Apollo

About a month ago, this is the post I began writing:

Fucking, goddamn Boston. I fucking hate Boston. They may be the team I hate most of all in the NHL at the moment. God. They think they can just swoop in there, defeat the Habs and then take second place right out from under Tampa, just like that? No!

Then, I thought about things for a minute. I went out for a run. I got a job. I now work in a library. It's a very calming work environment. I make minimum wage, but its better than 12 cents an hour making carpets and fake fur coats on the stinky streets of Boston.

...I mean India. Did I say Boston? Whoops. My bad.

Anyway, I'm over it. I'm gonna be honest with you, I didn't even finish the game. I fell asleep, about halfway through the second. I didn't watch Boston win the cup. And you know what, I'm not ashamed of it. I am not a Canucks fan. And I am most definitely not a Bruins fan. So I've lost the will to care. Like I said; I work in a library. This year's playoffs ended for me after the first round.

Right now I'm more focused on the trades that have been going on. My ipod blares the TSN theme every time someone makes a move, so I'm right on that shit. My biggest concern at the moment would probably have to be the um...NIKITA FILATOV MOVING TO OTTAWA. Wait. WHAT?! Would you believe me if I told you I just discovered this now? NIKITA. FILATOV. Is coming to the Sens. WHAT THE FUCK? O.M.G.

Oh...kay. So that is officially my biggest concern. Oh my god wow. Okay. Calm self. Moving along. Second biggest concern. Ummm....hmm. Oh. Brian Campbell has been traded to the Panthers in exchange for some kid named Olesz. Sick last name, but to be honest I don't know who the fuck this is and imma miss the Ginge for sure. Poor Chicago defense. Oh, also Mike Richards was traded from Philly, and the Flyers got Brayden Schenn out of it, which is pretty cool. They also traded away Jeff Carter. Do I sense another Hawks catastrophe in the making? They did however acquire Ilya Bryzgalov, which is sick. Good move, I say. In other news, Tomas Kopecky goes to Islanders from Chicago...Oh, and most recently, Canucks traded Christian Ehrhoff for a 4th rounder. Ouch. Can you say slap in the face?

More news to come. Stay tuned. This is Al, signing off.

It's Time

What a heartbreak. But, you know, I can't say that I'm too shaken up about it. I'm definitely disappointed, of course. My two teams out in the same night. It was rough. But I knew from the start what the outcome was going to be. I mean, who were we kidding; a Pittsburgh without Crosby and Malkin wasn't going to last. And in a way this is better, because it gives Sid time to recuperate over the summer and get back to full form instead of joining in during the playoffs and possibly ending his career forever!

ALSO, the Habs gave us a good show. A great one, even. I almost shit my pants that entire game. PK Subban is my hero. His post-goal celebration (or lack thereof) made my life. And Carey Price is a tank. This time last year, we were worshiping Halak. Funny how things go.

Also, did anyone else catch the video of Chara drinking a bottle of coke on the bench in the middle of the third? I laughed. Chara's a bitch, but he has his moments.

Okay so, now that my top three votes have been eliminated, who to go for? Chicago was a predictable loss, by the way. We all knew this would happen, the moment they made their first trade after they won the cup last year, we knew it. I was happy, though, that they lost to a respectable team. The Vancouver Canucks. Canadians, nonetheless. Okay, thats it. I'm going for Vancouver. No questions asked, problem solved. I mean, the lightning JUST won the thing in like 08. They've had their turn. It's time for Canada to lift this cup again.

Canucks in 4.

Money in the Bank

Habs are doing great so far, two wins in the bank. Just get back this one and it's only one more to go, Boston out. Habs rule all. Habs in 4.

Another WTF for the Little People

New Jersey won the draft lottery! WTF, mate. They were in 8th from last, with like a 3.9% of winning...and they did...which is strange to say the least. But the craziest thing is that apparently even if you win, you can only go up four spots in the draft lottery, so they'll only get fourth pick...hmm. Edmonton is still gets first pick. Most has stayed the same, although the Sens, who ended the season fourth from last, are now receiving the fifth draft pick because the Devils (irony) pushed them back. You know, it's stupid, if Ottawa had not started winning at the end of the season they would've had a much higher up draft pick. But, noooooo they had to protect their pride. Silly Sens. Not that it makes much of a difference anyway, they could end up with a freakin Jeff Skinner, as oppose to opting for a #2 draft such as Tyler Seguin, who, for fucks sake does shit-all for his team. Your order in the draft really means nothing. Players become who they are with time, you can never tell right off the bat. Exhibit A: Alexandre Daigle. Comparison? Chris Pronger. Same draft, first and second, and who's sticking it out in the big leagues? That's what I thought.

Oh, yeah. And the playoffs are starting tonight. NBD.

Gotta Get Down

So only a few games left in the regular season before the playoffs and the Senators' much-hyped golfing season. They officially have a spot in the draft draw for the top pick, so they'll have like a 10-20% chance of winning depending on their final placement in the league. The Oilers are officially number 30, which means YAY! 48% chance that they'll win. Not that that really means anything, the draft is always a surprise. Who knows, perhaps Toronto will make a split-second Boston move and trade Phil Kessel to Ottawa for their spot in the draw. Haha.

Daniel Alfredsson isn't going to be returning for this season, apparently his back injury is no laughing matter, according to the Ottawa Citizen. It isn't a surgery-related issue...yet. And also in the paper this morning Alfy and Spezza were included in the best Senators players in their many (19) years in the NHL. So, technically, of all time. That anyone remembers. Technically. Anyway. Also included in the list were Marian Hossa, Wade Redden and Zdeno Chara. Wade Redden doesn't play in the NHL anymore. Chara is currently a hated player around the Canada-area for his hit on Pacioretti. And Hossa...is still Hossa. HO$$A. I dunno. He's one of the only remaining players on the Chicago Blackhawks. And Spezza and Alfredsson still play for Ottawa. Enough said.

Someone asked me the other day if I knew that my title was spelled wrong. I do know. I spell loonie in the french fashion. Loonie isn't even a word in french, however that is my excuse. I find 'ey' too american, don't you? Well excuse me for bringing a little culture to the group. We could all stand to be taken down a peg or two when it comes to preserving our Canadian heritage. I wonder what percentage of my L.E readers are American. Hopefully a healthy dose. I like to think I have a relatively diverse range of peoples around here. I think I lost track of what I was talking about. Wouldn't be the first time, anyway.

Dear World

People should really learn to organize their events better. Because to go from the intense competition and speed of the Stanley Cup Playoffs to soccer, its just not right. Sure, FIFA is like "the most watched sporting event in history", but it's still soccer. People get nudged and they fall over. It's pathetic.

I say, the Stanley Cup ends, we get a three week break to digest the outcome, and then they can play their silly games. Don't just cut right into our celebrations! The parade in Chicago should've been on the front cover of the Ottawa Citizen this morning, not some picture of some brazilian guy with his dreads flying about in the air. I mean, if you're going to put a foreing soccer player on the first page of the newspaper, you should make him an attractive one, with decent hair, at least.

God. I hate soccer. I just hate it. It's such a sissy sport. And it's so slow, too. I mean, nothing happens! It takes a team like, an hour, to finally get into the other team's end, and by that time all the defender has to do is kick it as hard as they can to the other side of the field, and it starts all over again. And then when the forwards finally decide to take a shot, the goalie dives in the opposite direction! I mean, if you know you're going to score every time you take a shot, then why don't you just shoot more often? And when it's like 500 degrees out there, don't they ever get hot? I mean, make this game a little more interesting for us. Take off your shirts!

Please, someone, do something about this game. Because right now, there's nothing else for us Canadians to watch. Hockey's done, the Hawks are out partying and I'm pretty sure the Pens are golfing in Miami along with every one else. There isn't anything else on TV, and do you really expect us to watch baseball? So, do us northern folks a favor, and either inforce shirtless gaming or don't even bother to play it internationally.

Thanks,

A Hockey Fan

At Ease, Soldier

To take away from the tremendous turmoil that is this evening, I've decided to inform you of three incredibly crucial things. First (and you should know I made this all on my own with the help of PAINT),



Second, yesterday was Mike Cammarelli's birthday, June 5th was Mike Fisher's birthday, June 3rd was Kevin Bieksa's birthday, June 12th is Wade Redden's birthday, June 13th is Jason Spezza's birthday (which I do not care about), June 16th is Rick Nash's birthday, June 18th is Chris Neil and Martin St-Louis' birthdays, June 20th is Joe Corvo and Antoine Vermette's birthdays (we have officially discovered the mystery to his number, somebody write this down), and June 29th is Theoren (Theo) Fleury's birthday, which confuses me because it makes me wonder if that had any affect on Marc-Andre's choice of number or if it was just a coincidence.

Third, my friend's older brother walked in on me in the washroom today.

What's meant to happen will happen tonight. If The Hockey Gods think that Chicago needs one more game, then they'll give them one more game. I am giving you my trust.

Brothers and Sisters

That's it, just like I said. If "drown 'em" doesn't say seven goals for, then I don't know what does. Keep it up, les boys. Chicago owns the cup this year. Screw Hossa's rep.
Did you see what I did there? I gave him regular s's. Instead of, you know, the ever continuously used money symbols. Hint: ($$) ...Know why? Because either way, whether we go down in history or not, he is a part of this team. There isn't anything we can do about it at the moment. So, we're just going to have to accept the fact that he wears our colours, and suck it up. We don't like you, Hossa, but you're family now. We're winning this cup, whether or not you come along for the journey. "We overcome adversity."

Can I call you Marian?

You Are So Worth It

So. I think...Chicago needs to not let Philly tie up the series. It's too late to change that now, but hell, let's try and keep their wins to a minimun, kay boys? You didn't work this hard all season to make it all the way here and then let the Flyers take your cup. Hear that? Your cup. This is your year, boys. This is your time. You are so worth it, you are so god damn worth it.* Best of three series starts now.

"Drown these fucking rats."**

Hawks in 6.


*Jen Boyd, Ashbury College Senior Girls Rugby, OFSAA gold medal game vs. Barry Central, Markham, ON, 10:00 a.m, June 5th, 2010.

**Jen Boyd, Ashbury College Senior Girls Rugby 2010, regular season game vs. St. Pete's, ahead by one point at the start of the second half.

In The Bag

Hawks got this in 4. No question.
Dats was' up.

Chances

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are


The finals kicked off with a bang. Chicago came out with the win, of course. No big D. The score was a bit too astray for my liking, but game 1 is done and won, and that's all that matters. Johnny T, become the second youngest captain to ever hoist the cup? It's up to you.


I'm 99 for a moment
Time for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

This is How the Game is Played

Did you notice the new picture?
The old times were better. Remember the 50s? Maurice, Elmer Lach, Boom-Boom Geoffrion, Butch, Jean Beliveau, Doug Harvey... what a team. Geez. That was just unfair. Remember the 70s? The Pocket Rocket picking up steam with le Gros Bill carrying the 'C', Jacques Lemaire, Yvan Cournoyer, Guy Lapointe, Ken Dryden? Wow, those really were the days.
Remember when we won 5 Stanley Cups in a row in the 40s-50s?
Remember when we won another 4 in a row in the 70s?
Remember when we lost only 8 games out of 80 in the regular season, setting a record that would last a lifetime?

Remember le Bleu, Blanc et Rouge?

This wasn't our year. We had a good run, but it wasn't our time. Next year, I don't think we're quite ready for either. Sure, it'll take a few years. But our time will come. There's a reason that the words 'Montreal Canadiens' are written up on the Stanley Cup 24 times. Theres a reason we dominate that thing. And it'll show. With time.


This wasn't our year. But we gave them a hell of a run. No regrets, no looking back.
This is how the game is played.

I Am Ironman, nah nah nah nah nah nah

Did you even see the fucking game last night? I'm not even gonna talk about it. That's how epic it was. It was so goddamn epic that I'm not even gonna tell you what the score was. But I will say this: yesterday, the score stood at 9-0 Philedelphia after two games. Now, after three games, the score stands 2-1 Philedelphia. Justice? I think so. Kick their ass, Habitants. You're in your home now. Kill 'em. Habs in 6.


Now, on to more important matters. Grey's Anatomy two-hour season finale last night. Here where I'm gonna break the hearts of everyone who hasn't watched it yet. Can I freak out please? Thank you. SO MANY PEOPLE DIED! LIKE, WTF? HOW COULD YOU JUST KILL SO MANY PEOPLE?! THEY WERE GOOD PEOPLE!!!! AND YOU SHOT ALEX! AND YOU SHOT DEREK! AND YOU SHOT OWEN! GAHHHH! AND YOU KILLED MEREDITH'S BABY! IT DIDN'T EVEN GET TO LIVE! Thank you, I guess, for not killing off any of the main characters. All you did was get rid of all the useless extras, so I guess that was alright. But man, what an episode. Jesus Christ. I'm not religious, so I'll use that name in vain. That was such a fucking intense two hours. The shooting began in like the first 10 minutes too, and it was like, I have to watch two hours of this?! But I did anyway. And after a while, it was like really? Really? Are you still shooting people? Really? And now all I can think about is how I have to wait until next year to see the next episode. This sucks. Life sucks. You suck.

There we go. That was my rant. One good rant a day keeps you healthy. Tonight, Chicago will continue their sweep. All is good in the world at the moment.
All is good.

WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Looks like I'll be keeping that Habs logo up there for a little bit longer. Goodbye, Pittsburgh. Next year, I'll love you again. But I only have space for one true love at a time, and at the moment, the Miracle Montreal Canadiens have captured my heart, as well as the hearts of everyone else in Canada. These are the best playoffs of all time.

Habs in 7. What did I tell you? Twice in a row my predictions have worked. Up next? Habs vs. either Philly or Boston. That's just too wierd. The last playoff seed against either the second last seed or the third last seed. These are wacky times, gents. Can you guess what I'm gonna say next?

Habs in 4.

For The Win

Assists by the referee should not count!! The score currently stands 4-1, with the first goal of the penguins being scored off of a deflection by the ref. Which means=no goal. But not, because the goal counted. The half-way mark just passed, which means=lots of time left to go. Which means=Pittsburgh could still win. Which means=I shouldn't freak out yet. But I already have. Four times. Because that's how many times we've kicked their ass.

Habs in 7. For the win, boys.

His and Her Story

Okay, so, the deed is done. Chicago has finally gotten rid of Vancouver. You know what I say to that? It's about goddamn time. Jesus.



So now, only one game of importance remains. Sure, Boston still has to play Philedelphia. And Philedelphia could overrun Boston just like Montreal did against Washington oh-so-long-ago, but we don't care about that. The only thing we care about right now, is one game. The only thing in life that we have to even worry about right now is the game tonight. Tonight, Montreal plays Pittsburgh. Tonight, you win, and you move on. Tonight, you lose, and you're out. Forever.

This is the game, folks. History WILL be made.

This is Serious, Folks

Vancouver beat Chicago 4-1 in game 5. Kevin Bieska, who I've just discovered is extremely attractive, scored two goals, making up for the fact that Vancouver's Sami Salo got hit with a slap shot in the midsection and got taken to the hospital for what is believed to be a ruptured testicle.



If you aren't puking right now because you're laughing so hard than I think I might have to kill you for lack of a decent sense of humor. Or maybe I'll just rupture your testicle.

It's A Predictable Future

Okay, so update. Some relevant information without all those uplifting comments and shit.

• San Jose won game 5, so Detroit=OUT and Sharks=moving on to Western Conference Finals. This also means that you should now officially ignore the Red Wings tidbit in the poll.
• On Monday, Boston has the opportunity to get rid of those pesky Flyers. They will win. You know, when asked who he thought was the most annoying player in the NHL, Maxime Talbot, without much hesitation I might add, said Carcillo and Hartnell, both belonging to Philedelphia. I thought that was pretty funny. Max was also asked which player he thought was the hardest working in the NHL, and he said Sidney Crosby. I just thought I'd throw that out there.
• Also on Monday, Pittsburgh has the opportunity to eliminate the Montreal Canadiens. They will not win.
• Tonight, the Hawks plays Vancouver. If Chicago wins, they will take out the Canucks and continue on the play the Sharks in the next round.

Okay, now for some wishful thinking. Montreal will win on Monday because they have more desire than the Penguins do. They will tie up the series and send it into game seven, which they will win as well. They will then move on the Eastern Conference Finals and play Boston, who will have beaten out Philedelphia because, let's face it, the Flyers suck shit. It will be an intense series in which Camelleri will reach a new level of domination and Chara will drop down half-an inch. The Habs will win that series in six games and will move on to the Stanley Cup Finals, in which they will play the Chicago Blackhawks, who will have recently beat out first the Vancouver Canucks and then the San Jose Sharks, both in 6 games. By this time, Jonathan Toews will have fully grown out his beard and will have perfected his Wolverine look. Patrick Kane, Patrick Sharp and Adam Burish will notice this improvement and will, without Tazer's knowing, enter him in a superhero look-alike competition, which he will win. Montreal and Chicago will battle it out for the Stanley Cup for seven long games, by the end of which no one in Canada will have any clean underpants left to wear. Much to the Habs' chagrin, game 7 will go to the Hawks, and Johnny will become the second youngest captain to ever hoist Lord Stanley. He will then be interviewed on the ice, during which he will say his youthful team did a "fucking great job", reminiscent of the time he won the world juniors. Montreal, crestfallen, will have a go at Stanley the next post-season, but will come up short, with Pittsburgh winning their second cup in three years. The Canadiens year will come next, though, with their captain Brian Gionta leading them to victory, giving them their first taste of playoff gold since 1993, adding a 25th cup to their collection. This will be their first and only cup of the decade, making a 14 year dent in their record until they win it again.

By this time, Sidney Crosby will have retired, and will have long admitted to his homosexuality. He will live a long and plentiful life, happily married to a skinny man named Ryan with two cats and a beach house in Miami.

Humiliation

7-1, bitches.

Cross-Continental Affairs

WHAT DID I SAY? WHAT THE FUCK DAY I SAY?!

HABS. IN. 6.
WHOOT!

The best of three series starts now, ladies and gents. This'll be one for the books. For the rest of your life, you'll be able to say you saw the day the Montreal Canadiens, the last placed seed in the playoffs, beat off both the number one team in the league and the defending Stanley Cup Champions. You'll be able to say you witnessed history on that day. And you know who you'll say predicted this outcome? Yours truly over here, overjoyed with tears flowing down her cheeks. I just found out what candid means. This, is candid.

Three games remain possible in this series. The outcome: a mystery.

And to everyone who thought San Jose pulled a total "I am currently the shit" move and would sweep Detroit in four, take another look at that scoreboard. Because in the fourth game of the series, with the Wings down 3 games to none, the score currently strands 6-1. For Detroit. Who's the shit now, Sharks? Couldn't keep your legs under you long enough to take care of a team full of pot-bellied veterans, could ya now, Dany? Must've been all those affairs you've been having with the wives of all the Ottawa Senators. Cross-continental. All those flights back and forth must've really tired you out. Or maybe it was all the sex? I think your losing your touch, Douchebag.

Habs in 6.
Wings in 7.