Pittsburgh Penguins Beauty Pageant 2010

22.
Alex Goligoski: And here we start, from the bottom of the barrell. If he had hair, maybe he would be higher up.

21.
Ruslan Fedotenko: His eyes are too small, his face is too squished together, his cheeks are too red, his ears are too invisible, and his voice is just really creepy.

20.
Bill Guerin: I don't know. He was kind of attractive when he was younger, but now...I just don't know.

19.
Jay Mckee: It's his hair. It just doesn't appeal to me. It's like it's trying too hard to be Sex Hair. It could possibly be potential if it weren't so greasy-looking.

18.
Michael Rupp: He's a nice person. He just doesn't cut it.

17.
Craig Adams: He's normally alright. I don't think he photographs well. He might be better if he smiled. And most people would have a problem with his monkey ears, but not me. I kind of have a thing for those, since Jason Spezza has them.

16.
Pascal Dupuis: It's like he had permanent mascara. He's a very feminin looking man. I think he waxes his eyebrows.

15.
Eric Godard: He's okay. He has nice eyes, he just has to learn to use them to his advantage. He should talk to Jordan Staal, or Sid.

14.
Brooks Orpik: No, Brooks. Just no.

13.
Martin Skoula: There was just something about this guy that made me wait before immediately putting him in the twenties. You know Owen from Grey's Anatomy? He reminds me of him. Kind of an army-type guy.

12.
Matt Cooke: Ah, Cookie. You can just get lost in his eyes, can't you? It seems he spends too much time on his hair though. He needs to learn to have that look that says "I pretend to not care about my hair but I really do".

11.
Sergei Gonchar: I know, he's old. And he isn't really that good looking. But c'mon. It's Serge.

10.
Chris Kunitz: First of all, I'd just like to say that his last name is seriously the bomb. It has a K and a Z in it. That's pretty cool. But he needs to fix his hair. It looks like he was trying out the Mike Greene look, and failed miserably. Other than that, he's a pretty stand up guy. Well worthy of the top ten.

9.
Tyler Kennedy: I know what you're thinking. His eyes are too close together, his nose is too pinched up, and his eyebrows are female. I know. But he's so fucking adorable. If you get past those tiny little details, you'll see that too. You will.

8.
Mark Eaton: He is really good-looking. His hair is awesome. But his neck is a bit too long, and his face is kind of thin. But God, besides that, yum.

7.
Brent Johnson: It was the rough kind of chiseled look that made me put him in the top ten. He's got this angry, hot kinda smoldering look going on. He knows how to work a camera.

6.
Maxime Talbot: I think not putting Max in the top five is one of the hardest choises I've ever had to make. He doesn't have an obvious hotness, but his personality and confidence is what makes him the most attractive. And he looks so much better after he got his hair cut. I love him. I wish to God I could put him in the top five, but Jesus, just take a look at his competition.

5.
Marc-Andre Fleury: Ah, the top five. These are the best top five of any hockey team by far, I'll tell you. Okay, MAF. Has the hottest accent you will ever hear. His smile, his hair, his eyes...all incredible. This isn't the greatest picture of him you will ever see, but just look him up. His hair is slightly resembling Sex Hair at most moments, and have you noticed how smooth his skin is? You can just see it. Flawless. And also, a bonus: he does almost all of his interviews with his shirt off, and for the love of all things pure and holy have you seen his stomach? Washboard, baby.

4.
Sidney Crosby: This is sad. Not for me, but for all of you girls out there who think Sidney Crosby is the hottest hockey player you have ever seen in your life. He isn't really that good-looking. Yeah, he's got the hair, and the eyes, and the lips that would make Angelina Jolie jealous...aw, hell. He's gorgeous. But I found him way better looking when he was younger, because over the past few years in the NHL he's been really gaining a lot of weight. Not fat weight, of course, since this man is completely 100% muscle, but he's lost his abs. And he's only 5'11", and it's hard to find place to fit 220 pounds on a fairly short man. But we love our captain. And our captain is hot. And we know it.

3.
Evgeni Malkin: Geno, geno. If you didn't know him, and you just saw him as some random guy on the street, you wouldn't think anything of him. But you do know him. And you do think something of him. You think many things of him. Because he's Geno. There is no other reason.

2.
Kristopher Letang: And then there were two. You have no idea how long I spent debating this. Le Swoon. Sex Hair. Tangers. He is all man. He has the hair, the hair that he normally keeps hidden under his hat, but when it comes out every girl in the world gets a rush. And the eyes that are like melted chocolate, that if you spend too much time looking into them you get lost, even if you're only looking at a picture. And his smile, and his French accent, and the fact the he's so damn shy...it makes your eyes well up, doesn't it? He is the most beautiful man in the world. Even when he cut off his Sex Hair he was still beautiful. And the best part of it all is that he doesn't know it. He doesn't know how amazing he is. Which just makes him all the more incredible.

1.
Jordan Staal: I don't know what to say. He's Jordan Staal. He's just...Jordan Staal. He has blonde hair and blue eyes, he's tall and athletic, and he's got the jaw of a Greek god. He is every girl's dream. He's Jordan Staal. His eyes are a piercing blue that can cut through your soul. His hair is windswept and completely natural, and every single one of his features is chiseled and great. His stomach...not quite as good and Marc-Andre's, but amazing all the same. He has the cutest blonde eyebrows that are almost invisible. He isn't too tan, he has just the right amount of color to his skin. He has all the right things in all the right places. I don't know how to describe him. He's Jordan Staal. He's perfect.

For the Love of God

I just found out that Jesse Winchester, of the Ottawa Senators if you didn't know which you really should, has a really cool nickname. They call him "The Lane Finder". How awesome is that? He isn't even fully on the team, he keeps switching back from Binghamton to Ottawa and back again. That must be tough. It sucks that they make the farm teams so far away from the actual NHL team. Someone should look into that. If not for me, for our good friend Jesse. He isn't even really a part of the team and they still give him a nickname. How great is that? That really shows how loving and caring and giving and recieving and open-minded and greatful and manly and humble and nice the Ottawa Senators are. Hell, they kicked Buffalo's ass the other night without two of their best players! That, ladies and gentlemen, shows depth. The Sens have a depth like you have never seen. If they're missing a big goalscorer, like when Dany Douchebag Heatley ditched during the summer and completely screwed over two NHL franchises, they have people step up to take the plate. Like Mike Fisher. He is having the greatest season of his life, not to mention his new fiance with the million dollar engagement ring. And when the Sens are missing a big hitter, like when Chris Neil was out for a while and we thought all hope was lost, BAM! Matt Carkner. There are even debates now that Matt Carkner could even beat Chris Neil in a cage fight. That's huge! So, when Ottawa lost Jason Spezza, they didn't cry! Well, most of them didn't. You know, I'm not counting myself in all of this. But anyway, they weren't upset because they knew that their team had the depth to make up for their loss and come out on top in any situation. They were on top of the world, they could conquer anything! Well, that was all until that faithful (fateful?) night about a week ago when they got their asses handed to them on a silver plater by the defending Stanley Cup champions. They lost their captain, they lost their dignity, and, worst of all, they lost their hope. There was no hope for their next game that they had to play against the Buffalo Sabres. They didn't have Alfredsson, a fearless leader and an amazing play-maker with a killer shot, and they didn't have Spezza, someone who hasn't really been on his game the past two seasons (something I have and will always to continue to blame on his wife) but a stand-up guy all the same. The poor little Senators didn't know what to do! They were lost and confused; they knew they needed to depend on someone, but who? Not Kovalev...sure, he's a great hockey player; he has amazing hands and a snipe that could rip right through Brian Miller's glove, but he's not dependable. Hell, they needed someone consistent, someone who they could count on to do what was best in the time when it matterd most. Someone, someone like Fisher. Yes, he would be their captain, he would be their leader. He would be the one to lead them into the abiss. Or would he? Would he continue to do what he's been doing all season long? Would he make the passes, take the hits, and rack up the points? Or would he crash and burn? We've seen it happen many-a-time before; you're only hope in the world fail on you in your time of need. Maybe it's all the preasure. You know, it's really hard to funtion when a whole city of caffeine-crazed hockey fans is depending on you. Maybe that's Kovalev's problem. Well, we'll never know for sure, but I have a theory about him. When we're all excited, we're thinking, "Good, we've got Alexei Kovalev, he'll replace Dany Heatley no problem, he'll solve all our problems." That's when things will go wrong! That's when he'll crash and burn! See? When we give up on him completely, when we say, "Jesus Christ, we've made the biggest mistake of our lives, bringing this turd on the team. He can't do shit for anybody!" That's when he'll shine! Don't you guys get it yet? That's why he's so inconsistent! Wow, I'm just one kid and I figured that out. You'd think the greatest hockey minds in the world would be able to figure it out too. I mean, if the game against Buffalo wasn't enough proof for you, I don't know what else to give. Kovalev was amazing that game. He kicked ass. In the "stud" and "dud" report in the newspaper yesterday, he was the stud! Kovalev is a great hockey player, and don't you ever forget it!



Wow, what the hell was I talking about here?

Slap Me Silly, Sidney

Oh, Dear. I don't think I should've done this. Jeez. Okay, I was feeling a little bit down after my last little post there so I decided I would go on the always reliable Youtube and search funny Pens vids. I found a Sportscenter countdown thing...you know how they always have those...and it was one of Mike Lange's top ten best catchphrases. If you don't know who Mike Lange is, he's a longtime Pittsburgh Penguins broadcaster. He is like, the god of all the broadcasters. I'm sure you've heard his voice before, it's pretty recognizable. Watch these two videos, trust me, I don't think I've ever laughed so hard.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIHPd3vERUw&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgl3jGPEOto&feature=fvw


Ah, Jeez. See, this is why we have cmmentators.

Mickey Renaud and Luc Bourdon

Hey guys. I was just reminded a little while ago about Mickey Renaud, and I can't really seem to get it out of my head. If you haven't heard of him, here's a blog that'll tell you a little bit about it...it's also shaping up to be a really great story about our future canadian hockey phenom, Taylor Hall: http://sleepingsickness4.blogspot.com/

I want to dedicate a little piece of this blog to Mickey Renaud, and also to Luc Bourdon. Luc won gold for team Canada in the 2007 World Juniors, and was a Vancouver Canucks prospect. He was killed in a motorcycle accident involving a tractor trailer in 2008. He was 21 years old. He was also Kris Letang's best friend.

PITT--8 OTT--2

No, the title doesn't lie. The Ottawa Senators traveled to Pittsburgh yesterday in good spirits: they were celebrating the return of their number 1 goalie Pascal Leclaire, as well as big hitter Chris Neil and winger Sean Donovan. Twas even the night before the night before Christmas, that had to count for some good luck, right?

Wrong.

First period, no score, first thing that happens? Captain Daniel Alfredsson gets caught with a shoulder to the head and immediately goes down and doesn't return to the game. No penalty was called on the play, causing much contraversy between the two teams, and setting the tone for a long, sad, scrappy night for Ottawa. If the Senators weren't pushing and shoving and recieving unnecessary penalties, the Penguins were probably scoring a goal.

So, the first period ends 1-1. Evgeni Malkin clinched his first goal of the game. Not bad, both teams are still easily capable of grabbing hold of this one. Soon into the second though, things begin to happen.

A goal.

Another goal.

And another goal.

And another.

And one more, just for kicks.

So, by the end of the second, this is how the game is looking:

• Pascal Leclaire has let in 5 goals in 20 minutes.


• Billy Guerin, a Pitt veteran, has two goals, and so does teammate Evgeni Malkin.


• Ruslan Fedetenko and Chris Kunitz both have one as well for the Pens.


• The only goal for Ottawa is held by Chris Kelly


• The score now stands 6-1

So, without much question, Pascal Leclaire has been benched for the third. But no, he sits not on the bench with the rest of his sad teammates like you would expect. He sits perfectly protected behind the glass, in order to not harm his new plastic jaw. He even keeps his helmet on for the first few minutes for good mesure.

Elliot is once again in nets for the Senators, much to his delight. His happiness doesn't last long, however, because our little Geno decides, "I likes score goals. I not get hat trick in long time. I no like Ottawa. I show Ottawa that I no like Ottawa. I make Ottawa sad. I make mama Malkin happy. I score third goal now."

And that is exactly what he does.

Geno enjoys all the attention he's getting, and he watches for several minutes as fans littered the ice with headware and the loudspeakers boomed "Let it Snow". Of course, he doesn't understand the significance of the song, but he smiles widely all the same.

By now, the Sens are upset and frustrated. They managed to put one more goal in, a fabulous slap-shot by Anton Volchenkov from the blue line right off the face-off, but they know they are done for. So, they decide to do what most teams do when they are getting annihilated: they started yapping and throwing punches.

Chris Neil challenged and almost killed Mike Rupp, and less than a minute later Matt Carkner and Adams came together briefly. Sean Donovan and Matt Cooke had a rather long conversation on the face-off, of what consisted mostly of Donovan raising his eyebrows in question or challenge and Cookie continuously shaking his head. After the drop of the puck Donovan tried to fight a reluctant Cooke by pulling him back by his jersey. Cookie scurried away unscathed and the refs skating in to a dissapointed and confused Sean Donovan, who received a minor for unsportsmanlike conduct as well as a 10-minute major. He did not return to the game.

The Pens managed to pop a final goal in for a satisfying 8-2 home victory. The amazing line of Malkin, Kunitz and Guerin were spectacular, ending the game with a total of 12 points, with six goals. As for the Senators, it was an ugly game all around, and it set the stage for a difficult and dissapointing new year. So much for a merry Christmas.

~

Oh, one more thing. Remember Alfie's crazy full-face visor that he had to wear for a few games after he broke his jaw? Jordan Staal got hit in the nose with either a puck or a stick last game and look what he had to wear.

Seem familiar? I don't know about you, but I think he wore it well.

I Promised Myself I Wouldn't Cry

So I'm sure you've all heard the news. Mike Fisher and Carrie Underwood, the couple of the year, are finally engaged. No, I didn't cry. It wasn't at all like the Jason Spezza//Jennifer Snell situation. I am extremely happy for Mikey. This relationship is literally my favorite one of all time. They are perfect for each other, in every single way. I love them. Chris Neil will be the best man, and Carrie will chose one of her favorite country singer friends to be her maid of honor, and Jason Spezza won't show up. He will have been invited, but he won't fly all the way to Nashville because his wife is so damn clingy that she won't let him leave her side for more than three seconds. That is how this wedding is going to go down.
All I'm asking for is that you will have the wedding in Ottawa. Please. I didn't get to go to Spezz's, please, just do this one thing for me. I love you guys. I'll bring country music!

Too Much Hotness For One Ice

Here's the deal: Pitt vs Hawks. Pens were at home, kicking ice in PA. The Blackhawks were outsiders, nobodies. They were booed, and they were put to shame in their moments of failure. But, here's the thing. Chicago won. Against Pittsburgh. At Melon. THE ICE WAS MELTING.

Look at this. J Staal vs Patty Sharp. That pretty much sums up the game right there.

Welcome, Sam

Hello Sam. Welcome to Loonie Engraved. This, I presume, is your very first visit. Thank you for taking the trip. Just for you, since you've been so kind as to visit, I've decided to make a very special post. I would like to call this one 'The Post With Very Special Videos on It". I've made it just for you. Please enjoy responsibly :)

And now we shall begin the tour. This is just to get you warmed up to our beloved Pittsburgh Penguins. You are not fully 100% a fan yet, and this is me trying to ease you a little in our favor.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wnE5maHQco&feature=PlayList&p=C4B4EE2678463A88&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=19

Just a heads up, only one person in that video still plays for the pens, and that would be the beautiful Evgeni Malkin. "Who is the most attractive player on the Pittsburgh Penguins?"..."Me." Baha. Love him. Unfourtunately, we lost the comical stylings of Ryan Malone and Ryan Whitney last year...both of whom now dominate their new teams. Ryan Malone just happens to be a part of one of the best lines in the NHL, the Tampa Bay trio of Martin St-Louis, Steven Stamkos and Ryan Malone, also formally known as Bugsy. He has beat out Vinny Lecavalier, and we are all very proud.

Here's another one. Laugh freely.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUfqlz71frA

That was Max. Enough said.

Here are two very special EMJJ Staal vids.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hv6AZnj8xLc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjXGfxk5svY

Eric Staal has got soooome tan in that first one. That's why I watch it. And to hear his laugh. Don't you love his laugh too?

Okay, this is just to end this very special post. A gift from my good friend Jason. And yes, we are on a first-name basis.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMxJzdVYtXY



Sam, thank you for now becoming a loyal Loonie Engraved member. We hope you enjoyed our little preview. Stay in school.

Kris Letang: Beautiful Disaster

Hey guys.

I am currently in a very sad and depressed mood because I recently recieved some terrible news that has absolutely nothing to do with anything I talk about on here, so I'm not going to bore you with it. But I was looking at videos on youtube to make me feel better, and I found this one. It pretty much describes how I'm feeling to the tee, and it's amazingly accurate about Kris. So, here it is: Kris Letang; Beautiful Disaster.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dVj_ShkJTQQ

Nicknames

Hey guys,

Remember when I said I would post a page with the nicknames of some of the guys? Well, wait no longer. I finally decided to sit my ass down and write this, even though I have a mile high pile of homework waiting for me on my desk.



The Pittsburgh Penguins:

Evgeni Malkin: Geno, Rusky
Sergei Gonchar: Gonch
Maxime Talbot: Superstar
Jordan Staal: Staalsy, The Gronk
Kris Letang: Tangers
Matt Cooke: Cookie
Ruslan Fedetenko: Feds
Marc-Andre Fleury: Flower, Rebounds
Sidney Crosby: Sid the Kid, Bing, Sid Vicious
Tyler Kennedy: TK
Michael Rupp: Ruppy
Pascal Dupuis: Dupper

The Ottawa Senators:

Jason Spezza: Spezz, Giggles
Daniel Alfredsson: Alfie
Jonathan Cheechoo: The Cheechoo Train, Cheech
Mike Fisher: Fishy
Chris Kelly: Kells
Alex Kovalev: AK27
Anton Volchenkov: Volch, Volchy
Brian Elliott: Ernie
Jesse Winchester: The Lane Finder


The Washington Capitals:

Alex Ovechkin: Ovie, The Great Eight, Alex the Great, The Mechanic, The Russian Machine
Alexander Semin: Sasha
John Irskine: Irsky
Mike Green: Game Over
Jose Theodore: Theo
Semyon Varlamov: Semy, Varly
Ollie Kolzig: Zilla


The Chicago Blackhawks:

Jonathan Toews: Captain Serious, Tazer
Patrick Kane: Kaner, 20 Cents
Patrick Sharp: Sharpie, The Uterus Killer
Brian Campbell: Soupy, Chicken Soup


Others:

Dany Heatley: Heater, The Heat
Ryan Malone: Bugsy
Vincent Levalier: Vinny
Henrik Zetterberg: Ice Berg, Zata, Hank, Z
Steve Mason: The Wall
Martin Brodeur: Satan's Wallpaper
Don Cherry: Grapes
Tie Domi: The Albanian Assassin
Patrick Elias: St. Patrick
Jean-Sebastien Giguere: Jiggy
Dominik Hasek: The Dominator
Saku Koivu: Captain K
Nikolai Khabibulin: The Bulin Wall
Mikka Kiprusoff: Kipper
Eric Lindros: The Big E
Roberto Luongo: Bobby-Lu
Chris Osgood: The Wizard of Oz, Ozzie
Teemu Selanne: The Finnish Flash
Mats Sundin: Sudden
Tim Thomas: The Tank
Francis Bouillon: The Cube, Frank the Tank
Steve Yzerman: Stevie Wonder, Stevie-Y, The Captain


The Classics:

Jean Beliveau: Le Gros Bil
Yvan Cournoyer: The Roadrunner
Wayne Gretzky: The Great One, The Great Gretzky
Gordie Howe: Mr. Hockey
Bobby Hull: The Golden Jet
Brett Hull: The Golden Brett
Guy Lafleur: The Flower
Mario Lemieux: The Magnificent One, Super Mario
Mark Messier: Moose, The Messiah
Maurice Richard: The Rocket
Henri Richard: The Pocket Rocket
Larry Robinson: Big Bird
Luc Robitaille: Lucky Luc
Patrick Roy: Casseau, Saint Patrick



Brought to you in part by Loonie Engraved.

Disapointment.

Remember how in the last post I said Thursday was gonna be the best day ever? Well, turns out I was wrong. Turns out, Thurdays was the worst day ever. Let me walk you through it.



Pittsburgh was in Ottawa. I was driving to school in the morning when I recieved a text from my good friend Gabby who lives in Kanata. Now, here's some little inside info: The Brookstreet Hotel? The hotel to be at. The hockey teams stay there when they play in Ottawa. You know how many famous people have probably worked out in that gym? Gahhhh.



Anyways, Gabby drives by the Brookstreet hotel every single morning to go to school. And guess what she tells me in her text? That she is currently 100 meters away from Sidney Crosby. Working out. They were working out. In the gym. The Pittsburgh Penguins. She got to see them, and all I've got is a lousy text message and a feeling of insane jealousy in my belly.



And then came the news. I find out in a few hours that I have a hockey game later that night. Which, lo and behold, means I will miss both the Pittsburgh game, and Grey's Anatomy! The day was beginning to diminish, and all this happened before lunch. Lunch, just in case you were wondering, was crap as well. If you're even a tiny bit late in getting your food, then all the tables are filled and you have to sit by yourself. High school sucks.



So, as the day goes on, I decide to take a brighter outlook on life. Yeah, I'm missing the Pitt game, but hey, there are always highlights. And I can watch Grey's Anatomy on ctv.ca tomorrow. And I get to play our club's rivalry team who we tied last game, so we get a chance to redeem ourselves. The day was looking up already. Or so I thought.



I was planning on studying for my huge science test that night before my hockey game, but I got a shitload of homework and didn't even have time to start. Oh well, is what I though, because I don't even give a crap about science anyways. So I decided to focus all my attention on the game I had to play. I was feeling good; I had eaten pasta. I felt like I was going to play a great game.



Boy, was I wrong. We lost. 6-1. But not only that. I was a -4. A -4! Do you people have any idea how bad that is? My shift on the ice, they score a goal. 1-0. My second shift, their second goal. 2-0. I think to myself that I really gotta step up my play on I'm not gonna play the second period. So, I go on for my third shift, all pumped, and I play kinda good. I keep the puck out of the zone for the majority of the time, and all is going fine. Well, until the very end of my shift, when I mess up a pass and give them a breakaway. 3-0. This is when my coach finally decides to sit me, a bit to my relief. I'm benched for two shifts, and I'm thinking that this is the time the redeem myself, maybe make something happen. I'm more positive as I go back on the ice, but not for long. They score again. 4-0, and all on my watch. We finally manage to put one in the third period, but, knowing my luck, I wasnt't even on for our only goal.

So, to sum up: I did not get to see the Pens game, I did not get to see Grey's Anatomy, I played like shit in my hockey game, we lost our spot in first place, and, if that wasn't enough, the Pens lost! Against Ottawa! How bad do you have to be to lose against the Sens? Jesus.

ZOMG

Guys, big big big news!

First of all, Grey's Anatomy tomorrow night! Yay! I cannot get over my obsession for that show.

Second, and more importantly, the Pens are in town! They're playing Ottawa tomorrow night, and that means that they flew in today. Can you imagine? Geno is probably begging Gonch to drive him to Fratellis at this exact moment so he can load up on the best Spaghetti in town before the game tomorrow. Jordan Staal is probably planning a sneeky date with one of the Ottawian puckbunnies that he has on speed dial in case of emergency. Because it's true, all hockey players do cheat. Even if they're in love. Kris is probably beginning his pre-game day ritual by combing his gorgeous Sex Hair exactly 100 times. Soon he will remember that he can no longer do that, because he chopped it all off and there is nothing left. But I'm not bitter. Sid is probably sitting cross-legged on the floor of his hotel room repetedly chanting his always faithful maintra: "I am The Next One. Mario will always have my back. I will not cry at the game tomorrow. Colby still thinks of me as much as I think of him. I will show absolutely no emotion in any of my interviews. Ovechkin is a loser. I will not cry at the game tomorrow." And Max...well, Max is probably crying over the fact that he still can't play and filling the empty hole where hockey usually is by banging every chick in town.

On a happier note, tomorrow is also Patrick Kane's birthday! Happy 21st, Pat! Underdog Obsessed will buy you a beer for me, since I will be kind of busy that night watching Pittsburgh kick Ottawa's loser asses.

Oh, and one more thing. Siddo hoisted the Olympic Flame today. Well, he ran, while hoisting it. It was pretty epical. We were all really excited for him. All the videos were pretty crappy, so I didn't wanna disgrace the dignity of this blog by putting them up here, but you're welcome to go on youtube and search for them yourself. I'd turn your volume on low; the sirens are crazy loud.

Thursday is gonna be a big day.

Jason Spezza Goals

Sorry I haven't posted in a while; there have been some things going on.

Jason scored his very first goal of the season a few days back, it was a pretty nice one too. Top corner, less than a minute left in over-time. Good timing, Jay. Also, good timing on your second goal tonight. The shootout winner, stuffed in just beside the pad, off the post, off the goalie's butt and in. Not too pretty, but still a goal.

I think Clouston should stop letting Alfie take the shootouts. Every year Alfie takes them. I can't remember the last time he scored a shootout goal. It makes me sad when I see him skating up after Kovalev scores his goals. That's what Kovalev is handy for. He always scores in shootouts. Spezz usually comes third. He's about 50/50. I think Ryan Shannon should shoot. He's really, really good. He can skate down the length of the ice in about three strides.

I kind of have mixed feelings about when Spezz has a good game. Of course, I want him to play well, I love him, so, naturally, that's how I feel. But I can't help but think that whenever he has a good game, he's gonna get laid. Stupid Jen Snell, messing with my mind. She's probably shagging him right now. See what this is doing to me? Sometimes I wish he would just dump her already. Wait, did I say sometimes? ALWAYS.

Irony

Remember my post from a while ago called Injured Reserve? I talked about all of my favorite players who all of a sudden have simultaneously become injured. I raved on and on, and at the end, I said that if this keeps up, soon Ovie and Sid will get hurt. Well, guess what? Ovechkin is hurt now. Yeah, I know. I jinked it. I'm sorry. Not that any of you like him at all. No one around here seems to like Ovie. I don't understand this. He is one of the greatest hockey players of all time. Yeah, maybe he's a bit cocky, and maybe his goal celebrations are a bit over-the-top, but he's good! Just look at the goddamn stats! And you can't blame him for loving the game, that's just the only way he knows how to show it. I don't know about you, but I could use a little more enthusiasm from our hockey players nowadays. I'm not saying it's getting boring, but they could at least spice things up a bit. The fist pump is getting a little old.

Rememberance

Haha, remember Mike Commodore? Wow it's been a while.

Just Me Thinking

I was thinking about making a post about nicknames. You wouldn't believe some of the things these guys come up with. Did you know the Hawks named Patrick Sharp "Uterus Killer"? That's really funny. Also, I might do a beauty pageant...I'm trying to think of what team to do, I might even do Baby Canada 2009, because someone won't just do it themselves...

Just a heads up. If you have any other ideas or things that you want me to do, don't hesitate to tell me. Comments are appreciated!

Injured Reserve

If the injured player percentage continues spiralling down at this rate, there won't be any players left by the end of next week. It all began with poor Maxime, who had a shoulder surgery during the summer and wasn't expected to be back for four to five months. That was...three or four months ago, so not long left to wait!

Then Adam Burish got injured during one of the pre-season games, and won't be back playing for a while. That was pretty sad. I got over it. But then, low and behold, Sergei Gonchar. A broken foot. Out.

Not long after, Johnny Toews gets caught with his head down, and gets slammed in the middle of the ice. I almost cried when that happened; he went down right away, spun a bit, got up, took a few measly steps, and fell over again. I could tell he was embarrassed; he went straight to the bench. It was kind of funny though, on the bench they kept the camera on him, and his teammates and coaches kept coming up to him askin gif he as okay. There was no sound, but you could read their lips. After the first few, Jon was like, "Yeah, I'm fine," but then the more they came and came and came, he was all like, "I'M FINE, OKAY? LEAVE ME ALONE!" Yeah, I know. I laughed.

So, Tazer is out with a concussion or something. And then Spezz leaks out that he might sit a game or two because of "bumps and bruises", in his own words. He never ended up skipping any, until last night against Tampa Bay, where he said to be out with a back problem. The Sens didn't do too well without him, I'll tell you that. I hope he comes back soon.

Well, I thought that was enough injuries of my favorite players, don't you? Guess the Hockey Gods didn't think so. They decided, "Oh, Sergei Gonchar seems lonely, all injured by himself. Let's give him a Russian to keep him company!" So they decide to take my Geno. *tear*

If this keeps up, soon Sid and Ovie'll get hurt too, and then what'll those commentators talk about all game long?

Guess The Face!

We're starting a new segment here on Loonie Engraved, called Guess The Face! The rules are pretty self-explanitory; you'll be shown a part of a face, and you'll have to guess which hockey player it belongs to. On today's game, we will be playing with eyes, a fairly important factor on the beauty scale. Just look at the picture, write down your answer, and then scroll down to find out who it belongs to. Ready to play?

Set of eyes#1

Set of eyes #2

Set of eyes #3

Set of eyes #4

Set of eyes #5

Set of eyes #6

Now, SCROLL!

SCROLL

SCROLL

SCROLL

SCROLL

SCROLL

SCROLL

Answers:

#1: Alexander Ovechkin // Washington Capitals

#2: Sidney Crosby // Pittsburgh Penguins

#3: John Tavares // New York Islanders

#4: Kristopher Letang // Pittsburgh Penguins

#5: Jason Spezza // Ottawa Senators

#6: Patrick Kane // Chicago Blackhawks

Give yourself a score from 0 to 6.

If you got:

0-1: You know not much at all about the various hockey players of the NHL. In order to further your much needed knowledge, you should continue reading this blog.

2-4: You know a fair bit about the various hockey players of the NHL. Still, you have yet to learn some very important things, and should therefore continue reading this blog.

5-6: You are completely 100% obsessed with the various hockey players of the NHL. You love hockey more than almost anything in the world, and will find that your hockey info needs will be filled to capacity here. You should definitely continue reading this blog.

Happy Birthday E Staal!

And for the third brotherhood birthday of this blog, I present to you (drumroll, please).... Mr. Eric Staal! A married man, E has just today turned 25 years old, and is beginning his first year of parenthood! Funnily enough, many of E's most favorite celebrations just happen to be centered around the same time in the year: his anniversary, which takes place on August 3rd, which just happens to be two days before my birthday, his brother Jordan's birthday, on September 10th, his just-over-a-month-old son's birthday, on September 22nd, his own birthday, today, and finally, Halloween. Oh, how those hockey players love to dress up.

Yeah. Anyway, not the point of this post. The point of this post is to wish Eric Staal the very best on his birthday. Dude, you're halfway to fifty. Enjoy this year. If you get one more puck in the ear, you won't even live to see your next one. Please don't die. We all love you too much.