I Haven't Quite Adapted to the Time Change

Sooooooooo. HELLO FAMILY! I was in France. Playing rugby. NBD. But anyway. I'm back now. Back to reality. And in reality I find out that

a) Ovechkin is injured due to "bumps and bruises"

b) Alfie was a scratch for the Sens vs Caps game tonight (along with Mike Green, Jason Arnott, Sergei Gonchar, Matt Carkner & others)

c) Sidney Crosby had a vigorous 45 min workout today (the longest since his concussion), of which the videos have been playing regularly on sportsnet

d) Jason Spezza is consistently balding

Three out of the four I don't like. I'll leave it up to you to decide which ones. By the way, I'm not some creeper who has like a weird fetish for old balding guys. If I had a fetish for anything, I'd say it would be necks. I really like the backs of people's necks. Don't publish that, it was embarrassing. In retrospect, I should probably have deleted it, but I'm not one to live in the past. Anyway.

These are the first things I found out about hockey the moment I stepped off the plane. I learned more interesting things after that. And more important things. Like, um, hello, Jesse Winchester likes eating steaks, listening to country music and watching the Discovery Channel. AND, he likes history. Hello soulmate. Do you hear the bells? (I also watched Hairspray today AND 17 Again, I'm like on a Zac Efron high)

Also, when you're at a Washington Capitals game in Ottawa and half the seats are empty and Ovie's a scratch and so is Green and those were the two people you brought the tickets to actually see, I found out that a certain Mr. Alexander Semin catches the eye, especially when he and Backstrom are the only ones on the team warming up without helmets on. I believe I told my dad numerous times throughout those twenty-odd minutes to "for the love of GOD look at how feathery his hair is". Not lying. I flows when he skates, and bounds likes lords a leapin' when he shoots. Love it. Sex hair? Not quite up to the standards of Tangers, but I think so.

The 9 Things I Hate About You (part 1)

The Sens game versus Edmonton last night was some sort of universal gathering of aquaintances of Al. I think I saw like seventeen people I knew. Crazy shit. You know what else? Jesse Winchester got like seven million penalties. And there were some suuuuuper annoying bitches sitting next to me who kept using the Senators' first names and taking crappy pics, and every time they'd come into our zone, they'd be like, "Oh, hello you." and snap a shot. I wanted to flick that girl in the face, and not only because of her annoying-ass voice, but because she legit had botox-injected lips. Not even kidding. I know.

But in spite of that, I managed to get some sweeettt shots of Taylor and Jordan and Magnus on my phone. Her distraction was nothing compared to my epic photography skillage. I will figure out how to upload them from the cell to the computer soon enough, do not fret my dearies. Laugh out loud. Hello you.

Webster's Dictionary defines AL as nothing less than a complete and utter hyprocrite.

For the Love of God

I just found out that Jesse Winchester, of the Ottawa Senators if you didn't know which you really should, has a really cool nickname. They call him "The Lane Finder". How awesome is that? He isn't even fully on the team, he keeps switching back from Binghamton to Ottawa and back again. That must be tough. It sucks that they make the farm teams so far away from the actual NHL team. Someone should look into that. If not for me, for our good friend Jesse. He isn't even really a part of the team and they still give him a nickname. How great is that? That really shows how loving and caring and giving and recieving and open-minded and greatful and manly and humble and nice the Ottawa Senators are. Hell, they kicked Buffalo's ass the other night without two of their best players! That, ladies and gentlemen, shows depth. The Sens have a depth like you have never seen. If they're missing a big goalscorer, like when Dany Douchebag Heatley ditched during the summer and completely screwed over two NHL franchises, they have people step up to take the plate. Like Mike Fisher. He is having the greatest season of his life, not to mention his new fiance with the million dollar engagement ring. And when the Sens are missing a big hitter, like when Chris Neil was out for a while and we thought all hope was lost, BAM! Matt Carkner. There are even debates now that Matt Carkner could even beat Chris Neil in a cage fight. That's huge! So, when Ottawa lost Jason Spezza, they didn't cry! Well, most of them didn't. You know, I'm not counting myself in all of this. But anyway, they weren't upset because they knew that their team had the depth to make up for their loss and come out on top in any situation. They were on top of the world, they could conquer anything! Well, that was all until that faithful (fateful?) night about a week ago when they got their asses handed to them on a silver plater by the defending Stanley Cup champions. They lost their captain, they lost their dignity, and, worst of all, they lost their hope. There was no hope for their next game that they had to play against the Buffalo Sabres. They didn't have Alfredsson, a fearless leader and an amazing play-maker with a killer shot, and they didn't have Spezza, someone who hasn't really been on his game the past two seasons (something I have and will always to continue to blame on his wife) but a stand-up guy all the same. The poor little Senators didn't know what to do! They were lost and confused; they knew they needed to depend on someone, but who? Not Kovalev...sure, he's a great hockey player; he has amazing hands and a snipe that could rip right through Brian Miller's glove, but he's not dependable. Hell, they needed someone consistent, someone who they could count on to do what was best in the time when it matterd most. Someone, someone like Fisher. Yes, he would be their captain, he would be their leader. He would be the one to lead them into the abiss. Or would he? Would he continue to do what he's been doing all season long? Would he make the passes, take the hits, and rack up the points? Or would he crash and burn? We've seen it happen many-a-time before; you're only hope in the world fail on you in your time of need. Maybe it's all the preasure. You know, it's really hard to funtion when a whole city of caffeine-crazed hockey fans is depending on you. Maybe that's Kovalev's problem. Well, we'll never know for sure, but I have a theory about him. When we're all excited, we're thinking, "Good, we've got Alexei Kovalev, he'll replace Dany Heatley no problem, he'll solve all our problems." That's when things will go wrong! That's when he'll crash and burn! See? When we give up on him completely, when we say, "Jesus Christ, we've made the biggest mistake of our lives, bringing this turd on the team. He can't do shit for anybody!" That's when he'll shine! Don't you guys get it yet? That's why he's so inconsistent! Wow, I'm just one kid and I figured that out. You'd think the greatest hockey minds in the world would be able to figure it out too. I mean, if the game against Buffalo wasn't enough proof for you, I don't know what else to give. Kovalev was amazing that game. He kicked ass. In the "stud" and "dud" report in the newspaper yesterday, he was the stud! Kovalev is a great hockey player, and don't you ever forget it!



Wow, what the hell was I talking about here?