The Hockey Player's Guide: How to Make a Girl Swoon

I would just like to make something known to the world today.

Mike Fisher high-fived me at the New Jersey game. No, not one of those fake air high-fives from the ice, he actually high-fived me, like, hand to hand contact. Well, no. My hand to his glove contact. Which makes it like fifteen times better.

See, I went to where the players come out of the dressing room and walk out onto the ice, and I stuck my hand out to see if any of the guys would maybe make my day. The first half just...didn't. Maybe it was because I was wearing my Kris Letang jersey to the game. I made a point to make myself known as a Penguins fan. I got booed. It was awesome.

Anyway, most of the Senators ignored me, and my outstreched hand. But then the future Mr. Carrie Underwood waltzed out, almost completely oblivious to everything around him and 100% in his zone. He did not see my Leswoon jersey. He did not look up to make sure I was a Sens fan. He simply stuck out his glove, without even glancing in my direction, and taped his hand against mine. And, with that, just about my whole life was made. He gave my life meaning.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. I was jubilant after that; I was the happiest person in the world. Nothing could rain on my parade. A pimp could spit in my mouth and I wouldn't care. So I didn't care much when Jason Spezza walked out. I still had my hand out, you know, just in case, and also because I was in so much after-shock from the Mike Fisher touching that I became momentarily paralyzed. Spezza, obviously, being the caring and excrutiatingly friendly man that he is, decided to make my day/week/year/life even better. No, he did not high-five me. He lifting up his stick, blade first, and touched my hand with it. With his stick.

So, to sum up: Mike Fisher glove and Jason Spezza blade. My left had shall never be washed again. And also, I was on TV. I was sitting directly behind the space between the two benches, where the camera dude films the game and all that, and he decided to turn it on me. I don't know why he did it, he knew I was wearing a Pittsburgh jersey after all. But, either way, he had his camera on me for about ten seconds. I didn't look at it, so from the TV it might look as if I were completely oblivious to the whole thing, but I knew. Oh, I knew.



Congratulations on the freakishly long winning streak, by the way, Ottawa. It is getting kind of old. You've already beaten the best team in the league, the best players in the league, and now the best goalie in the history of the NHL. Way to go. You can stop now. Please. It's annoying.