LMFAO

BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLTEEHHEEHELMFAO

Kovalchuk had finally settled down.

HAHAHAHAHAHATEHEHEHEEEEROFLROFLROOOFLROOFFFLLLL

Ohmygoodness. This is the best thing that's happened all summer. Everytime I think about it I just burst into uncontrolled fits of laughter. Remember how Ilya Kovalchuk finally picked a team and signed a deal? Remember how the deal was for 102 million over 17 years? Haha. Well, Ilya's all happy and settled, and the Devils all breathed in a huge sigh of relief. Thank God, we got him. This long wait of tremendous suspense has finally come to an end.

And then the NHL pops in and says, "No, you can't do that."

BAJHAHHAHAHHAROFLROFLFRRLOOOOORLFFFORLFOAHBAHAHAHA

DEAR LORD. Apparently, the deal was in violation of some act or crap. They were like, you can't make a deal like that. And New Jersey was all, I checked the fucking act, and we aren't in violation of it. And then the NHL was like, dude. I make the rules here. I do not agree to this. Kovalchuk, you are now once again a free fucking agent.

And you know what Kovalchuk's agent issued out onto the site today as his opinions on the matter?

"No comment."

BAHAHAHKTEEEEALKFROALFORALALRRORLAALLAHAHFAHAHAHR

Kovalchuk Finally Makes a Move, Gagne to Bolts

There are two new changes to report. I'm going to use bullets.

• Ilya Kolvalchuk has finally made a deal. After about the longest wait of all time, special little Ilya has finally cracked a roster. They called it, "A Deal With The Devil". He's going back to New Jersey, the move everyone suspected he would make, but what we didn't expect was the monster deal he would conduct. 102 million over 17 years. Holy fuck. Those are big numbers. He's going to get paid until he's 44 years old. Can you say Chris Chelios?

• Philedelphia star Simon Gagne got traded away to Tampa. Whoo! I'm cheering because I'm hoping this will mark the beginning of the decay of the Flyers franchise. Simon sounded super duper excited to be a part of the Lightning, saying he was anticipating playing with the likes of Vincent Lecavalier, Steven Stamkos and Martin St-Louis. It's funny because Vinny didn't even play on that top line last season, and I didn't hear Ryan Malone's name being mentioned anywhere in there. No problem. Stammers' rep with help old Bugsy out. I wonder if they still call him Bugsy over there in the sunny place. They better. God, I miss when we had two Ryans on our team. We would call them "The two Ryans". *sigh*

Also, Jason Spezza's still in Ottawa, just in case anyone's still interested.