From Bulk to...

If anyone can find a more suitable nickname for a more deserving candidate than 'Big Buff', please, let me know. Because whoever came up with Dustin Byfuglien's nickname is a genius.

So, Philedelphia will not be swept. No matter. We'll dispose of them soon enough. No panic necessary.

Check out this video. It made me cry. It's like, touching. It touches your soul.

No words.

Smile, Love

Right, so we all know Jonathan Toews has the notorious nickname of Captain Serious on the Hawks. And we love him for it, don't get me wrong. But sometimes, just sometimes, we wanna make fun of him. Just a little bit.

This picture made me die laughing.

**Thanks to Micaela for showing me this. Spanish class is a lot more interesting when you've got your laptop facing me. It's because of you that I don't have a Twitter account. You keep me updated, and that's all I need. Love you.**

For the Love of God

I just found out that Jesse Winchester, of the Ottawa Senators if you didn't know which you really should, has a really cool nickname. They call him "The Lane Finder". How awesome is that? He isn't even fully on the team, he keeps switching back from Binghamton to Ottawa and back again. That must be tough. It sucks that they make the farm teams so far away from the actual NHL team. Someone should look into that. If not for me, for our good friend Jesse. He isn't even really a part of the team and they still give him a nickname. How great is that? That really shows how loving and caring and giving and recieving and open-minded and greatful and manly and humble and nice the Ottawa Senators are. Hell, they kicked Buffalo's ass the other night without two of their best players! That, ladies and gentlemen, shows depth. The Sens have a depth like you have never seen. If they're missing a big goalscorer, like when Dany Douchebag Heatley ditched during the summer and completely screwed over two NHL franchises, they have people step up to take the plate. Like Mike Fisher. He is having the greatest season of his life, not to mention his new fiance with the million dollar engagement ring. And when the Sens are missing a big hitter, like when Chris Neil was out for a while and we thought all hope was lost, BAM! Matt Carkner. There are even debates now that Matt Carkner could even beat Chris Neil in a cage fight. That's huge! So, when Ottawa lost Jason Spezza, they didn't cry! Well, most of them didn't. You know, I'm not counting myself in all of this. But anyway, they weren't upset because they knew that their team had the depth to make up for their loss and come out on top in any situation. They were on top of the world, they could conquer anything! Well, that was all until that faithful (fateful?) night about a week ago when they got their asses handed to them on a silver plater by the defending Stanley Cup champions. They lost their captain, they lost their dignity, and, worst of all, they lost their hope. There was no hope for their next game that they had to play against the Buffalo Sabres. They didn't have Alfredsson, a fearless leader and an amazing play-maker with a killer shot, and they didn't have Spezza, someone who hasn't really been on his game the past two seasons (something I have and will always to continue to blame on his wife) but a stand-up guy all the same. The poor little Senators didn't know what to do! They were lost and confused; they knew they needed to depend on someone, but who? Not Kovalev...sure, he's a great hockey player; he has amazing hands and a snipe that could rip right through Brian Miller's glove, but he's not dependable. Hell, they needed someone consistent, someone who they could count on to do what was best in the time when it matterd most. Someone, someone like Fisher. Yes, he would be their captain, he would be their leader. He would be the one to lead them into the abiss. Or would he? Would he continue to do what he's been doing all season long? Would he make the passes, take the hits, and rack up the points? Or would he crash and burn? We've seen it happen many-a-time before; you're only hope in the world fail on you in your time of need. Maybe it's all the preasure. You know, it's really hard to funtion when a whole city of caffeine-crazed hockey fans is depending on you. Maybe that's Kovalev's problem. Well, we'll never know for sure, but I have a theory about him. When we're all excited, we're thinking, "Good, we've got Alexei Kovalev, he'll replace Dany Heatley no problem, he'll solve all our problems." That's when things will go wrong! That's when he'll crash and burn! See? When we give up on him completely, when we say, "Jesus Christ, we've made the biggest mistake of our lives, bringing this turd on the team. He can't do shit for anybody!" That's when he'll shine! Don't you guys get it yet? That's why he's so inconsistent! Wow, I'm just one kid and I figured that out. You'd think the greatest hockey minds in the world would be able to figure it out too. I mean, if the game against Buffalo wasn't enough proof for you, I don't know what else to give. Kovalev was amazing that game. He kicked ass. In the "stud" and "dud" report in the newspaper yesterday, he was the stud! Kovalev is a great hockey player, and don't you ever forget it!



Wow, what the hell was I talking about here?

Nicknames

Hey guys,

Remember when I said I would post a page with the nicknames of some of the guys? Well, wait no longer. I finally decided to sit my ass down and write this, even though I have a mile high pile of homework waiting for me on my desk.



The Pittsburgh Penguins:

Evgeni Malkin: Geno, Rusky
Sergei Gonchar: Gonch
Maxime Talbot: Superstar
Jordan Staal: Staalsy, The Gronk
Kris Letang: Tangers
Matt Cooke: Cookie
Ruslan Fedetenko: Feds
Marc-Andre Fleury: Flower, Rebounds
Sidney Crosby: Sid the Kid, Bing, Sid Vicious
Tyler Kennedy: TK
Michael Rupp: Ruppy
Pascal Dupuis: Dupper

The Ottawa Senators:

Jason Spezza: Spezz, Giggles
Daniel Alfredsson: Alfie
Jonathan Cheechoo: The Cheechoo Train, Cheech
Mike Fisher: Fishy
Chris Kelly: Kells
Alex Kovalev: AK27
Anton Volchenkov: Volch, Volchy
Brian Elliott: Ernie
Jesse Winchester: The Lane Finder


The Washington Capitals:

Alex Ovechkin: Ovie, The Great Eight, Alex the Great, The Mechanic, The Russian Machine
Alexander Semin: Sasha
John Irskine: Irsky
Mike Green: Game Over
Jose Theodore: Theo
Semyon Varlamov: Semy, Varly
Ollie Kolzig: Zilla


The Chicago Blackhawks:

Jonathan Toews: Captain Serious, Tazer
Patrick Kane: Kaner, 20 Cents
Patrick Sharp: Sharpie, The Uterus Killer
Brian Campbell: Soupy, Chicken Soup


Others:

Dany Heatley: Heater, The Heat
Ryan Malone: Bugsy
Vincent Levalier: Vinny
Henrik Zetterberg: Ice Berg, Zata, Hank, Z
Steve Mason: The Wall
Martin Brodeur: Satan's Wallpaper
Don Cherry: Grapes
Tie Domi: The Albanian Assassin
Patrick Elias: St. Patrick
Jean-Sebastien Giguere: Jiggy
Dominik Hasek: The Dominator
Saku Koivu: Captain K
Nikolai Khabibulin: The Bulin Wall
Mikka Kiprusoff: Kipper
Eric Lindros: The Big E
Roberto Luongo: Bobby-Lu
Chris Osgood: The Wizard of Oz, Ozzie
Teemu Selanne: The Finnish Flash
Mats Sundin: Sudden
Tim Thomas: The Tank
Francis Bouillon: The Cube, Frank the Tank
Steve Yzerman: Stevie Wonder, Stevie-Y, The Captain


The Classics:

Jean Beliveau: Le Gros Bil
Yvan Cournoyer: The Roadrunner
Wayne Gretzky: The Great One, The Great Gretzky
Gordie Howe: Mr. Hockey
Bobby Hull: The Golden Jet
Brett Hull: The Golden Brett
Guy Lafleur: The Flower
Mario Lemieux: The Magnificent One, Super Mario
Mark Messier: Moose, The Messiah
Maurice Richard: The Rocket
Henri Richard: The Pocket Rocket
Larry Robinson: Big Bird
Luc Robitaille: Lucky Luc
Patrick Roy: Casseau, Saint Patrick



Brought to you in part by Loonie Engraved.

Just Me Thinking

I was thinking about making a post about nicknames. You wouldn't believe some of the things these guys come up with. Did you know the Hawks named Patrick Sharp "Uterus Killer"? That's really funny. Also, I might do a beauty pageant...I'm trying to think of what team to do, I might even do Baby Canada 2009, because someone won't just do it themselves...

Just a heads up. If you have any other ideas or things that you want me to do, don't hesitate to tell me. Comments are appreciated!