Birthdays in January

Okay, that only worked for a little bit. Now I'm nervous again. Here are all the January birthdays that have yet to happen.

January

6th: -Adam Burish. Ah, the Indian Burrito. How I love you so, and your pranks. You are one of the funniest men alive, disincluding Dane Cook and Russell Peters. I hope you get to play again soon.
-Richard Zednick. He used to be my favorite player on the Habs a while back. Remember when he got his throat sliced by a skate? Look it up, it's pretty insane.

7th: -Alex Auld. Only because I feel like you deserve I little recognition. You were an average goalie. This does not make me a Sens fan.
-Cody Bass. Neither does this.
-Donald Brashear. You kick ass. All players are afraid of you when you step onto the ice. You're a beast. Learn how to skate, and you'll be even more of a threat.
-Morris Titanic. I don't know who the hell this guy is, I've never even heard of him before, but his last name is epic.

9th: -Radek Bonk. A former Hab, a former Sen.
-Bruce Boudreau. The coach of the Washington Capitals. He does a great Ovei impression: "I SWEAR TO GOD!" Haha. It's also really funny when his face turns purple. He is so cute!
-Rob McClanahan. Another Miracle veteran. He was the one who got his knee messed up but was forced to play anyway, and kicked ass while limping. Try to do that, it's not easy.

12th: -Tim Horton. Has given coffee and donuts to Canadians everywhere. Americans, you know you're jealous.
-Marian Ho$$a. You so do not deserve to be born on the same day as someone who makes such good pastries.

13th: -Nikolai Khabibulin. Also known as the Bulin Wall, won the Stanley Cup for the lightning not too long ago.
-Mike Rupp. A Pen, so naturally, he is loved. He ranked pretty low in my Beauty Pageant though.
-Marc Staal. You know, you'd expect the 13th to be a bad day. It's quite the opposite in this case. I rather do like this day.

16th: -Matt Duchene. Third one picked in this year's draft, I believe. Will do well.
-Brenden Morrow. He was picked for the team Canada this year, although I'm not quite sure why. Maybe it's because of all his conections. Did you know that he's married to ex-Habs coach Guy Carbonneau's daughter?

17th: -Jeremy Roenick. That big mouthed bastard. I liked him better before he retired.

18th: -Ruslan Fedetenko. A Pen. I love him. And his crazy voice.
-Brian Gionta. Another new Hab on the block, and another one who ain't doing too badly.
-Mark Messier. I had no words for you, my friend. Your bald head is a miracle of it's own.
-Alex Pietrangelo: One of our Baby Canada Superstars. He's gonna win us the gold. See? I'm getting more positive by the minute.

19th: -Mike Komisarek. A former Hab, now a Leaf. It must be wierd switching rival teams.
-Ian Lapperiere. He tried to pick a fight with Matt Carkner in the game on Sunday. Matt Carkner said no. That's the only reason I know his name.

21st: -Dany Heatley. The douche-bag. You don't deserve to have a birthday.
-Jonathan Quick. How cool must it be to have a last name like that? Too bad he plays for Chicago, Adam Burish must have fun calling him Quicky.
-Georges Vezina. Pretty famous goalie, as an award for the best goalie was named after him. Funnily enough, my fifth grade English teacher was his daughter. That's right, I have connections.

22nd: -Shean Donovan. This does not make me a Sens fan. This does not make me a Sens fan.
-Elmer Lach. He played with Maurice Richard for the Habs back when they were the greatest hockey team in the world.

26th: -Wayne Gretzky. Hmm. He has official dissapeared off the face of the earth. I wonder if he'll show up to the Olympics.
-Fred Barrett. My home arena is named after him. He must've donated money or something, because I never heard he was a good hockey player.

27th: -Patrice Brisebois. A former Habitant. He was actually good back then.

29th: -Dominik Hasek. There was a time when he was considered the best goalie in the world. Oh, how time flies.
-Mark Potvin. Another one of the arenas I play at is named after him. Ever heard of Potvin Arena? If you blink, you miss it.
-Pat Quinn. Ah, Patty. So old, and yet so full of life. My question is why in the hell would they choose him to coach team Canada? Have they not learned anything by how bad his team is doing? The Oilers are last in the league. LAST!