Death...and All of His Best Friends

I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. I'm crying. I'm crying and yelling at my parents. Because on top of everything that's already happened, I've just found out that Adam Burish no longer plays for the Chicago Blackhawks. Adam Burish now plays for Dallas. The Stars.

I cannot even begin to believe this. The Blackhawks are insane. Add the Indian Burrito the their hitlist of lost superstars. Should I put this down on paper? All the amazing players that Chicago has lost? I think I will.

1. Andrew Ladd --Atlanta Thrashers
2. Kris Versteeg --Toronto Maple Leafs
3. Dustin Byfuglien --Atlanta Thrashers
4. Ben Eager --Atlanta Thrashers
5. Brent Sopel --Atlanta Thrashers
6. Colin Fraser --Edmonton Oilers
7. Adam Burish --Dallas Stars

Seven. Seven players. Seven incredible, amazing players that made up the team and now they're gone. What, you think your top line won the Stanley Cup all by themselves? You think Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane and Patrick Sharp are the only forwards eligible to stay on your team? Because if I remember correctly, Sharpie wasn't the one playing on that number 1 line when your team won the thing. There was some other guy, kind of insignificant, I think his name was Bufflen...pronounced something like that. But he obviously wasn't a very important asset because you gave him away. They all obviously weren't very important assets because you gave them all away! The only person who you didn't trade away was Adam Burish, and he most likely walked out on his own because you had gotten rid of everybody else! Is that the deal, you win the Stanley Cup and then just get rid of everyone who doesn't have an annual salary of over 5 million? You don't have anybody left! How the hell do you expect your stars to get the goddamn puck if there isn't anyone there to pass it to them? Seven players. Seven players that you'll never get back. And I'll be willing to bet that you aren't done here. There are more players on your roster just asking to get traded away. You know who Atlanta is now? Chicago. Atlanta is Chicago because you gave them your soul. You gave them your essence and you didn't even ask for anything in return. The Thrashers and the Oilers and the Maple Leafs. Those are going to be the teams to watch next season because you helped them. You brought dying teams down from the depths for nothing. Nothing! Screw you, Chicago. You deserve another 49 years without the cup.

The Art of Ripping Out Hearts

They...traded...they traded...Halak...they traded him...the Habs traded...Halak...

WHAT THE FUCK IS THEIR PROBLEM?! HE GOES AND TAKES THEM ALL THE WAY TO THE GODDAMN SEMIFINALS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LIKE 17 YEARS AND THEY TRADE HIM AWAY?!! HE CARRIED THEM ON HIS BACK! HE SAVED THEIR SORRY ASSES EVERY SINGLE TIME THEY COULDN'T KEEP THEIR SHIT TOGETHER LONG ENOUGH TO HOLD A LEAD!! HE WAS THE REASON THEY MADE IT AS FAR AS THEY DID! HE WAS THEIR HEART AND SOUL WHEN THEY DIDNT HAVE A CAPTAIN TO TAKE THE LEAD!! AND NOW THEY'RE TRADING HIM?! AND TO THE BLUES?!! WHY DO THE BLUES GET HIM???? AT LEAST GIVE HIM TO SOMEONE MIDLY WORTHY! BUT NO! NO! YOU DON'T EVEN GIVE HIM AWAY! YOU DON'T THROW AWAY A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?! AND WHO THE FUCK IS LARS ELLER?!! WHO THE FUCK IS IAN SCHULTZ??! HOW ARE THEY WORTHY TO BE A PART OF THIS TEAM?? DO THEY EVEN PLAY IN THE FUCKING NHL?!! THIS SUCKS! YOU. ARE. SO. FUCKING. STUPID!!!!!!! JAROSLAV HALAK WAS THE FUTURE OF THE MONTREAL CANADIENS FUCKING FRANCHISE, AND YOU GOT RID OF HIM. YOU GOT RID OF KEN DRYDEN. DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT, HUH MONTREAL?? WAS THIS YOUR DOING BOB GAINEY?!! BECAUSE THIS IS SOMETHING YOU WOULD DO!!! YOU CAN'T JUST BRING IN A NEW UNKNOWN GOALIE ONTO YOUR TEAM AND THEN LET HIM STEAL OUR HEARTS AND THEN JUST TAKE HIM AWAY!! YOU CAN'T BRING OUR HOPES UP BY GIVING US GREATNESS AND THEN JUST SEND US CRASHING DOWN! WE WERE SUPPOSED TO WIN A STANLEY CUP IN THE NEXT FIVE YEARS! THAT WAS THE PREDICTION!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE PREDICTION IS NOW?!! 17 MORE YEARS OF FAILURE. HALAK WAS WHO WE WERE. HE REPRESENTED ALL THAT WE STOOD FOR AS A TEAM, COMING OUT OF NOWHERE AND OVERCOMING ALL ADVERSITY. YOU KILLED OUR FUCKING SPIRIT!!!! WHO THE FUCK EVEN CAME UP WITH THIS IDEA?! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN CONSIDER SOMETHING LIKE THIS?!!!!??! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?! AND NOW IT'S TOO LATE, BECAUSE JARO'S LEAVING AND THE TEAM WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!! FUCK YOU. YOU'VE DAMNED US ALL.

I Am Ironman, nah nah nah nah nah nah

Did you even see the fucking game last night? I'm not even gonna talk about it. That's how epic it was. It was so goddamn epic that I'm not even gonna tell you what the score was. But I will say this: yesterday, the score stood at 9-0 Philedelphia after two games. Now, after three games, the score stands 2-1 Philedelphia. Justice? I think so. Kick their ass, Habitants. You're in your home now. Kill 'em. Habs in 6.


Now, on to more important matters. Grey's Anatomy two-hour season finale last night. Here where I'm gonna break the hearts of everyone who hasn't watched it yet. Can I freak out please? Thank you. SO MANY PEOPLE DIED! LIKE, WTF? HOW COULD YOU JUST KILL SO MANY PEOPLE?! THEY WERE GOOD PEOPLE!!!! AND YOU SHOT ALEX! AND YOU SHOT DEREK! AND YOU SHOT OWEN! GAHHHH! AND YOU KILLED MEREDITH'S BABY! IT DIDN'T EVEN GET TO LIVE! Thank you, I guess, for not killing off any of the main characters. All you did was get rid of all the useless extras, so I guess that was alright. But man, what an episode. Jesus Christ. I'm not religious, so I'll use that name in vain. That was such a fucking intense two hours. The shooting began in like the first 10 minutes too, and it was like, I have to watch two hours of this?! But I did anyway. And after a while, it was like really? Really? Are you still shooting people? Really? And now all I can think about is how I have to wait until next year to see the next episode. This sucks. Life sucks. You suck.

There we go. That was my rant. One good rant a day keeps you healthy. Tonight, Chicago will continue their sweep. All is good in the world at the moment.
All is good.