The Left Leg Man

There was talk earlier this week after the Pittsburgh game against the Senators. This talk was concerning one of our favorite role-model Russians, Mr. Sergei Gonchar. Apparently, the Pens are considering trading him. Trading him. No, they do not think his game has gone to shit. They believe he is a very important asset to the team. He's just costs too much. Apparently, according to our lovely friends over in Pittsburgh, Gonch is just too damn expensive to keep.


Wake up and smell the fucking reason why Geno is doing so well in this league of alien language. Just stop caring about your goddamn salary cap for one second and look at how much Gonch does for your franchise.

A hockey team is like a human body. You lose one of your very best defensemen, who, by the way, wears an A on his sweater, and you lose a leg. Sure, nowadays, there are special replacement legs, you can always get a prosthetic. It may take you a little while to get used to the difference in your body, and the change might somehow influence some of your other limbs, like the ones that depended on that one leg before, but hey, you'll get over it. Your prosthetic leg will soon fit in just right. It'll be new, it'll be improved, it'll be able to do everything your old leg could do. But there's just one problem.



In the end, you'll never be able to run as fast as you did before.

9 Straight Wins

The Sens just set a franchise record for nine wins in a row. They've never done that before, apparently. The long list of teams they've beat in this stretch include Chicago, the current top team in the league, New Jersey, the home of the greatest goalie in the history of hockey, Pittsburgh, the defending Stanley Cup champions, twice against Boston and twice against Montreal. Their latest game, earlier today, was won against the Habs. Does the win still fully count if it was in over-time?

The Hockey Player's Guide: How to Make a Girl Swoon

I would just like to make something known to the world today.

Mike Fisher high-fived me at the New Jersey game. No, not one of those fake air high-fives from the ice, he actually high-fived me, like, hand to hand contact. Well, no. My hand to his glove contact. Which makes it like fifteen times better.

See, I went to where the players come out of the dressing room and walk out onto the ice, and I stuck my hand out to see if any of the guys would maybe make my day. The first half just...didn't. Maybe it was because I was wearing my Kris Letang jersey to the game. I made a point to make myself known as a Penguins fan. I got booed. It was awesome.

Anyway, most of the Senators ignored me, and my outstreched hand. But then the future Mr. Carrie Underwood waltzed out, almost completely oblivious to everything around him and 100% in his zone. He did not see my Leswoon jersey. He did not look up to make sure I was a Sens fan. He simply stuck out his glove, without even glancing in my direction, and taped his hand against mine. And, with that, just about my whole life was made. He gave my life meaning.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. I was jubilant after that; I was the happiest person in the world. Nothing could rain on my parade. A pimp could spit in my mouth and I wouldn't care. So I didn't care much when Jason Spezza walked out. I still had my hand out, you know, just in case, and also because I was in so much after-shock from the Mike Fisher touching that I became momentarily paralyzed. Spezza, obviously, being the caring and excrutiatingly friendly man that he is, decided to make my day/week/year/life even better. No, he did not high-five me. He lifting up his stick, blade first, and touched my hand with it. With his stick.

So, to sum up: Mike Fisher glove and Jason Spezza blade. My left had shall never be washed again. And also, I was on TV. I was sitting directly behind the space between the two benches, where the camera dude films the game and all that, and he decided to turn it on me. I don't know why he did it, he knew I was wearing a Pittsburgh jersey after all. But, either way, he had his camera on me for about ten seconds. I didn't look at it, so from the TV it might look as if I were completely oblivious to the whole thing, but I knew. Oh, I knew.



Congratulations on the freakishly long winning streak, by the way, Ottawa. It is getting kind of old. You've already beaten the best team in the league, the best players in the league, and now the best goalie in the history of the NHL. Way to go. You can stop now. Please. It's annoying.

Hot Streak

Yes, the Sens are on a winning streak. Five games in a row, first time this season, whoopteedo. Alfie is killing everybody, racking up the points and leading his team to a potential player berth. Kovalev, Shannon and Regin and dominating on the top line, while the defense are keeping the pucks inside the blue-line and working the corners. The goalie troubles seem to be long gone, with Elliot doing alright and Mike Brodeur a most capable backup. Yes, things finally seem to be happening for the Senators.


Problem is, they're happening without Jason Spezza.

SAY WHAT?!

I've decided to start a new segment here to celebrate the opening of our new design. It's called: "SAY WHAT?!"

I know. I totally came up with the title all by myself. So here's how it works: I take a seemingly normal picture, and then turn it into something somewhat comedic and humiliating. I've decided to use a few of my favorites at the beginning, since you know I love to make fun of them so much.

And here we go.

P-Kane and Johnny T:

Bobby-lu:

Geno Geno<3>

Scaredy-cat Ref:

The Great Eight:

Mad Maxy:

Thank you, radom slutty fan. You have granted us the gift of laughter.

Sorry honey, we are not laughing with you:

Cappy Sid Vicious:

Dumb Ref impersonating Denis from SlapShot:

Flower:

J Staal:

A Poll For All Nations

You also may have noticed the poll there on the side. Please try and vote, we don't discriminate against women or children or people with mental problems or dissabilities...everyone is eligible to vote in this wonderful poll of mine.

Quite frankly, I'm not eve sure of the answer. The first thing you think is that, of course, you're going to vote for your country. Canada rocks, hells yeah, and all that. But if you think about it, there's a hell of a lot of competition for them to be dealing with. USA, first of all. Their coaching staff went for the young guns, so they're definitely going to have a lot of speed. They are definitely someone that we gotta look out for. And then there's Russia. We're always afraid of Russia, because they've got most of the best players in the NHL on their team. They didn't even take Kovalev; that's how crazy-ass skilled they are. They've got forwards who can pass, defense who can think, wingers who can skate, centers who can score and hitters who can damn-well hit. But then there's team chemistry. If there's one weakness that Russia's always had, it's been team chemistry. You've got the most skilled players in the whole world out there on the ice, but they're players who play on their own. They can work well with their teams; they get passed the puck and they dispsy-doodle around the goalie like they could do it with their eyes closed. But what happens when you have three players on a line who aren't used to passing the puck? Chaos, that's what you've got.
And then there's Sweden. They no longer have Mats Sundin, which is a definite blow, but think about you they still have. They've got Alfie, leading them with the 'C' most likely and coming back fresh and rested from injury, and then all those young up-and-coming hopefuls, ready to fill the shoes of a much bigger man. They might be a underdog, but just think about the 1980 USA Olympic team. Could this be another Miracle on Ice?

Please submit your votes to find out. The final result will be tallied on JANUARY 31ST AT 1:00 AM.

Just a Few Simple Changes

You may have noticed I've made a few subtle changes to the blog. Don't be alarmed, eveything still works the same. I was just getting really bored of the colour, and the polka dots, and the fact that all the information was on the left. I did not like it on the left. I wanted it somewhere completely different. So I put it on the right. I don't really know what I think about the way the blog looks now...but I do enjoy the occasional change and this is kind of like buying a new pair of shoes. The old shoes were just getting all ripped and their colour was fading out and to be perfectly honest, they smelled just awful. So I went to the store and bought some new shoes. I think I like these shoes a lot. They really pop, you know? And the more I wear them, the more I like them. I really think me and my brand new shoes are going to have a wonderful life together.

It's The End of The World As We Know It

Okay, humans are all just really stupid. We don't even understand that we are killing oursleves. Everyone's always like making fun of how stupid animals are and killing them as a sport, but let me tell you, if we were all just a bunch of animals, everyone would still be alive right now. There'd be no global warming, no war, no fucking poverty or hatred or crap. Let's face it, if we all were just a bunch of dumb monkeys and all we did was scratch our butts and eat bugs off of each other, we'd be a hell of a lot better off.

Do you realize that we've created about 1000 ways to destroy ourselves in the past 50 years? I mean, if it's not polluting the planet and completely obliterating the ozone with all the crap we put into the air, then we're probably just going around blowing ourselves up. Do you understand how stupid that makes us look? The animals are probably just sitting around, laughing at us. And they are the ones that have to pay for our mistakes.

Why do we have war? Huh, USA? I mean, what's the point? To prove yourself? To prove that you're better than everyone else? Well, congratulations, you've proved it. You've proved that your smarter, stronger, bigger and more powerful than everybody else. Now can you stop fucking killing everybody?

Actually, when you think about it, all this war and the heating of the planet is actually doing us a favor. It has actually eliminated one of our numerous death possibilities. Now, thanks to everyone here on planet earth, we don't have to worry about over-population! If we stay on the track we're on, in 100-200 years, we'll be back to just the right amount of people living here. Hey, if that's why we're doing war, then why doesn't anyone just go ahead and attack China or India? Those are the countries with the real population problems, why do we keep picking on the small little defenseless places?

Maybe it's because we're afraid we'll lose. I don't know about you, but I think China's been playing it pretty smart all this time. They've been working their god-damn asses off for 12 cents an hour, making products that'll be shipped to other countries so we can live a life of leasure! But, meanwhile in China, while we're off galavanting our money around like we've got enough of it to live forever, they'll saving up. They're accumulating all their money together so that someday, when we've almost completely forgotten their existence when we're not basically stealing from them, they'll attack back. China will become the most powerful country in the world, because they've got a future plan. They're been smart and thought ahead, meanwhile the USA's only plan is "Shoot now, think later".

We are all litterally killing ourselves everyday. As if there aren't enough problems already! Believe it or not, there are actually some things that could destroy our population or even our planet that we haven't caused. Say, like, I don't know...a meteor? Did you know that there's one 111km wide traveling at light speed in earth's trajectory at this very second? Bet you didn't. And also, you know stars? You know how they live lives like humans do, and then eventually run out of energy and burn out? Did you know that before they extinguish themselves, they actually get bigger? Sometimes even explode? Did you know the Sun is a star? Did you know that once it nears the end of its life, it'll get bigger too? Did you know that'll it'll expand into what's called a Red Giant, and grow to be bigger than our entire solar system? Did you know that it'll completely engulf all the nearby planets in it's heat, including our precious little Earth? Did you know that it's alreasy more than halfway throught it's existence?

Oh, and don't forget about those naturally disasters, too. There was that itty bitty little earthquake in Haiti about 45 hours ago, maybe you heard about it? Maybe you heard about all the dead and the injured that resulted from that disaster as well. Maybe you heard about the millions of dollars of damage that it caused.

Oh, it's no big deal. More money is made everyday. Millions and millions of dollars, printed every single day. More and more and more money. And America, being as sweet and kind as we are, decide to give a shitload of it to acters, and singers, and hockey players, and soccer players, and football players, and base-ball players, and golf players, and talk-show hosts, and basically anyone willing to stand in front of a camera wearing nothing but a silk scarf.

You know one of the funniest things of all? While base-ball players are off making the most money in any sport of the world, millions of people are dying from starvation and homelessness. We could be donating that money ever so kindly to people who actually need it, but instead we throw it away. We are actually throwing money away. What, you say you want a five-story mansion with a hot-tub in the kitchen and a volley-ball court in the bathroom? Oh, alright, here ya go. Meanwhile there are people making homes in ditches and living off of things they find in garbage cans or worse.

Yes, people try to make a difference. They film other people's pain and put it on the news to try and get people to donate maybe a dollar or two. Let me let you in on a little secret though: If someone sees a poor child suffering on TV or hear about a tsunami that destroyed tons of homes leaving thousands of families homeless, they say, "Wow, that's horrible," and then they'll go back to eating their dinners.


I'm not prejudiced. Don't think I'm accusing everyone of this while I'm just being a saint. I'm the one on the computer with the high speed internet connection, remember? I'm saying everyone. I include myself in this entire statement. And I would say that we have to stop and change our ways before it's too late, but I'm afraid its reached that point, folks. Everyone has told you to recycle, everyone has told you to donate to charity and I'm all of you as kids have gone around your neighborhood asking for money for Jump Rope for Heart. They all tell you to do this because if you don't, soon it'll be too late. There seemed to be infinite time, though. Every year, it was always the same: It'll be too late if we don't act soon! Well, where was the evidence? How did we know when 'too late' was? It never seemed to come, so we decided to take our jolly old time saving the planet. No big deal, we'll change our ways in time. When it really matters, we'll be able to adjust to the lifestyle we need to in order to live safely and happily. When the time comes, we'll embrace it.

We'll, the time has come and gone. Now, it's simply too late. There's a point in time when this kind of thing just becomes irreversible.



I'd watch this video if I were you. It kind of puts a comedic spin on a world-ending disaster. It might help you understand how the deep the shit is that we've piled ourselves under.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZMwKPmsbWE



Enjoy the time we have left, folks.

It's Really Too Late to be Rambling Right Now

The Pens lost.
To Minnesota.

MINNESOTA!

The Mystery of Mr. Clutch

I'm feeling constant revulsion and love to one particular individual at the moment. I hear one thing, it makes me love him. I hear something else, it makes me hate him. I'm trying to write or even think about anything else but his face is the only thing that comes into my mind. So, undoubtebly, I have to write about him. There is nothing else for me to do.



Jordan Eberle. Mr. Clutch. Before, to me he was simply an overgrown 6-year-old with some miraculous skills in making us crap our pants in the final seconds of Baby Canada games. He was a simple person, a simple guy, as simple as plain bread or an empty arena. But then came the game against the USA. He scored the goals, just like we knew he would, but this time it was different. This time, his valiant efforts were somehow unprecedented and went unrewarded. We then felt bad for Jordan Eberle. We loved him even more. We knew of his remarkable talent, it was no longer merely a consequent of good luck. Facebook began to overflow with groups dedicated to him, NHL GMs went immediately on alert. All of Edmonton beamed with pride; their unfathomable losing streak seemed to have finally stiked a finish.

But, is that all there is to our young Canadian hero? Is he simply a talented hockey player, an over-exageration of our arrogant, self-absorbed minds? Does he have the nerve, the passion, the bravery, the cheek, the spirit, the bravado to be able to stick it in the big leagues?

He has won our hearts, has claimed his name as a Clutch God. He has proved himself as more than capable of handling the foreign talents of the Junior leagues. But will his talents suffice once he takes the next step? Will he be able to handle the weariness and exhaustion of the upper level? Will he crumble under the pressure of all the hopes and expectations that have been suddenly thrust upon him?



Jordan Eberle was not known before the World Junior tournament of 2009. He was not one of the best players on team Canada, he was not a star. He was simply a fragment of the group, a tiny, insignificant piece of the puzzle. But, no matter how small the piece, if it is missing, the puzzle is incomplete, no?

It turned out he was a larger piece than any of us had ever expected. If it weren't for him, scoring that final goal against the Russians in the semi-finals with less than 6 seconds remaining on the clock, Canada would never have made it to five in a row. We would never have become legendary, if it weren't for him. He was Canada's saviour, so to speak. He gave us hope, he gave our country light again.

Or was he simply in the right place at the right time?

How can we be sure that if it hadn't been him playing on that line, if the coach had subsituted him in the final minute for someone different, we wouldn't have gotten the same result? If, say, Stephan Della Rovere had jumped off that bench for the final shift of the game instead of Jordan Eberle, would he be the one who had recieved all the glory? Was Eberle's miraculous last second goal simply luck of the draw?

No, you say, since this year he proved himself. This year, he confirmed the thoughts that were raging the nation, by scoring two goals against the US in the finals minutes of the game to tie it up when we thought all hope was lost. He confirmed himself as a master in clutch. He demonstrated that his game improved to about double his standard whenever it was absolutely needed. He proved to us that under pressure, he could do anything. Under pressure, he could be the greatest hockey player in the world.

Or did he? Again, was he simply situated in the right part of the ice when he got the pass? Was his perfect shot just...lucky? Maybe it was just a fluky coincidence that he happened to score both of the goals that tied up the game. I mean, any one player on that team could have scored those goals. It didn't take a particular amount of skill. Anyone in that tournament could've done it. Maybe it wasn't him at all. Maybe it was the opposition. Maybe both USA and Russia in those games became too cocky, maybe they thought they had already won. Maybe they figured there was no way to come back from the loss that was already eminent in the faces of all those Canadians. Maybe they dropped their game. Maybe, just maybe, they lowered their intensity just a tad, just enough to let one shot through. Just enough to give one goal, and give the Canadians an incredible boost of energy and adrenaline. Maybe that energy is what won them their fifth gold medal in 2009. That adrenaline, perhaps, is what also gave them the strengh and power to catch up from a two-goal deficit in 2010 and bring the game into over-time.

Maybe it was never Jordan Eberle at all.




Even if it wasn't him who had scored all those clutch goals, I have a feeling that we, all North America, would still love him somehow. So, what is it about him that makes us adore him? He isn't the most attractive man in the world. If it were based on that, we would all be swooning over Nikita Filatov right now. So then what? His personality? The fact that he gets overly excited about every little thing, that he has the heart of an over-grown child? His humour? If it were about that, we would be laughing at Adam Burish, not him. So what is it? What is it about Jordan Eberle that makes us holler until our throats are dry, that makes us giggle until our sides hurt, that makes our eyes well up with unexpected tears?

Could it be a mix? Perhaps all of his features, inside and out, add up to a perfect combination of a male. The perfect combination of lovelyness, that make us throw our pillows at the TV. Maybe Jordan Eberle, Captain Clutch, is simply...perfect.


We'll never know. We'll never truly know what makes him tick. Never know how he stays so calm under immense pressure, or how he manages to keep that unfathoming charm on constant reflex. I can't help but wonder if we've over-estimated him. They say love is blind. They say that if you're looking for something in someone, chances are, you'll find it. Maybe we were just looking for someone new, someone exciting. Maybe we were just trying to find someone to fill the void of hockey Canada that has been continuously gowing and growing over the past few years. Maybe we were looking for it, and, just maybe, since we were so carefully and constantly looking, we found it.

Is Jordan Eberle really as great as we've put him up to be? Or is he simply no more than an extended hope of our overactive imaginations?

That is the question.

Five Years

Three billion people died last night.


The only people who didn't die last night when they saw USA win the cup over Canada for the first time in five years were the players on the American Junior Team, the few die-hard USA fans remaining in the world, and all the poor and hungry people all over the world who can't afford televisions.

Everyone was rooting for Canada.

All over the world, people were rooting for Canada. Russians, Swedes, Africans, Italians, Mexicans, Jamaicans, Yugoslavians, Indians, Asians...even most of the Americans in the world were rooting for them. Even against their own team, they wanted Canada to win. Why? Because we created a legacy. We stole their hearts and held them tight to our chests for five years. We were the best. For five years running, we were the best junior hockey team in the world. We didn't brag, we didn't boast, we didn't bask in our own glory, we didn't for one second believe that each and every game we played wasn't going to be the hardest of our lives. We took all the challenges that were constantly heaved at us and we threw them right back in their face. For five years, we worked harder than any other team on and off the ice. For five years, we never gave up or quit or got down on ourselves. For five years, we had each other's backs. For five years, we could conquer anything. For five years, we were the International Ice Hockey Federation World Under-20 champions. For five years, we wore the Gold.



Shit happens.



Here's to five more.

Birthdays in January

Okay, that only worked for a little bit. Now I'm nervous again. Here are all the January birthdays that have yet to happen.

January

6th: -Adam Burish. Ah, the Indian Burrito. How I love you so, and your pranks. You are one of the funniest men alive, disincluding Dane Cook and Russell Peters. I hope you get to play again soon.
-Richard Zednick. He used to be my favorite player on the Habs a while back. Remember when he got his throat sliced by a skate? Look it up, it's pretty insane.

7th: -Alex Auld. Only because I feel like you deserve I little recognition. You were an average goalie. This does not make me a Sens fan.
-Cody Bass. Neither does this.
-Donald Brashear. You kick ass. All players are afraid of you when you step onto the ice. You're a beast. Learn how to skate, and you'll be even more of a threat.
-Morris Titanic. I don't know who the hell this guy is, I've never even heard of him before, but his last name is epic.

9th: -Radek Bonk. A former Hab, a former Sen.
-Bruce Boudreau. The coach of the Washington Capitals. He does a great Ovei impression: "I SWEAR TO GOD!" Haha. It's also really funny when his face turns purple. He is so cute!
-Rob McClanahan. Another Miracle veteran. He was the one who got his knee messed up but was forced to play anyway, and kicked ass while limping. Try to do that, it's not easy.

12th: -Tim Horton. Has given coffee and donuts to Canadians everywhere. Americans, you know you're jealous.
-Marian Ho$$a. You so do not deserve to be born on the same day as someone who makes such good pastries.

13th: -Nikolai Khabibulin. Also known as the Bulin Wall, won the Stanley Cup for the lightning not too long ago.
-Mike Rupp. A Pen, so naturally, he is loved. He ranked pretty low in my Beauty Pageant though.
-Marc Staal. You know, you'd expect the 13th to be a bad day. It's quite the opposite in this case. I rather do like this day.

16th: -Matt Duchene. Third one picked in this year's draft, I believe. Will do well.
-Brenden Morrow. He was picked for the team Canada this year, although I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it's because of all his conections. Did you know that he's married to ex-Habs coach Guy Carbonneau's daughter?

17th: -Jeremy Roenick. That big mouthed bastard. I liked him better before he retired.

18th: -Ruslan Fedetenko. A Pen. I love him. And his crazy voice.
-Brian Gionta. Another new Hab on the block, and another one who ain't doing too badly.
-Mark Messier. I had no words for you, my friend. Your bald head is a miracle of it's own.
-Alex Pietrangelo: One of our Baby Canada Superstars. He's gonna win us the gold. See? I'm getting more positive by the minute.

19th: -Mike Komisarek. A former Hab, now a Leaf. It must be wierd switching rival teams.
-Ian Lapperiere. He tried to pick a fight with Matt Carkner in the game on Sunday. Matt Carkner said no. That's the only reason I know his name.

21st: -Dany Heatley. The douche-bag. You don't deserve to have a birthday.
-Jonathan Quick. How cool must it be to have a last name like that? Too bad he plays for Chicago, Adam Burish must have fun calling him Quicky.
-Georges Vezina. Pretty famous goalie, as an award for the best goalie was named after him. Funnily enough, my fifth grade English teacher was his daughter. That's right, I have connections.

22nd: -Shean Donovan. This does not make me a Sens fan. This does not make me a Sens fan.
-Elmer Lach. He played with Maurice Richard for the Habs back when they were the greatest hockey team in the world.

26th: -Wayne Gretzky. Hmm. He has official dissapeared off the face of the earth. I wonder if he'll show up to the Olympics.
-Fred Barrett. My home arena is named after him. He must've donated money or something, because I never heard he was a good hockey player.

27th: -Patrice Brisebois. A former Habitant. He was actually good back then.

29th: -Dominik Hasek. There was a time when he was considered the best goalie in the world. Oh, how time flies.
-Mark Potvin. Another one of the arenas I play at is named after him. Ever heard of Potvin Arena? If you blink, you miss it.
-Pat Quinn. Ah, Patty. So old, and yet so full of life. My question is why in the hell would they choose him to coach team Canada? Have they not learned anything by how bad his team is doing? The Oilers are last in the league. LAST!

Birthdays in December

Okay, I'm really nervous, so I need to take my off of the finals. I've decided to tell you all the birthdays in December that I missed. All of them. Well, only the ones worth mentioning. I'm not that nervous.

December

1st: -Ryan Malone. A former Penguin. He has tattoos all over his chest and arms. He is hilarious.

3rd:-Igor Larionov. The father a certain someone who has made her rounds with a few well-known Russians that we hear about every so often.
-Mike Ramsey. One of the players on the 1980 USA Olympic team, you might remember him from Miracle, when they defeated the Soviet Union in the final for the very first time. What a guy, he is well remembered.

7th: -Georges Laraque. A tough hit-man for the Montreal Canadiens. A former Pen, who's only off-season exercise is some muscle-clentching yoga.

8th: -Drew Doughty. Ah, Drew. The youngest guy ever the make the Canadian Olympic team, I think. I don't suspect he'll play.

11th: -Daniel Alfredsson. Now we know the secret to his number.

13th: -Sergei Federov. A now retired former Capital.
-Bob Gainey. A failure as a Habs GM, a failure as a Habs coach, and now, once again, a failure as a Habs GM.

20th: -Andrei Markov. He's got one of the 'A's for the Montreal Canadiens. Everyone thought he was going to be captain after Koivu and everyone left.

21st: -Petr Sykora. Ah, how we miss you so in Pittsburgh. I'm naming my dog after you. Little Buddy Sykora will be his name.

23rd: -Scott Gomez. He replaced Kovalev on the Habs, and we all thought it was a crappy deal since he sucks ass, but it turns out he isn't half bad. It's nice when some things turn out in your favor once in a while.

27th: -Patrick Sharp. Sharpie. The Uterus Killer. He helps ol' Burish out in his continuous pranks against the youngsters on the Hawks squad, and we love him for it. He also happens to be conviniently good-looking.

28th: -Terry Sawchuk. Brodeur has destroyed you, and all your little records too.

29th: -Filip Kuba. I just felt I should put his name up here, you know, cuz I live in Ottawa, and he's a moderately good defense. This does not mean I am a Sens fan.

Finals Today

The finals of the Baby Canada tournament are today. USA-CANADA. Holy crap. I am a full-out Canada fan, I should tell you, before you read the rest of this. I am and will always be faithful to my country. It is the best country of them all. Both Baby and Adolescent. But I can't help but think...maybe USA is gonna win. I know, I know, it's impossible. Canada is the best, the all-mighty, all-powerful country, hockey is our game, it's in our blood, I know. But USA is so fucking good this year. They're fast and quick and smart and they play a simple game without an over-load of penalties. This year, they're actually good. They're actually competition. All the other years, some of the USA players were actually envious of Canada, they actually wanted to be on our team! They wanted to change nationalities, that's how awesome and kick-ass we were. But not this year. This year, it's the opposite. This year, they hate our guts. This year, they want to kill us. And since we've won five years in a row, I don't think our team has that same kind of "go big or go home" attitude. For the first time in 5 years, I'm scared for our boys out there.

And it's not only in the juniors. Steve Yzerman went with the old and experienced player approach this year, hoping that it would change our current Olympic men's hockey out-comes. Whereas the US took the young, quick and agile players. We went with intelligence, they went with freshness. Now we'll see which one will prevail. Smart or fast? Old and experienced or young and new? Veterans or Rookies? That is the question, people. Let's hope we made the right choice.

Baby Canada Update

I really regret not making any Baby Canada posts, but I've been really busy with other things like ERIC STAAL AND JONATHAN TOEWS MAKING THE OLYMPIC TEAM. They're in the final tomorrow against USA and they're gonna kick ass. Unfortunately, in the dying seconds of an unrecoverable game yesterday, Hamonic, a much loved Canadian was brutally checked head-first into the boards, tearing some ligament or something in his shoulder, injuring him and taking him out of the final game. Luckily, the Swiss dude who did it was immediately ejected from the rset of the game. I hope Canada'll be alright without him. On the bright side, they do still have Taylor Hall. Ah, Taylor Hall; the next Sid in so many ways. He's a hockey prodigee, and he has huge lips. Huge lips comes with the skills, I'm telling you.

GO FOR THE GOLD, CANADA!

EH! OH' CANADA-GO!

Ah, I'm never gonna warm to that cheer. Whoever voted for that is a douche. USA has the ultimate cheer. We'd be better off just copying them, instead of trying to make our own. I mean, we make good maple cyrup, we care about the environment, we don't attack any random, defenseless countries just because we feel like having a little fun, we live in igloos, we ride our pet polar bears to school and we cry when our moose is sick because we fed him some bad seal carcass. We are not the US. We are Canadian. We say EH! We don't say HUH? Was kind of a crazy-ass country says huh? No offense to all you Americans out there reading this, and definitely no offense to Patrick Kane, who is American, because I love you, but I'm just trying to make a point. And my point is this: us Canadians may be good at a lot of things, but writing cheers is not one of them.

Montreal Misses You, Kovalev

I went to the Ottawa-Philedelphia game today...what a game.

First goal is scored by Philly right off the bat, and we're all like 'oh shit'. But then, all outta no where, Kovalev scores two goals. So does Chris Kelly, making it 4-1 Sens after the first. So, my sister and I at the game are all cheering for a shootout, right, because we were right up at the front and we wanted to someone to pull an Ovechkin and hurl their bodies at the glace after a goal. But once the Sens go up by three goals, we think all hope is lost, right?

Wrong.

Second period, Flyers throw in three extra goals, tying it up at 4. Life is good again for the people who don't give a shit about the Sens and just wanna see some good tough hockey. Because when the score is tight, that's when it's gonna get rough.

Third period. Everything's intense. Everyone's on the edge of their seats and...guess who? Alex Kovalev, throwing in another puck for his second hat-trick of the season. Unfortunately, we did not have any hats on our person, but my sister did get a special red Ottawa hat tossed her way, which she gracefully lauched on the ice. Chris Kelly tosses another one in, putting the Sens up 6-4, burrying our shoot-out dreams in the ground and buying us all a free slice of pizza. And, you know, funnily and ironically enough, they used to call the Alfredsson-Spezza-Heatley line the Pizza line, because they used to contribute a lot to all the goals that the Sens used to score, you know, before their game went to hell, and not a single member of that line was present in that game. Alfie and Spezz are injured, and Heater, as you know, is off making history with his new friends in the hot hot sun.

So, the game starts getting a little bit better. Time is running out, and there's only one thing left for Philly to do: smash Ottawa's face into the boards. Which is exactly what they tried to do, not much to any avail. There were no fights today. I have never been so dissapointed with Neil and Carkner in my entire life. Neil did not get one pernalty the entire game. Not one. And my seats were right next to the box. I was looking forward to saying hello to him.

Anyhow, Kovalev decides to put another goal in, just for fun. You know, it seems that whenever he scores, he always has to make a huge deal of it and put in two or three more just to make it seem more special. Have you ever noticed that? He has 11 goals this season, and two hat-tricks. Today he had four goals and like three million assists. AK27 was on fire.

Both starting goalies for each respective team were pulled close to the beginning of the game. Pascal Leclaire looked extremely blue sitting there on the bench. His hair was hanging over his face in beautiful brown strands. It was a sight to behold, I can tell you.

Final score: Ottawa-7, Philedelphia-4. What an upset. Chris Pronger may be a beast, but today he played like crap. He is a disgrace to the dynasty that is the 2010 Canadian Olympic Team. Why he even made it is beyond me. And Richards wasn't anything special either. I'm beginning to wonder about Stevie Yzerman's current sanity. And Kovalev should've made the Russian team. No question.