Bourne

I have an announcement.

I LOVE.

Matt Damon.

I mean, don't you?

He is just so cute!

And he is always smiling!

See? *swooning*

And doesn't he have the whitest teeth?

God. And it's not just that. He's fucking hot, too.

He's got that sexy little smoldering look going on...

Yummm. And then he goes and he takes his shirt off!

I mean, he's not giving any of the other guys a chance, here.

Matt Damon has everything. Have you seen how blue his eyes are?

He can rock the shades, too.

Lordy.

You know, I thought he looked pretty good in Saving Private Ryan.

But then they go ahead and they put him in Invictus!

They make him a rugby player, for crying out loud!

They make him gain about 50 pounds in muscle, and then they take his shirt off! What are they trying to do to us?!

Oh, look, there's that smolder again.

And there's the smile.

Dear Lord, marry me.

Don't get me wrong. I know he's already got a wife.

And kids.

But Godddddddddd.

*whimper*

A Beautiful Disaster, Put Quite Simply

I feel like I haven't talked about Kris Letang for a very long time. Our relationship went through a bit of a bad patch when they were playing the Habs for the rights to Lord Stanley's name, but things are all okay now. The problem is, he hasn't been doing anything interesting. He isn't in any relationships (that we know of), he isn't making any statements of trade to the media, he isn't beating up any civilians for small amounts of money, he isn't singing remixed rap songs in front of the entire city of Chicago, he isn't taking his clothes of in limos while intoxicated, he isn't scoring any last-second goals or saving his country from a fall of tremendous proportions, and his hair is not growing back quick enough.

Kris Letang, for all our sakes, do something worth talking about.

Catching Up On Some Birthdays

No one important was born today. Yesterday was a different story. Jack O'Callahan. If that name doesn't make you go 'Oh', then you should definitely consider re-watching Miracle a couple hundred times. You will not get bored of it. It was a great moment in history fabricated into a Motion Picture Production. I'm going to attempt watching Saving Private Ryan tonight. Wish me luck.

NO ONE GOOD WAS BORN IN JULY!

Cept, for Jonathan Cheechoo. Haha, remember him? That's one story to tell the grandkids about, eh? What a crappy birthday he must've had. I really don't understand what happened to him. He used to be so good! He once scored the most goals in the league, a few years ago. I don't get it. How do you go from being so good to being so completely suckish? I just doesn't make sense to me.

Things get better though. Trust me. Because guess who's birthday is on the 31st? Seriously, take a guess. It's Evgeni! Whoooooollaaaallaa!!!! He's growing up so fast. I really wanted to put up a super cool Geno montage for you guys, but I found some pictures. They may be from last season, but I just have to put 'em up. Because they're fucking killing me.

Ugh. But this isn't the worst of it.

And it gets worse.

Yep. There it is. You know, he doesn't really seem to be enjoying that, Russian hoe. There are people watching you! Can't you see the cameras? They're pointed at you! I'll bet she can. I'll bet she saved this immaculate display of afflection for the moment the paparatzi got there.

God. Happy birthday, Geno. Have a beer and a party hat on us, but you're paying for the porn star yourself.

Just wait until August. August is going to be GREAT.

LMFAO

BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLTEEHHEEHELMFAO

Kovalchuk had finally settled down.

HAHAHAHAHAHATEHEHEHEEEEROFLROFLROOOFLROOFFFLLLL

Ohmygoodness. This is the best thing that's happened all summer. Everytime I think about it I just burst into uncontrolled fits of laughter. Remember how Ilya Kovalchuk finally picked a team and signed a deal? Remember how the deal was for 102 million over 17 years? Haha. Well, Ilya's all happy and settled, and the Devils all breathed in a huge sigh of relief. Thank God, we got him. This long wait of tremendous suspense has finally come to an end.

And then the NHL pops in and says, "No, you can't do that."

BAJHAHHAHAHHAROFLROFLFRRLOOOOORLFFFORLFOAHBAHAHAHA

DEAR LORD. Apparently, the deal was in violation of some act or crap. They were like, you can't make a deal like that. And New Jersey was all, I checked the fucking act, and we aren't in violation of it. And then the NHL was like, dude. I make the rules here. I do not agree to this. Kovalchuk, you are now once again a free fucking agent.

And you know what Kovalchuk's agent issued out onto the site today as his opinions on the matter?

"No comment."

BAHAHAHKTEEEEALKFROALFORALALRRORLAALLAHAHFAHAHAHR

Kovalchuk Finally Makes a Move, Gagne to Bolts

There are two new changes to report. I'm going to use bullets.

• Ilya Kolvalchuk has finally made a deal. After about the longest wait of all time, special little Ilya has finally cracked a roster. They called it, "A Deal With The Devil". He's going back to New Jersey, the move everyone suspected he would make, but what we didn't expect was the monster deal he would conduct. 102 million over 17 years. Holy fuck. Those are big numbers. He's going to get paid until he's 44 years old. Can you say Chris Chelios?

• Philedelphia star Simon Gagne got traded away to Tampa. Whoo! I'm cheering because I'm hoping this will mark the beginning of the decay of the Flyers franchise. Simon sounded super duper excited to be a part of the Lightning, saying he was anticipating playing with the likes of Vincent Lecavalier, Steven Stamkos and Martin St-Louis. It's funny because Vinny didn't even play on that top line last season, and I didn't hear Ryan Malone's name being mentioned anywhere in there. No problem. Stammers' rep with help old Bugsy out. I wonder if they still call him Bugsy over there in the sunny place. They better. God, I miss when we had two Ryans on our team. We would call them "The two Ryans". *sigh*

Also, Jason Spezza's still in Ottawa, just in case anyone's still interested.

Toews Shows Why He's The Pride of Winnipeg

From NHL.com:

WINNIPEG -- Jonathan Toews looked beat, just physically and mentally exhausted. His right hand and his cheekbones had to be hurting from the thousands of autographs he signed and hundreds of pictures he posed for.

But there was no way Chicago's captain was stopping now, not with the time remaining on his dream come true bleeding down toward the end.

"You never know what can happen," Toews told NHL.com, "so I'll enjoy this while it lasts."

It was just before 3 on Monday afternoon. Minutes earlier, Toews finished up an emotional stop on his Stanley Cup tour in his hometown of Winnipeg at the Children's Rehabilitation Foundation, where kids of all ages lined up in the courtyard with their parents to grab an autograph and take a picture.

Toews greeted every one of them by asking them their name and talking about something personal. Some couldn't speak, but he knew he was doing the right thing by reading the expressions on their faces, the happiness in their glowing, cheek-to-cheek smiles.

"It's easy to tell how happy and excited they are," he said. "It's pretty awesome to see their reaction."

Likewise, Toews didn't have to say anything to express how happy and excited he was during his 48 hours with the Stanley Cup and Conn Smythe Trophy, trophies he earned by captaining the Chicago Blackhawks to their first Stanley Cup in 49 years just last month.

Winnipeg wrapped its collective arms around Toews for all of Sunday and Monday, and the playoff MVP drained every ounce of energy and emotion he had into giving back to the community that has given him so much.

"I owe it to these people. They are so happy and are great people and they appreciate the small things in life," Toews said before hopping in his parent's SUV, the one he purchased for them, to go visit a local children's hospital. "To see the excitement on their faces when they get to see the Stanley Cup and to get to share a small moment with you, it's a tiny thing that goes a long way.

"You think about what this day could be like and what you want to do with the Cup, and now it's actually happening. I couldn't picture it going any better than it has."

Manitoba Premier Greg Selinger called Toews "a local hero who is now a national hero." Mayor Sam Katz referred to him as "Winnipeg's favorite son."

Hundreds of people showed up at an event at City Hall and thousands more lined the streets of south St. Vital, Toews' old neighborhood, to honor him with a parade.

Premier Selinger named a lake after him and Mayor Katz announced that the Dakota Community Centre, where Toews grew up playing the game, would now be called the Jonathan Toews Community Centre. Toews also received a gold medallion for his Olympic achievement and a key to the city for his efforts.

Toews owns a condo near the University of Winnipeg, but for nine months out of the year he only hears about the support he gets in this city because he is living in Chicago, feeling the admiration from those passionate Hawks' fans.

Experiencing the love of Winnipeg firsthand over these last two days was overwhelming.

"When you're trying to win the Stanley Cup you dream about what it would be like to bring it back home to share with family and friends, and what it would mean to them," Toews said. "But you have to fight off that thought and that feeling when you're in the moment, because the more you think about it the more pressure you put on yourself. This is it. It's special and it's that moment I have been dreaming about. It's really cool."

Toews was followed like a rock star. He needed a police escort back to his car after the parade Sunday because fans were chasing after him, screaming his name. During the parade they were converging on the yellow Corvette that carried Toews, the Cup and the Conn Smythe Trophy like vultures looking for a handshake, a high-five, a wave, anything.

They cheered for him, and chanted his name. Girls would run up to the car and run away screaming to their friends, "I just got a high-five!" Men would run up to the car and run away screaming to their friends, "I just touched the Cup!"

But, as great as it was for Toews to see firsthand the love his city has for him, what made the two days special was the respect he received.

Everybody NHL.com spoke to expressed admiration for Toews' down home personality, family values and devotion to his own community. He is Winnipeg's biggest sports hero now, but never once has he thought of himself as being any better than any of the 650,000 who live here.

"He puts his pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else here," Premier Selinger said. "He can just be a normal guy like everybody else. I think everybody really appreciates that style. He has a long career ahead of him and keeping his skates on the ice, his feet on the ground will really help him in the future."

The one difference between Toews and everyone else is obvious:

He is Winnipeg's biggest superstar.

"What's it like to have a city love you like they do here?" Mayor Katz whispered into his ear.

Captain Serious struggled to answer that one question throughout the two-day adventure. He crashed Monday night in a state of shock over how he was received.

"Really there is not enough time to give as many thank yous as you want," Toews said. "You try to give a little bit of time and a little bit of piece of mind to everybody that shows up, try to express your thanks to them for what they did for you. They're all so pumped and so happy for you, and you can't even ask for that. It's just absolutely amazing."

The community was genuinely thrilled that Toews allowed them to be a part of his celebration.

"This is amazing," said Luke Trimble, 28, who showed up at the Legislature Building wearing a Toews' jersey and a Blackhawks hat -- both got autographed. "He's the biggest thing to come out of Winnipeg, the best hockey player. He's the voice for our generation. Just a good, clean-cut kid."

Ryan Dech, a fan at City Hall, concurred.

"In my opinion, from what I've seen, it's been absolutely electric," said Dech, who attended the celebration Sunday with his brothers, Travis and Kyle. "I know I was, and all my buddies were, looking forward to this day when we got to see him with the Cup."

"It's just exhilarating having everybody come together to see this," Kyle Dech added. "It's amazing. It's just electric. Everything is so cool."

They chanted his name at City Hall and even louder during his parade. Hundreds of people held up signs, including Darren Brown, whose read, "Tazer, will you marry my wife?"

"It's common law," Brown told NHL.com along the parade route. "So, it'd be OK."

Marilyn Klassen-Magnusson was almost in tears as she snapped photos of her son, Cole, swooping Toews' gold medal over his neck. Cole, 11, has mild cerebral palsy.

"Fantastic," Marilyn told NHL.com. "I think I'm more excited. It was thrilling to see Cole have a gold medal around his neck. It makes me well up. It just shows you what a kind, caring person he is. Winnipeg is very proud of him."

Several of Toews' former coaches celebrated with him, and all were swelling with pride, eager to tell a story.

"I scrimmaged with him in his own backyard," Jacques Levesque, the general manager of the Jonathan Toews Community Centre, told NHL.com. "There's a lot of pride here.

"You know what is really funny is that when you're used to watching guys like Gretzky and going back to Bobby Orr, you always put those guys on a pedestal. Now you have Jonathan that deserves to be on that pedestal, but he's just the hometown boy and he hasn't changed."

Levesque recalled the time when his daughter, Katrine, and Toews used to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

"The guy came to my place at 11 years old and we had an adult conversation. Not too many kids that age can hold a conversation back and forth, but he was grown up, a mature kid, focused," Levesque said. "Another time I was at their house and I was laughing with his parents and it was 8:30 on a Thursday night. He came down and he says, 'You guys have to keep it down, I'm trying to sleep.' I'm going, 'Holy smokes, I'm going home at 10 and I have to beat my kids to get them to go to bed, and this guy is telling his parents to stay quiet.' He's phenomenal. He's always been focused. Whatever he has done, he has accomplished and done it well."

Several family friends credited Toews' parents, Bryan and Andree Gilbert, for his character.

"Bryan and Andree have always preached that type of philosophy where you always remember the people you grew up with," said Bob Saelens, one of Toews' former coaches. "His brother David is the same way. They are so friendly and such kind people. You almost wish everybody would have parents that are as good people as they are, very supportive and caring of everyone."

Andree was obviously emotional after Mayor Katz announced the community center would be named in Toews' honor.

"When Jonathan started at 5 years old there was no community center, so they all played in the back. There were four outdoor rinks, and the parents all lined up by the snow banks and we watched our kids freezing out there," she told NHL.com. "Little by little we did fundraising, a lot of people in the community, to build this rink. Now it's named after my son. I had tears in my eyes. I was amazed. Usually you have to be great and die and then they name it after you."

Bryan, who got the honor of carrying both the Cup and Conn Smythe at various moments during the two days, loved hearing Mayor Katz call Toews, "Winnipeg's favorite son."

"That's so cool," Bryan told NHL.com. "Chicago is great and we love it there, but to hear it in your own city, that support, it just means that little bit more. It's unbelievable. To actually fulfill that dream and come here with the Cup, it brought tears to my eyes."

And smiles to thousands of Winnipeggers, who proudly call Jonathan Toews their own.

"If you want to talk about a true hometown hero, about a role model," Mayor Katz said before pausing … "I'll show you a picture of Jonathan Toews."

Another Shot

Younger Versteeg

Hopefully the Hawks will hold on to this one, we've already lost one Verbeauty. And from the article, I feel as though we lost the better one, both talent-wise and in personality. Ah, well. You can only stay angry for so long. I just feel bad for people like Kaner and Toews and Sharpie who are still on that sorry team. Chicago is a lost cause, and their careers are plummeting right down with them. Hopefully the organisation will smarten before they lose the rest of their stars.

And no, I do not feel bad for Hossa. He has not earned my sympathy.

Chicago Loses Hjalmarsson to Sharks

And there goes another one.

We Goin' On A Cruise

COLBY HAD A CHILD! COLBY HAD A CHILD! COLBY FREAKING ARMSTRONG HAD A FUCKING KID!!!!

This almost makes up for everything that's gone wrong with Chicago.
...almost.

Aw, fuck. I cannot go through this again. Not again. Colby Armstrong named his kid Cruise. CRUISE! Cruise Samson Armstrong. W-O-W.

Love Colby. Looooove him. He's growing up. I can't believe this. He's getting so mature and old. He's such an oldie. Everyone's getting married and having kids. It sucks. Except when it's Army. Because he makes good descisions. Mel is good for him. But God. First Spezz gets married. And then he has a child. And then Colby has a child. And now Mike Fisher and Carrie Underwood are getting married.

Oh, did I forget to mention? Yeah, the happy couple are having the wedding tomorrow. In Georgia. At some insanely expensive golf resort. It was supposed to be a secret location. But it came out in the paper this morning. LOLZ. And did you know she's changing her name to Fisher? Can you believe that? Carrie Fisher. Whattafail.

Anyway, that's it for today. Let's sum up, shall we? Colby's got a baby, named Cruise. Mel=good wife. Spezz is still suckish, and Carrie Fisher is pregnant with Mike's baby.

Shame On You, Ottawa Boo-Birds, Unhappy Spezza Doesn't Deserve You

**letter sent in to the citizen soon to come, Kristie Stewart, thank you, thank you so much**

ROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFLROFL

I Felt We Were In Need of a Poem. This is What I Came Up With.

Dis mah stik.

Der ar menee lyke eet

but dis wun iz myne.

Mah stik iz mah bess fren.

Eet iz mah lyfe.

Ah mus mastur eet

az ah mastur mah lyfe.

Wifowt mee, mah stik iz yoozlez.

Wifowt mah stik, eye em yoozlez.

Ah mus fiyur mah stik troo.

Ah mus shyoot str8r den mad enuhmee

hoo iz tryeen ta kil mee.

Ah mus shyoot im b4 hee shyoots mee.

Ah will.

Death...and All of His Best Friends

I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. I'm crying. I'm crying and yelling at my parents. Because on top of everything that's already happened, I've just found out that Adam Burish no longer plays for the Chicago Blackhawks. Adam Burish now plays for Dallas. The Stars.

I cannot even begin to believe this. The Blackhawks are insane. Add the Indian Burrito the their hitlist of lost superstars. Should I put this down on paper? All the amazing players that Chicago has lost? I think I will.

1. Andrew Ladd --Atlanta Thrashers
2. Kris Versteeg --Toronto Maple Leafs
3. Dustin Byfuglien --Atlanta Thrashers
4. Ben Eager --Atlanta Thrashers
5. Brent Sopel --Atlanta Thrashers
6. Colin Fraser --Edmonton Oilers
7. Adam Burish --Dallas Stars

Seven. Seven players. Seven incredible, amazing players that made up the team and now they're gone. What, you think your top line won the Stanley Cup all by themselves? You think Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane and Patrick Sharp are the only forwards eligible to stay on your team? Because if I remember correctly, Sharpie wasn't the one playing on that number 1 line when your team won the thing. There was some other guy, kind of insignificant, I think his name was Bufflen...pronounced something like that. But he obviously wasn't a very important asset because you gave him away. They all obviously weren't very important assets because you gave them all away! The only person who you didn't trade away was Adam Burish, and he most likely walked out on his own because you had gotten rid of everybody else! Is that the deal, you win the Stanley Cup and then just get rid of everyone who doesn't have an annual salary of over 5 million? You don't have anybody left! How the hell do you expect your stars to get the goddamn puck if there isn't anyone there to pass it to them? Seven players. Seven players that you'll never get back. And I'll be willing to bet that you aren't done here. There are more players on your roster just asking to get traded away. You know who Atlanta is now? Chicago. Atlanta is Chicago because you gave them your soul. You gave them your essence and you didn't even ask for anything in return. The Thrashers and the Oilers and the Maple Leafs. Those are going to be the teams to watch next season because you helped them. You brought dying teams down from the depths for nothing. Nothing! Screw you, Chicago. You deserve another 49 years without the cup.

Toronto is Taking Over the World

Okay, I'm sorry I couldn't meld this all into one post. But I found this out about three seconds after I posted it, and I am too freaked out to add. Here's what happened: Toronto found lucky dust, or something, or they currently have a fairy godmother who is granting them three wishes and they've already used their first two. Because...ohmygod. Because they just recieved -no, stole- two of the most amazing people to ever set foot on NHL ice.


Kris Versteeg. Verbeauty. The wierdest, most amiable guy you'll ever meet in your life. Who just won the Stanley Cup with the Blackhawks. Who sang a song in front of the entire city of Chicago. Is going to Toronto. To play for the MAPLE LAUGHS.


Colby Armstrong. Our Colby. Who's heart belongs in Pittsburgh. Who married and actual decent human being. Who is not blonde. Is finally getting out of Atlanta, but is going somewhere much, much worse. Is going to Toronto. To play for the MAPLE LAUGHS.


This is the worst day of my life. They cannot go to Toronto. That is the bottom of the NHL food chain. You know what's going to happen to them there? They're going to disappear. They're going to fall off the face of this Earth because the Leafs don't have enough stamina to keep running at a pace that will force them to remain on the hockey tredmill of LIFE. They're going to die, and you'll never hear about any of them ever again.


And you know what Brian Burke said once he had added all those incredible people to his shit-face of a team? He's not done. He isn't finished. He's going to continue stealing all these wonderful men until there are none left for anybody else! This is a disaster.


Army, Verbeauty, go back. Get out. Go back to where you belong. Toronto will destroy you. Get out while you still have time! Stick together. The only way the two of you will be able to survive this is if you form an unbreakable bond of friendship. Stay together at all costs. Leave no man behind. If one goes down, you take the other one with you. This is your only chance for survival. Believe, men. You can get through this.

The Colby/Kris Memorial:





Now look at this picture and tell me you don't wanna puck your guts out for love for Colby.

Club Shifting Style

Sergei Gonchar. We got him.

I don't even know how to express what I'm feeling right now into words, because Gonch was a Pen at heart, and I don't really know how he's going to feel about the transition. I love the Penguins, so I don't know if I'm sad that he isn't playing for my favorite team anymore or extatic that he'll be living in the same town as me for the next 3 years. I don't know how to feel. I guess I could feel angry, at Pittsburgh, because they didn't have the guts to re-sign him quickly enough. Because now LeSwoon is without a mentor, and Geno is without a shoulder to lean on. What is he going to do? Did anyone ever think about that, huh, when they decided that Sergei was too expensive to re-sign? Did anyone think about Evgeni? What's going to happen to him? How's he going to survive without his Russian padre to help him out? Sure, he's got Max now, but he's French. Geno can't speak French. And he can't learn another language now, things have been so hard on him already... I'm freaking out. Am I freaking out? This is a good thing. At least we didn't make a trade. Volchenkov for Gonchar, I don't know how that would've worked out. The Pens just lost their best defenseman, and now they have no one. They need someone, soon. But for now, we can bask in the glory of our new found greatness. Didn't I tell you off-season was fun?

Off-Season

I know you're probably very upset. Hockey season's long over, playoffs are done, and for those of you who were midle entertained by FIFA, that's winding down as well. The draft's been taken care of, and much to our chagrin, there isn't much going on anymore. Well, never fear, children. Some crazy shit can happen during the off-season. Remember last summer? The Dany Douchebag Heatley fiasco, and on top of that, the Habs went trade-crazy and gave away all their stars. Keep your eyes open, folks. The insanity (!) of free agency is about to begin. And who'll be there through it all keeping you updated? Yours truly. Happy off-season!

SAY WHAT?! part 2

Here's another installment of SAY WHAT?!, a once used segment on Loonie Engraved. But just before we begin, there's something I'd like to say.

"I'm going to make a speech today. Some of you will like it, and some of you will not. But if there's one thing that I've learned over the past year, it's that all of you will applaud."

-Colin Laroche, 2010

*you should know that I didn't make the majority of these, you don't have to blame me*

'Atta Boy, Taytay

This whole year, everyone kept saying Tyler Seguin was going to go first. The scouts said it, the coaches said it, the announcers said it. It was always a battles between Taylor and Tyler, but somehow, Taylor Hall continuously fell short of expectations. He played for Team Canada in the World Juniors, he lead his Windsor Spitfires to win the Memorial Cup two years running, he won the Wayne Gretzy 99 Award, Eddie Powers Memorial Trophy, the Stafford Smythe Memorial Trophy and the Ed Chynoweth Trophy, all in the past two years. Did Tyler Seguin play for Baby Canada? Did Tyler Seguin win two Memorial Cups in a row? Did Tyler Seguin win all that shit-bucket of awards?

No. But somehow, all of those unbelievable achievements did not get Taylor ahead of Tyler in the running for No. 1 overall draft pick. It left him feeling pretty glum.

But Tayl0r Hall never gave up. And the Edmonton Oilers saw something in him that was obvious to the rest of us, but conspicuously hidden in the eyes of the NHL world. Taylor and Tyler both showed up at that draft. And who's name was called first?

Oh, Tay. You know you deserved this. And we know you deserved this. So suck in all this glory that you got now. And take the time to rub it in Tyler's face. Because this was your draft all along. We were here supporting you from the sidelines, and you never gave up because this was something you had worked for your entire life. Now, you get the opportunity to bring a drowning team down from the deepest depths of the standings and carry them on your back on the road to greatness. You're getting the opportunity to be Sidney Crosby. And I think you're ready.

Tyler Seguin, he doesn't get that opportunity. The Boston Bruins were in the playoffs this year. They even made it past the first round. That's not a team that needs rebuilding. Chances are, young Tyler won't even get to play next year. The Bruins are perfectly fine without him. He won't be a star. You, you Taylor Hall, will be a star. Screw Tyler. This draft will forever be know as Taylor vs. Tyler, and everyone will remember who came out on top. Five, ten years from now, people will look at this picture and say:

"Whatever happened to that other guy?"

The smile tells it all. Tyler, go cry in a hole. Leave Taylor to celebrate this moment. He deserves it more than anyone.

X-Weighted

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH THE WORLD?!?!

The Hawks traded Byfuglien. They traded Big Buff! Not only that, but Ben Eager, and Brent Sopel! What the hell? The three of them are joining Colby in Atlanta, in exchange for the 24th pick in the draft. This better be a damn good son, because not just anyone can replace our playoff heroes. We also get a second round draft pick, and some shit guys named Jeremy Morin, Marty Reasoner and Joseph Crabb. Who the fuck are these people? And what gives them the right to take the spots of our men? These are our men!

Fuck the NHL. This draft better be good. If Taylor Hall does not go first, I will kill something.

We All Stand Poised on the Brink of Greatness

Anyone wanna see a hot picture?

Girls all over the world are having orgasms right now because of how hot this picture is. You know this.

The Art of Ripping Out Hearts

They...traded...they traded...Halak...they traded him...the Habs traded...Halak...

WHAT THE FUCK IS THEIR PROBLEM?! HE GOES AND TAKES THEM ALL THE WAY TO THE GODDAMN SEMIFINALS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LIKE 17 YEARS AND THEY TRADE HIM AWAY?!! HE CARRIED THEM ON HIS BACK! HE SAVED THEIR SORRY ASSES EVERY SINGLE TIME THEY COULDN'T KEEP THEIR SHIT TOGETHER LONG ENOUGH TO HOLD A LEAD!! HE WAS THE REASON THEY MADE IT AS FAR AS THEY DID! HE WAS THEIR HEART AND SOUL WHEN THEY DIDNT HAVE A CAPTAIN TO TAKE THE LEAD!! AND NOW THEY'RE TRADING HIM?! AND TO THE BLUES?!! WHY DO THE BLUES GET HIM???? AT LEAST GIVE HIM TO SOMEONE MIDLY WORTHY! BUT NO! NO! YOU DON'T EVEN GIVE HIM AWAY! YOU DON'T THROW AWAY A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY!!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?! AND WHO THE FUCK IS LARS ELLER?!! WHO THE FUCK IS IAN SCHULTZ??! HOW ARE THEY WORTHY TO BE A PART OF THIS TEAM?? DO THEY EVEN PLAY IN THE FUCKING NHL?!! THIS SUCKS! YOU. ARE. SO. FUCKING. STUPID!!!!!!! JAROSLAV HALAK WAS THE FUTURE OF THE MONTREAL CANADIENS FUCKING FRANCHISE, AND YOU GOT RID OF HIM. YOU GOT RID OF KEN DRYDEN. DID YOU EVER THINK OF THAT, HUH MONTREAL?? WAS THIS YOUR DOING BOB GAINEY?!! BECAUSE THIS IS SOMETHING YOU WOULD DO!!! YOU CAN'T JUST BRING IN A NEW UNKNOWN GOALIE ONTO YOUR TEAM AND THEN LET HIM STEAL OUR HEARTS AND THEN JUST TAKE HIM AWAY!! YOU CAN'T BRING OUR HOPES UP BY GIVING US GREATNESS AND THEN JUST SEND US CRASHING DOWN! WE WERE SUPPOSED TO WIN A STANLEY CUP IN THE NEXT FIVE YEARS! THAT WAS THE PREDICTION!!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE PREDICTION IS NOW?!! 17 MORE YEARS OF FAILURE. HALAK WAS WHO WE WERE. HE REPRESENTED ALL THAT WE STOOD FOR AS A TEAM, COMING OUT OF NOWHERE AND OVERCOMING ALL ADVERSITY. YOU KILLED OUR FUCKING SPIRIT!!!! WHO THE FUCK EVEN CAME UP WITH THIS IDEA?! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN CONSIDER SOMETHING LIKE THIS?!!!!??! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?! AND NOW IT'S TOO LATE, BECAUSE JARO'S LEAVING AND THE TEAM WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!! FUCK YOU. YOU'VE DAMNED US ALL.

The Happy Days Gang

Whoever's reading this at the moment is very lucky to currently be a part of Loonie Engraved's first belated birthday! Whooooo!Today, we turn 1 year old and 10 days! Yipee! Have a beer and a party hat on us. And guess who I'm celebrating this wonderous occasion with? A very special man named Hugh Harris, who played one year in the NHL for Buffalo back in '73. He's from Toronto, Ontario, and he's also having his birthday plus 10 days today! So Hugh, if you're reading this right now, and you're still with us, happy belated birthday. And guess who has their actual birthday today? A couple of french twins named Maxime and Michel Ouellet. They're both goalies, and I know for a fact that they're both currently living! So here's a happy birthday to them as well.

Wow, this is such a great day. A guy gave me his phone number at the mall this afternoon. I neglect to inform him of my homosexuality.

Jokes.

Loonies and shit for everyone!!!!

Burish vs Pronger

So, what you gotta do, is first you gotta watch this video.

Adam Burish About Chris Pronger

And then you gotta watch this video.

Chris Pronger about Adam Burish


Now I think you should know that I'm fully impartial to this. I have both of their autographs so they're equal to me. But I'm tacking in your tallies. Who do you think have a more legit response? Who do you think owned who harder? Who do you think embarrassed themselves the most? This is some intense beef we got going on here, folks. This is Burish vs Pronger. I'm tacking your tallies. Your comments will be registered.

Here's a third video, you will laugh your pants off, guaranteed. Notice Soupy singing along with Verbeauty in the background. Notice Kaner lower his un-mulleted head in shame. Notice how he makes references to two of his cyberspace failures in one quote, referring to both the limo incident and the cab incident. Also, notice at the end yet another snidbit of the same fight we saw earlier. And remember why we love these boys so much. We do. We really, really do.

Stanley Cup Parade

Perfection

You've definitely seen this commercial before.

Perfection Matters

Bobby-Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Young & Stupid

**Haha. I just found this draft I hadn't finished writing about 3 million years ago. It made me laugh. Now, you get to read it too. You'll be able to place yourself perfectly in the time frame, don't even worry about it. Oh, I was so silly back then...**


Gahh. Tonight. Let me tell you bout tonight. Tonight, Eric Staal was in Ottawa. Tonight, Ovie was in Toronto. Tonight, Colby was in Montreal. Let me tell you bout tonight.

Let's start off in the Capital. Canes vs Sens. Ottawa was wearing their stupid SENS jerseys, and I immediately knew it wasn't going to be a good game. I mean, those jerseys. GOD. How can they show their faces in public wearing those things? They almost make the Habs' 1912-1913 zebra stripe barber pole retro uniforms look good.

Alright, so, retro Sens start off good, and, oh? Guess who gets a goal? Was it...

a) Cappy 'n Giggles


b)A spicy italian man

or

c) The guy who hasn't put one in in 16 games

That's right Kovalev, I'm talking about you. But don't look so hurt, it's a good thing. Because guess what happens next?

Its all tied up. Only a few minutes to go in the third. Both teams are bringing out their top guns.
And then.
And then.
And then.
Another AK27 goal.
W-O-W.

But wait.
There's more.
So.
The empty net.
Whats gonna happen.
Will E Staal score and tie up the game?
Or will the Sens redeem themselves once again?
Who knows?
I do.
I know.

Kovalev scores.
On the empty net.

He got a hat-trick, his first hat-trick as a Senator, and his 401st goal in the NHL. Yay, biiiiig celebration, right? Um, not so much. Kovalev smiles, skates off to the bench, and sits down. He looks at the fans, the fans who have yet to adore him, and his smile slowly fades. Why? Because he misses Montreal. If he had been playing for the Habitants when he scored this hat-trick, there would have been three million goddamn hats raining all over the goddamn rink. And what does he see here? A hat. One single hat, has made its way onto the ice surface. Kovalev is about to cry. Nothing is going right for him. He gets sent to play for this piece of shit team, and then the fans don't even accept him. He says one thing wrong, and all of a sudden he's "not fully commited to being here". He goes on a scoring drought. Wait, no. Not a scoring drought. A scoring and assisting drought. A scoring, assisting, and point-making drought. Hell, just a plain doing anything drought. But now he has broken it. He has scored three goals today. He has done good. And the fans can't even give him a few measly hats to celebrate? I'm sure, eventually, the fans realized what they were supposed to do, and began raining a couple more hats onto the ice. I mean, you can't blame them. They live in Ottawa. It isn't often they get to see someone get a hat-trick. They still aren't sure what to do.

Alright, so that's it. Ottawa wins, Carolina is screwed. Poor E. He's trying so hard, what with his new baby and all. I don't mean to be a downer, but there isn't a very big chance of him making the Olympic team with the effort his team is giving him. If his team can't do shit, he can't do shit. Poor, poor, miserable E.


**rolf rolf rolf :D**

An Easy Mistake to Make

I can't tell how much this picture made me laugh. Go on nhlol.blogspot.com for like, millions of hilarious pics like these.

New Story

Hello, little ones.

Just wanted to inform you about the new blog I'm writing. It's a fan-fiction, which is kind of different for me, but I hope it'll work out okay. I got an idea for a story, but as I started writing it, it turned into something quite different, so I hope you like it! It's called Check Eleven, and it has kind of a mix between Jordan Staal and Sidney Crosby. I only have one chapter down so far, so read it and tell me what you think!

http://checkeleven.blogspot.com/

I think it's shaping up to be pretty good, but please please please comment! The more input I get the better I can make it. Thank you!!!!!!

A Day in the Life of an Italian Hockey Player

Happy happy birthday Jason. I didn't want to have to celebrate this, but, ironically enough, something showed up in the paper this morning that forced me to mention you once again. Apparently, you're getting traded. Hah. Imagine that.

"Happy 27th, Jay. We're going to have to get rid of you. Oh, and congrats on the baby."

LAUGHING OUT LOUD. It isn't a legit deal yet, though. Murray's just making some calls, doing some shit, trying to get Spezz the fuck outta here without hurting his feelings too much in the process. The problem is, I figure no one will want him much after the past two seasons he's had. Oh well. Guess we'll have to put him on wivers alongside the Cheechoo train.

This is a happy day. Sophia, good luck. Your father is a flop. More than that, he's a plug. A plug on the ice and a flop off it. I mean, he's an Italian hockey player. That's like, the biggest oxy-moron I've ever heard in my life! I predicted he would have a girl. Know why? Because he doesn't have enough sperm to produce anything else. Know what's gonna happen? He's gonna introduce his little princess into Timbits hockey at the age of four, and she's going to play her entire life and never make it past house-league. The Spezza family does not have enough jeans in their pants to make even a decent female hockey player. Jason will be on cloud 9 for about a year after young Sophia Donna was born, and then he will come to realize the potential of his sorry life, or lack of, rather. He will get traded, he will get benched on his new american team, he will go his whole life without ever winning a Stanley Cup and his loving family will end up aimlessly forgotten in the book of life. Some day, maybe 10, 15 years from now, in Hockey Night in Canada, Don Cherry will look at Ron, both old and grey and living life to its fullest without any regard for the consequences and be like, "Hey, remember this guy?"

Denial

Taken from the Ottawa Citizen on June 11th, 2010:

Jason Spezza a Proud Papa of a Baby Girl

OTTAWA — Jason and Jennifer Spezza are the proud parents of Sophia Donna, the Ottawa Senators confirmed Friday.

The baby girl was born June 8 around 11 p.m. Thursday at St. Joseph's Health Centre in Toronto.

No other details were immediately available.

Remember how I said I didn't care about Jason Spezza anymore?

I lied.
He turns 27 tomorrow.

Here's to Our Hawks

I was waiting until all the Stanley Cup pictures came up to make this "montage", if you will. But they're finally up, so, here it is: the long overdue celebration of the amazingness that is the 2010 Chicago Blackhawks.




















And I know that these next ones aren't from the Stanley Cup win, but I just thought they were pretty attractive. Well, the first one is. Oh, Patty. *shakes head*

Dear World

People should really learn to organize their events better. Because to go from the intense competition and speed of the Stanley Cup Playoffs to soccer, its just not right. Sure, FIFA is like "the most watched sporting event in history", but it's still soccer. People get nudged and they fall over. It's pathetic.

I say, the Stanley Cup ends, we get a three week break to digest the outcome, and then they can play their silly games. Don't just cut right into our celebrations! The parade in Chicago should've been on the front cover of the Ottawa Citizen this morning, not some picture of some brazilian guy with his dreads flying about in the air. I mean, if you're going to put a foreing soccer player on the first page of the newspaper, you should make him an attractive one, with decent hair, at least.

God. I hate soccer. I just hate it. It's such a sissy sport. And it's so slow, too. I mean, nothing happens! It takes a team like, an hour, to finally get into the other team's end, and by that time all the defender has to do is kick it as hard as they can to the other side of the field, and it starts all over again. And then when the forwards finally decide to take a shot, the goalie dives in the opposite direction! I mean, if you know you're going to score every time you take a shot, then why don't you just shoot more often? And when it's like 500 degrees out there, don't they ever get hot? I mean, make this game a little more interesting for us. Take off your shirts!

Please, someone, do something about this game. Because right now, there's nothing else for us Canadians to watch. Hockey's done, the Hawks are out partying and I'm pretty sure the Pens are golfing in Miami along with every one else. There isn't anything else on TV, and do you really expect us to watch baseball? So, do us northern folks a favor, and either inforce shirtless gaming or don't even bother to play it internationally.

Thanks,

A Hockey Fan

When There's a Way

At Ease, Soldier

To take away from the tremendous turmoil that is this evening, I've decided to inform you of three incredibly crucial things. First (and you should know I made this all on my own with the help of PAINT),



Second, yesterday was Mike Cammarelli's birthday, June 5th was Mike Fisher's birthday, June 3rd was Kevin Bieksa's birthday, June 12th is Wade Redden's birthday, June 13th is Jason Spezza's birthday (which I do not care about), June 16th is Rick Nash's birthday, June 18th is Chris Neil and Martin St-Louis' birthdays, June 20th is Joe Corvo and Antoine Vermette's birthdays (we have officially discovered the mystery to his number, somebody write this down), and June 29th is Theoren (Theo) Fleury's birthday, which confuses me because it makes me wonder if that had any affect on Marc-Andre's choice of number or if it was just a coincidence.

Third, my friend's older brother walked in on me in the washroom today.

What's meant to happen will happen tonight. If The Hockey Gods think that Chicago needs one more game, then they'll give them one more game. I am giving you my trust.

SHHTAAAAH! The Ashbury Way.

I am soooooo over Jason Spezza. I don't even like to look at him anymore. "Sure, Al," you say. "I totally believe that you're over Jason Spezza. I am currently extremely stealthily being rudely sarcastic right under your nose." ..."It's true." I say, catching on to your undosclosed sarcasm with an ease that surprises even a black-belted vietnamese ninja like yourself. And it is true. I don't lie very often, and when I do it's completely worth it. Giggles has gone in one ear, twirled around in my brain for a little while, dancing and singing to Beatles songs played on the banjo by an arabian chimpazee, and shot right out the other in a tremendous flash of bright green and pinkish-purple light. It happened out of nowhere, but had absolutely no affect on my outside body. I handled the situation quite calmly, you might even call the event tedious. And now I am over it. Jason Spezza no longer exists in my heart. I turn away in disgust when I see him. Not a second glance from me will he ever recieve.


Bee tee dubs. Like the new picture? I made it myself. Chirps. I got it off of Google. Had you fooled though, eh? I don't know what it means.

Brothers and Sisters

That's it, just like I said. If "drown 'em" doesn't say seven goals for, then I don't know what does. Keep it up, les boys. Chicago owns the cup this year. Screw Hossa's rep.
Did you see what I did there? I gave him regular s's. Instead of, you know, the ever continuously used money symbols. Hint: ($$) ...Know why? Because either way, whether we go down in history or not, he is a part of this team. There isn't anything we can do about it at the moment. So, we're just going to have to accept the fact that he wears our colours, and suck it up. We don't like you, Hossa, but you're family now. We're winning this cup, whether or not you come along for the journey. "We overcome adversity."

Can I call you Marian?

You Are So Worth It

So. I think...Chicago needs to not let Philly tie up the series. It's too late to change that now, but hell, let's try and keep their wins to a minimun, kay boys? You didn't work this hard all season to make it all the way here and then let the Flyers take your cup. Hear that? Your cup. This is your year, boys. This is your time. You are so worth it, you are so god damn worth it.* Best of three series starts now.

"Drown these fucking rats."**

Hawks in 6.


*Jen Boyd, Ashbury College Senior Girls Rugby, OFSAA gold medal game vs. Barry Central, Markham, ON, 10:00 a.m, June 5th, 2010.

**Jen Boyd, Ashbury College Senior Girls Rugby 2010, regular season game vs. St. Pete's, ahead by one point at the start of the second half.

From Bulk to...

If anyone can find a more suitable nickname for a more deserving candidate than 'Big Buff', please, let me know. Because whoever came up with Dustin Byfuglien's nickname is a genius.

So, Philedelphia will not be swept. No matter. We'll dispose of them soon enough. No panic necessary.

Check out this video. It made me cry. It's like, touching. It touches your soul.

No words.

In The Bag

Hawks got this in 4. No question.
Dats was' up.

Chances

I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are


The finals kicked off with a bang. Chicago came out with the win, of course. No big D. The score was a bit too astray for my liking, but game 1 is done and won, and that's all that matters. Johnny T, become the second youngest captain to ever hoist the cup? It's up to you.


I'm 99 for a moment
Time for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

When In Doubt

Look at what I found.

What's next for this blog, you may ask? Hard to say. But I've been met with tough descisions before, and I know rather well how to handle them. The answer is quite simple, really. Here's what you do:

You go back to Pittsburgh.

This is How the Game is Played

Did you notice the new picture?
The old times were better. Remember the 50s? Maurice, Elmer Lach, Boom-Boom Geoffrion, Butch, Jean Beliveau, Doug Harvey... what a team. Geez. That was just unfair. Remember the 70s? The Pocket Rocket picking up steam with le Gros Bill carrying the 'C', Jacques Lemaire, Yvan Cournoyer, Guy Lapointe, Ken Dryden? Wow, those really were the days.
Remember when we won 5 Stanley Cups in a row in the 40s-50s?
Remember when we won another 4 in a row in the 70s?
Remember when we lost only 8 games out of 80 in the regular season, setting a record that would last a lifetime?

Remember le Bleu, Blanc et Rouge?

This wasn't our year. We had a good run, but it wasn't our time. Next year, I don't think we're quite ready for either. Sure, it'll take a few years. But our time will come. There's a reason that the words 'Montreal Canadiens' are written up on the Stanley Cup 24 times. Theres a reason we dominate that thing. And it'll show. With time.


This wasn't our year. But we gave them a hell of a run. No regrets, no looking back.
This is how the game is played.

Chicago Blackhawks Beauty Pageant 2010

I'm sorry. I know you were looking forward to it. But the Hawks just have too many goddamn players. I can't even begin to decide. And they aren't as attractive as the Pens. So it isn't as fun. So I'm sorry. Maybe next year, after all the trades are good and done. And, once they've gotten rid of Ho$$a. I couldn't bare to grace this beautiful blog with his cursed face. And he is cursed. Chicago was gona win the cup this year, but not anymore.

I Am Ironman, nah nah nah nah nah nah

Did you even see the fucking game last night? I'm not even gonna talk about it. That's how epic it was. It was so goddamn epic that I'm not even gonna tell you what the score was. But I will say this: yesterday, the score stood at 9-0 Philedelphia after two games. Now, after three games, the score stands 2-1 Philedelphia. Justice? I think so. Kick their ass, Habitants. You're in your home now. Kill 'em. Habs in 6.


Now, on to more important matters. Grey's Anatomy two-hour season finale last night. Here where I'm gonna break the hearts of everyone who hasn't watched it yet. Can I freak out please? Thank you. SO MANY PEOPLE DIED! LIKE, WTF? HOW COULD YOU JUST KILL SO MANY PEOPLE?! THEY WERE GOOD PEOPLE!!!! AND YOU SHOT ALEX! AND YOU SHOT DEREK! AND YOU SHOT OWEN! GAHHHH! AND YOU KILLED MEREDITH'S BABY! IT DIDN'T EVEN GET TO LIVE! Thank you, I guess, for not killing off any of the main characters. All you did was get rid of all the useless extras, so I guess that was alright. But man, what an episode. Jesus Christ. I'm not religious, so I'll use that name in vain. That was such a fucking intense two hours. The shooting began in like the first 10 minutes too, and it was like, I have to watch two hours of this?! But I did anyway. And after a while, it was like really? Really? Are you still shooting people? Really? And now all I can think about is how I have to wait until next year to see the next episode. This sucks. Life sucks. You suck.

There we go. That was my rant. One good rant a day keeps you healthy. Tonight, Chicago will continue their sweep. All is good in the world at the moment.
All is good.

Who's Line Was It, Anyway?

This has been some week so far. A week that, unfortunately, I'd much rather forget. So, to take my mind off of:

• the fact that the Habs just lost 3-0 to Philly in game two of the series
• the fact that in two games, they've had 9 goals against and ZERO goals for
• the fact that Leighton, who just happens to be Philedelphia's third string goalie, is completely schooling us
• the fact that Leighton used to be a benchwarmer for Montreal only 25 months ago
• the fact that Halak let in a shot that a peewee house-league goalie probably could've stopped without much trouble
• the fact that the Habs might end their amazing playoffs run here, beating out the two best teams in their pool only to lose to Philedelphia
• the fact that the Habs have begun to burry themselves into an incredibly deep hole that will take all the desire that they're currently lacking to dig themselves out of

...I'm turning to a certain someone for a little but of light humor. Kris Letang, thank you for covering your entire left arm with tatoos. You've given us so much joy and happiness.

He says the top portion of the tatoo is dedicated to his grandmother, and the bottom part is for Luc Bourdon, his best friend who died in a motorcycle accident in 2008. You might remember me telling you about him a little while back. Apparently, Luc was an avid guitarist, hence the tatoo of the guitar on Kris' newly renovated bicep.

I don't know about you, but I don't mind tatoos. In fact, I rather do like them. I think they're incredibly sexy. Kris Letang wears them well. I think the Pens should all get matching tats. A bunch of them already have some already; Max Talbot, Pascal Dupuis, former Penguin Ryan Malone, and now Kris. I'm sure Sidney also has an embarrassing tatoo hidden somewhere.

Enjoy the video: Ptit diner avec mon ami Kris Letang chez Olive et Gourmando

At least we have hope for Chicago. Patrick Kane's mullet is magic.

...Habs in 6?

**Thanks to Micaela for informing me on this subject. Thanks as well to Hockey for the Ladies, although I didn't ask your permission. Please try not to get angry with me**

Bastardo!

Jordan Eberle turned 20 yesterday. Whoopteedo. I would put up a super montage of Messiah pics for you, but to tell you the truth, I'm just too goddamn depressed about the Habs. They just lost 6-0 to Philedelphia. Philedelphia! My theory is, Philly is simply riding a high from winning 4 straight over Boston. It'll pass, and so will Montreal's current need to do everything on their own. There's a reason that there's five other people out there on the ice with you, Camelleri, Gomez. Maybe you should consider taking advantage of them. You did it against Washington and Pittsburgh, why not the Flyers? They suck. They were singing the Olay Olay Olay Olay Olay song tonight. That's Montreal's song! We invented that song! You can't just steal it from us and then use it against us in your own arena. That's bullshit. It's a little early for goodbye songs if you ask me, anyway. There are still six games left in this series, and we intend on using every last minute of them. And then we'll be the ones singing goodbye. Bloody fucking bastards.


Geez. I just got pretty angry there. It's gotta be Philedelphia. It's their fans. They're just so...mean. Geno said it best: "I think Philedelphia fans its...its not good fans because its...its...when sit bench its popcorn, its...my head, its...not good."
He always did say it best, though, didn't he.

Not Just A Clutch

Expanding on my last post: Jordan Eberle got five points in his first game with Team Canada against Norway today. You go, kid. You 'em your stuff.

What a Day

Alright. I need to tell you about three extremely monumental things that happened today:

1st- Sidney Crosby moved out of Mario Lemieux's house. Yes, it's true. He finally bought himself his own house to live in, after taking advantage of Mario's hospitalities ever since he came to the NHL. This event is long overdue, but hey, it's happening now. I'm thinking it's because he's deciding he wants to bring his gay partners home and he doesn't need some kids running around asking why there's some random naked dude wandering around the house. Just a theory. Sid also rejected an invitation to join Team Canada in the Worlds. I'm also associating this descision to his homosexuality.

2nd- Jared Staal, the youngest of all the Staal brothers, as you should already know, was drafted to Phoenix. But, what you don't know, is that today, he was traded to Carolina for a fifth round draft pick. Let me explain this to you in simpler terms: Jared Staal was traded to the same team as Eric Staal. Therefor, two Staal brothers will be playing on the same team. This is huger than Sportscentre is giving it credit for. Hence my current extatic state. They're going to be playing on the same team! Like, what the fuck? This never happens. Ever. I don't even know why they would do something like that, I mean Eric and Jared are 6 years apart. It's not like they have some special chemistry or something. Then again, maybe they do. Maybe it's like a shared-blood thing or something. They'd be like the Kostitsyns. Cept one Kostitsyn is probably done for his career, so he can't even be mentioned in the same breath as a family so incredible such as the Staals. Jesus, I can't even believe this. They might play on the same line someday. I can't even explain to you how much I'm not believing this right now. It's like one of those things where it's like impossible, yet it's possible, you know? This is huge.

3rd: Steven Stamkos, who is currently playing for Team Canada in the Worlds, is out for a possible concussion and will probably be out for the rest of the tournament. While this is suckish for him, it just happens to be un-suckish for a certain clutch god that we know and love very well who will be taking his place. Have you guessed who it is yet? Yes, it's Jordan Eberle. Good job. Kick ass, Messiah.

WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Looks like I'll be keeping that Habs logo up there for a little bit longer. Goodbye, Pittsburgh. Next year, I'll love you again. But I only have space for one true love at a time, and at the moment, the Miracle Montreal Canadiens have captured my heart, as well as the hearts of everyone else in Canada. These are the best playoffs of all time.

Habs in 7. What did I tell you? Twice in a row my predictions have worked. Up next? Habs vs. either Philly or Boston. That's just too wierd. The last playoff seed against either the second last seed or the third last seed. These are wacky times, gents. Can you guess what I'm gonna say next?

Habs in 4.

For The Win

Assists by the referee should not count!! The score currently stands 4-1, with the first goal of the penguins being scored off of a deflection by the ref. Which means=no goal. But not, because the goal counted. The half-way mark just passed, which means=lots of time left to go. Which means=Pittsburgh could still win. Which means=I shouldn't freak out yet. But I already have. Four times. Because that's how many times we've kicked their ass.

Habs in 7. For the win, boys.