When In Doubt

Look at what I found.

What's next for this blog, you may ask? Hard to say. But I've been met with tough descisions before, and I know rather well how to handle them. The answer is quite simple, really. Here's what you do:

You go back to Pittsburgh.

This is How the Game is Played

Did you notice the new picture?
The old times were better. Remember the 50s? Maurice, Elmer Lach, Boom-Boom Geoffrion, Butch, Jean Beliveau, Doug Harvey... what a team. Geez. That was just unfair. Remember the 70s? The Pocket Rocket picking up steam with le Gros Bill carrying the 'C', Jacques Lemaire, Yvan Cournoyer, Guy Lapointe, Ken Dryden? Wow, those really were the days.
Remember when we won 5 Stanley Cups in a row in the 40s-50s?
Remember when we won another 4 in a row in the 70s?
Remember when we lost only 8 games out of 80 in the regular season, setting a record that would last a lifetime?

Remember le Bleu, Blanc et Rouge?

This wasn't our year. We had a good run, but it wasn't our time. Next year, I don't think we're quite ready for either. Sure, it'll take a few years. But our time will come. There's a reason that the words 'Montreal Canadiens' are written up on the Stanley Cup 24 times. Theres a reason we dominate that thing. And it'll show. With time.


This wasn't our year. But we gave them a hell of a run. No regrets, no looking back.
This is how the game is played.

Chicago Blackhawks Beauty Pageant 2010

I'm sorry. I know you were looking forward to it. But the Hawks just have too many goddamn players. I can't even begin to decide. And they aren't as attractive as the Pens. So it isn't as fun. So I'm sorry. Maybe next year, after all the trades are good and done. And, once they've gotten rid of Ho$$a. I couldn't bare to grace this beautiful blog with his cursed face. And he is cursed. Chicago was gona win the cup this year, but not anymore.

I Am Ironman, nah nah nah nah nah nah

Did you even see the fucking game last night? I'm not even gonna talk about it. That's how epic it was. It was so goddamn epic that I'm not even gonna tell you what the score was. But I will say this: yesterday, the score stood at 9-0 Philedelphia after two games. Now, after three games, the score stands 2-1 Philedelphia. Justice? I think so. Kick their ass, Habitants. You're in your home now. Kill 'em. Habs in 6.


Now, on to more important matters. Grey's Anatomy two-hour season finale last night. Here where I'm gonna break the hearts of everyone who hasn't watched it yet. Can I freak out please? Thank you. SO MANY PEOPLE DIED! LIKE, WTF? HOW COULD YOU JUST KILL SO MANY PEOPLE?! THEY WERE GOOD PEOPLE!!!! AND YOU SHOT ALEX! AND YOU SHOT DEREK! AND YOU SHOT OWEN! GAHHHH! AND YOU KILLED MEREDITH'S BABY! IT DIDN'T EVEN GET TO LIVE! Thank you, I guess, for not killing off any of the main characters. All you did was get rid of all the useless extras, so I guess that was alright. But man, what an episode. Jesus Christ. I'm not religious, so I'll use that name in vain. That was such a fucking intense two hours. The shooting began in like the first 10 minutes too, and it was like, I have to watch two hours of this?! But I did anyway. And after a while, it was like really? Really? Are you still shooting people? Really? And now all I can think about is how I have to wait until next year to see the next episode. This sucks. Life sucks. You suck.

There we go. That was my rant. One good rant a day keeps you healthy. Tonight, Chicago will continue their sweep. All is good in the world at the moment.
All is good.

Who's Line Was It, Anyway?

This has been some week so far. A week that, unfortunately, I'd much rather forget. So, to take my mind off of:

• the fact that the Habs just lost 3-0 to Philly in game two of the series
• the fact that in two games, they've had 9 goals against and ZERO goals for
• the fact that Leighton, who just happens to be Philedelphia's third string goalie, is completely schooling us
• the fact that Leighton used to be a benchwarmer for Montreal only 25 months ago
• the fact that Halak let in a shot that a peewee house-league goalie probably could've stopped without much trouble
• the fact that the Habs might end their amazing playoffs run here, beating out the two best teams in their pool only to lose to Philedelphia
• the fact that the Habs have begun to burry themselves into an incredibly deep hole that will take all the desire that they're currently lacking to dig themselves out of

...I'm turning to a certain someone for a little but of light humor. Kris Letang, thank you for covering your entire left arm with tatoos. You've given us so much joy and happiness.

He says the top portion of the tatoo is dedicated to his grandmother, and the bottom part is for Luc Bourdon, his best friend who died in a motorcycle accident in 2008. You might remember me telling you about him a little while back. Apparently, Luc was an avid guitarist, hence the tatoo of the guitar on Kris' newly renovated bicep.

I don't know about you, but I don't mind tatoos. In fact, I rather do like them. I think they're incredibly sexy. Kris Letang wears them well. I think the Pens should all get matching tats. A bunch of them already have some already; Max Talbot, Pascal Dupuis, former Penguin Ryan Malone, and now Kris. I'm sure Sidney also has an embarrassing tatoo hidden somewhere.

Enjoy the video: Ptit diner avec mon ami Kris Letang chez Olive et Gourmando

At least we have hope for Chicago. Patrick Kane's mullet is magic.

...Habs in 6?

**Thanks to Micaela for informing me on this subject. Thanks as well to Hockey for the Ladies, although I didn't ask your permission. Please try not to get angry with me**

Bastardo!

Jordan Eberle turned 20 yesterday. Whoopteedo. I would put up a super montage of Messiah pics for you, but to tell you the truth, I'm just too goddamn depressed about the Habs. They just lost 6-0 to Philedelphia. Philedelphia! My theory is, Philly is simply riding a high from winning 4 straight over Boston. It'll pass, and so will Montreal's current need to do everything on their own. There's a reason that there's five other people out there on the ice with you, Camelleri, Gomez. Maybe you should consider taking advantage of them. You did it against Washington and Pittsburgh, why not the Flyers? They suck. They were singing the Olay Olay Olay Olay Olay song tonight. That's Montreal's song! We invented that song! You can't just steal it from us and then use it against us in your own arena. That's bullshit. It's a little early for goodbye songs if you ask me, anyway. There are still six games left in this series, and we intend on using every last minute of them. And then we'll be the ones singing goodbye. Bloody fucking bastards.


Geez. I just got pretty angry there. It's gotta be Philedelphia. It's their fans. They're just so...mean. Geno said it best: "I think Philedelphia fans its...its not good fans because its...its...when sit bench its popcorn, its...my head, its...not good."
He always did say it best, though, didn't he.

Not Just A Clutch

Expanding on my last post: Jordan Eberle got five points in his first game with Team Canada against Norway today. You go, kid. You 'em your stuff.

What a Day

Alright. I need to tell you about three extremely monumental things that happened today:

1st- Sidney Crosby moved out of Mario Lemieux's house. Yes, it's true. He finally bought himself his own house to live in, after taking advantage of Mario's hospitalities ever since he came to the NHL. This event is long overdue, but hey, it's happening now. I'm thinking it's because he's deciding he wants to bring his gay partners home and he doesn't need some kids running around asking why there's some random naked dude wandering around the house. Just a theory. Sid also rejected an invitation to join Team Canada in the Worlds. I'm also associating this descision to his homosexuality.

2nd- Jared Staal, the youngest of all the Staal brothers, as you should already know, was drafted to Phoenix. But, what you don't know, is that today, he was traded to Carolina for a fifth round draft pick. Let me explain this to you in simpler terms: Jared Staal was traded to the same team as Eric Staal. Therefor, two Staal brothers will be playing on the same team. This is huger than Sportscentre is giving it credit for. Hence my current extatic state. They're going to be playing on the same team! Like, what the fuck? This never happens. Ever. I don't even know why they would do something like that, I mean Eric and Jared are 6 years apart. It's not like they have some special chemistry or something. Then again, maybe they do. Maybe it's like a shared-blood thing or something. They'd be like the Kostitsyns. Cept one Kostitsyn is probably done for his career, so he can't even be mentioned in the same breath as a family so incredible such as the Staals. Jesus, I can't even believe this. They might play on the same line someday. I can't even explain to you how much I'm not believing this right now. It's like one of those things where it's like impossible, yet it's possible, you know? This is huge.

3rd: Steven Stamkos, who is currently playing for Team Canada in the Worlds, is out for a possible concussion and will probably be out for the rest of the tournament. While this is suckish for him, it just happens to be un-suckish for a certain clutch god that we know and love very well who will be taking his place. Have you guessed who it is yet? Yes, it's Jordan Eberle. Good job. Kick ass, Messiah.

WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Looks like I'll be keeping that Habs logo up there for a little bit longer. Goodbye, Pittsburgh. Next year, I'll love you again. But I only have space for one true love at a time, and at the moment, the Miracle Montreal Canadiens have captured my heart, as well as the hearts of everyone else in Canada. These are the best playoffs of all time.

Habs in 7. What did I tell you? Twice in a row my predictions have worked. Up next? Habs vs. either Philly or Boston. That's just too wierd. The last playoff seed against either the second last seed or the third last seed. These are wacky times, gents. Can you guess what I'm gonna say next?

Habs in 4.

For The Win

Assists by the referee should not count!! The score currently stands 4-1, with the first goal of the penguins being scored off of a deflection by the ref. Which means=no goal. But not, because the goal counted. The half-way mark just passed, which means=lots of time left to go. Which means=Pittsburgh could still win. Which means=I shouldn't freak out yet. But I already have. Four times. Because that's how many times we've kicked their ass.

Habs in 7. For the win, boys.

His and Her Story

Okay, so, the deed is done. Chicago has finally gotten rid of Vancouver. You know what I say to that? It's about goddamn time. Jesus.



So now, only one game of importance remains. Sure, Boston still has to play Philedelphia. And Philedelphia could overrun Boston just like Montreal did against Washington oh-so-long-ago, but we don't care about that. The only thing we care about right now, is one game. The only thing in life that we have to even worry about right now is the game tonight. Tonight, Montreal plays Pittsburgh. Tonight, you win, and you move on. Tonight, you lose, and you're out. Forever.

This is the game, folks. History WILL be made.

Being Hot Has Its Ups

I think...in the spirit of these wonderful new playoff results we're having, it's time for another beauty pageant. I was going to do a Montreal Canadiens one, but then I looked at their players, and, quite frankly, they aren't too attractive. So I sat down and thought a bit. Which team has the hottest hockey players, I wondered?



Haha. That was a joke. I didn't even have to think for a second to know that Chicago was the definite choice. I know you laughed. Don't lie.



So, look forward to a Hawks Beauty Pageant 2010 coming soon. It'll be chalk-full of Patrick Kanes and Kris Versteegs and Jonathan Toewses...it's gonna be good. You can bet on it.

Miracle Montreal Canadiens

"Say what you want, the Canadiens will not go away. They will live to see another day. This is hockey, baby. These are the playoffs. And this, is Montreal. "

-Commentator after the "Miracle" Montreal Canadiens beat the Pittsburgh Penguins to send the series to 7 games.


HABS. IN. 7.



*Reading this just made me feel oh-so-much-better about our win:
Underdog Obsessed
Thanks, Gabs. You've boosted my spirit. Jealousy is a terribly thing.*

34.6 seconds remaining. Habs are winning 4-3.

Stud

This is the conversation I just had with my sister while watching the third period of the Habs-Pens game:

Me: Look, PK Subban.

Sister: He's stick-handling with one hand.

Me: He would do that.

Sister: What a stud.

First Commentator: And Sidney Crosby is now without a stick.

Second Commentator: That's never good, he's the best player in the world.

First Commentator: Jordan Staal decides to give his stick to Sidney Crosby, he's saying "Here, take my stick, you're a lot more talented than I am."

Second Commentator: Yup.

Me: That wasn't very nice.

First Commentator: Sidney Crosby gives it back to Kris Letang.

Sister: Oop, Letang almost just scored on his own net again.

Le Vrai

You have no idea how intense this game is right now. Unless you're watching it too. Then you probably do know.

Habs score. 1-0. Then, Pens score. Twice. 2-1. Then, Habs score. Twice. 3-2. Going now into the third. Camelleri is rippin' it up, and Letang is scoring too much. Something's wrong with him. He's giving off a really arrogant vibe that I'm not diggin'. Sometimes, people just need to stay shy.

Blue, blanc et rouge for the win.
HABS IN 7.
GO HABS GO!

If This is What the New Age Looks Like, Then I Can't Wait

I have to do this.

It's just one of these things that has to be done.

Kevin Bieksa=HOTTIE OF THE NEW AGE.

This guy is definitely flirting with him. Or maybe it's the other way around. Either way, it's happening.

Dibs.

This is Serious, Folks

Vancouver beat Chicago 4-1 in game 5. Kevin Bieska, who I've just discovered is extremely attractive, scored two goals, making up for the fact that Vancouver's Sami Salo got hit with a slap shot in the midsection and got taken to the hospital for what is believed to be a ruptured testicle.



If you aren't puking right now because you're laughing so hard than I think I might have to kill you for lack of a decent sense of humor. Or maybe I'll just rupture your testicle.

It's A Predictable Future

Okay, so update. Some relevant information without all those uplifting comments and shit.

• San Jose won game 5, so Detroit=OUT and Sharks=moving on to Western Conference Finals. This also means that you should now officially ignore the Red Wings tidbit in the poll.
• On Monday, Boston has the opportunity to get rid of those pesky Flyers. They will win. You know, when asked who he thought was the most annoying player in the NHL, Maxime Talbot, without much hesitation I might add, said Carcillo and Hartnell, both belonging to Philedelphia. I thought that was pretty funny. Max was also asked which player he thought was the hardest working in the NHL, and he said Sidney Crosby. I just thought I'd throw that out there.
• Also on Monday, Pittsburgh has the opportunity to eliminate the Montreal Canadiens. They will not win.
• Tonight, the Hawks plays Vancouver. If Chicago wins, they will take out the Canucks and continue on the play the Sharks in the next round.

Okay, now for some wishful thinking. Montreal will win on Monday because they have more desire than the Penguins do. They will tie up the series and send it into game seven, which they will win as well. They will then move on the Eastern Conference Finals and play Boston, who will have beaten out Philedelphia because, let's face it, the Flyers suck shit. It will be an intense series in which Camelleri will reach a new level of domination and Chara will drop down half-an inch. The Habs will win that series in six games and will move on to the Stanley Cup Finals, in which they will play the Chicago Blackhawks, who will have recently beat out first the Vancouver Canucks and then the San Jose Sharks, both in 6 games. By this time, Jonathan Toews will have fully grown out his beard and will have perfected his Wolverine look. Patrick Kane, Patrick Sharp and Adam Burish will notice this improvement and will, without Tazer's knowing, enter him in a superhero look-alike competition, which he will win. Montreal and Chicago will battle it out for the Stanley Cup for seven long games, by the end of which no one in Canada will have any clean underpants left to wear. Much to the Habs' chagrin, game 7 will go to the Hawks, and Johnny will become the second youngest captain to ever hoist Lord Stanley. He will then be interviewed on the ice, during which he will say his youthful team did a "fucking great job", reminiscent of the time he won the world juniors. Montreal, crestfallen, will have a go at Stanley the next post-season, but will come up short, with Pittsburgh winning their second cup in three years. The Canadiens year will come next, though, with their captain Brian Gionta leading them to victory, giving them their first taste of playoff gold since 1993, adding a 25th cup to their collection. This will be their first and only cup of the decade, making a 14 year dent in their record until they win it again.

By this time, Sidney Crosby will have retired, and will have long admitted to his homosexuality. He will live a long and plentiful life, happily married to a skinny man named Ryan with two cats and a beach house in Miami.

Humiliation

7-1, bitches.

Cross-Continental Affairs

WHAT DID I SAY? WHAT THE FUCK DAY I SAY?!

HABS. IN. 6.
WHOOT!

The best of three series starts now, ladies and gents. This'll be one for the books. For the rest of your life, you'll be able to say you saw the day the Montreal Canadiens, the last placed seed in the playoffs, beat off both the number one team in the league and the defending Stanley Cup Champions. You'll be able to say you witnessed history on that day. And you know who you'll say predicted this outcome? Yours truly over here, overjoyed with tears flowing down her cheeks. I just found out what candid means. This, is candid.

Three games remain possible in this series. The outcome: a mystery.

And to everyone who thought San Jose pulled a total "I am currently the shit" move and would sweep Detroit in four, take another look at that scoreboard. Because in the fourth game of the series, with the Wings down 3 games to none, the score currently strands 6-1. For Detroit. Who's the shit now, Sharks? Couldn't keep your legs under you long enough to take care of a team full of pot-bellied veterans, could ya now, Dany? Must've been all those affairs you've been having with the wives of all the Ottawa Senators. Cross-continental. All those flights back and forth must've really tired you out. Or maybe it was all the sex? I think your losing your touch, Douchebag.

Habs in 6.
Wings in 7.

Cartoons and Superheroes

They call him Shrek.

They think Evgeni Malkin, Geno, looks like Shrek. You know what I say to that? WTF, MATE! If anyone should be comparing anyone to anyone, it should be that Chicago Blackhawks comparing Jonathan Toews to Wolverine. Because seriously, nothing says made up movie character like side-burns over there.

Geno. Does. Not. Look. Like. Shrek.

This Is Our Time

2 minutes ago, the Penguins beat the Habs.
2 minutes, 15 seconds ago, Pascal Dupuis scored the empty net goal that secured them the win.

I hate empty net goals. And I hate how angry Geno has been lately. Every single thing that's call against them, he yells in anger. The puck got deflected off of someone's stick and up into the mesh, and he got so mad, I got scared. Someone needs to talk to that boy.

The series currently stands at 2-1, but I'm not worried. They'll get the next one. If they go into Pittsburgh to play their fifth game down 3-1, then I'll be worried. But not now. We can handle this. The Canadiens have not gotten even spitting distance to Lord Stanley in 17 years, which was the last time they won the thing. Pittsburgh's time, it's done. Montreal has this. They've got it. This is their time, gents. We know this. You know this. They know this. Now, it's just time for them to show it.

Habs in 6.

Magnifique

What did I tell you? I'm sorry, but I think I have to take some credit for this Habs win. Sure, Halak was 'Magnifique' and all, but I predicted this! I knew they still had it in them!

GO HABS GO!

Habs in 5.

What if Halak hadn't been 'Magnifique'?

History will be made. These videos make my eyes water.

Disapointing Loses; New Outcomes

Okay, I'll admit it.

The first game of that Habs-Pens series didn't go so well.

I mean, we were in it for the most part; they would score, then we would score, then they would score two goals and we would tie it up...but then they scored another two goals and we couldn't really seem to come back from that. And then there was that empty-netter. You know, I really hate emptynet goals. Know why? Because a game can go from being extremely close to not being close at all. It sucks. The scoreboard shows at the end of the game a team that was completely dominated by its opposer, when usually that wasn't really the case at all. I don't know if it wasn't the case for this game in particular, but still, my point remains.

We lost our first game 6-3. Halak got pulled after 5 goals, Price went in and didn't let any shots through until he got pulled for an extra skater. The first game is usually the most important game in the series, and could possibly set the tone of the outcome.
Example: Montreal's win in the first game of the Caps series.
Exception: Ottawa's win in the first game of the Pens series.

Things may look bad now, but don't fret, young Habs fans. I believe we can come back from this.

Habs in 5.


You know, I wasn't really surprised at the outcome of that game anyway. I mean, I expected Pittsburgh to come out strong. Crosby loves playing the Canadiens, remember? Something I definitely was surprised about was last night's game, Chicago vs Vancouver.

Yikes.
Jonathan Toews, 22 may be the sex year. But it is definitely not shaping up to be your year. I mean, 5-1. 5-1! This reminds me of my very first post on this blog, almost one year ago, when the Pens lost 5-zip to Detroit in the Stanley Cup Final series. Jesus. Step it up, Hawks. Really. This is your year to win it. Screw the Canucks. Stop thinking about your rivalry with them for just two seconds and worry about winning rather than punching someone's face in. Really, Chicago, I thought you knew better.

Hockey Is

I cried just now.
Know why?
I watched this commercial.
It made me cry.

Jesus Christ, Sid.

22 is the Sex Year

Guess what day it is?? I'll tell you. Today is that day that Jonathan Toews turns 22. Not even kidding. Surprised at how old he is? So am I. You should've seen us last year, when he became legal. Crazy times if I'd ever seen any.

In recognition of Tazer, I'm gonna show you guys this video. I first saw this video a year ago, pretty damn close to the eve of his last birthday. I've neglected to show it to you sooner because, well...it makes me pretty angry, to tell you the truth. You see, I used to go to this french school. And I had this teacher.

His name. Was Racine. And he was bald. And not even like, that disease that causes you to lose hair or something. He fucking shaved his own goddamn head. You know how I know this? On Halloween, he dressed up as a king or some shit, and he thought it would go with the costume to have some peach fuzz or whatever. Well, he had the peach fuzz alright. On his chin, and his head.

Gross. I know. But that wasn't the worst thing about him. He was just so fucking...you know? I can't even explain. He wasn't human. He told us his sister was his girlfriend to cover up his homosexuality. Enough said?

But it was his accent that bothered me the most. Like, he had the most legit friend accent I've ever heard in my life, just like overpronouncing every fucking word and shit. It just made me wanna rip my own arm off just so I could have something to throw at him*. It was just Johnny T's goddamn french accent in that movie that made me want to fucking punch him the face and stuff those frog legs down his goddamn francophone throat.

I'm so sorry, Tazer. I've said it once, and I'll say it again. I love you, but you, sir, are a douchebag francophone. Please don't make me ever repeat that again for as long as I live.

Happy birthday.


*I can't take credit for that line. I completely stole that from FRIENDS. Joey, thanks for that one. I swear that this won't be the last time I use it.

Does Anyone Still Have Any Clean Underwear On?

Is. Anyone. Aware. Of. What. Just. Happened.


The Habs. The Montreal Canadiens, Habitants, Blue, Blanc et Rouge. Le vrai, 101 years.
Just beat out.
The Washington Capitals.
Just beat out.
Alex Ovechkin, the Great 8, the Russian Machine.

Does anyone remember what I've been saying ever since the playoffs began? I predicted this outcome. Don't even say I didn't.


HABS. IN. 7.


Holy fuck.

Playoff Mullets

**The video that'll start playing when you open the link is not the one intended for you to see. The one you'll laugh at until you puke is the video above it**

First step: Watch this video.

Second step: Watch the video again.

Third step: Show your friends.

Fourth step: When they don't laugh with you, take the computer away from them.

Fifth step: Watch the video for a third time by yourself.

Sixth step: Shake your head in pity and amusement.

Seventh step: Realize that this is why we love the Blackhawks so much.

Do I Really Wanna Rip My Heart Out, Though?

This is an exerpt from the Morning's Ottawa Citizen:


BABY NEWS

Senators centre Jason Spezza and his wife, Jennifer, are expecting their first child at the end of June.

They don't know if the baby is going to be a boy or a girl and say they're not going to ask.

"One of life's last mysteries," Spezza said Sunday.


You're probably thinking right now that I'm gonna start ranting about what a ho bag Spezz and Smelly are now, because they're starting a new family. But you're wrong.

It's true. I seem to have moved past Giggles. See, the thing is, he keeps trying to get attention. Like, first, he and Dany Boy have a falling out, involving the entire league, and then he goes and decides to get married, right, and take up three FULL pages of the sports section with pictures of him kissing his wife at the altar. And then he goes and invents for himself a stupid laugh that he uses in the randomest of situations, forcing TSN and Sportscentre to replay the clip over and over again until they can't stand to hear it anymore. And if all that weren't enough, now he's knocked up his wife.

Is that possible? Does it still count as knocking up if you're married? Whatever. It sounds mean and sketchy, and that is what they deserve. Because they are mean and sketchy people.

But you know what, Jason Spezza? I don't care anymore. You can try and get attention all you want, but we don't care. NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU. For all I care, you can put a huge-ass photograph of you and your new family at the hospital with your naked new-born baby in your arms. And you know what else? No one will take a second glance. Hell, they might even turn away in disgust. In disgust!

So you better think, next time you wanna get attention. Think about the people who are actually gonna listen. Because I'm sure that in the end, those aren't the ones you wanted to hear you.

Post #104:

Backstrom scores 30 seconds in.

Habs in 5.

Make Me Shit My Pants, Why Don't Ya

Um, wow. Kay. Post #103:

We think it's going into overtime, the score being 4-4 and all, but then the Habs score another goal to make it 5-4. Then we're all happy because Montreal does a really good penalty kill, allowing almost not shots on net. BUT THEN. Washington scores with a minute and half left!!!!!! Oh my goodness, now the score is tied up at 5, and both teams are fighting frantically for the same goal only on opposites ends of the universe.

No one scores.
Now it's going into overtime.
I predict a goal from Camalleri.
I am sticking to my game plan.

Habs in 4.

#102

Hello, world. I have some very special news to share. This, here, what you're reading right at this moment, is my one hundred and second post. YeeuP. This blog has graced 102 posts. No joke. I wish I had realized this on my one hundredth , but I wasn't really paying attention, because I was too engrossed in telling you all about Tyler. Yep, it's true. My one hundredth post was used to enform you that Tyler Myers has a girlfriend. I think it was worth it.

And then my one hundred and first post was used to tell you that the Habs had won the first game of the series agains Washington, which was completely worth it, no doubt.

Pittsburgh, by the way, won their second game against Ottawa. Series is now 1-1.
Habs are currently tied 4-4 to Caps with 6:00 left in the third. Can you spell intense?

Livin' Dreams

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Right, well, I think that about sums it up.
My dreams are still alive.
1 down, 3 to go.

Habs in 4.

Many Beginnings of The Many Moments That Give You Heart Attacks

I. Just found out. Some. INCREDIBLE. News.

Do you wanna hear it?

It's about Tyler Myers.

Yeah. I thought you'd wanna hear it. So. Here it is.

As it turns out...Tyler Myers, someone we all hold very near and dear to our hearts...

Has a GIRLFRIEND!!

GASPGASPGASP

Was this your initial reaction?

...and then did it turn into this?

Yeah. That's how I felt. I don't know many details on the fact, but I have words from an undisclosed inside source that apparently she's a "piece of work". Updates will come later.

YAY

12:20: Gionta to Gomez, Habs score. 2-2. I feel like I helped.

11:55: Halak makes an incredible splits save to keep it tied up. Commentator calls him "Jarhav" instead of Jaroslav. Thanks for that one, Pierre McGuire. You better make him your monster, just because you flopped.

A Little Hope

It is currently 2-1 Washington with 15:46 left in the third. If the Habs don't win this one, it'll ruin my prediction for a sweep and I'll lose a 5 dollar bet with my teacher.


Score, Montreal. Score.

Lucky 1000

Yowza.
Guess what? I just took a look randomly at my hit count for the first time in months, and guess what I saw?

1000.
I think Alfie's trying to tell me something...

It makes me feel proud to think I was the person who gave my blog it's one thousandth hit. But theres no way it was me who looked at this blog 1000 times. I had some help. From you :)
Love you guys. More than life.

Seriously.

Not A Setback

Jesus of fuck.

Well, I guess you've all found out then.
Pittsburgh decided to lose their first game of the playoffs.
It would be an understatement to say I wanted to punch through a wall right now.
But no big. I have faith that they'll come together. They just didn't wanna embarrass Ottawa by sweepin' em. It's fine. They gave them the first one, but thats all. Build up their confidence just to send it crashing down. Its kind of mean, but hey. This is the playoffs. Anything goes.



Pens in 5.
Habs in 4.

Business in the Front, Party in the Back, Baby

Thank you, Patrick. You've just made our lives that much more enjoyable.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/13/patrick-kanes-blackhawks_n_536363.html

Smile, Love

Right, so we all know Jonathan Toews has the notorious nickname of Captain Serious on the Hawks. And we love him for it, don't get me wrong. But sometimes, just sometimes, we wanna make fun of him. Just a little bit.

This picture made me die laughing.

**Thanks to Micaela for showing me this. Spanish class is a lot more interesting when you've got your laptop facing me. It's because of you that I don't have a Twitter account. You keep me updated, and that's all I need. Love you.**

Lord Stanley, Give Us Your Votes

Have you guys seen the new votes we have going on here now? I think they're right about...here:----------------------------------->>>

You should really give your opinion. So far we've got over 10 votes, which is more than the last one I put up at least. This is a super intense question, though. Really makes you think. The TSN and Sportscentre analysists both think that Washington and Chicago are going to face off in the finals, which those of you who have voted have seemed to have agreed on, mostly. You also seem to think some random underdog might take the win. You never know. Pitt was an underdog a little while back, they were hardly even going to make the playoffs two years ago. There's always a chance. I think Phoenix is gonna give us all a run for our money. Not that they haven't done well this year, it's just that...you don't expect Phoenix to win. You just don't. It's some sort of unconscious thing that we all do. They finished pretty high up in the standings, and yet we don't pay them any mind. "Someone will beat them," we all say. And it's probably true. But you never know, kids. These years, things just keep getting wierder and wierder.

Shitting Bricks

Ladies and gentlemen; the playoffs.

Yes, they're finally here. All is done and decided, and, after a year of anxious await, we have our teams. Some of the results were suprising, yes, especially how the best of the brothers (E Staal) didn't make the post-season because of the shit team he's been stuck on, and how the "Bolts" didn't make it either even though they had a 50+ goal sophmore un-slumper.

But all is well. And do you know why? Because the Habs made it in. Yes, yes they did. Don't sound so surprised. I knew they were gonna make it the whole time. Sure, they gave us a few scares here and there, but hell. What's the regular season for if not for giving 15 year old girls heart attacks?

No, I didn't forget that Montreal has to play Washington. It's not a big deal. Sure, they're the top team in the world, but I believe in my Habitants. They can do anything if they set their minds to it. My prediction? A sweep. Habs in 4.

OTTAWA IS PLAYING PITTSBURGH! WHOOOOO! The Hockey Gods actually read my letter this year! I feel so proud. I'm going to one of their games. The fourth one, actually. I kind of hope the Pens sweep, so that's I'll be in the stands to witness Geno smile. That will make my entire life, I can assure you.

I feel bad for San Jose. They've scored so many goals this year that analysists have even gone to the extreme of saying that Joe Thornton might not even flop these playoffs because of his newly acquired personal douchebag (Dany Heatley). I laugh at those people. Once a post-season flop, always a post-season flop. Thornton has a notorious record for shitting a brick every time he steps on playoff ice. This isn't going to change. I don't even need to know who the Sharks are playing to be sure that they're going to fail miserably.

I don't really feel bad.

Sometimes There Just Isn't Need For Sharing

Jesus, Crosby. I know you're amazing and respectful and thoughful and generous as shit. But did you really have to share the Rocket? Christ. Steven Stamkos will have years of opportunity to win that thing. But this was your year! You win a Stanley Cup, you score the goal that won you the Olympics, you finally realize your homosexuality but decide to wait to come out of the closet in respect to the media and all those women out there who would choke on their own spit the moment they hears. This was your time. And you tied. You tied a sophmore! For the love of God, Sid.

We Have An Overpopulation On This Small Small World

Today was Roberto Luongo's birthday. Happy 31st, Bobby-Lu. Jesus Christ, you are much older than I thought you were. You've only got a few years left in you. Use them well, Loooooou. Win a Stanley Cup, how about. Wait, no. Not this year. This year it's time for Washington, and then the year after that Chicago will make it's run, and then the Pens will take it again. But the year after that, kay? You can hold on that long, can't you?

Pascal Dupuis is also turning 31 on Wednesday. Remember, he's the one for Pittsburgh who has permanent mascara and waxed and perfectly plucked eyebrows? At least he takes care of himself. He's having a good year though, and he wears the Rocket's number, so we respect him. He also plays for the Pens. So we love him for that.

We also love that he has twin dogs and an extremely sculpted torso. And that he's a father, and buys super cool swingsets for his kids. And that he got a tatoo to commemorate Lord Stanley. Well done, Pascal.

Brian Elliott and Alex Ponikarovsky have their birthdays on the Friday, turning 25 and and 30 respectively. Elliot, or 'Ernie' as da Sens call him, has held Ottawa (home of the Fat Cats) on his back ever since Pascal Leclaire completely flopped his role. We will be in the playoffs thanks to him. And Ponikarovsky used to be a Maple Laugh. Now he's a Penguin. He is liked much better now.

Sean Avery (!!!) and Dion Phaneuf are celbrating the day after that. Avery is congratulated on surviving 30 years on this planet, and, more impressive yet, 10 seasons in the NHL. He is known around the league as an agitator, and a pest. He is annoying and unsportsmanlike and hated by 66.4% of all the players in the NHL, but, for some strange reason, I like him. Don't ask me why.

BUT I will say that it's funny that he has the same birthday as Dion Phaneuf (turning 25), who was one of the victims of Avery's well-known 'sloppy seconds' comment. When Sean Avery made the comment before a game against the Flames, Phaneuf's team at the time, Phaneuf was dating Avery's ex-girlfriend, Elisha Cuthbert. Which is cool. I like how things like this link together.

And we all remember Avery's "distraction tactic" against Brodeur. Oh, Sean. There's just something about you. I don't want to love you. And yet I do. I can't help it. I hate everything about you. But I just can't help loving you.

SERGEI GONCHAR'S BIRTHDAY IS ON APRIL 13TH. WOOOOOOOOOO. He's turning 36. Now that, if you've been paying any attention, is old. Poor Serge. I hope he doesn't get traded. His contract ends after this season, and there's been some talk about a trade. It's some sort of money thing. But the Pens just don't understand. They need him. Screw the money. He is a leader. He is wise, and experienced, and loyal, and wonderful, and amazing, and adorable. I'm sure the forwards will be fine without him, but what of the D? He is a leader amongst those men. What will become of Kris LeSwoon is Gonch leaves? He'll crash and burn, I tell you. But he won't be alone. Geno (love) will go down with him. He's not grown enough yet to handle this cruel world all on his own. Help him, Sergei. Evgeni needs you.

Aww, right? Don't destroy this love.

Thumbs Up For The Youngins

Yes. Hello. I'm back. Did you miss me? Of course you did.

I watched a Sudbury Wolves Bantam AAA game today on tv. It was exciting for 4 reasons:

Reason #1: Tie Domi's son, Max Domi, was playing for that team. He is 15 years old, and is a major prospect to be a future NHL superstar. His playing style is almost the complete opposite of that of his father's, but he has the same body type: short and big. If the Hockey Gods give you that kind of body, you have two options: -Option #1: You become a thug, of the hockey playing variety of course, only brought out onto the ice on the occassion of knocking someone else's (or your own) teeth out. -Option #2: You become Sidney Crosby.
Thankfully, young Max Domi has chosen the most desirable path, yet much more difficult to attain. Our Sid is his role model, see. He shapes his game after him. Some loftly goals, I'd say.

Reason #2: Todd Bertuzzi's nephew was playing for the opposing team. Small world, eh? Indeed. Imagine being related to Todd Bertuzzi though on the eve of his near-deathening hit on that guy who I don't quite remember the name of. Remember, the one that like broken his back or something and made him never able to play in the NHL ever again? Yeah, imagine being related to Bertuzzi when that happened. "Son...I have some news about your uncle." Baha. Geez. Poor kid. He was pretty damn good, though. Had 3 goals and 3 assists going for him already in that tournament.

Reason #3: Marc Staal used to play for the Sudbury Wolves. So did Jared Staal. This is a very special team in my heart. The lucky bastards. Imagine an NHL team getting two Staal brothers. Wow. Major hearthrob marathon.

Reason #4: There used to be four reasons. Now I've kind of forgotten what we're talking about. So, for now, there shall only be three. But I will come up with a fourth. I promise you this. I will remeber.

IMOW: E Staal

This has been the longest period of time I've ever been so close to Eric Staal.



I'm starting to build a greater appreciation for him. Don't worry, Jordan's still my favorite, but Eric is ranking pretty high at the moment. They show him on tv so much here, it's crazy. They just did an hour-long segment of In My Own Words: Eric Staal. Best. Hour. Of. Life. I swear to god, my eyes did not leave the screen for one minute. He did the entire interview in his own house, and he wasn't wearing any shoes. Or socks. So he was just sitting there, talking to a guy in a suit and dress shoes, with naked feet. I admire him for this, somehow. It shows strength and integrity.

A Staal Update

Greetings from South Carolina.

I got to watch all three Staal brothers play in one day yesterday. This is the first time this has ever happened to me. It was a life changing experience.

Jordan Staal is really hot. I've been noticing this especially lately. It's just the way that his hair is so smooth and wavy, and how his skin seems to stay just the right shade of tan even when he's on the ice. Alex Ponikarovsy's skin does this too. He is also very attractive. He is a wonderful new addition to our Pens. It's amazing that they managed to get him.

Eric Staal is getting too good. It's not right. He is speeding away from his brothers at an extraordinary rate. Its not that I don't want him to be good, really, I do, but it's all just happening too fast. Something happened this year that changed him.

Marc Staal is rapidly falling far behind. He was never truly as skilled as his offensive brothers, but at least he had some defending power. Now, he doesn't really do much. He doesn't connect passes too well, or catch them for that matter. He doesn't score, and he doesn't save goals. He hits people, but not as well as he used to. I blame his girlfriend. Did you know she's a supermodel? I think her name is Kat or something. She's foreign. Foreign and blond.

I miss Jared. He used to be good and full of potential. Now, he's fallen off the map. He no longer lives on the face of this Earth. He lives in...(GASP!) the AHL. Duh Duh DUH. I liked it better when he played on the same team the Marc used to. I feel bad for that team, kind of, though. They got the worst two of the four Staal bros. Unlucky sons of bitches.

Pitt won against Boston and Zdeno, Carolina won against Atlanta and Mr. Armstrong, and the Rangers lost to Buffalo and Tyler Myers. Pauvre, pauvre Marc.

How We Adore Our Fuzzy Little Creatures

The Pens call Pascal Dupuis "Dupper". I just found this out.

The Anatomy of a Girl In a Car

Here's a little fun fact:

Did you know that it takes 18 hours to drive from Ottawa to South Carolina?

I found this out today. I am currently typing this message from highway 95. I am on my way to Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. I will be staying there for two weeks. It will take me two days to drive there, and two days to drive back. Therefore I will be staying there a week and a half. Over a quarter of my trip will be spent in the car.

I'm not complaining. I've been spending the past 8 and 1/2 hours discovering the hidden wonders of this incredible journey that I am making. During the time I've spent in the car so far, I've traveled closer to more hockey playing towns than I've been in my whole life. Let me take you throught it.

I left Ottawa and traveled towards Toronto. That was nothing new for me, considering I spent almost every weekend of my life in Toronto ever since I started playing hockey. However, this was the first time I'd been there since Dion Phaneuf and Jiggy Giguere were traded to the Leafs, and it made me feel kind of special to know I was so close to some guys who probably hated being there almost as much as I did.

After leaving the painfully trafficked streets of 6:00 a.m Toronto we skimmed near Buffalo, and I waved in the direction of Tyler Myers from my caged confiment of the highway. I don't think he was even there, but I believe he appreciated the gesture. He knows I care. Well, he knows I exist, which is more than I can say for some of the other people I waved at later on in this trip.

Hours later, I managed to wake up from my slumber just in time to catch a glimpse of the "Welcome to Pennsylvania" sign. This, I have to say, was a defining moment in my life. I was not aware that we would be passing through PA. I was not aware that I would passing next to Pittsburgh, but, I have to say, I do not regret it. I do not regret it one bit.

Now, I went to a Sens-Flyers game not too long ago, so my treak next to Philedelphia was not much of a big deal for me. It was slightly cool passing near the actually houses of the players, but I was tempted to ask my father to detour so I could through eggs at Chris Pronger's humble abode.

I mentioned I did not regret passing through Pennsylvania. This is true. What I do regret, however, was having to see the sign on the highway telling us to keep right in order to enter Pittsburgh. Also, having to watch as the sign slowly dissapeared into the mist as my father, my mother, my sister and I, unfortunately, kept left. I saw the fork in the road that could have made all the difference in my life. We had the choice. The choice to go left, or right. Left, leading us to our intended destination of South Carolina, excrutiatingly close to one of the most beloved brothers of all time, or right, leading me to what could have changed my life forever. I begged my father to take the right. I begged him. Unfourtunately, my father is not susceptible to bribery.

And now, here I sit. Momentarily, we are passing Washington. I am too distraught to care. They probably aren't even here. They're probably off kicking some team's ass. Cause that's how bauss they are. That's right. I just used bauss on the internet.

Oh, they are here. I've just found this out. I am a little more excited now.

You know what makes me sad? The Sens were actually in Carolina when I was in Ottawa, and they were traveling back to Ottawa when I am currently traveling to Carolina now. It's like we swapped. And it's kind of cool to think that if I had taken the goddamn plane instead of spending 18 hours cramped up in this honest-to-God Volvo, I might've met them at the airport. Yeah. That is a cool thought. But I don't like taking airplanes. Being in the air makes me angry.

I've decided to tell you this today because I am bored. I have nothing else to do. And now my computer's about to run out of battery. So I have to go now. Leave me to suffer on my own. I don't care. Here's a funny picture.

Yes. Yes, that is funny. If you don't get it you're a ho. Here's another.

This one was not as funny. But I'm bored. So take a third one.

That was a little innapropriate. I will admit. But I don't care. I get mean when I've been stuck in a car for a day and half straight.

6 hours to go.