The 9 Things I Hate About You (part 1)

The Sens game versus Edmonton last night was some sort of universal gathering of aquaintances of Al. I think I saw like seventeen people I knew. Crazy shit. You know what else? Jesse Winchester got like seven million penalties. And there were some suuuuuper annoying bitches sitting next to me who kept using the Senators' first names and taking crappy pics, and every time they'd come into our zone, they'd be like, "Oh, hello you." and snap a shot. I wanted to flick that girl in the face, and not only because of her annoying-ass voice, but because she legit had botox-injected lips. Not even kidding. I know.

But in spite of that, I managed to get some sweeettt shots of Taylor and Jordan and Magnus on my phone. Her distraction was nothing compared to my epic photography skillage. I will figure out how to upload them from the cell to the computer soon enough, do not fret my dearies. Laugh out loud. Hello you.

Webster's Dictionary defines AL as nothing less than a complete and utter hyprocrite.

Things Are Finally Looking Up

This is gonna be a good year. I can feel it. It didn't start out too well, but its gonna work out. Hell, its getting better already. Why? The Oilers=undefeated in the pre-season. The reason?



The one on the right is Magnus Paajarvi-Svensen. Remember I told you about him? He's awesome. I like how I discovered him all on my own, just like I discovered Kevin Bieksa. I wonder where he is right now. I still haven't seen Jordan Eberle play with Taylor Hall yet!! But I know what'll make it better. Because look what I found.

Why yes, those are pictures of Taylor Hall and Tyler Seguin at the Draft training assessment thing. Why don't we dive deeper, hmm?

Hockey players' arms aren't supposed to look like that. Those are like, body builders' arms. They don't really match. This is why we're Team Taylor here at Loonie Engraved. And I don't mean Team Werewolf. I mean Team Freakin Hall.

Let's see them all together again.

Aha. Look at Jordan. You know Paajarvi (I don't feel comfortable calling him Magnus, we aren't on a first-name basis yet) just told a joke, and Hallsy's laughing his ass off, and Ebz is just like "Hahaha...I don't get it."

Ahh. Canada hasn't won the cup in a while. This is our time. It's a Canada year.

'Atta Boy, Taytay

This whole year, everyone kept saying Tyler Seguin was going to go first. The scouts said it, the coaches said it, the announcers said it. It was always a battles between Taylor and Tyler, but somehow, Taylor Hall continuously fell short of expectations. He played for Team Canada in the World Juniors, he lead his Windsor Spitfires to win the Memorial Cup two years running, he won the Wayne Gretzy 99 Award, Eddie Powers Memorial Trophy, the Stafford Smythe Memorial Trophy and the Ed Chynoweth Trophy, all in the past two years. Did Tyler Seguin play for Baby Canada? Did Tyler Seguin win two Memorial Cups in a row? Did Tyler Seguin win all that shit-bucket of awards?

No. But somehow, all of those unbelievable achievements did not get Taylor ahead of Tyler in the running for No. 1 overall draft pick. It left him feeling pretty glum.

But Tayl0r Hall never gave up. And the Edmonton Oilers saw something in him that was obvious to the rest of us, but conspicuously hidden in the eyes of the NHL world. Taylor and Tyler both showed up at that draft. And who's name was called first?

Oh, Tay. You know you deserved this. And we know you deserved this. So suck in all this glory that you got now. And take the time to rub it in Tyler's face. Because this was your draft all along. We were here supporting you from the sidelines, and you never gave up because this was something you had worked for your entire life. Now, you get the opportunity to bring a drowning team down from the deepest depths of the standings and carry them on your back on the road to greatness. You're getting the opportunity to be Sidney Crosby. And I think you're ready.

Tyler Seguin, he doesn't get that opportunity. The Boston Bruins were in the playoffs this year. They even made it past the first round. That's not a team that needs rebuilding. Chances are, young Tyler won't even get to play next year. The Bruins are perfectly fine without him. He won't be a star. You, you Taylor Hall, will be a star. Screw Tyler. This draft will forever be know as Taylor vs. Tyler, and everyone will remember who came out on top. Five, ten years from now, people will look at this picture and say:

"Whatever happened to that other guy?"

The smile tells it all. Tyler, go cry in a hole. Leave Taylor to celebrate this moment. He deserves it more than anyone.