Lets Grind These Bitches Down

Dan Bylsma

Equivalency in German Coins

Apparently, Heater's equivalent in valuability is Marty Havlat, which is a prettybig honour in my opinion. This is because Dany Heatly was traded from the Sharks. He has been traded to the Wild. The um, Minnesota WILD. The newest team to enter the NHL, if we're discounting the Jets, which I will continue to do for a significant amount of time in the future until I become accustomed to the lack of Thrashers. I'm sorry, can we just take a second or two to absorb this new information...okay. I think I got it. Dany Heatly has been traded. To a really crappy team. And there is not a single thing he can do about it. This is where I cue in my meniacle laughter. Muah. Muah. Muahahahhahhaahahaha.

Max

http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/sports/penguins/s_745080.html

This made me cry. Highlight: the Geno text. Tears. Must read. Now.

Moments That You Don't Want to Remember

Max Talbot....got....traded. To the....Flyers. OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.

Apollo

About a month ago, this is the post I began writing:

Fucking, goddamn Boston. I fucking hate Boston. They may be the team I hate most of all in the NHL at the moment. God. They think they can just swoop in there, defeat the Habs and then take second place right out from under Tampa, just like that? No!

Then, I thought about things for a minute. I went out for a run. I got a job. I now work in a library. It's a very calming work environment. I make minimum wage, but its better than 12 cents an hour making carpets and fake fur coats on the stinky streets of Boston.

...I mean India. Did I say Boston? Whoops. My bad.

Anyway, I'm over it. I'm gonna be honest with you, I didn't even finish the game. I fell asleep, about halfway through the second. I didn't watch Boston win the cup. And you know what, I'm not ashamed of it. I am not a Canucks fan. And I am most definitely not a Bruins fan. So I've lost the will to care. Like I said; I work in a library. This year's playoffs ended for me after the first round.

Right now I'm more focused on the trades that have been going on. My ipod blares the TSN theme every time someone makes a move, so I'm right on that shit. My biggest concern at the moment would probably have to be the um...NIKITA FILATOV MOVING TO OTTAWA. Wait. WHAT?! Would you believe me if I told you I just discovered this now? NIKITA. FILATOV. Is coming to the Sens. WHAT THE FUCK? O.M.G.

Oh...kay. So that is officially my biggest concern. Oh my god wow. Okay. Calm self. Moving along. Second biggest concern. Ummm....hmm. Oh. Brian Campbell has been traded to the Panthers in exchange for some kid named Olesz. Sick last name, but to be honest I don't know who the fuck this is and imma miss the Ginge for sure. Poor Chicago defense. Oh, also Mike Richards was traded from Philly, and the Flyers got Brayden Schenn out of it, which is pretty cool. They also traded away Jeff Carter. Do I sense another Hawks catastrophe in the making? They did however acquire Ilya Bryzgalov, which is sick. Good move, I say. In other news, Tomas Kopecky goes to Islanders from Chicago...Oh, and most recently, Canucks traded Christian Ehrhoff for a 4th rounder. Ouch. Can you say slap in the face?

More news to come. Stay tuned. This is Al, signing off.

Crashing Parties and Stuff

Everything is slowly falling into place. Muah. MUAH! MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Right. Sorry. Boston is gone. Boston sucks. Tampa rules all. Vancouver will win. All these things = a happy Al.

Yeah Baby

This is it. We are now officially one step closer to a Canadian team winning the Stanley Cup for the first time since 1993. Those were the Habs by the way. Boston will not make it to the finals. That is not a possibility. It is most definitely going to be a match-up between Vancouver and Tampa Bay. I love how awesome the Lightning are. They are so amazing. And it's funny because they live in a city that is like 100 degrees hotter than here every single day. And they are still awesome. Stamkos with whoop some kid's ass. But even so, I hope Vancouver wins. Keeping up with my Canadian pride and all that. Ooh boy. It's gonna be tough to go against Tampa. But I'm willing to face up to the challenge. New poll? Canucks vs Lightning? I think so.

PS, happy birthday Nikita Filatov...

Ahahhaha

Human Lightning Bolt

Hahahahahahahahhahahahaha

Goodness

GUESSWHOSBIRTHDAYGUESSWHOSBIRTHDAYGUESSWHOSBIRTHDAY IT IS TODAY!!!

I'll tell you. Jordan Eberle. Feel free to completely bask in the glory of this moment. It's 21. NBD

Beauty Pageants?

I really wanna make another beauty pageant. Problem is it takes time and effort and criticism and I'm not really in a very critical place in my life right now. I haven't made one in over two years. I think it's time. What team? I don't know. Maybe Ottawa? No. Actually maybe. We'll see. Not Chicago. Not putting Versteeg and Burish up there would just make me too upset. Vancouver? They've got a young hot squad. Oh! Tampa! Kay. Problem solved. Lightning it is.

Aha!

I'm so sorry that I haven't posted for quite some time, however I'm nearing my final exams and it's been rather hectic what with studying and summatives and all. Anyway. I could comment on the Sharks exciting game 7 win over Detroit, however that would actually involve me having to fake enthusiasm towards that particular topic and to be honest, I'm just not in the mood. What I'd much rather direct our attention to is the fact that over the short period of time in which I was absent from this wonderful blog, my hit count reached 10 000. And not only did it do that, but it went over. 10 700. Like, what? It took literally months to get my first 1000 hits and now I can match that in just over a week? Dude. Crazy shit. Thanks a bunch. I will make it much worth your while. Oh, and if you're ever feeling generous, hows about a quick click on that Follow button? Just if you feel like making someones day.

It's Time

What a heartbreak. But, you know, I can't say that I'm too shaken up about it. I'm definitely disappointed, of course. My two teams out in the same night. It was rough. But I knew from the start what the outcome was going to be. I mean, who were we kidding; a Pittsburgh without Crosby and Malkin wasn't going to last. And in a way this is better, because it gives Sid time to recuperate over the summer and get back to full form instead of joining in during the playoffs and possibly ending his career forever!

ALSO, the Habs gave us a good show. A great one, even. I almost shit my pants that entire game. PK Subban is my hero. His post-goal celebration (or lack thereof) made my life. And Carey Price is a tank. This time last year, we were worshiping Halak. Funny how things go.

Also, did anyone else catch the video of Chara drinking a bottle of coke on the bench in the middle of the third? I laughed. Chara's a bitch, but he has his moments.

Okay so, now that my top three votes have been eliminated, who to go for? Chicago was a predictable loss, by the way. We all knew this would happen, the moment they made their first trade after they won the cup last year, we knew it. I was happy, though, that they lost to a respectable team. The Vancouver Canucks. Canadians, nonetheless. Okay, thats it. I'm going for Vancouver. No questions asked, problem solved. I mean, the lightning JUST won the thing in like 08. They've had their turn. It's time for Canada to lift this cup again.

Canucks in 4.

Money in the Bank

Habs are doing great so far, two wins in the bank. Just get back this one and it's only one more to go, Boston out. Habs rule all. Habs in 4.

Another WTF for the Little People

New Jersey won the draft lottery! WTF, mate. They were in 8th from last, with like a 3.9% of winning...and they did...which is strange to say the least. But the craziest thing is that apparently even if you win, you can only go up four spots in the draft lottery, so they'll only get fourth pick...hmm. Edmonton is still gets first pick. Most has stayed the same, although the Sens, who ended the season fourth from last, are now receiving the fifth draft pick because the Devils (irony) pushed them back. You know, it's stupid, if Ottawa had not started winning at the end of the season they would've had a much higher up draft pick. But, noooooo they had to protect their pride. Silly Sens. Not that it makes much of a difference anyway, they could end up with a freakin Jeff Skinner, as oppose to opting for a #2 draft such as Tyler Seguin, who, for fucks sake does shit-all for his team. Your order in the draft really means nothing. Players become who they are with time, you can never tell right off the bat. Exhibit A: Alexandre Daigle. Comparison? Chris Pronger. Same draft, first and second, and who's sticking it out in the big leagues? That's what I thought.

Oh, yeah. And the playoffs are starting tonight. NBD.

Farewell, Clouston

Um, Clouston's been fired.
...I don't really know what to say about this. Brian Murray issued the statement. Uh. I don't know. I don't think that was the right move. Wow. This is a shock. Um...I don't know what to do now. Where are they going to go to find a new coach? It doesn't matter, I still don't get it. Cory Clouston was a hard-ass, he pushed the Sens. He was mean. I think that's what they needed, don't you? Sure, they were crap this year, but was that really because of him? Maybe it was about the core of players that made up the team. And then they traded a whole bunch of them away, and things got better, didn't they? Players got called up from the minors, and then the majority of the Ottawa Senators was made up of people who had worked their entire lives to get there, and hadn't forgotten how hard it had been, and how much they had sacrificed. The opportunity was still fresh in their minds, and taking advantage of this moment was the most important thing. This was their number one priority, and I think that's the reason for the Senators' boost in the standings. They had players on their team who were actually trying their best and their hardest. They had players on their team who were trying to prove themselves, and prove they could compete in the NHL. They knew the opportunity that was being placed in front of them wouldn't last forever. They knew they had nothing to lose, so why not go all out?

That's what the team needs. People who play like they have nothing to lose. They don't need a new coach. They need a new attitude. Go and think about that for a second, and tell me again that this was Clouston's fault.

Temp/Perm?

The new logo/picture/title I put up now is just a temporary thing (unless you guys like it, in which case I'll keep it) but I think I want to incorporate more Loonie Engraved-specific details into it, you know? I don't know. Comment your ideas, and I'll do a fair bit of brainstorming myself. This is such a process. I was also getting a little bored of the bright red background, but you guys probably don't stare at it nearly as often as I do. It wouldn't do me any good to mess with a good thing, I guess. That's why they're telling you to vote for Harper. With so much at steak, they say, we can't afford to change course. But see, fuck it, I'm going for NDP. And I don't really care much for politics in any case.

YUS! HABS ARE OFFICIALLY IN THE PLAYOFF! S MY D CHICAGO, SUCK IT HHAHAHHAHHHAHAHAHHA!!!

So Close!

HABS FOR THE WIN! Carolina is our only predator! Beware of the hurricane! We rule all! The Pens are also awesome! Wanna know why? Huh? Because Dan Bylsma should win coach of the year. Know why? Here's my reasoning: he kept the Penguins a competing team in the league even with Sid and Geno off at the sidelines chilling in Cole Harbour with Vodka on the tap in his built-in home bar. That's it. Nothing else matters. There is no other criteria for Coach of the Year. Danny has got it in the bag.

...I don't know why. I felt it was necessary.

Gotta Get Down

So only a few games left in the regular season before the playoffs and the Senators' much-hyped golfing season. They officially have a spot in the draft draw for the top pick, so they'll have like a 10-20% chance of winning depending on their final placement in the league. The Oilers are officially number 30, which means YAY! 48% chance that they'll win. Not that that really means anything, the draft is always a surprise. Who knows, perhaps Toronto will make a split-second Boston move and trade Phil Kessel to Ottawa for their spot in the draw. Haha.

Daniel Alfredsson isn't going to be returning for this season, apparently his back injury is no laughing matter, according to the Ottawa Citizen. It isn't a surgery-related issue...yet. And also in the paper this morning Alfy and Spezza were included in the best Senators players in their many (19) years in the NHL. So, technically, of all time. That anyone remembers. Technically. Anyway. Also included in the list were Marian Hossa, Wade Redden and Zdeno Chara. Wade Redden doesn't play in the NHL anymore. Chara is currently a hated player around the Canada-area for his hit on Pacioretti. And Hossa...is still Hossa. HO$$A. I dunno. He's one of the only remaining players on the Chicago Blackhawks. And Spezza and Alfredsson still play for Ottawa. Enough said.

Someone asked me the other day if I knew that my title was spelled wrong. I do know. I spell loonie in the french fashion. Loonie isn't even a word in french, however that is my excuse. I find 'ey' too american, don't you? Well excuse me for bringing a little culture to the group. We could all stand to be taken down a peg or two when it comes to preserving our Canadian heritage. I wonder what percentage of my L.E readers are American. Hopefully a healthy dose. I like to think I have a relatively diverse range of peoples around here. I think I lost track of what I was talking about. Wouldn't be the first time, anyway.

Movie Stars and Supermodels

Just a heads up: if I'm making movie recommendations now, don't go see The Adjustment Bureau. I saw it because the commercials made it look okay, and um, hello, Matt Damon had the lead. So, a must, for me. But I was thoroughly dissapointed with the result of the movie. Afterwards, as I was walking out of the theatre, and I constantly was like, "wait...what?" and then a few seconds later, "like...what?" and then after, "I just don't get it." And it wasn't the plot of the movie that I didn't understand. The concept of the battle between fate and free-will was relatively easy to grasp. And it's a good idea, but they completely obscurred it with this horrible movie! I mean, the writing was bad, the production was bad, the acting was bad, and Matt Damon looks fat and old. And he ran like a fool.

But I don't think it was those things that irked me the most, I think it was the love story. It was just too unbelievable. And I don't mean that in a good way. I mean I didn't believe it. You know what, I want you to see it. Because I can't explain it on my own. Just watch it and then report back to me. You guys give me butterflies. Deep inside.

New Logo

I'm thinking about making a new logo for the blog. You know, something catchy and simple that will just stick and pop, because (in spite of the fact that the one I have now would be incredibly difficult to copyright) it just has too much going on and half the pens in the picture aren't even on the team anymore...and you know my photoshop skills have improved greatly since I made that like, 2 years ago and I think that could truly make a difference.

Anyways, let me know what you think, or if you have any ideas just comment or email me, aelvidge@ashbury.ca

I Haven't Quite Adapted to the Time Change

Sooooooooo. HELLO FAMILY! I was in France. Playing rugby. NBD. But anyway. I'm back now. Back to reality. And in reality I find out that

a) Ovechkin is injured due to "bumps and bruises"

b) Alfie was a scratch for the Sens vs Caps game tonight (along with Mike Green, Jason Arnott, Sergei Gonchar, Matt Carkner & others)

c) Sidney Crosby had a vigorous 45 min workout today (the longest since his concussion), of which the videos have been playing regularly on sportsnet

d) Jason Spezza is consistently balding

Three out of the four I don't like. I'll leave it up to you to decide which ones. By the way, I'm not some creeper who has like a weird fetish for old balding guys. If I had a fetish for anything, I'd say it would be necks. I really like the backs of people's necks. Don't publish that, it was embarrassing. In retrospect, I should probably have deleted it, but I'm not one to live in the past. Anyway.

These are the first things I found out about hockey the moment I stepped off the plane. I learned more interesting things after that. And more important things. Like, um, hello, Jesse Winchester likes eating steaks, listening to country music and watching the Discovery Channel. AND, he likes history. Hello soulmate. Do you hear the bells? (I also watched Hairspray today AND 17 Again, I'm like on a Zac Efron high)

Also, when you're at a Washington Capitals game in Ottawa and half the seats are empty and Ovie's a scratch and so is Green and those were the two people you brought the tickets to actually see, I found out that a certain Mr. Alexander Semin catches the eye, especially when he and Backstrom are the only ones on the team warming up without helmets on. I believe I told my dad numerous times throughout those twenty-odd minutes to "for the love of GOD look at how feathery his hair is". Not lying. I flows when he skates, and bounds likes lords a leapin' when he shoots. Love it. Sex hair? Not quite up to the standards of Tangers, but I think so.

Nothing to Call This One I Think but Trades

Okay, so, let's review what happened during this eventful trade deadline day. Let's see now...

Um, oh, big news actually. Chris Campoli gets traded. But he doesn't just get traded. Oh, no. He gets traded to Chicago. Which means, I am so fucking jealous. You know he was probably just like sitting there all day thinking please don't trade me please don't trade me and then finally Brian Murray was like, "you're traded" and Campoli was like noooooooooo but then Bri said "...to the Hawks." And Chris Campoli was like YES! SCORE! I GET TAH MEET JOHNNY TOEWS!

Sergei Samsonov got traded to the Panthers from Carolina. Didn't he used to be good? Oh, and another big news. DUSTIN PENNER got traded to, wait for it. Ahem. Edmonton! (mini fit of delight). In exchange, the Kings got a first rounder, and a third round pick! W-O-W. Oh, and some guy named Colten Teubert, but he's not important.

Oh, Caps and Devils make a Jason Arnott-Daved Steckel switcheroo, which I'm not too sure I'm entirely happy about, considering I know nothing about either player or either team.

The Habs got a goalie, Drew MacIntyre. I...don't know why.

Um, kay. That's about all the trades of interest to me that have gone down. From my four predictions, three proved to be true. Pretty good, eh? First, Chris Philipps was not traded. Next, not a single thing was done about dear old Pascal Leclaire. I did actually say that he would never play another game in the NHL, which is yet to be decided. So I guess we can just count that one as half a victory. And then finally, Chris Campoli's trade made my "more Sens shall be traded" prediction a reality. However, I did specify for particularly Kuba or Lee...I think this one goes for three quarters of a point.

Right, so all added up, I got two and a quarter correct out of four. That's more than fifty percent, which is pretty dece, considering the majority of the hockey players in the NHL have an average much lower than that in their shootout rates.

Yeah, that's how my thinking process goes. Don't judge.

Trade Deadline!

Guess what? Today is the trade deadline! This is so exciting, I can hardly contain myself. My face is pink with barely controlled glee. I'm not being sarcastic. I know sometimes it's difficult to tell in writing but this time I am genuinely excited about this trade deadline. Know why? Normally, each year I'm not even aware that it's happening. But, BUT, this year, I have a TSN Trade Centre app on the ipod (his name is Allan), so I'll be getting alerts all throughout the day! Although, one problem may be that it blurts of the SportsCentre theme song every time there's an update, even if I have it on silent, which may be a problem considering I'll be in class...oh well. In sure my teachers will understand. And if not, well, screw them, they wish they had my super cool trades app.

So, my predictions are as follows:

Chris Phillips shall not be traded. I know I said he would be, but I don't know, I figure if it hasn't been done by now than it'll never be done. And besides, he isn't a free agent, which means he has that superpower that gives you the ability to say "No, I don't want to be traded there." In more litteral terms, it gives you the ability to be Dany the Douche. Boy, I haven't talked about him in a long time.

Okay, and also, Pascal Leclaire will never play another NHL game for the rest of his life. Yeah, I know, a pretty lofty prediction. But it's my gut. His injuries have ruined him. No team will want him, so he's going to stay on waivers forever and ever.

Next prediction is that more Sens will definitely be traded. Of these, I predict it'll be the likes of Filip Kuba and Brian Lee. But that's just me. Any one of them can go at this point. The ones that definitely won't be going are Alfy, Spezz and Karlsson. I'm not saying I'm happy about it, that's just what's going to happen.

Okay, final prediction: If any Pittsburgh Penguins get traded, I might cry a little bit. I know that's not really a prediction...well, I guess it is. I predict I shall cry.

We'll see after 3:00 p.m. today which of my predictions proved to be true. Enjoy the day everybody, happy apping!

Less Value Than Ruutu

K so not psychic but close. Not Philipps but Kovalev. For a seventh rounder.

Oh, yeah. And its to Pittsburgh.

I Thought Poetry Was the Food of Love

Okay, so, in the hockey perspective of things, no new trades have been made by the sens or the leafs, however, in their game last night (Ottawa vs Toronto), 14 NHL teams sent representatives to watch the game, to keep track of any players they might have their eye on, seeing as these two teams have been selling away players like candies at a vegetable stand.

...Alright, that way a really bad simile. But today's blog post was not to talk about hockey. Today's post was made specifically to talk about this.

This is about Pride and Prejudice. I've seen the movie about 713 times in the past, and last night was the only time I've ever cried. It's not a sad movie, oh no. I cried from longing. Longing that Mr. Darcy was not a fictitious character. I'm in love. Not with Matthew Macfadyen. No. I'm in love with Mr. Darcy.

How can you not be? He's so wonderful. And he always looks so sad! It's adorable! And the scene in the rain where he tells her he loves her and asks her to marry him and then they fight and scream at each other and almost kiss and she says you're the last man on earth I would ever be prevailed upon to marry... oh my god. I cried at that one, not because she didn't agree to marry him but because it was just so POWERFUL. And the rain, and the fighting, and the acting was incredible. Oh, dear god. I can't take it. He's just so amazing.

I found it on youtube.

Doesn't that just make your jaw just drop like 17 inches to the floor? Mr. Darcy is the love of my life.

Okay, these next three pictures come from another one of my favorite scenes. I takes place outside in the very early morning, with the mist and the dew and the grey sky...you can almost feel the coolness of the air as your watching it. Wow. So good. This movie is amazing.

Aw. And then, he asks her to marry him again, and this time she does say yes! Well, she doesn't say yes, and he doesn't exactly ask her either... it's more of like a common understanding kind of thing. But he says this line, and it makes me cry, I'm actually welling up writing this right now just thinking about it...

"You have bewitched me, body and soul. And I love...I love... I love you. I never wish to be parted with you from this day on." And then, AND THEN! She says:

"Well then." And she kissed his hand! And his face while she's doing it is just...priceless. And then Kiera Knightly goes and says this line, and basically ruins the whole scene.

"Your hands are cold." LOL. And then he nods, in like a really sexy, I'm about to cry I'm so in love with you and I feel like I'm having sex for the first time because you just kissed my hand kind of way. It super hot. Kay, actually, never mind. I found it on youtube.

Yeah, I KNOW RIGHT? Best scene in all of television? I think so. Well, except for a kiss. But, if that's all you're looking for, all you have to do is fast-forward about...5 minutes. And then you'll find this scene. And after that, you'll find the end credits. Ready? I'm going to cry. Are you?

Final Scene -Pride and Prejudice

I just died.

The Ones the Sens Let Get Away and Counting

So, um, I'm thinking we should start a "The Ones the Sens Let Get Away and Counting". Because I'm sensing there's more to come. Okay, here we go.

1. Mike Fisher -Nashville

2. Chris Kelly -Boston

3. Brian Elliott -Colorado

4. Jaarko Ruutu -Anaheim

Um. Yeah, okay, I think I got them all. Um. But there'll be more. I'm sure. My prediction is that the next one to go will be Chris Philipps. You can quote me on that.

I Do Not Believe This is Real. I Know it is Real. I'm Just Choosing Not to Believe it.

Mike Fisher is traded to Nashville.

Hockey

Hockey won't hold still for a portrait.

If you gain a glimpse inside, you join it in progress

Just as players do,

Jumping onto the ice for their shifts

As the game swirls around them.

On the ice, the action moves at high speeds

The punishments thrown out could be staggering

And the very best in world form bands of brothers,

As authentic as any in sports.

Virtuoso talents alongside distinctive leaders

Fearless combatments and relentless competitors

They play with an intensity from another age

A passion invulnerable to cynicism

And an energy that embraces whatever the ice offers next.

Through heights and depths,

Lengthy streaks and sudden turnarounds,

The spirited collision in the national spotlight,

They have revealed a portrait in a season of progress.

Hockey won't hold still to give you a better look.

You wouldn't want it to anyway.

On to Better Things

I watched the game.

Don't worry. I saw it. I saw the first three goals. I didn't turn off the TV. I kept watching, and then I saw those eleven seconds. Those eleven seconds that changed the flow of the game, and then I shaw the Russian tidal wave hit. And then I saw the last three goals.

Don't worry, I watched the game. But I don't want to talk about it.

On the brighter and better things, I say. On to things like, how I totally predicted the concussed Sid, like, a week in advance. How psychic am I, eh? And on to things like, how Micaela just totally introduced me to a damn-cool twitterer who openly mocks Geno's adorableness in a way that makes us love him even more. And on to things like, how I just totally said damn-cool for the first time in my life and how I'm totally loving it.

Bee tee dubs, not happy bout the Kid's concussion. Not happy at all. Just gloating. Don't worry, I won't let him find out.

Kay, some excerpts from MalkinsDiary71's tweets. Some of you have probably heard of the infamous 'Geno's Diary' before, if not, here's a nice little vid to get you started.

These are some of my favorites:

Dear diary. No Sid tonight, so I take over and eat his 5pm PB&J sandwich. Not as good as mama borscht, but whatever. Game time. Go us! Geno.

Dear diary. Christmas today, mama give me signed Crosby jersey! How she know I want one? I give her new babushka with Penguin on it. Geno

Dear diary. Sid has concussion. I upset at Steckel, but same time, glad; means his throwing up wasn't from mama's borscht. Was worried. Geno

Dear diary. I'm at the zoo. One penguin seeing another penguin. Or a few. Its cool here, I come back more often. Geno.

Dear diary. Russia booted off plane, too drunk. What means "too drunk?" In Russia, not allowed on plane unless drunk. Congrats Russia! Geno.

Dear diary. Taylor Swift split with Jake. That good news. Maybe now she date popular Russian hockey player. I show her good time. Geno.

Dear diary. You right: dating Taylor silly. It because she can't write song about me, nothing rhyme with Evgeni. I keep looking then. Geno.

Okay, maybe more than a few.

Saving Private Ryan

Shitty game. Nevermind. I think Crosby has a concussion. Called it. You'll see, sometime tomorrow or the day after they'll announce that Sid the Kid has a concussion from that hit he took, and I'll have been the first one to have called it. Hold me to it.

He's Back!!!!!!!!

Jordan Staal is playing. He's playing.
Sid's upper-lip is naked.
So far, 0-0 in the nighttime Winter Classic.

The Jaw's back baby.

Happy 2011, the Year of BS

The Winter Classic's been postponed due to crappy weather. Meh. But wow, instead, they replayed the one from a few years back, Pens vs Sabres. Man, a lot's changed since then. No Tyler Myers, and plus, COLBY! I completely forgot that he played in that game, and when I saw him it just lit up my day. Ryan Whitney and Ryan Malone were there too. Oh, the good old days. Geno was wearing a neck warmer.


P.S: Please save your bullshit for someone who cares.
I know Kevin Bieksa's married. It was a joke. Ever heard of them? And another thing. A friend of mine, a huge fan of the Canucks, met Ryan Kesler in the mall and asked for his autograph and he completely blew him off. So, I don't really know if being known throughout the league as someone who is famously mean to their fans makes him a "nice guy". And Kevin Bieksa is a ginormo agitator. And quite frankly, not a very good hockey player. Just thought you should know my opinion when you report back to them since you're clearly such close friends.

oh.my.god.

I can't even believe I found these. These videos will change your life. I am in awe.
Road to the Winter Classic
Highlight: First 10 minutes; Pens naked in the locker room and Ovechkin in a speedo.

The full version of the second video is on youtube, 50 mins.

Here's another funny one, Max being a weirdo.
Max/Sid interview Winter Classic

Sick Commercial

Countdown until Sid and Ovie face off at the Winter Classic: 1 day.
Sick Commercial
YEEEAH BABAYY.

Baby Baby Baby OH

Crosby's streak ended last night. If this were written in paper you would see tear drops smudging the ink.

It lasted 25 games, which is like, INSANE! But it ended against the Islanders, which is like, not so much. Did anyone catch a glimpse of his dirt-stache? He's been sportin' that baby since the beginning of his point scoring streak. Also, DID YOU KNOW: he texted the exact same person the exact same text message after every single game of his streak? I found that out from one of my close TSN sports analysists, D.D. It's supposed to be some sort of suppersticious thing, I don't know. Guess that's the end of Sid's MOUSTACHE for now. So sad.

On another note, HAS ANYONE BEEN WATCHING THE WORLD JUNIORS LATELY?! I have. And Canada, by the way, is rippin' it uppppppp. Two games, two blowouts. They were supposed to be a major underdog this year, behind like USA, Russia, Sweden...all that shit. But we haven't seen that so far. They played Russia their first game and it was supposed to be uberclose but Canada killed 'em. And then against Norway. And they scored 6 goals in the first period. And pretty sure their coach told them to let up a bit after that, because they only scored 3 goals in the remaining two periods.

And can I just say, even though I hardly know anyone on this new team with the exception of Capitaine Ellis, how hot is this new team? I mean, are you kidding? First of all, can I just make a Sens reference here? Nick Foligno. Has anyone seen his face? I'll show you.

Eeeeeshk. But God. His brother, Marcus, is legit, from like a fucking different family.
I mean, c'mon. Do you see any resemblance there whatsoever? I do not. And, plus, they played for different countries. Nick, in the World Juniors, played for USA, and Marcus, clearly, plays for CANADA. I think they were born in the US but grew up in like Sudbury or some shit. But there's a story behind this one, apparently, before their mom died a few years ago, she asked Marcus to play for Canada, because she was canadian. So he did. In an interview, he said he's playing for his mom. Isn't that heart-touching?

So, we've got the one. Loonie Engraved is cheering for Marcus Foligno because he's doing it for his mom. We're also cheering for some guy named BRAYDEN SCHENN, because he looks like this:

...and also because of this video: Nike BOOM

EH, OH, CANADA...oh foget it.

"Maybe you shouldn't drink so much on an empty stomach." ..."Maybe you should wear makeup if you're gonna act like my mother."

Pittsburgh streak is still going.
Patrick Kane is out for 3 weeks + for a lower body leg/ankle/idontreallyknow injury.
Alex Ovechkin is virtually non-existant.
My hockey pool sucks because my two best players are a) out for 3 weeks with a lower body injury or b) virtually non-existant. My father got first pick and inevitably chose Sidney Crosby. My mother, having the second pick, instead of opting for the next best player on the list, the Great Eight, chose Dany Heatley. She doesn't know who he is. She doesn't know a thing about hockey. Sad thing is, she's beating me. I'm actually the loser out of all four members of my family at the moment. I got last pick, so I gues it's only natural that I should be lagging behind. Wondering, perhaps, being fourth to pick, how I ended up with the most talented player in the league? My sister has tremendous faith in her heroes. She picked Steven Stamkos. She is currently in second place, mere inches behind my Sid the Kid lead father. And my lonely Alex Ovechkin captained fantasy hockey team is stuck in last, dwindling in the ever-present fear of retribution :) NO ONE LEAVES MY TEQUILA WORM DANGLING IN THE WIND! -Antonio Banderas

Of A Hustla, ofaofa Hustla

So. News. Billy Guerin retired.

WHAT?!

Bill Guerin? No! This is so sad. I hate when people retire. I have a feeling that a BUNCH of our favorites (ie, Alfy, Brodeur, Gonch, etc.) are gonna leave us soon. I don't want that to happen. I'm in denial. Me and the Hockey Gods, we have a deal, see. No one is gonna grow older. Everyone is going to stay the exact same age they are, and they're just gonna keep playing for ever and ever. Well, everyone except me. The pros are gonna halt while I'm gonna shoot up in anticipation of the age when I'll actually be able to say 'I want you' without it being illegal. Oh, how I yearn for those years.

On other news, Sid da Kid is ramping up the points, so far he has 24 goals and 24 assists, for 48 points, en route for another 50+ goal season, and yet another 100+ point season. 9 goals is 5 games, 6 in three games. He got a hattrick in his past two games at home. He has a 16 game scoring streak (18 goals, 15 assists). The Pens are going for an 11 game winning streak.

Dude. I feel like we need a slow mo Sid Crosby moment right now.

Ah, and there's Max. I miss him. I also miss Geno. Wanna see something that reminds me of Geno? K, just picture it with his peanut butter accent. Ready?

Harley-Davidson

Life is too short. It's too short to do anything about it. So do what you want. Thanks, Mark Patterson.

GC is the New JB, Just Like Green is the New Black

I made this post a couple months ago, forgot about it until now, enjoy!

Along with these two amazing videos, ...

Marcel the Shell With Shoes On (this will make you die laughing)

No Words (this will give you chills)

...I'd just like to give some awareness to Greyson Chance, he's this new singer, he's only like 13 or 14, and he got discovered on youtube, just like Justin Bieber. People say he's gonna be the next JB, and those with Beiber Feaver are all torn up about it but I think Greyson Chance is actually better than Beaver, by far. He's amazing on the piano, he's got a great voice, AND HE WRITES HIS OWN SONGS! I know. He's awesome, and he's never even had any singing lessons. He was interviewed on Ellen, you can check out his new single in this next link, ...
Waiting Outside the Lines

...many of you might have already heard of him, but I just wanted to give him a shoutout because I think he is amazing and I hope he keeps up the writing because he's bound to get tons of fame pretty soon. And also, I just want the proof here to show that I knew about him before he got famous :)

The 9 Things I Hate About You (part 1)

The Sens game versus Edmonton last night was some sort of universal gathering of aquaintances of Al. I think I saw like seventeen people I knew. Crazy shit. You know what else? Jesse Winchester got like seven million penalties. And there were some suuuuuper annoying bitches sitting next to me who kept using the Senators' first names and taking crappy pics, and every time they'd come into our zone, they'd be like, "Oh, hello you." and snap a shot. I wanted to flick that girl in the face, and not only because of her annoying-ass voice, but because she legit had botox-injected lips. Not even kidding. I know.

But in spite of that, I managed to get some sweeettt shots of Taylor and Jordan and Magnus on my phone. Her distraction was nothing compared to my epic photography skillage. I will figure out how to upload them from the cell to the computer soon enough, do not fret my dearies. Laugh out loud. Hello you.

Webster's Dictionary defines AL as nothing less than a complete and utter hyprocrite.

Daron Richardson

Daron, you were perfect inside and out. You were beautiful and talented and smart and one of the most amazing hockey players I've ever known. You were kind to everyone around you; I was blessed to have been your friend. I'll never know why you did this, but I can only imagine you had a good reason. Remember that you will always be loved, and we will miss you so much. I only wish I'd had more time with you. Rest in peace.

DR, Forever In Our Hearts.

See Me Through

I'm thinking of starting another poll. If you're new to this wonderful blog of mine, last year I posted a number of polls, many of which were ignored by my incredibly thoughtful readers. Near the playoffs, however, the votes started to pick up, so I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, people are actually reading this? Just a thought. I don't know exactly yet what kind of poll I'm going to post, I'll think of something eventually. Feel free to contribute to the brainstorming if you get any ideas. My email is in the side bar, aelvidge@ashbury.ca, or, if you're feeling really generous and you're in the mood to make someone's day, make mine, and comment on a post. What a thought, eh? Commenting. Hmmm.

I've Had My Moments

I found this in the newspaper a few days ago:

Jordan Staal must be the unluckiest player in the NHL right now. Almost ready to make his season debut after offseason foot surgery, he now needs surgery on a fractured right hand and will be out an additional six weeks.

FUCKMYLIFE.

But it's gonna be fine. It's all gonna be alright. We got through it last season with Max and Burish out for the umptillionth month, and we'll get through this. It's only 6 weeks. It's only six weeks! When you think about it, thats only a month and two weeks. Which is technically only 44 days. Oh wow, that makes it sound like forever. Let's just leave it at 6 weeks. He'll be back before Christmas.


P.S.

Fun Fact: All of Grey's Anatomy's episodes are named after song titles! Isn't that cool?

The Name's Matthews. Tam Matthews.

Okay someone needs to do something about Jordan Staal.
He goes like 3 seasons in a row without ever missing a game and sets like a record for most consecutive games or something amazing. Cause he's sick like that. And then he goes an injures his foot. And then he goes and gets foot surgery. And then he goes and gets an infection. And then he goes and starts practicing again, and, wouldn't you know it, he gets an 'upper body injury'. Fuck this man, I hate the Hockey Gods.


No, I will not apologize. Screw you. Screw all of you! I want Jordan Staal back! Bring him back, NOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

Confessions to the Hockey Gods

I'm not going to say I'm a fairweather fan. I will never say that. But I side with the Leafs when I see Colby. I'll admit it; I've sinned. I'll meet you at confessions to the Hockey Gods.

Toews and Kane MODEL IT OUT

Loooooooooook :)

Johnny and Patty Pics

And there's more :D

Johnny Bauer Vid

Who Does This Kid Think He Is?

You're perfectly allowd to flip out.

Jordan Eberle - Who does this rookie think he is?

And then you're perfectly allowd to say: "wait..."
And then you're perfectly allowd to laugh your ass off.

Some Sort of Video Thing the NHL is Planning

In one spot, the radio hosts ponder whether "the Penguins rebound and return to the top" as Pittsburgh captain Sidney Crosby throws a heavy medicine ball while teetering on a balance board supported only by a metal pipe. In another, Washington captain Alex Ovechkin snaps two heavy tabata ropes back and forth with extra vigor when the hosts question whether the Capitals can "be the best team in the regular season and the playoffs."

Chicago Blackhawks captain Jonathan Toews performs squats as the analysts muse whether the Blackhawks have "what it takes" to "repeat as champs" when "they'll have a target on their backs every night." Buffalo Sabres goalie Ryan Miller works on his hand-eye coordination by rapidly bouncing tennis balls off a wall outdoors while the commentators ask "will these Sabres be the ones that win the Stanley Cup?" Montreal Canadiens forward Michael Cammalleri is seen flipping a huge tire on an outdoor court while the commentators ask "did the Canadiens just get hot at the right time, or are they really that good?"

OMG THESE ARE AWESOME! Brought tears to my eyes. Really did.

Sidney Crosby
Mike Camalleri
Alex Ovechkin
Ryan Miller
Look at Johnny's face in this next one, man. HOT.
Jonathan Toews

Didn't those just make you cry? Mabe I'm too emotional. They made me cry.

Things Are Finally Looking Up

This is gonna be a good year. I can feel it. It didn't start out too well, but its gonna work out. Hell, its getting better already. Why? The Oilers=undefeated in the pre-season. The reason?



The one on the right is Magnus Paajarvi-Svensen. Remember I told you about him? He's awesome. I like how I discovered him all on my own, just like I discovered Kevin Bieksa. I wonder where he is right now. I still haven't seen Jordan Eberle play with Taylor Hall yet!! But I know what'll make it better. Because look what I found.

Why yes, those are pictures of Taylor Hall and Tyler Seguin at the Draft training assessment thing. Why don't we dive deeper, hmm?

Hockey players' arms aren't supposed to look like that. Those are like, body builders' arms. They don't really match. This is why we're Team Taylor here at Loonie Engraved. And I don't mean Team Werewolf. I mean Team Freakin Hall.

Let's see them all together again.

Aha. Look at Jordan. You know Paajarvi (I don't feel comfortable calling him Magnus, we aren't on a first-name basis yet) just told a joke, and Hallsy's laughing his ass off, and Ebz is just like "Hahaha...I don't get it."

Ahh. Canada hasn't won the cup in a while. This is our time. It's a Canada year.