Sunday, May 9, 2010

It's A Predictable Future

Okay, so update. Some relevant information without all those uplifting comments and shit.
  • San Jose won game 5, so Detroit=OUT and Sharks=moving on to Western Conference Finals. This also means that you should now officially ignore the Red Wings tidbit in the poll.
  • On Monday, Boston has the opportunity to get rid of those pesky Flyers. They will win. You know, when asked who he thought was the most annoying player in the NHL, Maxime Talbot, without much hesitation I might add, said Carcillo and Hartnell, both belonging to Philedelphia. I thought that was pretty funny. Max was also asked which player he thought was the hardest working in the NHL, and he said Sidney Crosby. I just thought I'd throw that out there.
  • Also on Monday, Pittsburgh has the opportunity to eliminate the Montreal Canadiens. They will not win.
  • Tonight, the Hawks plays Vancouver. If Chicago wins, they will take out the Canucks and continue on the play the Sharks in the next round.

Okay, now for some wishful thinking. Montreal will win on Monday because they have more desire than the Penguins do. They will tie up the series and send it into game seven, which they will win as well. They will then move on the Eastern Conference Finals and play Boston, who will have beaten out Philedelphia because, let's face it, the Flyers suck shit. It will be an intense series in which Camelleri will reach a new level of domination and Chara will drop down half-an inch. The Habs will win that series in six games and will move on to the Stanley Cup Finals, in which they will play the Chicago Blackhawks, who will have recently beat out first the Vancouver Canucks and then the San Jose Sharks, both in 6 games. By this time, Jonathan Toews will have fully grown out his beard and will have perfected his Wolverine look. Patrick Kane, Patrick Sharp and Adam Burish will notice this improvement and will, without Tazer's knowing, enter him in a superhero look-alike competition, which he will win. Montreal and Chicago will battle it out for the Stanley Cup for seven long games, by the end of which no one in Canada will have any clean underpants left to wear. Much to the Habs' chagrin, game 7 will go to the Hawks, and Johnny will become the second youngest captain to ever hoist Lord Stanley. He will then be interviewed on the ice, during which he will say his youthful team did a "fucking great job", reminiscent of the time he won the world juniors. Montreal, crestfallen, will have a go at Stanley the next post-season, but will come up short, with Pittsburgh winning their second cup in three years. The Canadiens year will come next, though, with their captain Brian Gionta leading them to victory, giving them their first taste of playoff gold since 1993, adding a 25th cup to their collection. This will be their first and only cup of the decade, making a 14 year dent in their record until they win it again.

By this time, Sidney Crosby will have retired, and will have long admitted to his homosexuality. He will live a long and plentiful life, happily married to a skinny man named Ryan with two cats and a beach house in Miami.

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