nothing really that's been going on lately that I'm interested in writing about. So far, only two moderately interesting things have happened this summer: the Heatly scandal, and the Patrick Kane scandal.

I'll begin first explaining why I haven't figured it necessary to talk about our current least favorite Kelowna occupant. Heatly is a douchebag, as I'm sure you already know. He doesn't backcheck, pass, play hard in the offensive zone, and, despite his size, can't throw a bodycheck. He throws muffins, like Sidney Crosby. The only difference is that Sid actually has a work ethic, and actually cares about his fans, his team and his organization. In other words, Heater macks off of his teammates and gets all the credit. He stands in the offensive zone and watches while Spezza and Alfie and all his other linemates work their asses off, waits for a perfect pass and bangs in the slap shot. The only things he is exceptionally good at are shooting, and standing still. I don't think I've ever seen him skate the length of the ice. Well, that's a bit of an exageration, but you know what I mean.
I haven't talked about Dany Heatly's trade request from the Sens because he is a selfish son of a bitch who doesn't care about anyone but himself. Listen for yourself: http://www.nhl.com/ice/podcastplayer.htm?pid=207&iid=14996
He is emotionless. He is saying he cares, but his tone of voice contradicts him. That's all I'm saying. I never really liked Heater; Spezz would get blamed every time something went wrong, even if it wasn't his fault, and wouldn't get the credit for all the goals he gave his linemate. This trade request was just icing on the cake for me.

Alright, now for our old Rookie of the Year. Patty Kane, I'm not gonna say much about what you did. You were drunk, you were stupid. You make millions of dollars a year, no need for a dispute with a criminal cabbie over a mere 20 cents. But you know that. I know you know that, and I know you're truly sorry about it. Unlike Dany, we can really hear the regret and sincereness in your voice. You told my friend that you only held the cab driver's head while your cousin punched him. That's still bad, don't get me wrong, but not jail-time worthy. If you continue to look cute and plea to court, I'm sure they won't press charges. Just keep fighting Pat, we're all supporting you.