Lets Grind These Bitches Down

Dan Bylsma

It's Time

What a heartbreak. But, you know, I can't say that I'm too shaken up about it. I'm definitely disappointed, of course. My two teams out in the same night. It was rough. But I knew from the start what the outcome was going to be. I mean, who were we kidding; a Pittsburgh without Crosby and Malkin wasn't going to last. And in a way this is better, because it gives Sid time to recuperate over the summer and get back to full form instead of joining in during the playoffs and possibly ending his career forever!

ALSO, the Habs gave us a good show. A great one, even. I almost shit my pants that entire game. PK Subban is my hero. His post-goal celebration (or lack thereof) made my life. And Carey Price is a tank. This time last year, we were worshiping Halak. Funny how things go.

Also, did anyone else catch the video of Chara drinking a bottle of coke on the bench in the middle of the third? I laughed. Chara's a bitch, but he has his moments.

Okay so, now that my top three votes have been eliminated, who to go for? Chicago was a predictable loss, by the way. We all knew this would happen, the moment they made their first trade after they won the cup last year, we knew it. I was happy, though, that they lost to a respectable team. The Vancouver Canucks. Canadians, nonetheless. Okay, thats it. I'm going for Vancouver. No questions asked, problem solved. I mean, the lightning JUST won the thing in like 08. They've had their turn. It's time for Canada to lift this cup again.

Canucks in 4.

oh.my.god.

I can't even believe I found these. These videos will change your life. I am in awe.
Road to the Winter Classic
Highlight: First 10 minutes; Pens naked in the locker room and Ovechkin in a speedo.

The full version of the second video is on youtube, 50 mins.

Here's another funny one, Max being a weirdo.
Max/Sid interview Winter Classic

"Maybe you shouldn't drink so much on an empty stomach." ..."Maybe you should wear makeup if you're gonna act like my mother."

Pittsburgh streak is still going.
Patrick Kane is out for 3 weeks + for a lower body leg/ankle/idontreallyknow injury.
Alex Ovechkin is virtually non-existant.
My hockey pool sucks because my two best players are a) out for 3 weeks with a lower body injury or b) virtually non-existant. My father got first pick and inevitably chose Sidney Crosby. My mother, having the second pick, instead of opting for the next best player on the list, the Great Eight, chose Dany Heatley. She doesn't know who he is. She doesn't know a thing about hockey. Sad thing is, she's beating me. I'm actually the loser out of all four members of my family at the moment. I got last pick, so I gues it's only natural that I should be lagging behind. Wondering, perhaps, being fourth to pick, how I ended up with the most talented player in the league? My sister has tremendous faith in her heroes. She picked Steven Stamkos. She is currently in second place, mere inches behind my Sid the Kid lead father. And my lonely Alex Ovechkin captained fantasy hockey team is stuck in last, dwindling in the ever-present fear of retribution :) NO ONE LEAVES MY TEQUILA WORM DANGLING IN THE WIND! -Antonio Banderas

Of A Hustla, ofaofa Hustla

So. News. Billy Guerin retired.

WHAT?!

Bill Guerin? No! This is so sad. I hate when people retire. I have a feeling that a BUNCH of our favorites (ie, Alfy, Brodeur, Gonch, etc.) are gonna leave us soon. I don't want that to happen. I'm in denial. Me and the Hockey Gods, we have a deal, see. No one is gonna grow older. Everyone is going to stay the exact same age they are, and they're just gonna keep playing for ever and ever. Well, everyone except me. The pros are gonna halt while I'm gonna shoot up in anticipation of the age when I'll actually be able to say 'I want you' without it being illegal. Oh, how I yearn for those years.

On other news, Sid da Kid is ramping up the points, so far he has 24 goals and 24 assists, for 48 points, en route for another 50+ goal season, and yet another 100+ point season. 9 goals is 5 games, 6 in three games. He got a hattrick in his past two games at home. He has a 16 game scoring streak (18 goals, 15 assists). The Pens are going for an 11 game winning streak.

Dude. I feel like we need a slow mo Sid Crosby moment right now.

Ah, and there's Max. I miss him. I also miss Geno. Wanna see something that reminds me of Geno? K, just picture it with his peanut butter accent. Ready?

Sign Rosie, Goddamnit

GASP! The Pens still haven't re-signed Ruslan Fedetenko! Hurry up, or you're gonna lose him! Come on, let's go, move it and sign that friggin' contract!

Thrills

Watch this video and tell me it doesn't make you fucking antsy bout the Winter Classic.

Pens/Caps Thriller

Well done, NHL. This is one good move. Pittsburgh vs. Washington for the Winter Classic is pure genius. Too bad Sergei isn't going to be there to enjoy it. Let's read up on what Maxy thinks about this whole thing, hmm?

I've got this thing on audio and in writing, so y'all can have the full experience because let me tell you, this thing is epic. This, right here, is why we love Maxime Talbot. This is why.

While the NHL season does not get underway for another two months, one of the hottest rivalries has already begun to heat up.

Pittsburgh Penguins forward Max Talbot began a war of words with Washington Capitals superstar Alexander Ovechkin on Tuesday while Talbot was promoting the upcoming 2011 NHL Winter Classic between the Pens and Caps at Heinz Field on New Year's Day.

While doing a promotional interview on Pittsburgh Radio Station 105.9 The X, Talbot said that Ovechkin was a "real douche" and continued to stir the pot with more statements of how much he dislikes the two-time Hart Trophy winner.

"I just hate the guy," Talbot told The X on Tuesday. "I can't lie. Sorry. Even more so for a guy like Ovechkin. Like, seriously, okay...yeah. I don't like him."

As the radio hosts continued to egg him, Talbot admitted that he immediately disliked Ovechkin the first time he met him.

"The first time I met him, actually, when I met him off the ice," Talbot told The X. "You hear a lot of stories about a guy, but sometimes they're not true. You hear of guys who are not good guys, and you're like, 'Yeah, okay, I'll give the guy a shot.' The first time I met him, let's say he didn't give the best impression to me, so better reason to hate him even more."

Talbot also stated that he continued his hatred for the Russian sniper during a subsequent encounter.

"I was actually at the NHL Awards last summer with (Evgeni) Malkin, and we brought the Stanley Cup over there after the season," Talbot told The X. "Malkin knew Ovechkin, and introduced me to him, and the first impression wasn't great. I'm not really gonna say what happened, but I'm like, 'Ok, this guy is a real douche.' "

While Ovechkin has yet to respond, this is just the latest chapter in the immensely entertaining rivalry between two of the best teams in the NHL's Eastern Conference.

You make my life, Superstar.

Club Shifting Style

Sergei Gonchar. We got him.

I don't even know how to express what I'm feeling right now into words, because Gonch was a Pen at heart, and I don't really know how he's going to feel about the transition. I love the Penguins, so I don't know if I'm sad that he isn't playing for my favorite team anymore or extatic that he'll be living in the same town as me for the next 3 years. I don't know how to feel. I guess I could feel angry, at Pittsburgh, because they didn't have the guts to re-sign him quickly enough. Because now LeSwoon is without a mentor, and Geno is without a shoulder to lean on. What is he going to do? Did anyone ever think about that, huh, when they decided that Sergei was too expensive to re-sign? Did anyone think about Evgeni? What's going to happen to him? How's he going to survive without his Russian padre to help him out? Sure, he's got Max now, but he's French. Geno can't speak French. And he can't learn another language now, things have been so hard on him already... I'm freaking out. Am I freaking out? This is a good thing. At least we didn't make a trade. Volchenkov for Gonchar, I don't know how that would've worked out. The Pens just lost their best defenseman, and now they have no one. They need someone, soon. But for now, we can bask in the glory of our new found greatness. Didn't I tell you off-season was fun?

When In Doubt

Look at what I found.

What's next for this blog, you may ask? Hard to say. But I've been met with tough descisions before, and I know rather well how to handle them. The answer is quite simple, really. Here's what you do:

You go back to Pittsburgh.

WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Looks like I'll be keeping that Habs logo up there for a little bit longer. Goodbye, Pittsburgh. Next year, I'll love you again. But I only have space for one true love at a time, and at the moment, the Miracle Montreal Canadiens have captured my heart, as well as the hearts of everyone else in Canada. These are the best playoffs of all time.

Habs in 7. What did I tell you? Twice in a row my predictions have worked. Up next? Habs vs. either Philly or Boston. That's just too wierd. The last playoff seed against either the second last seed or the third last seed. These are wacky times, gents. Can you guess what I'm gonna say next?

Habs in 4.

For The Win

Assists by the referee should not count!! The score currently stands 4-1, with the first goal of the penguins being scored off of a deflection by the ref. Which means=no goal. But not, because the goal counted. The half-way mark just passed, which means=lots of time left to go. Which means=Pittsburgh could still win. Which means=I shouldn't freak out yet. But I already have. Four times. Because that's how many times we've kicked their ass.

Habs in 7. For the win, boys.

His and Her Story

Okay, so, the deed is done. Chicago has finally gotten rid of Vancouver. You know what I say to that? It's about goddamn time. Jesus.



So now, only one game of importance remains. Sure, Boston still has to play Philedelphia. And Philedelphia could overrun Boston just like Montreal did against Washington oh-so-long-ago, but we don't care about that. The only thing we care about right now, is one game. The only thing in life that we have to even worry about right now is the game tonight. Tonight, Montreal plays Pittsburgh. Tonight, you win, and you move on. Tonight, you lose, and you're out. Forever.

This is the game, folks. History WILL be made.

Miracle Montreal Canadiens

"Say what you want, the Canadiens will not go away. They will live to see another day. This is hockey, baby. These are the playoffs. And this, is Montreal. "

-Commentator after the "Miracle" Montreal Canadiens beat the Pittsburgh Penguins to send the series to 7 games.


HABS. IN. 7.



*Reading this just made me feel oh-so-much-better about our win:
Underdog Obsessed
Thanks, Gabs. You've boosted my spirit. Jealousy is a terribly thing.*

It's A Predictable Future

Okay, so update. Some relevant information without all those uplifting comments and shit.

• San Jose won game 5, so Detroit=OUT and Sharks=moving on to Western Conference Finals. This also means that you should now officially ignore the Red Wings tidbit in the poll.
• On Monday, Boston has the opportunity to get rid of those pesky Flyers. They will win. You know, when asked who he thought was the most annoying player in the NHL, Maxime Talbot, without much hesitation I might add, said Carcillo and Hartnell, both belonging to Philedelphia. I thought that was pretty funny. Max was also asked which player he thought was the hardest working in the NHL, and he said Sidney Crosby. I just thought I'd throw that out there.
• Also on Monday, Pittsburgh has the opportunity to eliminate the Montreal Canadiens. They will not win.
• Tonight, the Hawks plays Vancouver. If Chicago wins, they will take out the Canucks and continue on the play the Sharks in the next round.

Okay, now for some wishful thinking. Montreal will win on Monday because they have more desire than the Penguins do. They will tie up the series and send it into game seven, which they will win as well. They will then move on the Eastern Conference Finals and play Boston, who will have beaten out Philedelphia because, let's face it, the Flyers suck shit. It will be an intense series in which Camelleri will reach a new level of domination and Chara will drop down half-an inch. The Habs will win that series in six games and will move on to the Stanley Cup Finals, in which they will play the Chicago Blackhawks, who will have recently beat out first the Vancouver Canucks and then the San Jose Sharks, both in 6 games. By this time, Jonathan Toews will have fully grown out his beard and will have perfected his Wolverine look. Patrick Kane, Patrick Sharp and Adam Burish will notice this improvement and will, without Tazer's knowing, enter him in a superhero look-alike competition, which he will win. Montreal and Chicago will battle it out for the Stanley Cup for seven long games, by the end of which no one in Canada will have any clean underpants left to wear. Much to the Habs' chagrin, game 7 will go to the Hawks, and Johnny will become the second youngest captain to ever hoist Lord Stanley. He will then be interviewed on the ice, during which he will say his youthful team did a "fucking great job", reminiscent of the time he won the world juniors. Montreal, crestfallen, will have a go at Stanley the next post-season, but will come up short, with Pittsburgh winning their second cup in three years. The Canadiens year will come next, though, with their captain Brian Gionta leading them to victory, giving them their first taste of playoff gold since 1993, adding a 25th cup to their collection. This will be their first and only cup of the decade, making a 14 year dent in their record until they win it again.

By this time, Sidney Crosby will have retired, and will have long admitted to his homosexuality. He will live a long and plentiful life, happily married to a skinny man named Ryan with two cats and a beach house in Miami.

Cross-Continental Affairs

WHAT DID I SAY? WHAT THE FUCK DAY I SAY?!

HABS. IN. 6.
WHOOT!

The best of three series starts now, ladies and gents. This'll be one for the books. For the rest of your life, you'll be able to say you saw the day the Montreal Canadiens, the last placed seed in the playoffs, beat off both the number one team in the league and the defending Stanley Cup Champions. You'll be able to say you witnessed history on that day. And you know who you'll say predicted this outcome? Yours truly over here, overjoyed with tears flowing down her cheeks. I just found out what candid means. This, is candid.

Three games remain possible in this series. The outcome: a mystery.

And to everyone who thought San Jose pulled a total "I am currently the shit" move and would sweep Detroit in four, take another look at that scoreboard. Because in the fourth game of the series, with the Wings down 3 games to none, the score currently strands 6-1. For Detroit. Who's the shit now, Sharks? Couldn't keep your legs under you long enough to take care of a team full of pot-bellied veterans, could ya now, Dany? Must've been all those affairs you've been having with the wives of all the Ottawa Senators. Cross-continental. All those flights back and forth must've really tired you out. Or maybe it was all the sex? I think your losing your touch, Douchebag.

Habs in 6.
Wings in 7.

This Is Our Time

2 minutes ago, the Penguins beat the Habs.
2 minutes, 15 seconds ago, Pascal Dupuis scored the empty net goal that secured them the win.

I hate empty net goals. And I hate how angry Geno has been lately. Every single thing that's call against them, he yells in anger. The puck got deflected off of someone's stick and up into the mesh, and he got so mad, I got scared. Someone needs to talk to that boy.

The series currently stands at 2-1, but I'm not worried. They'll get the next one. If they go into Pittsburgh to play their fifth game down 3-1, then I'll be worried. But not now. We can handle this. The Canadiens have not gotten even spitting distance to Lord Stanley in 17 years, which was the last time they won the thing. Pittsburgh's time, it's done. Montreal has this. They've got it. This is their time, gents. We know this. You know this. They know this. Now, it's just time for them to show it.

Habs in 6.

Disapointing Loses; New Outcomes

Okay, I'll admit it.

The first game of that Habs-Pens series didn't go so well.

I mean, we were in it for the most part; they would score, then we would score, then they would score two goals and we would tie it up...but then they scored another two goals and we couldn't really seem to come back from that. And then there was that empty-netter. You know, I really hate emptynet goals. Know why? Because a game can go from being extremely close to not being close at all. It sucks. The scoreboard shows at the end of the game a team that was completely dominated by its opposer, when usually that wasn't really the case at all. I don't know if it wasn't the case for this game in particular, but still, my point remains.

We lost our first game 6-3. Halak got pulled after 5 goals, Price went in and didn't let any shots through until he got pulled for an extra skater. The first game is usually the most important game in the series, and could possibly set the tone of the outcome.
Example: Montreal's win in the first game of the Caps series.
Exception: Ottawa's win in the first game of the Pens series.

Things may look bad now, but don't fret, young Habs fans. I believe we can come back from this.

Habs in 5.


You know, I wasn't really surprised at the outcome of that game anyway. I mean, I expected Pittsburgh to come out strong. Crosby loves playing the Canadiens, remember? Something I definitely was surprised about was last night's game, Chicago vs Vancouver.

Yikes.
Jonathan Toews, 22 may be the sex year. But it is definitely not shaping up to be your year. I mean, 5-1. 5-1! This reminds me of my very first post on this blog, almost one year ago, when the Pens lost 5-zip to Detroit in the Stanley Cup Final series. Jesus. Step it up, Hawks. Really. This is your year to win it. Screw the Canucks. Stop thinking about your rivalry with them for just two seconds and worry about winning rather than punching someone's face in. Really, Chicago, I thought you knew better.

#102

Hello, world. I have some very special news to share. This, here, what you're reading right at this moment, is my one hundred and second post. YeeuP. This blog has graced 102 posts. No joke. I wish I had realized this on my one hundredth , but I wasn't really paying attention, because I was too engrossed in telling you all about Tyler. Yep, it's true. My one hundredth post was used to enform you that Tyler Myers has a girlfriend. I think it was worth it.

And then my one hundred and first post was used to tell you that the Habs had won the first game of the series agains Washington, which was completely worth it, no doubt.

Pittsburgh, by the way, won their second game against Ottawa. Series is now 1-1.
Habs are currently tied 4-4 to Caps with 6:00 left in the third. Can you spell intense?

Not A Setback

Jesus of fuck.

Well, I guess you've all found out then.
Pittsburgh decided to lose their first game of the playoffs.
It would be an understatement to say I wanted to punch through a wall right now.
But no big. I have faith that they'll come together. They just didn't wanna embarrass Ottawa by sweepin' em. It's fine. They gave them the first one, but thats all. Build up their confidence just to send it crashing down. Its kind of mean, but hey. This is the playoffs. Anything goes.



Pens in 5.
Habs in 4.

Lord Stanley, Give Us Your Votes

Have you guys seen the new votes we have going on here now? I think they're right about...here:----------------------------------->>>

You should really give your opinion. So far we've got over 10 votes, which is more than the last one I put up at least. This is a super intense question, though. Really makes you think. The TSN and Sportscentre analysists both think that Washington and Chicago are going to face off in the finals, which those of you who have voted have seemed to have agreed on, mostly. You also seem to think some random underdog might take the win. You never know. Pitt was an underdog a little while back, they were hardly even going to make the playoffs two years ago. There's always a chance. I think Phoenix is gonna give us all a run for our money. Not that they haven't done well this year, it's just that...you don't expect Phoenix to win. You just don't. It's some sort of unconscious thing that we all do. They finished pretty high up in the standings, and yet we don't pay them any mind. "Someone will beat them," we all say. And it's probably true. But you never know, kids. These years, things just keep getting wierder and wierder.