In The Bag

Hawks got this in 4. No question.
Dats was' up.

Chances

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are


The finals kicked off with a bang. Chicago came out with the win, of course. No big D. The score was a bit too astray for my liking, but game 1 is done and won, and that's all that matters. Johnny T, become the second youngest captain to ever hoist the cup? It's up to you.


I'm 99 for a moment
Time for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

When In Doubt

Look at what I found.

What's next for this blog, you may ask? Hard to say. But I've been met with tough descisions before, and I know rather well how to handle them. The answer is quite simple, really. Here's what you do:

You go back to Pittsburgh.

This is How the Game is Played

Did you notice the new picture?
The old times were better. Remember the 50s? Maurice, Elmer Lach, Boom-Boom Geoffrion, Butch, Jean Beliveau, Doug Harvey... what a team. Geez. That was just unfair. Remember the 70s? The Pocket Rocket picking up steam with le Gros Bill carrying the 'C', Jacques Lemaire, Yvan Cournoyer, Guy Lapointe, Ken Dryden? Wow, those really were the days.
Remember when we won 5 Stanley Cups in a row in the 40s-50s?
Remember when we won another 4 in a row in the 70s?
Remember when we lost only 8 games out of 80 in the regular season, setting a record that would last a lifetime?

Remember le Bleu, Blanc et Rouge?

This wasn't our year. We had a good run, but it wasn't our time. Next year, I don't think we're quite ready for either. Sure, it'll take a few years. But our time will come. There's a reason that the words 'Montreal Canadiens' are written up on the Stanley Cup 24 times. Theres a reason we dominate that thing. And it'll show. With time.


This wasn't our year. But we gave them a hell of a run. No regrets, no looking back.
This is how the game is played.

Chicago Blackhawks Beauty Pageant 2010

I'm sorry. I know you were looking forward to it. But the Hawks just have too many goddamn players. I can't even begin to decide. And they aren't as attractive as the Pens. So it isn't as fun. So I'm sorry. Maybe next year, after all the trades are good and done. And, once they've gotten rid of Ho$$a. I couldn't bare to grace this beautiful blog with his cursed face. And he is cursed. Chicago was gona win the cup this year, but not anymore.

I Am Ironman, nah nah nah nah nah nah

Did you even see the fucking game last night? I'm not even gonna talk about it. That's how epic it was. It was so goddamn epic that I'm not even gonna tell you what the score was. But I will say this: yesterday, the score stood at 9-0 Philedelphia after two games. Now, after three games, the score stands 2-1 Philedelphia. Justice? I think so. Kick their ass, Habitants. You're in your home now. Kill 'em. Habs in 6.


Now, on to more important matters. Grey's Anatomy two-hour season finale last night. Here where I'm gonna break the hearts of everyone who hasn't watched it yet. Can I freak out please? Thank you. SO MANY PEOPLE DIED! LIKE, WTF? HOW COULD YOU JUST KILL SO MANY PEOPLE?! THEY WERE GOOD PEOPLE!!!! AND YOU SHOT ALEX! AND YOU SHOT DEREK! AND YOU SHOT OWEN! GAHHHH! AND YOU KILLED MEREDITH'S BABY! IT DIDN'T EVEN GET TO LIVE! Thank you, I guess, for not killing off any of the main characters. All you did was get rid of all the useless extras, so I guess that was alright. But man, what an episode. Jesus Christ. I'm not religious, so I'll use that name in vain. That was such a fucking intense two hours. The shooting began in like the first 10 minutes too, and it was like, I have to watch two hours of this?! But I did anyway. And after a while, it was like really? Really? Are you still shooting people? Really? And now all I can think about is how I have to wait until next year to see the next episode. This sucks. Life sucks. You suck.

There we go. That was my rant. One good rant a day keeps you healthy. Tonight, Chicago will continue their sweep. All is good in the world at the moment.
All is good.

Who's Line Was It, Anyway?

This has been some week so far. A week that, unfortunately, I'd much rather forget. So, to take my mind off of:

• the fact that the Habs just lost 3-0 to Philly in game two of the series
• the fact that in two games, they've had 9 goals against and ZERO goals for
• the fact that Leighton, who just happens to be Philedelphia's third string goalie, is completely schooling us
• the fact that Leighton used to be a benchwarmer for Montreal only 25 months ago
• the fact that Halak let in a shot that a peewee house-league goalie probably could've stopped without much trouble
• the fact that the Habs might end their amazing playoffs run here, beating out the two best teams in their pool only to lose to Philedelphia
• the fact that the Habs have begun to burry themselves into an incredibly deep hole that will take all the desire that they're currently lacking to dig themselves out of

...I'm turning to a certain someone for a little but of light humor. Kris Letang, thank you for covering your entire left arm with tatoos. You've given us so much joy and happiness.

He says the top portion of the tatoo is dedicated to his grandmother, and the bottom part is for Luc Bourdon, his best friend who died in a motorcycle accident in 2008. You might remember me telling you about him a little while back. Apparently, Luc was an avid guitarist, hence the tatoo of the guitar on Kris' newly renovated bicep.

I don't know about you, but I don't mind tatoos. In fact, I rather do like them. I think they're incredibly sexy. Kris Letang wears them well. I think the Pens should all get matching tats. A bunch of them already have some already; Max Talbot, Pascal Dupuis, former Penguin Ryan Malone, and now Kris. I'm sure Sidney also has an embarrassing tatoo hidden somewhere.

Enjoy the video: Ptit diner avec mon ami Kris Letang chez Olive et Gourmando

At least we have hope for Chicago. Patrick Kane's mullet is magic.

...Habs in 6?

**Thanks to Micaela for informing me on this subject. Thanks as well to Hockey for the Ladies, although I didn't ask your permission. Please try not to get angry with me**

Bastardo!

Jordan Eberle turned 20 yesterday. Whoopteedo. I would put up a super montage of Messiah pics for you, but to tell you the truth, I'm just too goddamn depressed about the Habs. They just lost 6-0 to Philedelphia. Philedelphia! My theory is, Philly is simply riding a high from winning 4 straight over Boston. It'll pass, and so will Montreal's current need to do everything on their own. There's a reason that there's five other people out there on the ice with you, Camelleri, Gomez. Maybe you should consider taking advantage of them. You did it against Washington and Pittsburgh, why not the Flyers? They suck. They were singing the Olay Olay Olay Olay Olay song tonight. That's Montreal's song! We invented that song! You can't just steal it from us and then use it against us in your own arena. That's bullshit. It's a little early for goodbye songs if you ask me, anyway. There are still six games left in this series, and we intend on using every last minute of them. And then we'll be the ones singing goodbye. Bloody fucking bastards.


Geez. I just got pretty angry there. It's gotta be Philedelphia. It's their fans. They're just so...mean. Geno said it best: "I think Philedelphia fans its...its not good fans because its...its...when sit bench its popcorn, its...my head, its...not good."
He always did say it best, though, didn't he.

Not Just A Clutch

Expanding on my last post: Jordan Eberle got five points in his first game with Team Canada against Norway today. You go, kid. You 'em your stuff.

What a Day

Alright. I need to tell you about three extremely monumental things that happened today:

1st- Sidney Crosby moved out of Mario Lemieux's house. Yes, it's true. He finally bought himself his own house to live in, after taking advantage of Mario's hospitalities ever since he came to the NHL. This event is long overdue, but hey, it's happening now. I'm thinking it's because he's deciding he wants to bring his gay partners home and he doesn't need some kids running around asking why there's some random naked dude wandering around the house. Just a theory. Sid also rejected an invitation to join Team Canada in the Worlds. I'm also associating this descision to his homosexuality.

2nd- Jared Staal, the youngest of all the Staal brothers, as you should already know, was drafted to Phoenix. But, what you don't know, is that today, he was traded to Carolina for a fifth round draft pick. Let me explain this to you in simpler terms: Jared Staal was traded to the same team as Eric Staal. Therefor, two Staal brothers will be playing on the same team. This is huger than Sportscentre is giving it credit for. Hence my current extatic state. They're going to be playing on the same team! Like, what the fuck? This never happens. Ever. I don't even know why they would do something like that, I mean Eric and Jared are 6 years apart. It's not like they have some special chemistry or something. Then again, maybe they do. Maybe it's like a shared-blood thing or something. They'd be like the Kostitsyns. Cept one Kostitsyn is probably done for his career, so he can't even be mentioned in the same breath as a family so incredible such as the Staals. Jesus, I can't even believe this. They might play on the same line someday. I can't even explain to you how much I'm not believing this right now. It's like one of those things where it's like impossible, yet it's possible, you know? This is huge.

3rd: Steven Stamkos, who is currently playing for Team Canada in the Worlds, is out for a possible concussion and will probably be out for the rest of the tournament. While this is suckish for him, it just happens to be un-suckish for a certain clutch god that we know and love very well who will be taking his place. Have you guessed who it is yet? Yes, it's Jordan Eberle. Good job. Kick ass, Messiah.

WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Looks like I'll be keeping that Habs logo up there for a little bit longer. Goodbye, Pittsburgh. Next year, I'll love you again. But I only have space for one true love at a time, and at the moment, the Miracle Montreal Canadiens have captured my heart, as well as the hearts of everyone else in Canada. These are the best playoffs of all time.

Habs in 7. What did I tell you? Twice in a row my predictions have worked. Up next? Habs vs. either Philly or Boston. That's just too wierd. The last playoff seed against either the second last seed or the third last seed. These are wacky times, gents. Can you guess what I'm gonna say next?

Habs in 4.

For The Win

Assists by the referee should not count!! The score currently stands 4-1, with the first goal of the penguins being scored off of a deflection by the ref. Which means=no goal. But not, because the goal counted. The half-way mark just passed, which means=lots of time left to go. Which means=Pittsburgh could still win. Which means=I shouldn't freak out yet. But I already have. Four times. Because that's how many times we've kicked their ass.

Habs in 7. For the win, boys.

His and Her Story

Okay, so, the deed is done. Chicago has finally gotten rid of Vancouver. You know what I say to that? It's about goddamn time. Jesus.



So now, only one game of importance remains. Sure, Boston still has to play Philedelphia. And Philedelphia could overrun Boston just like Montreal did against Washington oh-so-long-ago, but we don't care about that. The only thing we care about right now, is one game. The only thing in life that we have to even worry about right now is the game tonight. Tonight, Montreal plays Pittsburgh. Tonight, you win, and you move on. Tonight, you lose, and you're out. Forever.

This is the game, folks. History WILL be made.

Being Hot Has Its Ups

I think...in the spirit of these wonderful new playoff results we're having, it's time for another beauty pageant. I was going to do a Montreal Canadiens one, but then I looked at their players, and, quite frankly, they aren't too attractive. So I sat down and thought a bit. Which team has the hottest hockey players, I wondered?



Haha. That was a joke. I didn't even have to think for a second to know that Chicago was the definite choice. I know you laughed. Don't lie.



So, look forward to a Hawks Beauty Pageant 2010 coming soon. It'll be chalk-full of Patrick Kanes and Kris Versteegs and Jonathan Toewses...it's gonna be good. You can bet on it.

Miracle Montreal Canadiens

"Say what you want, the Canadiens will not go away. They will live to see another day. This is hockey, baby. These are the playoffs. And this, is Montreal. "

-Commentator after the "Miracle" Montreal Canadiens beat the Pittsburgh Penguins to send the series to 7 games.


HABS. IN. 7.



*Reading this just made me feel oh-so-much-better about our win:
Underdog Obsessed
Thanks, Gabs. You've boosted my spirit. Jealousy is a terribly thing.*

34.6 seconds remaining. Habs are winning 4-3.

Stud

This is the conversation I just had with my sister while watching the third period of the Habs-Pens game:

Me: Look, PK Subban.

Sister: He's stick-handling with one hand.

Me: He would do that.

Sister: What a stud.

First Commentator: And Sidney Crosby is now without a stick.

Second Commentator: That's never good, he's the best player in the world.

First Commentator: Jordan Staal decides to give his stick to Sidney Crosby, he's saying "Here, take my stick, you're a lot more talented than I am."

Second Commentator: Yup.

Me: That wasn't very nice.

First Commentator: Sidney Crosby gives it back to Kris Letang.

Sister: Oop, Letang almost just scored on his own net again.

Le Vrai

You have no idea how intense this game is right now. Unless you're watching it too. Then you probably do know.

Habs score. 1-0. Then, Pens score. Twice. 2-1. Then, Habs score. Twice. 3-2. Going now into the third. Camelleri is rippin' it up, and Letang is scoring too much. Something's wrong with him. He's giving off a really arrogant vibe that I'm not diggin'. Sometimes, people just need to stay shy.

Blue, blanc et rouge for the win.
HABS IN 7.
GO HABS GO!

If This is What the New Age Looks Like, Then I Can't Wait

I have to do this.

It's just one of these things that has to be done.

Kevin Bieksa=HOTTIE OF THE NEW AGE.

This guy is definitely flirting with him. Or maybe it's the other way around. Either way, it's happening.

Dibs.

This is Serious, Folks

Vancouver beat Chicago 4-1 in game 5. Kevin Bieska, who I've just discovered is extremely attractive, scored two goals, making up for the fact that Vancouver's Sami Salo got hit with a slap shot in the midsection and got taken to the hospital for what is believed to be a ruptured testicle.



If you aren't puking right now because you're laughing so hard than I think I might have to kill you for lack of a decent sense of humor. Or maybe I'll just rupture your testicle.

It's A Predictable Future

Okay, so update. Some relevant information without all those uplifting comments and shit.

• San Jose won game 5, so Detroit=OUT and Sharks=moving on to Western Conference Finals. This also means that you should now officially ignore the Red Wings tidbit in the poll.
• On Monday, Boston has the opportunity to get rid of those pesky Flyers. They will win. You know, when asked who he thought was the most annoying player in the NHL, Maxime Talbot, without much hesitation I might add, said Carcillo and Hartnell, both belonging to Philedelphia. I thought that was pretty funny. Max was also asked which player he thought was the hardest working in the NHL, and he said Sidney Crosby. I just thought I'd throw that out there.
• Also on Monday, Pittsburgh has the opportunity to eliminate the Montreal Canadiens. They will not win.
• Tonight, the Hawks plays Vancouver. If Chicago wins, they will take out the Canucks and continue on the play the Sharks in the next round.

Okay, now for some wishful thinking. Montreal will win on Monday because they have more desire than the Penguins do. They will tie up the series and send it into game seven, which they will win as well. They will then move on the Eastern Conference Finals and play Boston, who will have beaten out Philedelphia because, let's face it, the Flyers suck shit. It will be an intense series in which Camelleri will reach a new level of domination and Chara will drop down half-an inch. The Habs will win that series in six games and will move on to the Stanley Cup Finals, in which they will play the Chicago Blackhawks, who will have recently beat out first the Vancouver Canucks and then the San Jose Sharks, both in 6 games. By this time, Jonathan Toews will have fully grown out his beard and will have perfected his Wolverine look. Patrick Kane, Patrick Sharp and Adam Burish will notice this improvement and will, without Tazer's knowing, enter him in a superhero look-alike competition, which he will win. Montreal and Chicago will battle it out for the Stanley Cup for seven long games, by the end of which no one in Canada will have any clean underpants left to wear. Much to the Habs' chagrin, game 7 will go to the Hawks, and Johnny will become the second youngest captain to ever hoist Lord Stanley. He will then be interviewed on the ice, during which he will say his youthful team did a "fucking great job", reminiscent of the time he won the world juniors. Montreal, crestfallen, will have a go at Stanley the next post-season, but will come up short, with Pittsburgh winning their second cup in three years. The Canadiens year will come next, though, with their captain Brian Gionta leading them to victory, giving them their first taste of playoff gold since 1993, adding a 25th cup to their collection. This will be their first and only cup of the decade, making a 14 year dent in their record until they win it again.

By this time, Sidney Crosby will have retired, and will have long admitted to his homosexuality. He will live a long and plentiful life, happily married to a skinny man named Ryan with two cats and a beach house in Miami.

Humiliation

7-1, bitches.

Cross-Continental Affairs

WHAT DID I SAY? WHAT THE FUCK DAY I SAY?!

HABS. IN. 6.
WHOOT!

The best of three series starts now, ladies and gents. This'll be one for the books. For the rest of your life, you'll be able to say you saw the day the Montreal Canadiens, the last placed seed in the playoffs, beat off both the number one team in the league and the defending Stanley Cup Champions. You'll be able to say you witnessed history on that day. And you know who you'll say predicted this outcome? Yours truly over here, overjoyed with tears flowing down her cheeks. I just found out what candid means. This, is candid.

Three games remain possible in this series. The outcome: a mystery.

And to everyone who thought San Jose pulled a total "I am currently the shit" move and would sweep Detroit in four, take another look at that scoreboard. Because in the fourth game of the series, with the Wings down 3 games to none, the score currently strands 6-1. For Detroit. Who's the shit now, Sharks? Couldn't keep your legs under you long enough to take care of a team full of pot-bellied veterans, could ya now, Dany? Must've been all those affairs you've been having with the wives of all the Ottawa Senators. Cross-continental. All those flights back and forth must've really tired you out. Or maybe it was all the sex? I think your losing your touch, Douchebag.

Habs in 6.
Wings in 7.

Cartoons and Superheroes

They call him Shrek.

They think Evgeni Malkin, Geno, looks like Shrek. You know what I say to that? WTF, MATE! If anyone should be comparing anyone to anyone, it should be that Chicago Blackhawks comparing Jonathan Toews to Wolverine. Because seriously, nothing says made up movie character like side-burns over there.

Geno. Does. Not. Look. Like. Shrek.

This Is Our Time

2 minutes ago, the Penguins beat the Habs.
2 minutes, 15 seconds ago, Pascal Dupuis scored the empty net goal that secured them the win.

I hate empty net goals. And I hate how angry Geno has been lately. Every single thing that's call against them, he yells in anger. The puck got deflected off of someone's stick and up into the mesh, and he got so mad, I got scared. Someone needs to talk to that boy.

The series currently stands at 2-1, but I'm not worried. They'll get the next one. If they go into Pittsburgh to play their fifth game down 3-1, then I'll be worried. But not now. We can handle this. The Canadiens have not gotten even spitting distance to Lord Stanley in 17 years, which was the last time they won the thing. Pittsburgh's time, it's done. Montreal has this. They've got it. This is their time, gents. We know this. You know this. They know this. Now, it's just time for them to show it.

Habs in 6.

Magnifique

What did I tell you? I'm sorry, but I think I have to take some credit for this Habs win. Sure, Halak was 'Magnifique' and all, but I predicted this! I knew they still had it in them!

GO HABS GO!

Habs in 5.

What if Halak hadn't been 'Magnifique'?

History will be made. These videos make my eyes water.

Disapointing Loses; New Outcomes

Okay, I'll admit it.

The first game of that Habs-Pens series didn't go so well.

I mean, we were in it for the most part; they would score, then we would score, then they would score two goals and we would tie it up...but then they scored another two goals and we couldn't really seem to come back from that. And then there was that empty-netter. You know, I really hate emptynet goals. Know why? Because a game can go from being extremely close to not being close at all. It sucks. The scoreboard shows at the end of the game a team that was completely dominated by its opposer, when usually that wasn't really the case at all. I don't know if it wasn't the case for this game in particular, but still, my point remains.

We lost our first game 6-3. Halak got pulled after 5 goals, Price went in and didn't let any shots through until he got pulled for an extra skater. The first game is usually the most important game in the series, and could possibly set the tone of the outcome.
Example: Montreal's win in the first game of the Caps series.
Exception: Ottawa's win in the first game of the Pens series.

Things may look bad now, but don't fret, young Habs fans. I believe we can come back from this.

Habs in 5.


You know, I wasn't really surprised at the outcome of that game anyway. I mean, I expected Pittsburgh to come out strong. Crosby loves playing the Canadiens, remember? Something I definitely was surprised about was last night's game, Chicago vs Vancouver.

Yikes.
Jonathan Toews, 22 may be the sex year. But it is definitely not shaping up to be your year. I mean, 5-1. 5-1! This reminds me of my very first post on this blog, almost one year ago, when the Pens lost 5-zip to Detroit in the Stanley Cup Final series. Jesus. Step it up, Hawks. Really. This is your year to win it. Screw the Canucks. Stop thinking about your rivalry with them for just two seconds and worry about winning rather than punching someone's face in. Really, Chicago, I thought you knew better.